~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

Review Requests: OFF

4,509 Public Reviews Given

4,699 Total Reviews Given

826

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#3320042

Review of Nature's Voices

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Nature's Voices"

Arakun the twisted raccoon

This is a picturesque tapestry you so eloquently paint with your vivid words. The breathtaking beauty you have created is one of nature. You seem to have captured it and given it personification in a way that is natural. The warmth that comes from each line was great.

~ On a personal note, I felt that the next to last line starting with the conjunction And should have had a comma at the preceding line.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence or statement for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

This rhyming poem was great. I found it a joy to read.

827

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#3312579

Review of Music Makes Me Cry!

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Music Makes Me Cry!"

Daizy May

Bringing back memories of trying to fall to sleep during the day, due to working the graveyard shift, this reminiscence of Enya and her beautiful music was soothing and refreshing. It almost put me back to sleep it was so relaxing.

I was able to relate to this personal snid-bit very easily. I too find the music moving and cutting to the core.

CONJUNCTION
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Though knowing that Enya had a Celtic background, I had never before made the connection between her music and where her inspiration came from. I just know that it soothes me. Thanks for the reminder.

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828

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#3312575

Review of Just A Touch Of Spring

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Just A Touch Of Spring"

Harry

An interesting poem of spring and some of the aspects she shares each year.

There is somewhat of a rhyming scheme, though I couldn't determine the exact pattern, possibly due to lack of coffee at this hour.

I wondered if this should have been broken up into separate verses. Break after leaves, compare, and act. This gives a longer lifespan to the poem in the fact that it is elongated down the page through space breaks. It gives a broader reflection on each separate aspect of spring, and makes the poem seem bigger than life. (again, just my opinions)

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With so much going on in this poem, birth, color, rejuvination, I felt that centering the poem gives it more depth perception wise. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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829

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#3300199

Review of My Love...

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"My Love..."

Crimson Goth

TITLE:
The title given sums up the subject of the poem. It is the love that is felt through the poem. The voice is trying to portray the love to the object of his/her affetion.

RHYTHM:
The rhythm is dictated by the punctuation in this poem. Being all one verse, it appears too jumbled in thought, almost cluttered, even though the subject of love is the premise.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that even though the theme of the poem is consistent, the thoughts given are all over the place, from diamonds to waterfalls, gems and sin. This being said, I actually envision this more as a centered piece, broken up into several different verses. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

SUGGESTIONS:
~The capitalization is inconsistent with the punctuation. I would suggest going back through and fixing this.

~I would also suggest breaking this down into several verses.
*the end of the first one being hold
*side
*you (the second one)

~ Repetition of words is distracting. Ending lines with the same word doesn't make the poem stand out. Try playing around with it a bit, here are a few suggestions:

-so you know I will forever be with you
so you know I will forever be by your side
saying the same thing, only changing up the words so that there is no repetition and gives it a fresh feel.

-with your mesmerizing voice and touch
with your mesmerizing voice and caress
touch is not only a repetition, but doesn't have the same mesmerizing appeal as caress.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I felt the message is good, but gets lost in the one long verse riddled with incorrect capitalization. It appears as if this at one time was more than one verse, which got broken down over time. I would

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#3299775

Review of Avoiding Toothless Rabid Bullies & Such

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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

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"Avoiding Toothless Rabid Bullies & Such"

♥HOOves♥

A well thought out discussion of what a review coming from you entails, and why so. A very in-depth look behind your thought process and what can be expected from a review.

ALIGNMENT
~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With this short informative piece, I found the centering of the item to represent the mood and emotion. It gives it the feeling of organized chaos, in the sense that, I know what I am doing, and in control, yet you may find it coming out of left field. I rather liked that. I think this may be a theme for you, the centering that is...

I haven't seen Cowszer Soze, nore had the honor of a visit, but I will look for him in the future. I found this to be both educational and entertaining.

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831

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#3295720

Review of Follow Your Heart

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Sister Sherri,

This was a wonderful and inspirational poem. The punctuation, grammar and spelling were quite on the mark. I could find no errors.

