I just finished reading your 'Conversation with a Ghost' Short Story for the Dialogue 500 Contest. And I like it a lot.
Personally, I wouldn't have put two of the same word starting two sentences or paragraphs back to back. There needs to be at least two sentences or paragraphs before I use a word again. But that's just how I write.
Like I said above I liked your Short Story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Short Story 10/07 entry into the Daily Flash Fiction Contest. And I liked it a lot.
You didn't have to, it's not against the rule - at least I don't think it is, that you should either Bold the key words, or in some Contests a set of words aka the beginning of a sentence, or you should Colorize them the first time they are used.
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Short Story for the 10/07 Daily Flash fiction Contest. And I liked it a lot. In fact, I think you have a very good chance to win this Contest today.
What can I say about your story - nothing. At leas I can't when it comes to grammar. That's because I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar.
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I like this story very much. It keep me interested from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn't stop until I finished it.
The Story: It was a story about a group of people looking for a specific ruin in the jungle. Which they did eventually find - after loosing some of their people. But it wasn't what they were hoping for. In fact, it got even worse than that. If you believe in ghost. Which I do.
Your Main Character: I think the whole group is the main character in this story. But a lot of people would say it's the female telling the story that is.
How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this Short Story. So I can't comment on it. But there are some Reviewers who could. There are some Reviewers who would consider this a no-no. But I'm not one of them. In fact, until recently most, if not, all of my stories were like this one.
Any Last Thoughts: To me I think that this story just ended. That's why I gave it only a three Rating. What happened to these people? Did any of them get out of there alive? Maybe they all ended up being ghost too - like all the other greedy treasure hunters.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your ninth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story very much. It keep me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn't stop until I was finished with it.
The Story: A man tries to help a gypsy boy after another gypsy boy pushes him out a tree. But instead he gets the blame when the fallen boy dies. Whether it was a accident or not the gypsy boy who was the pusher should have been found guilty of the death, even though the Elder gypsy aka the judge blamed the pusher, it was the man who found guilty. All because he was an outsider who tried to help.
Where Your Location Is: The main location was where the death took place. But the gypsy camp was also a major location too. Even the 'cell' the man ended up in was a location.
Your Main Character: There was several main characters in this story. The man, the boy who pushed the other boy to his dead, the dead boy, the other boys collecting the Carob Pods too and the gypsy Elder. But I think the man was definitely the main character. Personally, I would have given this man a name, the others too probably, but I would have definitely given him a name. A name makes a character seem more real to me.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue in this story. But there was a lot of telling. And according to at least one Reviewer you shouldn't tell a story - you should show it. There are other Reviewers, maybe including the one just mentioned, that say no dialogue is a no-no. But I'm not one of those Reviewers. In fact, until recently most, if not all, of my stories have been like this one.
Any Last Thoughts: I am wondering something. Is this really legal what the gypsies did to the man? I'm not talking about him being found guilty, even though the know he wasn't - all to save face, I'm talking about what happened to him after he was found guilty. I'm also curious about what finally happened to the man.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: What I first saw this Short Story I though that it was the first chapter in a novel - especially since it started 'Chapter 1.' But by the end of this Short Story it looked more like a Preface, or what I call an "Introduction,' than a chapter - or a Short Story.
The Story: This story is about a mission to the planet Destiny to find something that is supposed to be there to help them defeat an Alien Race known as the Vapors. The first part deals with one soldier who is about to be involved with that mission. The other two parts deal with the planning of that mission - and why it is needed.
Where Your Location Is: The U.S.S'.' WarMachine is the location for this Short Story. And within the WarMachine there is the Soldier's Quarters and the Conference Room where the General and Dr. Stephens are at.
Your Main Character: I think there are three main characters in this Short Story. The Soldier was the first one. Then there is the General and Dr. Stephens. Dr. Stephens and the General were in a little bit more than the Soldier. But I have a feeling he's going to be one of the dominate ones, if not the dominate one, in future chapters.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't a lot of dialogue in this Short Story. But what there is looked good to me. If there are any mistake with your dialogue or your grammar another Reviewer will have to point it out. There are several I am sure will.
Any Last Thoughts: Is this a Short Story or the first chapter for a Novel? It looks like a first chapter. But it's classified as a Short Story. Also, I noticed you didn't space between paragraphs - just sections or parts as I consider them. And I thinks that's a no-no when it comes to grammar. But even if it's not, I think, using paragraphs makes a story easier to read.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your tenth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story from beginning to end. It keep my interest. And I couldn't stop reading until I was done. Good job.
