Hi Learning As I Go I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Yes by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader?The structure appears crowded making it not that easy for the reader. A bit more line spacing with a blank line between paragraphs would help for those of us readers with weak eyes.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?Yes.
My favorite line: --- I am learning however, that one can be dependable without being a matt for others to tred on.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions: A nice Diaries style article. Makes many good points but reads first draft style.
Learning As I Go thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Suggestions: Consider a good proofread and edit with a bit more line spacing with a blank line between paragraphs. This would make it easier for those of us with the weak eyes as well as more inviting to a browser or would be reader.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A well worded strong poem emphasizing life and how you should enjoy it today. Through the good times and the bad we must make time to stop and smell the roses, enjoy what we have and don't worry about what we have not.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of an ancient philosopher realizing how precious life is in the moment. Recording it on paper and teaching to others that you must enjoy today before it is gone.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I can find no problems at all with the mechanics of this delightful and poetic work.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A well worded deep, emotional poem emphasizing the brutal scar that is left on the world and the battlefield from all the soldier's who bled there.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:I see the image of a land that is haunted by all the soldiers who fought and died there in wars from the past as well as the current. Leaving a blood stained land cursed from the streams of blood that never fade away.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I can find no problems with the mechanics of this deep poem about humans weakness and greed.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A strong philosophical poem that touches on the idea of a spirit being born although was not suppose be. Yet evil came, tainted his soul.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a lost soul longing to grow old yet when he does he sees the light and longs to be young.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems that I can find with the grammar spelling or mechanics of this deep work.
w0lfbane thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A wild and entertaining sailor's tale written poetically in six line stanza's. Ain't it great when you can get carried away with poetry.
Well Done! This delightful poem has my vote.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of the ship the Molly Fair on her journey. A terrible storm takes control and finally pushes the ship into her final fate as a raft.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I can find no problems at all with the mechanics of this enchanting sailor's tale.
JMariah thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A delightful poem written in a unique format and structure. Emphasizing on how life can at times wear you out if you don't make time to stop and smell the roses.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a wise man walking through a fast-paced, busy, crowded world while trying to keep his mind focused on finding the light at the end of the tunnel.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:A delightful work yet the standard use of capital letters couldn't hurt.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A well written poem with a catchy flow. I must admit this reader don't know what a kanye is. At the same time this reader wishes the old Kanye would come back.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a soul staring over the sea of time searching for that lost kanye time when all in the world was right, the stars were lined correctly. The cosmos was as it was meant to be.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I can't find any problems at all with the mechanics of this deep work that has my mind spinning still. Rizz, thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A information packed article emphasizing how congress can take away the rights of artist. Unfortunately in this imperfect world it would seem that the government can pretty much take away anything they want.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a disappointed artist seeing his work being sold by others with no regards to the creator of the work.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: A great easy to read structure well formatted in an orderly fashion making it easy for this reader.
Kenzie, thank you for sharing your work.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:twenty-one seems to be a magic or lucky number as this poem emphasizes.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a soul sitting at the blackjack table, down to his last dollar when suddenly he hits blackjack. Now he can play a little longer.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:No problems that I can find.
St. Patrick's Sox thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:An Awesome creative short story that makes it's point well in just 99 words. Well done. Like many others I love tales of ancient Egypt.
-Keeping the Princess cool and relaxed for the royal sculpture was crucial.-
A great idea to end it with the cobra.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Looking back through the sea of time I see the ancient land of the pyramids where the Princess is being sculptured for the pharaoh. Her servants work hard to keep her cool yet they do not notice the cobra creeping into their midst.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: Short and sweet with 99 words, straight to the point exactly like today's modern reader likes things.
Hi again W.D.Wilcox, I came across this story while random quill reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Yes, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader? A+ format and structure.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?A+ dialog that sends chills up my back.
My favorite line:--- I got the spider from my biology class and then after putting it under his bed covers, I left for the weekend. When I returned he was still in bed, mouth hanging open in death, eyes bulging and oozing with yellow pus. The spider had crawled up into his mouth where it was living quite peacefully.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A wonderful opening that starts the action and pace of this paranormal thriller.
That crazy man in the head keeps me on the edge of my seat from crazy cat example to getting kicked out of high school then some more.
The flames at the end caught me of guard. I'm still thinking about Aunt Lucy.
