This is a very good story where we can feel the bond between the boy and the animal. It would help, I believe, if you were give an approximate age of the narrator.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider:'A gruff(-)looking man confronts me;'; ' ‘Yes(,) sir’. '; ' “This will be Manfred’s final race(,) son”, '; and, 'a heavy(-)looking black hound muscling to the lead, contested on his left by a cream(-)coated bitch,'.
This is a very good story where you've done a great job working in the twist.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Jimmy followed her as she waled(walked) to her car.'; 'Jimmy wouldn't have noticed if (it-delete) there had been gold furniture in it.'; and, ' "No(,) thanks." Jimmy could barely swallow,'.
This is a good story where you may some very interesting points. It does, however, need some additional work.
Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'been in the service for about 3(three) years now,'; 'the savages the(they) were thousands of years ago.” '; ' “You are too harsh(,) brother. '; 'Almost as if to make the speaker(')s point(,) a shell landed in the trench'; 'The 2nd(second) observer had always been slightly concerned '; and, 'If war is more terrible, it was(will/would) drive them from it.'.
This is a really cute little story where you've done a good job of getting into the viewpoint of the puppy.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'a five(-)month(-)old female golden retriever. '; 'put her into (the) stinky sack, '; and, 'If you think about it, I was a little hero(,) wasn’t I?'.
This is an interesting story. However, it seems to bounce around instead of flowing smoothly. It also seems unfinished - not circling around to where it started. Do you intend to add more?
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'if only I had did(done) something about it,'; 'receive a giant jump hum(hug) from Alice.'; 'her (and-delete) legs still locked around my waist.'; ' “I'll see you tomorrow then(,) James,” '; 'the crunching of leafs(leaves) below(beneath) my shoes,'; 'Dam(Damn) it hurt, '; ' Waling upon(Walking on?), I saw twigs and leafs(leaves) floating down stream(downstream), '; 'I was in. the(The) trees had a glow to them'; ' made the mile(-)long walk '; and, 'dogs ran at me waling(wailing? Right word?) and barking their heads off.'.
This is a very sweet story where you've done a good job of showing the acceptance of the routine a long-term couple have settled into.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and fill he(his) travel mug with black coffee,'; ' off earning his(a) living. '; 'he’d just fix the falling(-)down house.'; 'Driving to the grocery(,) she passed the small church '; 'bathroom, changed his close(clothes), '; 'he was just a quite(quiet) man. '; and, ' “I love you(,) Jean,” '.
This is a very strange tale where you've done a good job of describing the aftermath of this war. It does, however, need a considerable amount of work.
Some of the sentences here seem awkward. You might want to see what you can do to clarify and smooth their flow.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The ashes(?Right word?) from the trees fell silently '; 'The other, a chiselled(-)faced, well(-)built man '; 'The boy ruffled(shuffled) his feet through the settled dust '; 'In almost an instance(instant), '; and, 'it adjoined its self(itself) to the blanket of darkness '.
This is a gripping tale of the few minutes leading up to the event. It did, however, leave me really wondering. What culture and time is the setting that a mere insult would lead to such an outcome? Mostly I wondered what did happen and how he felt about it? But, of course, I understand your not going there. In real life we never know what lies a moment ahead of us.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'Who ever(Whoever) thought the place of a duel'.
This is a beautiful and very moving story. You've done an excellent job of depicting the young woman's feeling of despair when she saw the picture in the child's notebook. Well done.
You might want to do a read-through watching for repetitively used words and phrases in close proximity to each other.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'shadows of those that walked the paths (of the mosque-delete, repetitive).'; 'she felt that it might fall (from her head-delete, repetitive). '; 'felt to be fresh air as son(soon) as she passed over the threshold.'; 'Her grade(-)school days came back to her'; and, 'But the(then) again, she supposed that the bench '.
This is a heart-wrenching piece of the memories of a deep loss. You have done a good job of getting those feeling across to the reader.
Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
You may want to read through, checking for a doubling of punctuation marks and an extra space before them.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' I saw the sun rising in(on) my horizon, '; ' I was wide awake, wide(another word) conscious, '; 'felt the air chocking(choking) in my throat, and pushed my eyelids (to-delete) shut.'; ' they were all yellow, i(I) came along... '; 'my heart-beats(heartbeats) were racing (so) that I doubted(expected) my heart to jump out of my troubled chest.'; 'yet i(I) have never felt so blind. '; and, 'smiling and desperately whipping off(wiping away) all my tears. '.