The message of love and caring reaches out through each verse to embrace neighbors and strangers from all works of life despite their religion or race.

This is a call for all to love, and for war to cease.

A great rhythmatic poem delivering a wonderful message with a punch.

832

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#3295709

Review of HALLOWEEN NIGHT

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"HALLOWEEN NIGHT"

SHERRI GIBSON

TITLE:
A strong title with a holiday theme.

FORMAT:
A change from the previous poetry I have been reading in your port, this one has alternate rhyming couplets. The couplets are centered, and this fits well with the subject of the poem.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
The rhythm and rhyme are right on the money with this poem.

POINTS TO PONDER:
The first rhyme of the second verse was the same as the first verse, first line. Though the sound I feel should be the same, perhaps changing it so that night isnt the rhyme, but ightis. Here is my suggestion for that change>

FIRST LINE SECOND VERSE:
Evil forces are hiding out of sight,

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
A great poem. A wonderful poetess.

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#3295553

Review of LITTLE TO NOTHING

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"LITTLE TO NOTHING"

SHERRI GIBSON

Another fine poem. I like the centering of this one, for it shows the confusion and the chaos associated with both the disease and the disorder.

The repeat in the first and third lines of every verse are in unison and cohesion of the alzheimer's disease. They represent the confusion and repetition that are often associated with this dreadful illness.

I found the bipolar referencing in the second and fourth lines of each verse. The darkness and the despair pour fourth through each one.

Overall this was another well written piece.

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834

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#3295546

Review of WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME"

SHERRI GIBSON

Title:
The title suggests that what lies inside is a description of meaning. By delving into the poem, we will find emotional ties as to what the "meaning of Christmas" is to this author. A great title.

Format:
Rhyming couplets which are centered upon the page. Couplets are a great way to tell a story, define a theme, or to simply relate.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm of this poem is defined in the format as well as the punctuation. The breath to take is dictated within the punctuation, determining the cadence with which we will read.

This has a wonderful use of rhyming pairs. Each one was a smooth transition and related well with the subject so as not to be forced in sound or in translation.

Points to ponder:
I felt that aligning this to the left would make for a better visual on the poem. Sometimes placement alone can say alot about a poem. The alignment would help in showing a unison in belief and consistency as well as the spirituality.

~line two of verse two felt as if it needed more syllables to blend in bettter. The rhythm was off.

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed another great poem of yours today. Do you see a pattern emerging? Yes, I am raiding your poetry folder for now... or will there be more??? It is a MYSTERY PACKAGE coming your way...

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835

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#3295529

Review of SANTA LOST HIS WAY

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"SANTA LOST HIS WAY"

SHERRI GIBSON

More from your mystery Package

Not one or two,
nor three or four,
mystery reviews,
coming through
your door.

How many more,
I can not say,
will be coming
from me, this
very day.

Title:
This jovial title has promise of adventure and with the subject being Santa, fun is bound to follow.

Format:
Rhyming couplets paired up into five verses which flow smoothly down the page with glee. There is a job to be done, and Santa has his eye on the goal.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm and rhyme are true to form. The well structured pairs for the couplets make this an easy to read poem.

Points to ponder:
Publication would be the only suggestion I have for this piece. With the punctuation, grammar and spelling all in order, what more could I say? The poem is centered, which is perfect for this piece. It shows the turmoil Santa and the reindeer must overcome to finish their task at hand. It is a great match.

Overall:
A fun and enjoyable read, even though I am doing so in the spring.

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836

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#3295519

Review of A PIECE OF MY HEART

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"A PIECE OF MY HEART"

SHERRI GIBSON

Mystery Package continuation

Title:
From the title, one can easily pick up that this will have something to do with relationships. Due to the subtext, Love, is definitely at play. What is left to discover is whether or not this is a love poem, or a bitter relationship poem. The title is bold and intriguing, leading the reader to investigate further.

