This is a gripping tale of the few minutes leading up to the event. It did, however, leave me really wondering. What culture and time is the setting that a mere insult would lead to such an outcome? Mostly I wondered what did happen and how he felt about it? But, of course, I understand your not going there. In real life we never know what lies a moment ahead of us.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'Who ever(Whoever) thought the place of a duel'.
This is a beautiful and very moving story. You've done an excellent job of depicting the young woman's feeling of despair when she saw the picture in the child's notebook. Well done.
You might want to do a read-through watching for repetitively used words and phrases in close proximity to each other.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'shadows of those that walked the paths (of the mosque-delete, repetitive).'; 'she felt that it might fall (from her head-delete, repetitive). '; 'felt to be fresh air as son(soon) as she passed over the threshold.'; 'Her grade(-)school days came back to her'; and, 'But the(then) again, she supposed that the bench '.
This is a heart-wrenching piece of the memories of a deep loss. You have done a good job of getting those feeling across to the reader.
Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
You may want to read through, checking for a doubling of punctuation marks and an extra space before them.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' I saw the sun rising in(on) my horizon, '; ' I was wide awake, wide(another word) conscious, '; 'felt the air chocking(choking) in my throat, and pushed my eyelids (to-delete) shut.'; ' they were all yellow, i(I) came along... '; 'my heart-beats(heartbeats) were racing (so) that I doubted(expected) my heart to jump out of my troubled chest.'; 'yet i(I) have never felt so blind. '; and, 'smiling and desperately whipping off(wiping away) all my tears. '.
This is such an heart-wrenching story. You've done a great job of building curiosity about horrible thing Chris had previously done - which is what I feel you intended to do. I, personally, would have to have known sooner. His reactions to the change in attitudes of the others would have been much more understandable.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a really different story where you have done a good job of demonstrating the princess's mystical powers. You have some nice use of imagery here.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of the story: 'She had a heart(-)shaped face '; 'and the mountains(') powdered(-)sugar peaks embrace the heavens.'; ' “I know,” the child cried(,) “I’ll explore the first floor! '; I’m never allowed there.” 'she would no(wouldn't) have gone to the first floor,'; 'tired that she lent(leaned) on a knob on he(the) wall to rest '; 'When at long last she could see it was some what amazing to see in a castle.'(Awkward. Reword.); and, 'Alonwea was still shaking(.) “what(What) do you mean '.
This is an interesting story of an area's struggle against flood waters. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
This piece would be improved with more showing the individual scenes and less telling of what was going on.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Some of the paragraphs, and sentences, here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of the story: 'increased in volume till('til/until) the roof '; 'collective weight of the two well(-)fed families. '; ' through the waist(-)high water. '; 'For twenty(-)six months '; ' Immigrant Australia(Austrailians) believed God answered prayers.'; 'Five(-)hundred(-)ton shipping vessels were anchored at Richmond. '; 'The crews of the shallow(-)hulled river craft'; and, 'All except the man(,) Lewis(,) refused to take a long break.'.
This is an interesting piece that arouses reader interest in who these men are and why the seemingly random killing.
Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they glided across the soon(-)to(-)be murder seen(scene) and each of them unfastening(unfastened) a six-inch silver combat knife.'; 'entered the post(-)modern apartment block. All 3(three) flew up the stairs . . . their destination, room(Room) 316. '; and, 'room were 4(four) parrels(barrels) all sitting together '.
This is an interesting tale, but it does need a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog only the actual words spoken should be included in quotation marks.
You may want to watch the verb tenses as they seem to switch back and forth between present and past.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'It’s medieval(Right word? This refers to an Age.) year and the people in the town that I visited seem to be very busy, until we heard a noisy sound of drums and trumpets(and then they did what? Dropped what they were doing and moved to the town square or something?).'; ' (")Nope(No/Nay), that’s the King’s soldiers. They will burn another witch.(") '; 'more religious than ordinary human(humans/human beings), '; 'They put(tied) them in(to) the stakes '; and, 'I save and brought(bring) them to a country '.
This is a nice poem that does an very good job of emphasizing how one refuses to "wear one's heart on the sleeve" and keeps the emotional responses hidden from view.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very good story that does a good job of describing the seashore and the passing storm so that the reader can visualize it completely. The ending scene does a great job of wrapping the whole thing together in one neat package.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'to be able to lie(lay) his hand on my stomach, '.
