~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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#3425154

Review of The Monster Inside Of Me

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"The Monster Inside Of Me"

janice48 Have a Nice Day!!

A poem on pain and how it can torment the soul as well as the physical being. This shows the effects pain has on those around us as well.

~About midway through the poem I felt the focus on the poem steered away from pain itself and turned toward the taking of one's life. I don't believe this was the purpose of the poem. One way I see of deflecting this is if instead of Who am I to take, try who am I if I were to take a bit more wordy, but I feel it gets your point across better. Just a notation and suggestion.

Overall a well written piece. The rhythm and rhyme stay true throughout the duration of the poem. The subject is harsh and truthful and searches out the light for help. This is as much a spiritual piece as it is a piece of coping with the pain. Hang in there my friend.

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#3425141

Review of Monsoon Downpour

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Rated: E

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"Monsoon Downpour"

Annabel Fallentine Lee

A free-style poem on the monsoon season and what it means for one author. A look into a season in a tropical place and how it can feel to experience it.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that consistent punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from consistent punctuation.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I feel with the unpredictable monsoon downpour and the upheaval and unrest that result, the centering of this free-style poem is justifiable. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a well written piece.

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#3425110

Review of My Heart, My Words

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Rated: E

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"My Heart, My Words"

Daniel T. Stafford

A wonderful love poem that brings to mind two lovers entwined in each others arms in slumber. A peaceful sight as these newlyweds drift off to sleep, I envision these thoughts from him.

~The only editing point I noticed was that one word in the first verse kept this from completion for me. It did so because it was a conjunction and it made the sentence or verse incomplete as if there were more to be said. That being said, I would suggest omitting the conjunction "and " which follows the word eyes. I would insert a comma there and continue on without the conjunction.

Overall a wonderful poem. Other than the one notation above, the grammar, spelling and punctuation were all in order.

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#3424631

Review of Serenity Through Hell

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Rated: E

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"Serenity Through Hell"

Robert Kahil

Poetry is often left to the interpretation of the reader. What the writer writes and the message the reader gets isn't always the same. That being said, to me, this poem represents finding the good in the bad. This is a metaphor for finding the silver lining.
To me, someone had found their all time low, their darkest place, and was rescued by love.

I found this to be a rhythmic piece that was well told. I liked the message it gave off as well as the pace it kept as it takes the reader by the hand as it leads them through the passages and into safety.

Overall a well written piece. I found no errors that I could see. I enjoyed reading this as well and did so many times.

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#3424608

Review of Rhonda, a Christmas Collab/ Acrostic

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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{item:}

Steve adding writing to ntbk.

Going by the title, I expected to come in and read an Acrostic poem dedicated to your wife, your true love. You are coming up on an anniversary and I was looking forward to reading a tribute in dedication of her. Instead I got much more.

The collaborative poem is a free-style piece that sometimes rhymes and other times doesn't. This voice of the poem is a bit hard to pick out, perhaps because there were so many writers working on this, though that may be coincidence. What I mean by this is that it appears to me to jump from place to place.

In the first verse we have karma and the December season shining through as shining stars combine with winter play. The first three lines of the second verse are a bit rough and confusing. It is almost as if you started in one direction and went in another. Read just that verse by itself, as the punctuation dictates us to do. I think perhaps if a period was placed at the end of the first line of the second verse then it all fits perfectly together. It has taken reading this about 5 or 6 times to figure it out though. Many readers would not spend that much time doing so. I would also add a comma after the second word of the third line in the second verse.

After reading this over and over, much slower, and picking it apart sentence by sentence with punctuation, one can see the many levels here the author is showing the respect to. While trying to hold true to the meaning of Christmas, in conjunction with having fun and enjoying the free spirit of the holiday joy, a new feeling has crept in and must be recognized. Some didn't appreciate this, but I hope in time all of the family came around.

As for the acrostic part itself, I found it true to the title, filled with love and romance and the heart of this poem. The rest of the poem, the collaboration, though I was able to pick up bits and pieces, it seems scattered and confusing, yet it does center around your love, and the true meaning of Christmas being lost on many.

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#3423520

Review of Follicular Folly

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Rated: ASR

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"Follicular Folly"

Shannon

What a pleasure it is to once again visit your port. I must say this tale brought a smile to my face and a chuckle from deep inside. Being one who usually works the late hours I have seen many a scene like this and more. This is pretty mild, though one we cashiers like to chuckle about later

I especially liked the play by play you gave. The inside information from a different perspective was quite interesting. I usually only get to view this from the cashier or manager's point of view, so this was a refreshing insight.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to comment upon. This was well written. It kept my attention and held my interest well. I was impressed with the proper use of Aisle, for many misspell that often.