Format:
Written in rhyming couplets, and centered upon the stage, I found the couplet to be a very good use of forms. With couplets it is easy to tell a story, as well as to put great emotion and pull into the poem.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm flowed well, as did the rhyme, until the ending couplet. The rhyming couple of easily/eternally were a bit of a stretch, and that is find with an ending rhyme, for they sum up the poem in one conclusion.

Points to ponder:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern used in the couplet, I felt that the emotional aspect of this poem deserved alignment as to show the unification of spirit and emotion of the two lovers. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall:
I enjoyed this story. It is a declaration of love between two who have endured a great relationship. Endured actually sounds to harsh, how about shared many experiences together. Being ups and downs, this is a great testiment to their partnership. A great poem.

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837

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#3295513

Review of Sherri's Web page

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Sherri's Web page"

SHERRI GIBSON

This is part of your mystery package, Sister dear, I hope you enjoy it every step of the way.

~This is a beautiful webpage. Twinkling with delight, I can see smiles in abundance with each flash of the stars. Your sparkling personality cascades down the page with each new listing you give.

~ The grandchildren are precious. I am pleased you chose to share them with us. Hope the birthday party was a hit this weekend. Have you thought about updating the pictures as they mature?

~The only suggestions I have are:
~towards/afterwards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

~Overall this was a beautiful layout. Simply decorated, yet eye catching and pleasant to view. The personal notes were eye watering, and the links were helpful. Thank you for sharing.

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#3295246

Review of No Turning Back

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"No Turning Back"

Prof Moriarty

BRIEF SUMMARY:
Written for a short prompt contest, this fifty-five word piece has to do with the relationship of mother and child. I can gleem nothing else from it.

SUGGESTIONS:
No spelling or punctuation errors noticed. Since this is a prominent contest, I would like to have seen the link this contest was written for. This allows the reader to view the limitations and restrictions placed on an item. The drawback of doing so is that sometimes contests are deleted and you are then stuck with a piece that has an invalid or broken link.

CHARACTERS AND PLOT:
Being only of fifty-five words, it is hard to tell the character or plot of such a short tale. I do feel that bitterness or anger resided due to going up to bed without dinner, though he/she knew mother had not eaten herself.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

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#3293415

Review of Quiet Fire

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Quiet Fire"

JACE

Another poetic piece, written in short story form. This one, written for a contest of 55 words is another visual treat that weaves a tapestry of enjoyment for the reader to see.

I was pleased at the image this piece conjures up. It is vivid and full of vibrant color.

The title helps to set the scene for this great short story.
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#3293412

Review of Fulfillment

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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"Fulfillment"

JACE

Title:
A strong title which sums up this great contest entry. With style and grace this short 100 word entry placed third in the May 08 contest.

Format:
Written as a short essay or entry, for a 100 word contest of which no word can be repeated, this entry has sensually expressed the title quite well.

I actually read this two other ways. The first read through, I skimmed it and read it as a prose, only to then see this as a poetic free-style piece.

Content:
This is written as a sensual piece and has great emotion and pull.

Points to Ponder:
Now that some time has passed, I wonder what your thoughts would be on altering the format of this. I feel this would make a great free-style poem.

Overall:
A wonderful short piece which holds great depth and emotional feeling.
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#3292684

Review of "I'm Not Perfect"

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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""I'm Not Perfect""

jaya

TITLE:
A great title and subtext which lure the reader in with a question of mystery and and aura of intrigue.

FORMAT:
Written in double couplets, ending in a single couplet statement. If felt this was a good use of the format and the single verse was a wrap up of the poem.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
Overall good rhyming schemes throughout each verse. The repetetive rhyme for the fourth and fifth verses were distracting at first, but after a few reads, I could see the justicifcation.

ERRORS:
I personally thought a comma was needed in the last verse, first line, after affect.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~With the great consistent rhyming scheme in verse one, verse two followed with the rhyme of ective, ective, ective, uctive. The the tive was a consistent rhyme, the previous mentioned ective vs uctive did throw a small wrench into the works.

~With the genre of contest entry selected, it is sometimes nice to see the link to such contest so as to know what limitations and criteria were set for the items. Though the drawback of doing this is the fact that contests close leaving dead links.

