I just finished reading your Short Story. And I lit very much.
There was a couple of mistakes I think you made those. Both of them were the same mistake. You doubled up on the word 'up up' and the word 'back back.'
Other than that I didn't see anything wrong with your grammar. And like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished ready your Short Story. And I liked it a lot.
There were a few mistakes, at least I think they are mistakes, you make. The first one was when you wrote 'both us' instead of either 'both of us' or 'us both.'
Another mistake you made in the first paragraph was 'changed' not 'change.'
The next two mistakes I think you made was missing words similar to the first one above. I think you meant to write 'to become a singer' instead of just 'become a singer.'
I think you also made a mistake when you wrote 'don't your family.' Should it be 'don't want your family' instead.
Other than those mistakes, if they are mistakes, I didn't see anything else wrong with your story. And like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished your Short Story. And I liked it a lot.
The only problem that I think you made with your story, and I don't mean the grammar - because I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar, was when you wrote 'see weed' instead of 'sea weed.'
sea weed instead of see weed
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your entry into the 9/27 Flash Fiction Contest. And I liked it a lot. In fact I am going to give you a like as soon as I get finished with this Review.
What can I say bad about this story - nothing. At least not when it comes to grammar. That's because I couldn't find anything wrong with your grammar.
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it very much. In fact when I am going to give you a 'like' when I get done with this Review.
The only thing that might be a problem, and it's not your grammar - because I didn't see anything with your grammar, is that you didn't space between paragraphs. I don't know if it's a mistake, or error, or not. But you should do it anyway. It makes reading your story a lot easier.
There might be one more problem. It look like you changed direction, scene or setting etc. after you said 'You're next 15th. Don't run away... you can't hide!' If so you should do a direction, scene or setting etc. change with an extra space or two - or a divider of some kind.
Other than that I didn't see any possible problems with your story. And like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I forgot to include something in my Review of this story. What I wanted to include was: In fact I am going to give you a 'like' after I get done with this Review.
I just finished reading your entry into the 9/26 Flash Fiction Contest. And I liked it very much. Even though it's not really my type of story I decided to review it because it was a Flash Fiction story.
What can I say bad about your story - nothing. At least not when it comes to grammar. I couldn't find anything wrong when it comes to grammar.
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it very much.
The only thing that I think might be a mistake is that you didn't space between paragraphs. I don't think it's a mistake exactly. But it does make it easier to read a story it you do.
Other than that I didn't find anything wrong, or might be wrong, with your story. At least not when it comes to grammar.
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Short Story intro/proposal. And I liked it a lot. But I do have a few concerns about it.
The first one might be obvious. But you need a title. You should always having a title for your story.
You did peak my interest in seeing this story flourish. Did you ever continue it - or even better finish it?
At first I was concerned that part one of your story didn't make sense with part two. but after reading it again I realize what is going to happen. At least I think I do.
Is she a spy? Or maybe just a crook - since this a crime and mystery story? But I don't think that is her big secret - is it?
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your short story. And I like it very much.
The only thing that I noticed might be a problem isn't your grammar. I didn't see anything wrong with that. It's that you missed a couple of words that should have been in a sentence but wasn't. You need to be more care, I think, when you proofread your story. But that is just my opinion.
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading part one of your Short Story "Transmit Failure." And I liked it very much.
What I liked most was your ending. It ended in a cliffhanger. That's what I try to do with my stories too. Especially with my Novel Chapters and my Script Scenes.
Like I said above I liked part one of your Short Story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading the first Chapter for your Novel "Victoria Bian." And I liked it very much. But I am wondering about one thing. Why have you classified it as Science Fiction. Does the next Chapter have her as a grown-up in the future? My guess is she wants to know why her father gave her up. And why he left her like he did. That's probably where the Action/Adventure come in.
You might want to consider writing an Outline for this Novel. Not only will it help you move the story along, you can always change it if you change your mind for one reason or another, but you will need one if you ever want to get it Published.
Other than that I didn't see anything wrong with your story so far. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Chapter for Emotional Reboot. And I liked it a lot. But I am a little confused. It sound to me more like a Short Story than an Chapter. Is this the first Chapter in a Novel? Maybe it should be classified as a Proposal instead?