If it is any consolation, where I work, if the door is unlocked, it is free game, regardless of what gender rendition is on the outside of the door.

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#3421691

Review of The Girl With the Ring

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Rated: 13+

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"The Girl With the Ring"

Matthew C.

A rough draft written for a contest prompt some six years ago, this is a wonderful short story on a tragic finding. This is the story of a rebellious child and what she finds one day while following her instincts and listening to her inner voice.

I could find no error with this item. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. The subject all seems to be in alignment within the paragraphs and the overall effect is of a completed story.
I would suggest omitting the rough draft note.

Overall a great short story, ready for publication as far as I can see.

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#3421648

Review of The Face I See

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Rated: E

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"The Face I See"

~*~Damiana Returned~*~

A poem of self discovery. Written with an alternate rhyme, the rhythm of the poem stays true to rhyme with the exception of been to seen unless using a dialect to make it so. A bit of a stretch, but in the end it does work.

This journey of reflection is metaphoric well told.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the alternate rhyming scheme and the emotional pull of this piece, I felt that centering the poem helps to illustrate the struggle of the self discovery. A clever choice Novice Poet. Well done! Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a wonderful poem. The only changes I would make would be to add punctuation to help accent the poem as the author wishes.

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#3421628

Review of Concubine

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Rated: 18+

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"Concubine"

Nightnurse

A wonderful song lyrical and smooth of a devotion of sorts. This is the lover, not the love. The mistress not the wife. This is the fire and passion of an affair to be remembered.

If writing as a poem, the below suggestion I leave:
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

If submitting only as a song, I am not sure how to judge this other than I feel punctuation still has its proper place so that the pause for breath is still evident as described above.

Overall a wonderful tune. The rhythm even without the music is felt with a sway of the rhyme, erotic and enticing.

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#3421627

Review of The Lonesome Death of Edward Richards

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Rated: ASR

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"The Lonesome Death of Edward Richards"

nny

A very descriptive tale on a life and the motions of day to day. What characteristics do we hold? Are we the go getter? Are we the follower, or are we simply doing what it takes to get the day done? What is our purpose in life? This is that tale of a simple man with a simple goal.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall I enjoyed this short story. How many people do we see going through the motions? How many do we take the time to stop and know? If we did, would it make a difference? This short story gives one something to stop and ponder.

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#3421588

Review of ZEN - Various Poems On True Mind

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"ZEN - Various Poems On True Mind"

HurricaneWarning

A wonderful pocket of poetry wrapped into one space, possibly due to constraints on limits within the portfolio, this miniature booklet of poetry was a joy to read.

With the exception of the first poem, I would give this advice for the remaining poems:
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Each poem was true to the subject and carried the message well.

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#3421577

Review of Deep and Dark

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Rated: 18+

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"Deep and Dark"

I can hide from you

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the emotional turmoil felt in each and every line and the sometimes rhyme felt, centering this would be a good choice to help show the emotional pull. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall, I feel this poem is well written, however due to the above mentioned items, I feel the full meaning of the poem is lost upon the reader. With the addition of punctuation alone, a clarity can be established helping to connect the reader to the poem.

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#3420594

Review of I've read

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"I've read"

Eeyore

A fun filled poem on reading. Filled with rhythm and rhyme this poem was an adventure as reading is.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the alternate rhyming pattern used in the poem, I felt that the emotional aspect of this poem deserved centering as to show the emotional ups and downs of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall a great poem.

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#3419366

Review of I AM

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"I AM"

tangerinedream

I found this to be a very profound and spiritual piece that was calming and yet meant to be revealing. I felt this to be a prose of inner reflection at the same time metaphoric and spiritually healing, a creative combination.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

I feel that the opening and closing lines of this prose are done in such a way that this will writing will captivate audiences for reasons they can not explain. They will read this, whether they have religious ties or not, to find out what this is about. The GOTCHA opening line is a winner and the home-run ending combine with some great artistic writing to create a tapestry of reflection and revelation to be witnessed by many. BRAVO!

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#3418907

Review of I'm a Fan; Aren't You?

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Rated: ASR

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"I'm a Fan; Aren't You?"

Mark Robson

Poetic and witty, filled also with charm.
I thought another drop by the port could do me no harm...