OVERALL OPINION:
A wonderful poem with a great outlook on rejection letters from publishers, and how we can view them. Looked upon through the eyes of our muse, we pick ourselves up, dust off, and start again, keeping in mind the subject matter of this poem.
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#3292678

Review of I'M NOT PERFECT - YET!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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"I'M NOT PERFECT - YET!"

Jaiam

TITLE:
A strong title that captures your attention and draws the reader in. Not being fully contained within the poem, the teaser of the title with the first line leads the reader on a journey and is a declaration that given time, one has something to work toward.

FORMAT:
Written in three verses with a follow up line almost like a song. This free-style poem is based upon religion and spiritual belief.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
The rhythm and rhyme are placed within the punctuation of each verse. Not set rhyme is distinguishable unless formulated just right with the punctuation. Only then can a rhyme be determined. For instance, if you pause for breath in the first verse, second line, after the word know then again at the end of the first verse, you have your first rhyme. Whether accidental, coincidental or on purpose, this works. This does however seem to be the only rhyme.

SUGGESTIONS: None I can think of that would possibly improve the piece.

POINTS TO PONDER:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Since this poem represents change is to come, I think centering it will help to illustrate or convey this message.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: A well written piece which leaves a lyrical impression.
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#3291380

Review of SOMEONE WHO CARES

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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{item:}

COUNTRYMOM

Title:
Written for a contest prompt, you have taken the prompt itself and build the poem around it. Never once is the title used in the poem. It is demonstrated in the actions of the poem however, and is a brilliant use of the prompt.

Format:
Five verses of rhyming couplets which tumble down the page with great emotion.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm and rhyme were of ease for the reader as each pair of couplets were such that the two belonged together, making it easy to find a rhythm for reading, as well as flowing off of the tongue in an eloquence for royalty.

Overall Impression:
Overall I felt this was a well written piece. The spiritual message was one that warmed the soul and touched the hearts.
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#3291013

Review of Tried and True Spaghetti and Meatballs

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Tried and True Spaghetti and Meatballs"

Lonewolf

Title:
With a title so grand the taste buds begin to water, I could not help but to stop in to find out what this was residing in your contest entries section.

Ingredients:
The ingredients are listed by step. Separated also by category, this italian dish is set up for easy to follow directions. The only item I had a question about was the bread, is it to be dry before crumbling, or moist?

Instruction:
The instructions are set up in order with clear conscise directions on how to prepare this scrumptious meal.

Overall Impression:
Overall, this made me hungry and I have decided to bring home garlic bread just in case I want to try this tomarrow for dinner.
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845

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#3288891

Review of Jake and Bagheera

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"Jake and Bagheera"

Diane

TITLE:
The title is in reference to the two main characters. Kept simple this is a nice lure for readers. The title grabs the attention.

CHARACTERS:
There are two main characters here, one Bagheera a cat, the other Jake, a guide dog. Both are very special animals in Sheila's life. Bagheera has been with Sheila for many years. When Jake is incorporated into the family, new adventures begin.

OPENING SENTENCE:
An interesting first sentence, not boring, or dry, and leads into the story quite well.

CLOSING SENTENCE:
The closing sentence wrapped up the story quite well. It gave a finality to this short segement. It also leaves room for future short stories to be shared. Very clever.

SUGGESTIONS:
It went off without a hitch became part of their Monday afternoon routine. There is a small glitch in the sentence, and there are several ways to fix this. One suggestion would beIt went off without a hitch, becoming part of their Monday afternoon routine.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
A wonderful story, this was a joy to read. A great animal lover story as well.

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#3288236

Review of Damaged Goods

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Damaged Goods"

17cherry

TITLE:
A title full of emotion and strength as it sums up the metaphor of the for this great poem.

FORMAT/STYLE:
A free-style poem written in four verses. Each verse reads as a run-on sentence.

RHTYM/RHYME:
With no set rhyme, the rhythm and rhyme is set by the punctuation or lack there-of in a poem.

