~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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4,509 Public Reviews Given

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826

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#3326361

Review of In the beginning...

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"In the beginning..."

WistyOne

An acrostic poem written on the beginning; a place to start. This poem encourages growth through dreams and goals, using the Beginning as the jumping off point.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verse flows down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall I felt this was well written, however with added punctuation, I feel more of a message will get through to the reader.

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827

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#3326239

Review of BEST FRIENDS

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"BEST FRIENDS"

Christine Cassello

A story of friendship and loyalties, this was a treat to read. Young students find a way to work things out amicably.

So many times in today's society you will find the same instance resulting in physical beatings and also other tragic results. With this great story, two young adults are on the path of which great decisions will have to be made.

A well written story which is worthy of sharing.

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828

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#3326200

Review of Envy

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Rated: 13+

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"Envy"

saheli

A short poem of love inspired by a short story. This poem is put together with alternate rhyming couplets.

~concerning the second and the fourth verses, the rhymes in each are forced. Shore to glare and pal to call are not easy transitions. I would suggest going back through and working on these to make for better rhythm.

Overall a rhythmic tale which holds great power and strength in the story of love and the ultimate price.

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829

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#3323888

Review of Scars

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

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"Scars"

BillT

Though a tattoo is permanent, it can be covered or masked. Not so with the scar of the heart. This is a prose of torture and sadness of a love no longer shared.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall I felt this was a great piece to read.

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#3323867

Review of Days of pain and Pleasure

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Days of pain and Pleasure"

Humming Bird

A look at studying and how outside influences such as life at home can affect the outcome of our grades. This is a tale of taking the good and bad, and making the best of it.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall I felt this was a good writing. I did find the boldness of the words distracting. The grammar was broken up a bit as if someone was speaking a second or third language, due to this, I didn't detract any from the rating for this part.

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831

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#3323213

Review of Online Safety and Identifying Hoaxes

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Online Safety and Identifying Hoaxes"

J. A. Buxton

My dearest Judy,
Thank you for this most wonderful information. I did receive one of the emails, in fact it was the coupon one. I actually have many coupon sites I belong to and thought it odd at the time that more coupons were already available when I received the email. I don't recall clicking on it. I hope I did not. So far my accounts all look to be in good standing order. Thank you for your help with this warning. It is a good reminder to practice safe computer practices when dealing with emails as well as chat sites and more. The information provided should be well headed by all to avoid nasty complications. Huggles ot you!

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#3322509

Review of Deep-Writing or Moral Argument

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Rated: 13+

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"Deep-Writing or Moral Argument"

Joy

If looking for a place to start writing, this would be it. Finding a purpose to your writing. This wonderful piece is about giving subject or purpose to the writing that goes below the layers of the character and make the story well worth reading.

Great thought and detail has been put into this writing in order to help authors with the context of their next piece.

Upon reading this, one must ask themselves the question, "Why do I write?".

I noticed no errors, spelling or grammatical to comment upon for this piece. It is well written and consistent with the theme.

I felt this was a superb piece of writing that may be useful in a study course for writers.

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833

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#3320078

Review of Wiener Factory

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Rated: 18+

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"Wiener Factory"

Michael

A horror entry for a contest which takes an ordinary plant and transforms it by simply substituting the main ingredients of the product.

I didn't notice any areas that needed real editing. However, I felt that the beginning could use a small boost. Instead of There opening the story, I suggest With. This brings the action to the forefront. It shows it as if it is unfolding in front of us, delivering us further into the tale.

In conclusion, this is a well written piece. This was one of the winners of a contest, which then has been expanded upon. I found this to be a truly gruesome tale. Bravo!

I felt the action was consistent with the emotion of the story and it went well to build to the climactic conclusion.

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834

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#3320042

Review of Nature's Voices

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Nature's Voices"

Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

This is a picturesque tapestry you so eloquently paint with your vivid words. The breathtaking beauty you have created is one of nature. You seem to have captured it and given it personification in a way that is natural. The warmth that comes from each line was great.

~ On a personal note, I felt that the next to last line starting with the conjunction And should have had a comma at the preceding line.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence or statement for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

This rhyming poem was great. I found it a joy to read.

835

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#3312579

Review of Music Makes Me Cry!

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Music Makes Me Cry!"