I was wrong!

I am still up!

This is a short review since we both now know I am well past the need of being in bed. It is after 5am and I am again reviewing. This poem you first wrote is a hit. The rhythm is smooth, and the rhyming is great. Nothing is forced. For being a "Newbie" at the time, it doesn't show. Though maybe you touched it up, either way. This poem is publish worthy. I see no flaws with it.

I find this to be a toe tapping rhythmical piece. It has a pattern or beat that you can almost sing to.

Overall I could find no flaws with this poem. It was well written. The punctuation, grammar and spelling all appear to be in order. The content, rhythm and rhyme all fell into natural order as if meant to be. The author and artist of this picturesque tapestry painted artwork of original and unequal quality. BRAVO!

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#3418903

Review of So you want to Self Publish...

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"So you want to Self Publish..."

Mark Robson

It is always refreshing and inspiring to hear what a published author has to say about Self Publishing. Many writers give up before ever getting close to being published for the fear factor alone. Knowing that Self Publishing is gaining notoriety and is attainable sure helps to lift the spirits.

I know I said I was heading to bed, but I decided to first search the name. Somehow I got the notion you were a published author, maybe I saw it in your port under your bio block, yes, I think that is where it was. I then searched your name on Google and then looked at the books on Amazon.

Now sufficiently curious as the cat, tired, and full of mischief, I came to see for myself what goodies I could find within your port. Low and behold, I found something that will haunt me. You will haunt me. I will haunt me. For here, I have found my spark again. The ignition once again lit, the genie out of her bottle I have seen the vision that must be fulfilled. That dream of the eighth grade little girl some twenty years ago can now come true, at least according to this writing of yours.

If I am reading this right, then it can be done, and I no longer can use the excuse that no big corporation will publish my book. According to this writing, I can now Self Publish. Now do not get me wrong, I am making no mockery of this, for this is a big deal to me. I know self publishing has been around for quite some time. I have seen them out there. I have read the advertisements. None however have taken the time to explain the process, or break it down in terms like this to my understanding of time, effort and money. This is the cold hard facts of the blood sweat and tears, and that is all after the writing, reviewing, editing , re-writing, setting, typesetting, layout, and so on are completed. This takes me beyond what I knew to the unknown, the part that was stopping me and allowing me to procrastinate in completing my book.

This wasn't written as a how to guide. This piece of writing was put together from various speeches and lectures, in order to help others. This piece of writing has helped to put the spark back into the goal, scratch that...the writing has helped to renew the spark of the dream and the desire to see it through. I am now in a place and time in my life to do just that.

Thank you my friend.

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#3418135

Review of Ring Master Guide

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Rated: 13+

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Intro

"Ring Master Guide"

Revelry- inspiration needed

This is another short story I have reviewed in the past and am return to alter my review. I see changes have been made that null and void the review and rating I had in place for this story and am glad to be able to re-rate this for you.

This is a well put together piece. I enjoyed the storyline and found this to be quite an interesting story.

I thought the illustrated sig at the ending was a great addition.

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#3418100

Review of Joker Reasoning

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Joker Reasoning"

Revelry- inspiration needed

This appears to be something you have somewhat of a passion for writing about, if even for a just this period of time. There seems to be heart behind this and it shows in the writing.

Grammatically, there wasn't anything that stood out of which I found distracting. As far as punctuation, there was only one small piece where there was no space after a period and that was in the first paragraph, nothing to detract from the story though.

Overall this was well written. I like how this personifies the villain and gives him a newly viewed perception through others eyes. He has feelings. He has another life. He may not always have been the villain, and perhaps he has his own secrets he wishes to keep as well.

A well written short piece. I see it is part of a great work and must investigate the other pieces at a later date.

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#3418076

Review of "Like a Song" Poetry Contest

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

""Like a Song" Poetry Contest"

Revelry- inspiration needed

I once gave this a very very short review with a four and a half star rating. SHAME ON ME. The review was nothing but a few sentences asking if a new round was opening and about the rating, nothing more. For this, I do apologize. The only thing I can think of, since I did not look at the time I rated it, is perhaps it may have been when I was first learning to do reviews. Again, for this I do apologize.

This is an on-going contest, well into round 23, which has attracted much attention. The prompts are varied and seem to keep the contestant participation active.

The rules are easily visible and are cleverly decorated giving this room a feeling of comfort and a place of interest. The musical notes enhance the theme of the contest. This, I do applaud, a very clever appendage.