Well done. A true classic horror tale. I think this one has my vote.
W.D.Wilcox, thank you for sharing this awesome work it has been a joy to read it.
Hi again Sumojo, I came across this story while random quill reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Yes, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader?Indeed a great structure that is easy for the reader.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker? Good dialogue that is appropriate for its speaker.
My favorite line:---He had no photographs of his parents, sister, or any of his extended family. A loss for him time couldn’t heal, a loss of which he rarely spoke.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A good opening for this tale of forgotten memories. Written with a realistic tone and steady pace.
Sumojo, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter: A delightful free verse spiritual poem that tells the story of the fall of man from the biblical point of view.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:I think it is embedded in our human nature to do the opposite of what we are told to do, then try to place the blame elsewhere. Faithful people have to learn patience and loyalty while there is always one lurking around the corner to tempt us at our weakest moments.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:Thank you for this deep spiritual quill contender that has got this reader's mind to philosophize.
MayDay, thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:A simply delightful poem of 5 stanza's with the repeating line -I took a walk in the rain.-
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I see the image of a soul walking in the rain while realizing the power the rain has to wash away the complications of the world.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems that I can find with the mechanics of this delightful quill contender.
Detective, thank you for sharing your poem.
Write On!
Hi Lonewolf, I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Sure, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader?Wonderful structure.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?Good dialog.
My favorite line:--- By the time the transformation was complete, Santa was gone. In his place stood something else. Hulking and terrible, with curling horns sprouting from his head and red eyes that gleamed like dying embers was...Krampus.----
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A good creative idea for this short straight to the point - Christmas went wrong folklore tale.-
Lonewolf, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Hi Jacques Tales, I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Indeed, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader?The structure could be easier for the reader.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?The dialog is appropriate for it's speaker.
My favorite line:--- it was much to his surprise that he was confronted by another fine chap who was dressed equally as sharp as he was.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A well written delightful children's story. I really like the opening that takes the reader straight into the action. Short and straight to the point in a entertaining fashion.
What a great closing line, I'm sure that kids everywhere will love this story.
Jacques Tales, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Suggestions: Consider more line spacing and possibly a larger font to make it easier for the reader as well as more inviting for a browser or would be reader.
Hi Barak, I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed? Yes, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader?A bit more line-spacing would make it easier for the reader.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?Yes.
My favorite line:---He had this way of talking — slow, lilting, like he was unspooling something from inside you without needing to ask permission. I felt him in my head, rifling through drawers I didn’t even know were there.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions: What a great opening line. Told with a realistic tone that lures the reader into the story.
Great descriptions that help the reader try to picture the characters and scene. A well told storyline.
Barak, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Suggestions: Consider a little more line spacing with possibly a blank line between the longer paragraphs, this will make it easier for those of us readers with weak eyes as well as more appealing for browsers or would be readers.
Hi Joexnumber1, I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Yes, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader? A nice structure that does make it easier for the reader.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?Yes.
My favorite line:---After graduating from high school, Jobs attended Reed College and then transferred to Pomona College, where he studied philosophy and literature, although he soon dropped out and traveled to India in search of spiritual understanding.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A well worded tribute and biography to a man that indeed changed the world.
Laid out and structured well in an orderly fashion keeping the reader entertained from start to finish.
Thank you for this information packed biography.
I really like your handle--Joexnumber1--. :)
Joexnumber1, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Hi again Rex, I came across this story while random reviewing.
I am no literary professor however I like to read and feel like my opinions relate with today's average reader.
I hope you will find this feedback helpful.
Are all 3 genres listed?Yes, by listing the Max amount of three genres your work will be available to more readers and browsers searching in that genre.
Is the structure and format easy for the reader? Yes the structure is easy for the reader.
Is the dialog appropriate for the speaker?The dialog does seem to be appropriate for its speaker.
My favorite line:---Attempt #2 The pattern was clear. Every time, she found a lover. Every time, she loved him. Every time, she killed him. A floorboard creaked behind him.---
My two cents is only one opinion. Overall impressions:A good opening that intrigues the reader and makes him want to know a little more. The storyline begins while keeping the reader curious before the horror creeps up on him. A creative idea with the video tapes.
A good ending with the idea of a do-over.
Rex, thank you for sharing this work it has been a joy to read it.
Suggestions:A good proof read and edit then shoot for the final draft.
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