This is such an heart-wrenching story. You've done a great job of building curiosity about horrible thing Chris had previously done - which is what I feel you intended to do. I, personally, would have to have known sooner. His reactions to the change in attitudes of the others would have been much more understandable.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a really different story where you have done a good job of demonstrating the princess's mystical powers. You have some nice use of imagery here.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of the story: 'She had a heart(-)shaped face '; 'and the mountains(') powdered(-)sugar peaks embrace the heavens.'; ' “I know,” the child cried(,) “I’ll explore the first floor! '; I’m never allowed there.” 'she would no(wouldn't) have gone to the first floor,'; 'tired that she lent(leaned) on a knob on he(the) wall to rest '; 'When at long last she could see it was some what amazing to see in a castle.'(Awkward. Reword.); and, 'Alonwea was still shaking(.) “what(What) do you mean '.
This is an interesting story of an area's struggle against flood waters. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
This piece would be improved with more showing the individual scenes and less telling of what was going on.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Some of the paragraphs, and sentences, here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of the story: 'increased in volume till('til/until) the roof '; 'collective weight of the two well(-)fed families. '; ' through the waist(-)high water. '; 'For twenty(-)six months '; ' Immigrant Australia(Austrailians) believed God answered prayers.'; 'Five(-)hundred(-)ton shipping vessels were anchored at Richmond. '; 'The crews of the shallow(-)hulled river craft'; and, 'All except the man(,) Lewis(,) refused to take a long break.'.
This is an interesting piece that arouses reader interest in who these men are and why the seemingly random killing.
Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they glided across the soon(-)to(-)be murder seen(scene) and each of them unfastening(unfastened) a six-inch silver combat knife.'; 'entered the post(-)modern apartment block. All 3(three) flew up the stairs . . . their destination, room(Room) 316. '; and, 'room were 4(four) parrels(barrels) all sitting together '.
This is an interesting tale, but it does need a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog only the actual words spoken should be included in quotation marks.
You may want to watch the verb tenses as they seem to switch back and forth between present and past.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'It’s medieval(Right word? This refers to an Age.) year and the people in the town that I visited seem to be very busy, until we heard a noisy sound of drums and trumpets(and then they did what? Dropped what they were doing and moved to the town square or something?).'; ' (")Nope(No/Nay), that’s the King’s soldiers. They will burn another witch.(") '; 'more religious than ordinary human(humans/human beings), '; 'They put(tied) them in(to) the stakes '; and, 'I save and brought(bring) them to a country '.
This is a nice poem that does an very good job of emphasizing how one refuses to "wear one's heart on the sleeve" and keeps the emotional responses hidden from view.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very good story that does a good job of describing the seashore and the passing storm so that the reader can visualize it completely. The ending scene does a great job of wrapping the whole thing together in one neat package.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'to be able to lie(lay) his hand on my stomach, '.
This is an interesting piece where you've done a good job of showing Matthew's feelings in his father's presence. I would suggest a thorough proofread and edit.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Wondrous eyes rested on his mothers'(mother's) face. '; ' He would be a teacher of english(English) and spanish(Spanish). '; 'As he waited for the news(,) he rarely ate. '; 'Matthew averted his gaze to the slate(-)coloured carpet.'; and, ' what would be the point?(")(,-delete) his father replied calmly.'.
This is a really weird - interesting, but weird - tale. I do have a problem with the author interference though it is so rampant here that it is rather funny.
This is a very graphic story where you've done a good job of describing the carnage of the accident scene.
Would suggest that you break the very long center paragraph into shorter ones.
One specific editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'driver window of the upturned eighteen-wheeler her(he) could see the left half of the driver,'.
This is another good chapter where you really get into the "mind control" of the general population. I thought before it was just Dria/Vivian and Rafe.
Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Well-polished wood banisters gleam in it’s(its) light. '; ' “I know I feel something(,)” the only other man in the party states.'; 'my sexual projections, butt(but) he’s just much more controlled '; and, 'new toys to the staff when a shipment come sin(comes in),'.
This is a good chapter where you've done a good job of giving the reader a "peek" at what these specialized vacations are all about.
A couple of editorial suggestions/questions that you may want to consider: 'The one I like to think of as the ‘fun’ floor. Those larger rooms don’t hold guests for their entire stay.' (Is this referring to the rooms on the third floor? It isn't clear.); and, 'Well, well(,) well, look what we have here, '.
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