My Overall impression:
Cute story, I really enjoyed it.
The comparisons you have are cool and work well with your story.
You capture this little boy very well, I could see him fidgeting in the bed.
Suggestions/Errors:
Only one, since this is for children, you might include at the end the message. Most adults would get the message...but younger children (your audience for this) might not.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Creative write. I like how you end this.
Your imagery is good...I could see her silhouette. Your main characters are both likable.
Suggestions/Errors:
I'd like to know more about what happened to her home place/Earth. You describe the end well, but never really say what caused it. I was left with a few questions about it.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
This gave me chillbumps and made me want to cry.
This flows so very well. Your imagery is good, I could see the girl, the shoebox and the mess.
Thanks for sharing this here at WDC for us and for writing this for the family you wrote it for.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
This is a great story. It flows through easily for your readers and I wasn't left with any questions.
Your main characters are likabe and I could see some of myself in this woman as I could see some of her son's traits in my children.
Your ending brought tears to my eyes. I pray that my children come this full circle and realize that the choices I made regarding their father and our family were for the best.
My Overall impression:
I like the subject you write on.
You capture time and the lack of it very well.
I like these thoughts the best:
'Fill the world with joy and love
With time to fit me like a glove'
Suggestions/Errors:
I was alocated nothing today
I will giveup then
typos- allocated, space between give and up.
You have some punctuaiton, I think your poem would benefit with punctuation through-out.
I think you need to watch your use of filler words, the, and, a, etc...this will help with the flow of your poem.
ex;
Today flew me by
As if gone in a flicker of my eye
It was pushed by the torrent of invinsible time
And today it seems I forgot to capture mine
try;
Today flew me by,
gone in a flicker of my eye.
Pushed by the torrent of invinsible time
today it seems I forgot to capture mine.
I think you need a more unique title to go with your great poem. Suggestions from your poem:
Time Demands
This Time
Dream Time
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
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and good luck.
Unique title.
Your poem is pretty cynical. You express your opinion pretty clear with your thoughts/feelings.
Not sure why you chose poetry to express some negative thoughts about poetry....maybe for the sarcasm. Anyway, I can't say that I agree with your thoughts. Maybe I'm reading more in to this than I should...or maybe I'm not reading enough into it. To use your thoughts, maybe this proves that your words are incomprehensible.
I think the repitition is off in this, it doesn't work on emphasizing the point really. More variety would show your feelings even better.
Your title and intro are strong and should help to draw your readers in.
Your poem is inspirational.
Your words a witness to your readers.
Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for entering your poem in
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and good luck.
I have one question; You have one stanza with 2 lines all the rest have 4...Is this to make that stanza dramatic or?
Great poem.
I love the title. It should draw your readers in.
I like your examples that you show. They work very well. I think your ending is good and very creative.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
Very inspirational poem. I think this is very honest writing and you capture 'feeling down' really good. But you show the answer just as well, making it balance really well.
Your title fits this like a glove! Great choice.
Your last 2 lines are very powerful and so true...it's usually ourself we need saving from.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
I like the topic of your poem, it's unique.
Your title is good and appropriate.
Your rating and genres are good.
suggestions:
Overall I think you need to work on the flow/read of your poem and watch the repitition of your thoughts.
ex;
The moments are long since we last eloquent wrote.
Wrote the words of two lonely hearts.
How simple the words, written so longingly,
only to tug at the strings of the heartt
try;
Moments are long since we last wrote,
eloquent words of two lonely hearts.
How simple the words, written so longingly,
do tug at the strings of the heart
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and good luck.
Your poem is inspirational.
Very pretty poem, I like the way you present it.
Your poem flows well.
Your rhymes per line are good and it's a unique way to do your poem.
I like this line the best:
'You never do give up on me, You are determined that I see,
One little suggestion:
I would cut the 1st and in this line;
And gushed, spilled and flowed, for all His people and world it showed,
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
You capture well what it feels like to have a loved one in this position, one addicted to drugs.
Mothers and other family members don't realize as soon as we should that we are enabling them.
You show your 'aha' moment when you give your concerns over your son to the Lord.
Your poem flows well as you tell your story.
Thanks for sharing this.
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I enjoyed your story.
It was a little intense and very sad.
Your story flows well and I wasn't left with any questions.
I like this thought you have:
'redefining perceptions of the reality he’d once had).
Suggestions/Errors:
With above senetence the . should be inside the parenthesis.
Overall very well-written story.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I like how you use the 5 senses to write about your thoughts on love. Very unique way to do your poem.
Each example is unique and works very well.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think line 1 should be divided and made into 2 lines.
and honest and sincere love.
(This doesn't really make sense as it is.)
try;
showing honest and sincere love.
In your last line that needs to be a ? instead of a period.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I enjoyed your story. I could see this as a children's book with some cartoon drawings.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think you should include more details about your main character, introduce Hoppity more to your readers.
Where could he have gone to
(You need a ? with this sentence.)
I think it would really enhance your story if you included the obvious message here...since this is directed at children...it might be harder for them to come to the conclusion/message that you are writing on.(Don't talk to strangers or; or don't go with people you don't know etc..)
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
This is a great story on coming of age.
I really enjoyed your visit back into childhood and your goodbye was sweet but so necessary!
Thanks for writing this and sharing this with us all.
I love your ending.
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Great title. Unique topic to write about.
I agree with some of your thoughts, especially the one were you say it's jsut an excuse not to work!
Your poem flows well.
Suggestions/Errors:
I didn't see any typos or errors.
You should add some genres to your poem, it will help get it some exposure.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing, Tammy
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