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Review of Rainbow Moon  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable experience as I have.

This is a good poem where you have painted some beautiful pictures of natural wonders. I am interpreting these as a comparison to the feelings between two people in a relationship.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good poem where you've done a good job of getting into the baby penguin's point of view.

I also liked the way you sort of drew a parallel between the chick and a human child - or grownup for that matter.

In this line, 'Like the black feathers on my back, that only show when I turn around,', would he/she know this? Perhaps on "others' backs" would be better.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a terrific, and very insightful, story that is very well written and flows nicely.

Tell your son that I think it's a great story and I sincerely hope he continues to write as he gets older.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I just dropped by your port to begin fulfilling the reviews offered in my Package in the Hearts from Heaven Auction.

This is a beautiful and moving story where you've done an excellent job of showing the struggles that a problem such as this creates for all concerned. Henry's complement brought tears to my eyes.

A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'third grade there was a chair(-)throwing incident,” '; 'Trying to prepare myself to(for?) the challenge '; and, 'I will not do word(-)find worksheets.” '.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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605
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I found this piece in this week's Author's Newsletter where the title and description really intrigued me.

This is a beautiful little piece that brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes, it was so moving.

In your desciption, 'How can a person answer that question form a voice on the cell phone?' should it read "from a voice"?

A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I have a hands(-)free cell phone '; 'Are you there(,) God? '; and, 'and you’ll(I'll?) give you my favorite dolly. God(,) I love my Benny, could you help him(?) Please? ';

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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606
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I found this piece in this week's Author's Newsletter where the title attracted my attention.

This is a beautiful story that I found very moving. So much so that it brought tears to my eyes. I loved the overall feeling of positivity that was evident in the care given.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'its modern and up(-)to(-)date Victorian decor'; and, 'I am at yet another cross road(crossroad) in my life.'.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of A Kangaroo Tale  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a really cute story. You've done a good job of assigning all of the animals mentioned personalities that were very interesting.

Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'long ago when the world was knew(new),'; ' “I say(,) mate, but you could use a tail'; and, 'Croc yawned as he though(thought) of an idea.'.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a really funny story of as rather, shall we say, inept, spy. You've done a good job of showing the gullibility and also the turn-around in the character of the airline clerk.

One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' “You flatter me, James(,) and your secret '.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a delightful little story where you've done a very good job of covering the "other viewpoint" of this well-known fairy tale. You also did a good job of working in a few facts about wolves and how they live and hunt - entertainment and nature study all in one!

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Mistakes!  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting story where you do a good job of putting the reader into Jennifer's place, feeling the fear of doing what she felt she had to do.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Can you repeat that(,) please?” '; ' “No(,) Jennifer! . . . keep some one(someone) else from learning,'; 'I would still be (in) a world of hurt.'; 'facts of history that we(were) never taught in school.'; 'We decided to go to jenny’s pizzeria(Jenny's Pizzeria).'; ' “No(,) I will, . . . when you(your) precious little boy '; 'My mom had and(an) angry look '; and, ' “Ok(,) I totally understand, do what you have to do(,) right?” '.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a very interesting where your detective's "methods" seem to work their magic. However, the twist at the end rather detracted from at least my sympathy for your main character.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and his son's toothless toddler(baby) laugh.'; ' "Yes(,) Sir." '; 'blood(-)soaked bodies scattered on the ground,'; 'Usman looked at Thyalan, a lump in his throat(This phrase seems to be a change in VP.). '; 'She would always smile and say(,) ‘But I like trains, Daddy'." '; and, ' "Thank you(,) Usman.'.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Released  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a beautiful, yet sad, poem, the last stanza of which conjured up the image of a ship drifting away from the dock and onto the lonely seas. It is very moving.

Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Tender Delights  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very intersting story of a rather unique experience for a pair of children - not to mention their parents also.

It might benefit from some tightening up with more emphasis on the children's activities and their interaction with the parents on this voyage.

This is well written and flows nicely.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo
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Review of Ms. Carmichael  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a terrific story where you've done a good job with the investigative reasoning of Ms Carmichael. One thing does seem strange though and that is that she addressed the note to Lisa, knowing that she would never see it.