The Story: Four friends from High School, still in their school uniforms, plan and execute a daytime robbery of a boutique shop near their High School. The robbery was a success in itself. It's the getaway that went wrong.
Where Your Location Is: The boutique shop was the main location because that's where the robbery took place. But the police station is also a location too. After all, two of the robbers are going to spend a lot of time there. At least two of them are.
Your Main Character: You would think that Phillip was the main character. Not only was he the leader of these four robbers, but he also planned the robbery. But I think the real main characters of this story are Phillip and Benny, Robby a little, because they are the ones who ended up in jail.
How They Spoke to Me: There was lot of telling. But no showing. And according to at least one Reviewer that's a no-no. The only word that was spoken was 'thieves' - and it turned out to be from the worker in the boutique shop.
Any Last Thoughts: Why a boutique shop? There are other places that would have been a better way to get away with robbery. How about a house or houses? A convenience store etc. Now if they had girlfriends then a boutique shop might be the reason for the robbery.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story very much. It keep my interest from beginning to the end. What I like the best was the ending. I'm not talking about him being declared insane because of what he believes, knows, is true. It's because of why I don't tell the world the truth - I would end up just like Stuart. The ending I like the best was how Stuart survived the Kraken to tell his truth.
Where Your Location Is: The sea is the first location. But the main location to me was the Kraken. After all, that's where most of the Action took place.
Your Main Character: It's a toss up between Stuart and the Kraken. Most people would say it's Stuart because the Kraken is a fish - if that. I'm not one of those people. To me it depends on who, or what, is in the story the most. And in this story both Stuart and the Kraken are about the same. Stuart might be a little bit more involved in this story. But not by much if he is.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue in this story. So I can't Review that. True, there are some Reviewers who still might. But I'm not one of them.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: This is a Poem. It classified as a Short Story. But it's a Poem. And there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just not a big fan when it comes to Poems. Probably because I couldn't write a Poem to save my life. But that is just me.
The Story: I did liked this Poem. I'm not exactly sure what this story is about because it's a Fantasy. But it sounds like a Under Earth type of story of some kind.
Your Main Character: Wicket and Uffet are the main characters. And they are about equal as to who is the main character. I don't think either one of them is the main, main character.
Any Last Thoughts: Like I said above I did like this Poem. But I think it should have been classified as Poetry instead of a Short Story. I am curious about one thing though: Why did you classify this as a Short Story?
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: This story had potential. And I did like the concept of your story. But the story itself I'm sorry I didn't like.
The Story: Sid, capitalized correctly, goes for a run through a park 'and' into the woods. And after twenty minutes of running he finds himself lost in another city.
Where Your Location Is: The park, probably nearby, was the first location. Then it's the woods. And finally the city of Flemingvie, capitalized correctly - but might be missing a letter or two, was the third location for this story.
Any Last Thoughts: I think you have a good story here. You just need to beef it up a lot. Go into more detail about Sid's surrounding. Where was the park? Was it near his house? And where was Flemingvie? How close to home was Flemingvie? Don't forget to check your spelling - and your line spacing between paragraphs.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: Sorry, but I didn't like this story very much. Not because of it's length, because it was extremely short, but because the wording was confusing.
Where Your Location Is: The main location was the Skate Park. But you also had Jane and John's house as well as the streets between the Skate Park and their house too. I think the streets were the main location for this story. That's where all the action took, or would have took, place.
Your Main Character: The main character was Jane. But John was a close second. Then the strange man who started following them. Some would say he's the main character because he's the main adult in this story. But I disagree. It doesn't matter what the age is it's whoever is in the story the most is the main character to me.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue in this story. You did tell what you were saying. But you didn't follow up on it verbally or through thought. Some Reviewer would say no dialogue is a no-no. But I am not one of them. In fact, up until recently I was writing stories just like this one.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your eleventh year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this a lot. What I liked best was the ending. You didn't do a typical ending.
The Story: Right from the start we know what is going on this this story. John was on the run. Why we don't know, and that would have been nice to know, but whatever it was Madison sent three 'men' after him.
Your Main Character: John was definitely the main character. But Madison was right up there too - even though he wasn't actually there. So where the three 'men' Madison sent after John.