Daizy May

Bringing back memories of trying to fall to sleep during the day, due to working the graveyard shift, this reminiscence of Enya and her beautiful music was soothing and refreshing. It almost put me back to sleep it was so relaxing.

I was able to relate to this personal snid-bit very easily. I too find the music moving and cutting to the core.

CONJUNCTION
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Though knowing that Enya had a Celtic background, I had never before made the connection between her music and where her inspiration came from. I just know that it soothes me. Thanks for the reminder.

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836

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#3312575

Review of Just A Touch Of Spring

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Just A Touch Of Spring"

Harry

An interesting poem of spring and some of the aspects she shares each year.

There is somewhat of a rhyming scheme, though I couldn't determine the exact pattern, possibly due to lack of coffee at this hour.

I wondered if this should have been broken up into separate verses. Break after leaves, compare, and act. This gives a longer lifespan to the poem in the fact that it is elongated down the page through space breaks. It gives a broader reflection on each separate aspect of spring, and makes the poem seem bigger than life. (again, just my opinions)

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With so much going on in this poem, birth, color, rejuvination, I felt that centering the poem gives it more depth perception wise. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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#3300199

Review of My Love...

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"My Love..."

Crimson Goth

TITLE:
The title given sums up the subject of the poem. It is the love that is felt through the poem. The voice is trying to portray the love to the object of his/her affetion.

RHYTHM:
The rhythm is dictated by the punctuation in this poem. Being all one verse, it appears too jumbled in thought, almost cluttered, even though the subject of love is the premise.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that even though the theme of the poem is consistent, the thoughts given are all over the place, from diamonds to waterfalls, gems and sin. This being said, I actually envision this more as a centered piece, broken up into several different verses. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

SUGGESTIONS:
~The capitalization is inconsistent with the punctuation. I would suggest going back through and fixing this.

~I would also suggest breaking this down into several verses.
*the end of the first one being hold
*side
*you (the second one)

~ Repetition of words is distracting. Ending lines with the same word doesn't make the poem stand out. Try playing around with it a bit, here are a few suggestions:

-so you know I will forever be with you
so you know I will forever be by your side
saying the same thing, only changing up the words so that there is no repetition and gives it a fresh feel.

-with your mesmerizing voice and touch
with your mesmerizing voice and caress
touch is not only a repetition, but doesn't have the same mesmerizing appeal as caress.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I felt the message is good, but gets lost in the one long verse riddled with incorrect capitalization. It appears as if this at one time was more than one verse, which got broken down over time. I would

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#3299775

Review of Avoiding Toothless Rabid Bullies & Such

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

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"Avoiding Toothless Rabid Bullies & Such"

♥Hooves♥

A well thought out discussion of what a review coming from you entails, and why so. A very in-depth look behind your thought process and what can be expected from a review.

ALIGNMENT
~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With this short informative piece, I found the centering of the item to represent the mood and emotion. It gives it the feeling of organized chaos, in the sense that, I know what I am doing, and in control, yet you may find it coming out of left field. I rather liked that. I think this may be a theme for you, the centering that is...

I haven't seen Cowszer Soze, nore had the honor of a visit, but I will look for him in the future. I found this to be both educational and entertaining.

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#3295720

Review of Follow Your Heart

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Sister Sherri,

This was a wonderful and inspirational poem. The punctuation, grammar and spelling were quite on the mark. I could find no errors.

The message of love and caring reaches out through each verse to embrace neighbors and strangers from all works of life despite their religion or race.

This is a call for all to love, and for war to cease.

A great rhythmatic poem delivering a wonderful message with a punch.

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#3295709

Review of HALLOWEEN NIGHT

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"HALLOWEEN NIGHT"

SHERRI GIBSON

TITLE:
A strong title with a holiday theme.

FORMAT:
A change from the previous poetry I have been reading in your port, this one has alternate rhyming couplets. The couplets are centered, and this fits well with the subject of the poem.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
The rhythm and rhyme are right on the money with this poem.

POINTS TO PONDER:
The first rhyme of the second verse was the same as the first verse, first line. Though the sound I feel should be the same, perhaps changing it so that night isnt the rhyme, but ightis. Here is my suggestion for that change>

FIRST LINE SECOND VERSE:
Evil forces are hiding out of sight,

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
A great poem. A wonderful poetess.