This is an interesting piece where you've done a good job of showing Matthew's feelings in his father's presence. I would suggest a thorough proofread and edit.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Wondrous eyes rested on his mothers'(mother's) face. '; ' He would be a teacher of english(English) and spanish(Spanish). '; 'As he waited for the news(,) he rarely ate. '; 'Matthew averted his gaze to the slate(-)coloured carpet.'; and, ' what would be the point?(")(,-delete) his father replied calmly.'.
This is a really weird - interesting, but weird - tale. I do have a problem with the author interference though it is so rampant here that it is rather funny.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'slightly to the right of the now(-)cowering Mike.'; 'quite as hungry as it's(its) grumbling stomach suggested.'; 'That would have been a bit of a cliché by the writer.' (Suggest eliminating this sentence as it is author interference.); and, 'His visioned(vision) slowly cleared up,'.
This is a very graphic story where you've done a good job of describing the carnage of the accident scene.
Would suggest that you break the very long center paragraph into shorter ones.
One specific editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'driver window of the upturned eighteen-wheeler her(he) could see the left half of the driver,'.
This is another good chapter where you really get into the "mind control" of the general population. I thought before it was just Dria/Vivian and Rafe.
Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Well-polished wood banisters gleam in it’s(its) light. '; ' “I know I feel something(,)” the only other man in the party states.'; 'my sexual projections, butt(but) he’s just much more controlled '; and, 'new toys to the staff when a shipment come sin(comes in),'.
This is a good chapter where you've done a good job of giving the reader a "peek" at what these specialized vacations are all about.
A couple of editorial suggestions/questions that you may want to consider: 'The one I like to think of as the ‘fun’ floor. Those larger rooms don’t hold guests for their entire stay.' (Is this referring to the rooms on the third floor? It isn't clear.); and, 'Well, well(,) well, look what we have here, '.
This is a cute story where you've done a good job showing George's venture into the closet. It does, however, need a bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'There's no eagle.(,) Mikey. '; ' "You weren't there<(,) George. '; and, 'Now I wonder what Mikey('s) got into in there, '.
This is a cute piece, but it does need a lot of additional work.
This is all one long paragraph that you may want to break up into shorter ones.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'lot from my short life,(.) I've learned that the refrigator means food(,-delete) (and) cats arn't(aren't) the nicest creatures '; 'but it isn't that bad (as/since) I get all the food, '; ' beening(being) the only pet here is good, sortof(sort of), even thought(though) I don't have'; 'friends is a squireel(squirrel.) we(We) talk and have fun,(.) he(He) is very catious(cautious) around humans,'; and, 'including cocolote(chocolate), which I know isn't that good for you(,) but hay(hey).'.
This is a very funny piece where you've brought Gulible and his out-sized expectations to life for the reader. Good job.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and a seventeen(-)year(-)old boy named Gulíble '; and, 'overlooking the self(-)checkout machines stifled a giggle (fit-delete) as she watched'.
This is an interesting beginning to this story. I did wonder, however, how Dustin could be both a vampire and a hunter. Will this be explained at some point?
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' for the need of sucking an innocent(')s soul. '; 'her soul was to(too) powerful for him to fight.'; 'to see his 5(five-)year(-)old daughter’s smiling face.'; 'ran across the parking lot just has(as) the fire trucks '; 'Dustin put his gun in his back (pocket?) hiding it from the taxi driver. '; ' “but your(you're) not my victim.” '; and, 'barren wasteland that only the vampires were known to go(enter/visit?).'.
This is an interesting piece of the various characteristics of vampires in general.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Vampires as we know dwells(dwell) in the dark,'; 'This won't be effective though if a vampire is immuned(immune).'; 'but even to this some vampires become immune (to-delete). '; and, 'oldest and well(-)known supernatural beings. '.
This is a very interesting story with some really different characters. You've done a good job of portraying the long-time rival between the two main ones. This does, however, need some additional work.
There seems to be some confusion between "it's", the contraction for "it is" and "its" the possessive of a thing.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first segment: 'stood an old man, black duster (jacket-delete, unnecesary) flying in the wind.'; 'while centering it’s(its) weight on the boat.'; 'revealing the man in it's(its) contents. '; and, 'death of the undead Count. (New paragraph.) “She is too beautiful,'.
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