Any Last Thoughts: It was a little short for a Action/Adventure Short Story. Did you write this story for a Short Story Contest aka the Daily Flash Fiction Contest? I think you have a good story going here. But I think you could beef it up a bit - especially with the fight sequence.
I just finished reading your Short Story for the 10/06 entry of the Writer's Cramp contest. And I liked it a lot.
What can I say about your Short Story - nothing. At least I can't not when it comes to grammar. That's because I couldn't find anything wrong with your grammar.
Like I said above I liked your Short Story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your entry for the 10/06 Writer's Cramp Contest. And I liked it. I'm not a big fan of poems, probably because I couldn't write one to save my life, but because I like to Review my competition for these Contests I decided to give it a read.
Like I just said I liked your poem. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your 'Conversation with a ghost' Short Story entry for the Dialogue 500 Contest. And I liked it. What I liked the most was you colored half of the conversation. I might start doing that myself. Thanks for giving me that idea for my stories.
The only problem that I can see that might stop you from winning this Contest this month is your punctuation. But I think you can edit until end of the month. So there is still time to edit your story.
Like I said above I liked your Short Story. Keep on writing.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I did like this story. But it just kind of ended. And the way it ended was a little confusing to me.
The Story: This story was basically in three parts that may or may not have been connected to each other. The first two probably do. But I'm not sure about the third one. It looks like the third one is connected too.
Where Your Location Is: The first location was a Playground. And the second one was at a lake. But I'm not sure where the third location is at. It sounds like it's a bedroom from what's going on in there - but it' not specified.
Your Main Character: Who is the main character in this story. Most would say it's the parents because they are parents. But I'm not one of them. For me, it depends on who is in the story the most. And if that a kid, or kids, then they are the main character or characters. But everyone in this story was about the same. So I say there are no main character or characters in this story. It would have been nice to have names for the rest of those involved with this story - besides Daniel. But that's just me.
Any Last Thoughts: I am little confused about the ending. You said she got burned by a curling iron. But it wasn't mentioned earlier. Also were the couple in the third part the parents in the first two parts? It looks like they are. But it needs to be more defined to me. Giving them all names would probably have been all that was needed to connected them.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story a whole lot. It keep my attention from beginning to end. What I liked the most was the ending.
The Story: A group of Barbarians was on a conquering spree. They called themselves Sird-Gahen aka the death-bringers. And they were about to start another attack.
Where Your Location Is: Your main location was where the Barbarians was about to attack next. But there was mention about where the Barbarians came from. It wasn't in much detail - but we know they needed boats to get there.
Your Main Character: The main characters were those who were about to be attacked. Some might say the Sird-Gahen were the main characters. But I disagree. It those who were about to be killed.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue. And some Reviewer might say that's a no-no. But I'm not one of them. In fact, up until recently most, if not all, of my stories were exactly like your story.
Any Last Thoughts: I am confused about who they were that actually got attacked - and killed. If they are what you wrote they are in that last sentence, paragraph, how could they have hide in the caves. Are the caves huge? Or are they small? I know they can run to hide in the caves. But once they get there? Also you mentioned a small boy charging the Barbarians. I understand why you did it. So you wouldn't give away an ending. But I would have come up with another way to do it. Maybe some like 'a small one broke our lines.'
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story a lot. It was a simple Drama that wasn't very exciting. But it wasn't boring either - it keep me reading from beginning to end.
The Story: Dawson might work at a Radio Station. But he also wants to be a writer too. He even joined Writing.com. Dawson might even want to be a full-time professional writer. There was one problem with his writing. And that's what this story was all about.
Where Your Location Is: At first I didn't know where the location was for this story - except that he was somewhere with a computer. I thought it was a Computer Room, An Office, maybe even a bedroom etc.. But then I read Dawson worked at a Radio Station.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue in this story. But there is a lot of thinking outloud. I do that a lot in my stories too. But I put them in 'quotes.' That's the way I was taught to do when it comes to dialogue. And thinking outloud was considered dialogue. As far as I know it's not a Rule that you have to use quotes.' It's just something that I do.
Any Last Thoughts: You said in your story intro that Dawson was a young boy. But with him working at the Radio Station it doesn't sound to me like Dawson is a young boy - unless it's some kind of a Summer Work Program. Is Dawson involved in a Summer Work Program? Or maybe one or both parents work at, or own, the Radio Station. And Dawson helps out there some time. I know he's a writer, amatuer or aspiring, but he also works at the Radio Station. And knowing what he does at the Radio Station would have been nice to know.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story a lot. It keep me interested from beginning to the end. What I liked the most was the ending.