If it is the first Chapter, or the first part of the first Chapter, then I think you should create an Outline for you Novel. I am a strong believer in Outlines for Novels and Scripts, Treatments too for Scripts, and I think you should have a Outline for your Novel. But that's just my opinion. And I am probably wrong.
Like I said above I liked what I read a lot. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your Proposal for you Novel "Drifters" And I like it a lot.
But I think you need to beef it up a lot. I am a big believer when it comes to Outlines for Novels and Scripts, Treatments too for Scripts, but if you are serious about turning this into a Novel I think you need to do an Outline first. You can always change it later if you change your mind for one reason or another. But unless you plan on self-publishing most, if not all, Publishers won't even consider a Novel without an Outline.
You have an interesting story here. I hope you continue with it. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading the first Chapter of your Novel "Body Blank." And I liked it very much.
What can I say about your story - not much. At least not when it comes to grammar. But I do think you might have made a mistake or two though. I noticed that you used the word 'having' but there was not Past Tense word in front of it. I'm probably wrong because I'm not very good with grammar, but isn't that a error in Tense?
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading you first Chapter of your Novel "Body Blank." And I like it very much.
What can I say bad about your first Chapter - not much. At least when it comes to grammar. But I do think I might have found a mistake or two. I not you used the word 'having' without a Past Tense very in front of it. I'm probably wrong but I thinks that's a error in Tenses.
Other than that I didn't see any thing else wrong with this first Chapter. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your story. And I like it very much. But I am confused about one thing. You have it categorized as a Novel - but it looks more like a Short Story to me.
Is this a Short Story or a Novel? If it is the Chapter of a Novel then you need to say so.
It also looks like it's a Short Story because it takes up several days between the beginning and the end of it. Some Chapters can do that too. But the different parts within the Chapter are usually a lot longer than a couple of lines or paragraphs.
I think you also have a problem with grammar too. It looks to me like you have a lot of Run-On Sentences - I think that is what they are called.
You need to go over your story again. Because there was a lot of sentences I notice that should have ended in a period and then continued on into a new sentence.
I'm a big believer in Outlines. Whether it's for a Novel or a Script I think they should write an Outline, and a Treatment too for a Script, for it. You can always go in and chance it if you change your mind for one reason or another. But an Outline helps you keep track of your writing better. At least that's why I think. And how I write.
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your story. And I liked it very much.
There were a few mistakes I think you made in grammar - and wording. But I could be wrong. I'm not very good with grammar myself.
The first mistakes is the world 'then obvious.' Shouldn't it be 'than obvious.'
Another mistake I think you made is with grammar. And it happened several times. You ended dialogue with the period outside the " - and it should be before it. The same is true with any commas you had too.
I'm also a little confused about the title too. Since he remembered his name why is this one titled "Who Am I."
Also the second to last paragraph is pretty long. I think it should have been broken up into several smaller paragraphs.
Other than all that like I said above I liked this story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your story. And I liked it very much. In fact I am going to give you a 'like' when I get done with my review of this story.
What can I say about this story - nothing. At least not when it comes to grammar. I didn't see anything wrong with your grammar. If there are someone else will have to point them out. My grammar isn't very good.
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your story. And I liked it very much. But it was a little confusing to me. My late brother might have gotten though. He was a Blues singer.
What can I say about your story - nothing. At least not when it comes to grammar. That's because I didn't find anything wrong when it comes to grammar.
If I did have to come up with something negative about it - it would probably be 'Why is this considered Science Fiction?'
Like I said above I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.
I just finished reading your story. And I liked it a lot.
The only thing that I would consider a mistake, but most people won't, is the Line Spacing between paragraphs. I think that you should space between paragraphs. But that's just how I feel.
Other than that I didn't find anything wrong with your story. At least not with your grammar.
I really don't consider this Science Fiction - but once again everyone else will. Yes, I can understand why you did it. Because of the 'accident,' and if you played that out as living through life seeing the different colors of people I might consider it Science Fiction. Seeing different colors surrounding people could have been how he saw. He still would have had problems with none-living things like furniture etc.. But that's what a cane, or seeing eye dog, is for.
When you started talking about fixing him I thought maybe he was going to turn out to be a robot or an android. Then I would have consider it Science Fiction. But your story didn't go that way.
I'm a little disappointed with how you ended you story too. But that's just my opinion. I think it would have been better to have him living the rest of his life living with seeing people his way.
Like I said above I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.
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