SUGGESTIONS:
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

POINTS TO PONDER:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern, I felt that the emotional aspect of this poem deserved centered spacing as to show the various emotions and pull of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
With a metaphorical twist this emotional poem uses objects which can be related to the emotions of the poem on a private level, yet also one that others too can relate to. A very clever twist.

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847

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#3288219

Review of Why I'm Fyndorian

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Why I'm Fyndorian"

Fyn

Brief Summary:

How did you choose your handle name? This is Fyn's reasoning for choosing this special handle. The details are interesting and the story behind the name hold a special memory as well.

Suggestions:

In the last sentence of the second paragraph, one word throws off the gramatical cohesion of the sentence. Instead of it, at is used instead. This needs to be reversed.

What I liked about this piece:

This was a very personable piece. It gives history and is a creative process for coming up with this name. It has historic markings, and is a great namesake.

Areas that I had trouble with:

NONE really. It would have been nice to have the contest listed that this was created for, but then again this might not have been created for the particular contest I was thinking of. The problem with linking contests, is that usually at some point in time the contests close and then the link becomes invalid.

Overall
Overall this is a great piece. I liked the background, am impressed with the historical significance, and am glad you shared this impressive story.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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848

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#3287611

Review of Master

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Master"

April Desiree-I'm back!

First Impression:
I felt this may have been a poem about a marriage or proposal that resulted in a broken heart.

Form/Style:
To begin with the first two verses are in an alternate rhyming couplet, followed quickly with a summary of a couplet.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm is dictated by the voice, due to the lack of punctuation. The distinct rhythm lies with the reader for this poem.

The rhyming is right on target. Each rhyme fell gently off the lips and was a great match with its partner.

Subject/Content:
The subject of love and emotions combined with metaphorical physical reactions due to getting burned by love.

Suggestions:
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Points to Ponder:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern, I felt that the emotional aspect of this poem deserved centered spacing as to show the various emotions and pull of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall:
I felt this was well written. The subject of each line stuck with the theme of the poem. Each rhyme was a compliment to its partner and the poem made comprehensive sense. I found it easy to read. It is a poem that many can relate to. A great poem.

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849

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#3284640

Review of The pain within

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"The pain within"

jaya

TITLE:
The title portrays that the poem is going to be about an inner conflict of pain and suffering. It well illustrates the poem and lures the reader in out of curiousity. The reader is drawn by emotion.

FORMAT/STYLE:
Aligned to the left and written in free-style formatting. The three verses are dealing with emotins and I feel that a different viewable format would better suit this piece, as listed below.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
The rhythm and rhyme are represented by the punctuation. Without an actual rhyme, the punctuation serves to dictate the cadence or rhythm of which the reader will use to determine, speed and pause for reading.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~The capitalization is not consistent in the first verse. In all others capitalization follows punctuation, yet in the first verse, there is capitalization despite what the punctuation is or isn't. Consistency is the key to success.

~Often to help illustrate turmoil or chaos, the way a poem is printed on the page can often reflect the emotion. Aligned to the right can be a consistent flow. It can be that the emotions are calm, or on an even plain. However, it you center align the poem, so that each line is based on character count, and may be askew from the previous and next line, then that can represent turmoil and conflict of emotion. It is a visual ploy that is often used. It helps to evoke emotional pull to the poem.

Overall a well written poem. The inner pain and suffering are well depicted in this piece. Written for a contest prompt, I hope this places well.
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#3284618

Review of Solitude

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Solitude"

Jaye P. Marshall

Title:
One word to sum it up, one to lure them in, this is a great title that really captures the essence of what this short story is all about.

Character:
The main character is never given a name other than she or mom. This is very suiting. The story isn't so much about her as it is about coping with change and the emotions that are experienced. Her character developement is one of a caring and loving mother. This shows all the way through the story, down to the very last line.

Summary: A mother finally finds some free time to herself when her two boys are at their dads for the first time since the divorce. Staying for a lenghty ten weeks, the mother must face the changes that come with the solitude of an empty house.

This was a well written story. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all in order. The developement of the story flowed rather well. I found myself getting caught up in the tension as she awaited for the boys to leave the plane. An excellent read.

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