The Story: By the way it sounded Jack was some kind of a Detective. He might have even been a cop. It sure did look like he was a cop or a detective - the way he was asking all those questions. And the people he talked to. They sounded like he might have been informers. At least they did until he contacted Mackie.
Where Your Location Is: The setting was New York City. And it was in the era after Jimmy Carter was president. By the sound of it, it was right after that.
Your Main Character: Jack was the main character. But we didn't know his name until his true identity was revealed. I have done that before - but usually I name my character, especially my main ones, earlier than that.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't too much dialogue. But there was some. And what dialogue you had looked good to me. It was only with Mackie. But I can visualized seeing them say that in my head.
Any Last Thoughts: What can I say about this story that I haven't already mentioned - nothing. At least I can't think of anything else to say - except that I loved your ending. I know I have said it before. But it needs to be said again. Good job.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your twelfth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: This was a very good story. I liked it very much. It was easy to read. And it was interesting from beginning to end. I was never bored with this story. Good job.
The Story: It was a simple story. But it was mystery. I especially like the reason why he had to go down into the basement. But I didn't buy that reason. Most eleven year olds, if any, don't know what an agitator is - let along how to fix one.
Where Your Location Is: Your location isn't a mystery in this mystery. You didn't go into a lot of detail in your location - except for the cellar and that mysterious door. But you handle the main location very good I think.
Your Main Character: The main character was obviously Sean. But you also mentioned his big sister too - and her cat. Personally I probably would have given the mom a name too. But that's just me.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't any dialogue in this story. So I can't comment on that. But there some Reviewers who might. I'm not one of them. In fact, until recently most, if not all, of my stories was like this one.
Any Last Thoughts: We still really don't know what, if anything, was behind that mysterious door. Sean thinks it was Marty, the cat, but was it really Marty. Or was it something, or someone, else? Also it wouldn't have been nice if Katy had an age too. You gave one to Sean. And I know she is his big sister. And since she has a cat, and the the way she acts around Sean my guess she is about one to three years older. Am I right?
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I liked this story a lot. But it was a very short, Short Story. There is nothing wrong with that - but it made me wonder why it was so short. Was this for a specific Contest like The Flash Fiction Contest?
The Story: Your story was well written. It was more of a Drama than a Mystery to me. But I like both Mysteries and Dramas. And it was a little slow moving for me - but definitely not boring. It was definitely not boring. Good work.
Where Your Location Is: You didn't specify that it was a house. But from your first sentence it was clear that it was a house. Good job in describing your location without really describing it.
Your Main Character: It was hard to tell who was the main character in this story. But I would have to say it's both Bart and Carrie - or should that be Carrie and Bart.
How They Spoke to Me: I think you handled you dialogue very well. There might be a couple of times you missed a comma or two. You might want to look at this story again.
Any Last Thoughts: You have a good start here for a good story. Have you expanded on it? If you haven't I think you should. There is a lot more of this couple that I would like to know about. Did they get away with what they found? How did they spend it? etc.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: I loves these types of stories. True, I specialize in Science Fiction. But within my Science Fiction there is always other Genre. A lot of it is Drama and Mystery - but most of it is Adventure and/or Action/Adventure. I really love these type of Action/Adventures too. Anyone can learn to use a gun - whether it's laser or an old Flinklock. But Swords are a lot harder to learn - if not impossible.
The Story: You told me right from the start what type of this story was. At least you did when it comes to Swords. It didn't as much for your Action/Adventure Genre. The first paragraphs made it sound more like a Drama than an Action/Adventure.
Where Your Location Is: Right from the beginning of your story I knew when it was set. This sounds more like a Fantasy than a Science Fiction story to me. But that's just how I feel. Most people think that Fantasy is Science Fiction and vice versa.
Your Main Character: Personally, I give all my main characters a name. I usually give all of my characters a name. But not always. You gave the King's daughter a name - but not him.
How They Spoke to Me: There wasn't a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was a little. And what there was looked good to me. I can picture in my mind that they are saying what they are saying. Good job with the dialogue.
Any Last Thoughts: I really like the way you handled the fighting. Most writers, especially with Short Stories, don't go into every detail, every move, liked you did. They say stuff like 'he throws a punch at him' or 'he blocks a punch with his left shoulder or 'he takes out a whole lot of them at once time' etc. You didn't do that. Great fighting sequence. I also liked the ending too. And how he didn't die like he was supposed to.