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#3295553

Review of LITTLE TO NOTHING

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"LITTLE TO NOTHING"

SHERRI GIBSON

Another fine poem. I like the centering of this one, for it shows the confusion and the chaos associated with both the disease and the disorder.

The repeat in the first and third lines of every verse are in unison and cohesion of the alzheimer's disease. They represent the confusion and repetition that are often associated with this dreadful illness.

I found the bipolar referencing in the second and fourth lines of each verse. The darkness and the despair pour fourth through each one.

Overall this was another well written piece.

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#3295546

Review of WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME"

SHERRI GIBSON

Title:
The title suggests that what lies inside is a description of meaning. By delving into the poem, we will find emotional ties as to what the "meaning of Christmas" is to this author. A great title.

Format:
Rhyming couplets which are centered upon the page. Couplets are a great way to tell a story, define a theme, or to simply relate.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm of this poem is defined in the format as well as the punctuation. The breath to take is dictated within the punctuation, determining the cadence with which we will read.

This has a wonderful use of rhyming pairs. Each one was a smooth transition and related well with the subject so as not to be forced in sound or in translation.

Points to ponder:
I felt that aligning this to the left would make for a better visual on the poem. Sometimes placement alone can say alot about a poem. The alignment would help in showing a unison in belief and consistency as well as the spirituality.

~line two of verse two felt as if it needed more syllables to blend in bettter. The rhythm was off.

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed another great poem of yours today. Do you see a pattern emerging? Yes, I am raiding your poetry folder for now... or will there be more??? It is a MYSTERY PACKAGE coming your way...

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#3295529

Review of SANTA LOST HIS WAY

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"SANTA LOST HIS WAY"

SHERRI GIBSON

More from your mystery Package

Not one or two,
nor three or four,
mystery reviews,
coming through
your door.

How many more,
I can not say,
will be coming
from me, this
very day.

Title:
This jovial title has promise of adventure and with the subject being Santa, fun is bound to follow.

Format:
Rhyming couplets paired up into five verses which flow smoothly down the page with glee. There is a job to be done, and Santa has his eye on the goal.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm and rhyme are true to form. The well structured pairs for the couplets make this an easy to read poem.

Points to ponder:
Publication would be the only suggestion I have for this piece. With the punctuation, grammar and spelling all in order, what more could I say? The poem is centered, which is perfect for this piece. It shows the turmoil Santa and the reindeer must overcome to finish their task at hand. It is a great match.

Overall:
A fun and enjoyable read, even though I am doing so in the spring.

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844

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#3295519

Review of A PIECE OF MY HEART

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"A PIECE OF MY HEART"

SHERRI GIBSON

Mystery Package continuation

Title:
From the title, one can easily pick up that this will have something to do with relationships. Due to the subtext, Love, is definitely at play. What is left to discover is whether or not this is a love poem, or a bitter relationship poem. The title is bold and intriguing, leading the reader to investigate further.

Format:
Written in rhyming couplets, and centered upon the stage, I found the couplet to be a very good use of forms. With couplets it is easy to tell a story, as well as to put great emotion and pull into the poem.

Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhythm flowed well, as did the rhyme, until the ending couplet. The rhyming couple of easily/eternally were a bit of a stretch, and that is find with an ending rhyme, for they sum up the poem in one conclusion.

Points to ponder:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern used in the couplet, I felt that the emotional aspect of this poem deserved alignment as to show the unification of spirit and emotion of the two lovers. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall:
I enjoyed this story. It is a declaration of love between two who have endured a great relationship. Endured actually sounds to harsh, how about shared many experiences together. Being ups and downs, this is a great testiment to their partnership. A great poem.

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845

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#3295513

Review of Sherri's Web page

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Sherri's Web page"

SHERRI GIBSON

This is part of your mystery package, Sister dear, I hope you enjoy it every step of the way.

~This is a beautiful webpage. Twinkling with delight, I can see smiles in abundance with each flash of the stars. Your sparkling personality cascades down the page with each new listing you give.

~ The grandchildren are precious. I am pleased you chose to share them with us. Hope the birthday party was a hit this weekend. Have you thought about updating the pictures as they mature?