A couple of editorial suggestions/questions that you may want to consider: 'My first instinct was to scream for help, (Is something missing here?) to keep running until I was safe '; and, 'rest area to ditch the gun(This is first mention of a gun; before he had a switchblade.) and mask,'.

beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo
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Review of Come unto Me  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a nice story that children should really enjoy. You've done a good job of drawing parellels between now and that time so long ago.

Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'ask God to forgive him(,) while being humbly(humble).'; 'Don’t over see(look?) the good in people,'; 'ever since my parents meant(met) him.'; 'we heard him say, “don’t(Don't) stop the children '; 'picked the children out of the crown(crowd) '; and, ' Think about it(,) they may have been children like you,'.

beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo
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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting tale where you've done a very good job of describing both the scenery and the population of the Final Battlefield.

A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'melted away into a strangely well(-)lit field'; and, ' I was wearing my two(-)week(-)old black trail(-)running shoes, '.

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Review of Testing  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a really funny of the test day to top all test days. You've done a good job of showing the personalities of the various students and also the teacher.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'hearing aids that were in drastic need of repairment(repair).'; 'To my right was this preppy(-)looking girl '; 'it is freaking seven(-)thirty in the morning . . . and cranky; really(,) really(,) cranky.'; 'Except, the room wasn't as quite(quiet?) as before '; ' "Excuse me(,) Miss, '; and, ' "Don't worry(,) sir, she is.'.

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Review of Lover's Rock  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good story where you've gained my utmost sympathy for these two people and how they've adapted to their suicide mission.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'like the ticking of an old(-)fashioned clock.'; 'data on its ninety(-)plus(-)minute journey '; 'that's almost another whole life time(lifetime)." '; 'probably recalling the in(-)cabin cameras'; 'ballooned into an odd potato(-)shaped pock(-)marked rock veiled in gossamer haze.'; 'where she'(she'd) been nuzzling '; and, 'have taken thirty(-)one months from Mars to Jupiter '.

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Review of Red Sky at Night  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting tale where you've taken some of the legends, expanded on them and personalized them - well, I might add. Of course the couple getting on the escape ship was really "against all odds", but it makes a good story.

Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'some kind of comet passing and it will make(it makes) heat rise'; ' Lot’s(Lots) and lot’s(lots) of red.'; ' planet had been heading for(on) a collision course '; ' My girlfriend(,) Sarah(,) drove to San Francisco '; 'Today president(President) Obama addressed the nation.'; 'they had planned (for) this already.'; 'They have named the planet: planet x(Planet X). '; and, ' It’s going to his(hit) Germany first '.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really cute little tale with a beautiful twist at the ending. You did a great job with the build-up of the "familiar" story before sending in the zinger.

One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'they were experiencing a fate(-)altering moment;'.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a very good that terrifically illustrates how a child's imagination works! It grabs the reader right from the beginning and carries him/her on to the very end. Well done.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and a hand made(handmade) toy box sat against a wall,'; 'legs braced and taught(taut).'; and, 'If I could have ran(run) to them,'.

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Review of Rita  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a good story where you've painted a beautiful picture of this unusual "parade".

This is one very long paragraph. You may want to break it into several shorter ones.

A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'carrying a heavy(-)looking box,'; 'and hands crossed across(over) his chest.'; and, 'soldiers gave honor to the man that had lead(led) them.'.

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Review of Immemorial  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very chilling story where you've done some very creative formatting.

As promised in your description, one can't tell what is "real" and what is fantasy. It is, however, well written and flows nicely.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good story where you've created this magical world and made it believable. Your outcast characters also come across very nicely.

Some of the wording seems a bit awkward at times, you may want to smooth it out some.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first eight paragraphs: 'bees and butterflies were flying upon(around) her head, '; 'comforted her and promised (her-delete) to send her home safely.'; 'The King, after learned(learning) about this matter, . . . there was nothing to(was no) hurry.'; 'a princess like her would never develop(have) any interest in him.'; and, 'She listened to everything he (says-delete) tentatively (said).'.

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Review of The Ritual  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is an excellent story of a happening, the thought of which, also "scares the daylights out of me". I think you have done a very good job of portraying our criminal justice system as it seems to operate.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'crimes as child molestation and mutilation(-)type murders.'; ' "The tears are a nice touch(,) honey," '; and, 'small crowd of on(-)looking officers '.

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