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your ninth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: Personally, I don't like abduction stories because they are always about us being taken by little green men. Not only are we taken but we are probed. That's true. Alien abduction happens. But it's to learn more about us. Not to probe us. They are curious. But not that curious.
The Story: I liked how you described the abduction. Most stories the people just disappear. Or there is a bright light. One second they are here and the next they aren't. Good job.
Where Your Location Is: Where did the aliens come from? Most of your story took place on this planet. You described his place pretty good. But not the aliens.
Your Main Character: Most would say he was the main character in this story. But I thinks it's the aliens. They are the ones who abducted him. And they are the ones who are probing him. You also described the aliens in a lot of detail too. I like that.
How They Spoke to Me: There isn't any dialogue in this story. But there could have been. He could have tried to talk to them. And he could have tried to learn there language - especially if he was going to be there for a lot time - or the rest of his life like he thought.
Any Last Thoughts: I liked your ending a lot. It was a big surprise to me. But I am a little bit confused by it too. What are you trying to tell me with this ending? Is there more to this story?
I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you a Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. Happy Anniversary
Now for the good stuff: The Review. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overall Impression: At first I didn't think I was going to like this story. It sounded a little bit boring to me. But by the time I finished it I realized I was wrong - especially when it came to your ending. Great ending.
Where Your Location Is: A little girl's room. You didn't go into a lot of detail when it came to her room. But you did enough to show me it was a little girl's room. Well done.
Your Main Character: Personally, I would have given this little girl a name. But that's just me. I might not have given names to her mom and dad. Since they were only in it toward the end - and briefly. But I like to give names to all of my characters. So I probably would have given them names too.
How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. And that's not a problem. But there are some Reviewers who consider that a no-no. I'm not one of them. In fact, until recently all of my stories had very little, if any, dialogue in it.
Any Last Thoughts: I think you did a good job telling this story. It keep me reading from beginning to end. What I liked the most probably was the tears. When you first introduced the tears not being her own I said to myself "uh, what's going on." I think it was a mistake. But by the end of your story I realized I was wrong.
I just finished reading your Short Story on the Science Fiction Genre Short Story list. And I liked it very much.
Overall Impression:
What I liked best about this Short Story:
I like best the way you told me about the end of the dinosaurs. But you really didn't tell it was about
the dinosaurs.
And what I liked least about this Short Story:
The planet they are from. You didn't give it a name. Or much of anything else about it.
Plot:
What I liked best about the Plot:
The plot of your story was handle very well I think. It keep me wanting to read more until there was
nothing else to read.
And what I liked least about the Plot:
I think your beginning was a little weak. What I mean is that it could have been stronger. You told your
story well from the beginning. But it didn't really start to be interesting me until you switch setting -
sort of.
Scene/Setting:
What I liked best about your Scene/Setting:
It was our past. But was his future. I liked that a lot.
And what I liked least about your Scene/Setting:
You could have described the setting better. At first I thought this was another planet. Then I thought it
was during dragons times or The Gods like Zeus times
Characters:
What I liked best about the Characters:
I think you described you characters very well too. Good job.
And what I liked least about the Characters:
Maybe you could have been more specific about ages and appearances etc. But that's just me. That's what I
try to do with my stories - if I have enough wordage to do it.
Dialogue:
What I liked best about your Dialogue:
You didn't have any dialogue. So I can't say too much about that. I used to do that a lot too. But I'm
trying put more, if not a lot more, dialogue into my stories.
And what I liked least about you Dialogue:
There are some Reviewers who think that no dialogue is a no-no. But I'm not one of them.
Grammar:
What I liked best about this Short Story Grammar:
I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar. You paragraphs look good. And your sentences looked good too.
And what I liked least about this Short Story Grammar:
It looked to me like you may have changed scenes a little after the third paragraph. First you were talking
about the creatures. And then you was talking about the spaceship, your people and how you got there.
Any Last Thoughts:
Any last thoughts on what I liked best about this Short Story:
I can't think of anything else to say about your story. That's because I think you done a good job with this
story. Good work.
And and last thoughts on what I liked least about this Short Story:
If I had to say something bad about this story it would probably be that I would like to know more about your
people. What race are they? Are they human or alien?
Liked I said above I liked your Short Story very much.Keep on writing.
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