~The only suggestions I have are:
~towards/afterwards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

~Overall this was a beautiful layout. Simply decorated, yet eye catching and pleasant to view. The personal notes were eye watering, and the links were helpful. Thank you for sharing.

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#3295246

Review of No Turning Back

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"No Turning Back"

Prof Moriarty

BRIEF SUMMARY:
Written for a short prompt contest, this fifty-five word piece has to do with the relationship of mother and child. I can gleem nothing else from it.

SUGGESTIONS:
No spelling or punctuation errors noticed. Since this is a prominent contest, I would like to have seen the link this contest was written for. This allows the reader to view the limitations and restrictions placed on an item. The drawback of doing so is that sometimes contests are deleted and you are then stuck with a piece that has an invalid or broken link.

CHARACTERS AND PLOT:
Being only of fifty-five words, it is hard to tell the character or plot of such a short tale. I do feel that bitterness or anger resided due to going up to bed without dinner, though he/she knew mother had not eaten herself.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

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#3293415

Review of Quiet Fire

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Quiet Fire"

JACE

Another poetic piece, written in short story form. This one, written for a contest of 55 words is another visual treat that weaves a tapestry of enjoyment for the reader to see.

I was pleased at the image this piece conjures up. It is vivid and full of vibrant color.

The title helps to set the scene for this great short story.
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848

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#3293412

Review of Fulfillment

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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"Fulfillment"

JACE

Title:
A strong title which sums up this great contest entry. With style and grace this short 100 word entry placed third in the May 08 contest.

Format:
Written as a short essay or entry, for a 100 word contest of which no word can be repeated, this entry has sensually expressed the title quite well.

I actually read this two other ways. The first read through, I skimmed it and read it as a prose, only to then see this as a poetic free-style piece.

Content:
This is written as a sensual piece and has great emotion and pull.

Points to Ponder:
Now that some time has passed, I wonder what your thoughts would be on altering the format of this. I feel this would make a great free-style poem.

Overall:
A wonderful short piece which holds great depth and emotional feeling.
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#3292684

Review of "I'm Not Perfect"

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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""I'm Not Perfect""

jaya

TITLE:
A great title and subtext which lure the reader in with a question of mystery and and aura of intrigue.

FORMAT:
Written in double couplets, ending in a single couplet statement. If felt this was a good use of the format and the single verse was a wrap up of the poem.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
Overall good rhyming schemes throughout each verse. The repetetive rhyme for the fourth and fifth verses were distracting at first, but after a few reads, I could see the justicifcation.

ERRORS:
I personally thought a comma was needed in the last verse, first line, after affect.

POINTS TO PONDER:
~With the great consistent rhyming scheme in verse one, verse two followed with the rhyme of ective, ective, ective, uctive. The the tive was a consistent rhyme, the previous mentioned ective vs uctive did throw a small wrench into the works.

~With the genre of contest entry selected, it is sometimes nice to see the link to such contest so as to know what limitations and criteria were set for the items. Though the drawback of doing this is the fact that contests close leaving dead links.

OVERALL OPINION:
A wonderful poem with a great outlook on rejection letters from publishers, and how we can view them. Looked upon through the eyes of our muse, we pick ourselves up, dust off, and start again, keeping in mind the subject matter of this poem.
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#3292678

Review of I'M NOT PERFECT - YET!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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"I'M NOT PERFECT - YET!"

Jaiam

TITLE:
A strong title that captures your attention and draws the reader in. Not being fully contained within the poem, the teaser of the title with the first line leads the reader on a journey and is a declaration that given time, one has something to work toward.

FORMAT:
Written in three verses with a follow up line almost like a song. This free-style poem is based upon religion and spiritual belief.

RHYTHM/RHYME:
The rhythm and rhyme are placed within the punctuation of each verse. Not set rhyme is distinguishable unless formulated just right with the punctuation. Only then can a rhyme be determined. For instance, if you pause for breath in the first verse, second line, after the word know then again at the end of the first verse, you have your first rhyme. Whether accidental, coincidental or on purpose, this works. This does however seem to be the only rhyme.

SUGGESTIONS: None I can think of that would possibly improve the piece.

POINTS TO PONDER:
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especialy when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Since this poem represents change is to come, I think centering it will help to illustrate or convey this message.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: A well written piece which leaves a lyrical impression.
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