The one distraction I did note was the now invalid link on what I must presume was the bitem linking format information. Here is one helpful link I was able to come up with "Invalid Item"

by A Guest Visitor . I hope this helps some.

In conclusion, I hope this review was much more helpful than the one of which I cleared and this is replacing. I know in my heart it is in my eyes and in my heart I feal better about it. Thank you for granting me permission to give these reviews and glance through your port.

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#3418073

Review of Halloween Meeting

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Rated: E

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Intro

"Halloween Meeting"

Revelry- inspiration needed

Welcome back my friend. It is good to see you around again. Perhaps it has been a while since your return, however, It has been quite some time since our paths have passed.

~alittle a little left
This small mistake comes into play in the third sentence in the second paragraph.

~This second paragraph seems to have come out with a rush of excitement. I say this for the punctuation, to me, is all off key. Commas appear in place of periods and vice a versa. Here are the differences in paragraph two as I see them. I broke them down individually. The first is as you have it the second is as I view it.

She lays some old correspondence between him and her great-aunt Evelyn on the ground in front of her.

Upon which she places a white sugar skull with his name, next she lights the seven red candles and sprinkles some dirt from his original grave.

She begins to pray in earnest, just to meet the man who captured the world's attention and her great-aunts heart.

Minutes turn to what seems to eternity, and when she finally dares to look up because all but two of the candles have flickered out unexpectedly.

Its done with her nerves on edge and heart beating fast the faint tinge of hope rising in her throat

She lays some old correspondence between him and her great-aunt Evelyn on the ground in front of her, upon which she places a white sugar skull with his name.

Next she lights the seven red candles and sprinkles some dirt from his original grave.

She begins to pray in earnest, her excitement building, just to meet the man who captured the world's attention and her great-aunts heart, is something she has always dreamed of.

Minutes turn to what seems to eternity, and when she finally dares to look up, because all but two of the candles have flickered out unexpectedly.

Its done. Her nerves tingle with excitement as her heart beats faster with the tinge of hope rising in her throat.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall this was a very interesting little tale. One from the past is brought back to tell of life after and all in between. A friendship and bond is form, one that was sparked by letters read as a child.

Other than the one paragraph that seemed to have caused such excitement it couldn't help but come out in a rush, the rest of the story seems to have calmed itself and settled into place. I feel this was a nice easy read and wonder if it placed in the contest.

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#3415677

Review of Through the Storm

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Through the Storm"

intheventofire

Otto needs to wake up, for her isn't in Oz anymore. This is a twist on an old favorite, or not so favorite, that has been around for many years. This is a fine tuned edition that has been gone through before and seems to be up to par and about ready for publication.

The only issue I seem to have found with this piece was within the second sentence. Uncle's M's I believe, should be Uncle M's If this were done deliberate, I do apologize.

A great short piece, now on with the story....

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#3415676

Review of Decaying Beauty

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Decaying Beauty"

Winnie Kay

Which came first, the picture or the poem. It is hard to say, for they both seem to compliment each other. This is a great creation of poetic masterpiece. I am in awe at the ease you seem to have with this format I choose to see as difficult.

You have captured Autumn at her finest and glorified her beauty for eternity in one glimpse. A Kodak moment in poetic form. That is the first time I have seen the word Legerdemain used other than as a username on site, and found that an interesting addition to the poem.

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#3415668

Review of Interview with Anthony

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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{item:}

Cami M

An interview with a retiree who has lost his wife some five years back and misses her dearly. He shares his views with a reporter on life and much more.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

It took me a few readings to get just how this is suppose to be read. I chalk that up more due to the time of day and not the way it is written. Keep writing. Great job.

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#3415664

Review of Ripped my heart In Two!!

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Ripped my heart In Two!!"

swiftti24

An emotional poem of heartache and pain. This is deep in emotion and sorrow.

~The green color scheme is very hard on the eyes. I would suggest something less bright, and more dark in nature so as to be easier for readers.

~ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt with the emotional upheaval of the piece that centering this was a great choice to best showcase and enhance the aesthetics of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from consistent punctuation. The punctuation tends to get lost after the first two verses.

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#3415661

Review of Love

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Love"

kaitlynn

A love filled poem from one to another, simple yet complex with emotion.

ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I feel that with the shortness of the poem and the overall feeling of emotion, that centering it, sort of brings out the emotion and places it center stage. This helps to enhance the emotion of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a great piece other than the fact that the word friend seems to be misspelled.

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