Riot's (riot) Reviews

Riot

Review Requests: OFF

1,559 Public Reviews Given

2,107 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

My reviews typically cover: initial responses, technicalities and mechanics, favorite parts, areas of improvement, and overall impression.

I'm good at...

Honesty, and finding what works versus what doesn't work. I will never give you a rating I don't think your work deserves. I am also particularly good at spotting grammatical errors and typos.

Favorite Genres

Philosophy, Steampunk, Horror, Dark, Emotional, Science Fiction, Technology, and Political Science. I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Western, Religious, and anything froufrou.

I will not review...

Chapters and Novels, unless arrangements are made prior.

526

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094982

Review of Memory Train

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Memory Train"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: This title got me wondering what the poem was about, so that's a definite plus.

Style and Voice: A sort of 'tell it like it is' voice, appropriate for this poem.

Word Choice: I like how you worded this, with the exception of some minor changes I'm suggesting below. I especially like the idea of this poem and metaphors behind it. Great job.

Structure and Form: I definitely know what sort of meter/rhyme scheme you're going for here, but I feel a couple of spots were a bit clunky.

In stanza 1, Line 4

Take out only goodbye. and put just goodbyes. - The reason I say this is because 'only' throws off the syllabic count.

In stanza 2, Line 2

This line is too long, but I also feel like you're trying to cram in a lot of emotion all at once, when you are clearly explaining these same emotions later on.

In stanza 4, Line 3

Take out 'a' - It reads a little quicker and still makes sense.

Overall: With some improvement I think this poem could be even better. Keep up the excellent work, I look forward to reading more.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

527

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094974

Review of Life is a prison

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Life is a prison"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like how the title of this poem is also the first line of the poem. I can't help but wonder how this would feel in the end if it was also the last.

Style and Voice: I think you did a good job at telling us why exactly this was life's prison. You didn't repeat yourself a lot by simply rewording stanza one, you progressed the poem by touching base on many different things.

Word Choice: Some word choices I enjoyed:

Climb the walls of insanity

Watching freedom is painful

Leaving naught but a shell

Structure and Form: I see what your rhythm and form is, but I was a little confused because of stanza one. In stanza one your rhyme scheme is abab, but in the rest it's actually abcb. If this is something you want to change you can easily do so by changing the word 'listen' - however I'm not sure what would be more fitting. It's not a big thing, just something I noticed. It didn't detract from the feel.

Overall: I thought this was a pretty good poem. A bit cynical, but I definitely like it a lot. Keep up the great work.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

528

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094645

Review of Eternal Lovers

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Eternal Lovers"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I think the title is appropriate and it gets me asking questions about what the poem is about. Good work.

Style and Voice: I like the voice and style of this poem. You haven’t put a bunch of long fancy words in there to get your point across.

Word Choice:
Some lines I liked best:

Our lives are entwined,

and my love pours forth.

and sweet ecstasy is mine.

Structure and Form: Great free-verse. The only suggestion I have is to watch the syllable count in stanza one. It starts off a little clunky when you read it out loud. Stanza two is the most fluid to read out loud.

Overall: Pretty good poem! Thank you for sharing this with us, I look forward to reading more of your work again. Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

529

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094613

Review of SQUEEZE THE ORANGE

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "SQUEEZE THE ORANGE"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title really is lost to me, but I trust there is some other meaning behind it that I'm not understanding.

Style and Voice: I like the story you tell with this. It's interesting how you combined a sort of chanting sing-song in with it.

Word Choice: I like how this is free-verse and how you weren't finding words just for the sake of rhyme or flow.

Imagery: I saw this little girl, in leotards. As she was dancing with the rest, I heard the father's voice. The ending was extremely sweet.

Overall: Overall, I felt this was a very touching and well written poem. I can't find anything about it that I'd change. Thank you for sharing this with us, and HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

530

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094609

Review of Nighttime Lover

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Nighttime Lover"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I don't like the title. The two t's in nighttime throw me off. I'm not sure if it’s actually one word or not. Some things I can suggest are Night's Lover or Lover in the Night maybe even.

Style and Voice: Having read some of your other poetry, I feel like you have a distinct voice here. I like it very much.

Word Choice:
I particularly like:

Your kisses are a nectar,

The thinner I become the stronger your embrace. - Very image filled.

One more time I see you, and that will be the end. - Very powerful.

Imagery: As stated above, the imagery is very good. I almost get goosebumps on my arms.

Overall: This is pretty good! Keep up the work, I look forward to reading more. Thank you very much for sharing this with us, as well as the other pieces you've posted.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

531

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094598

Review of My Demons

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "My Demons"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title is appropriate, but it is a little vague. Then again, it's a short poem and deserves a short title. I think instead I'd call it simply Demons.

Style and Voice: Your voice shows true. You are strong and going to overcome your problems or learn to live with them by embracing them.

Word Choice: I cannot find anything that seems out of place for wording, but the last two lines do seem a bit long.

Structure and Form: As I say with most free-verse I feel awkward commenting on it as it follows no particular rhyme/meter. However I can tell you that to me the last two lines were a bit long.

Overall: While I know it's meant to be complete, I felt like there should be more. I'd be interested in seeing this expanded on. Thank you for sharing it with us, it was highly enjoyable.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

532

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094592

Review of Rainbow

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Rainbow"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: Simple, but to the point. Your poem is very true to the title, more-so than others who have used the same name in theirs.

Word Choice:
I especially liked:

shimmering clue

ribbons of light

chromic delight

Structure and Form: I see some patterns here. Lines 2 and 4 of each stanza rhyme. The only one I didn't like was stanza two. With every other rhyme they are all one syllable long except for oppose rhyming with rose.

Imagery: Highly creative, highly image-filled. I felt like I was in my mom's backyard again looking at my first rainbow.

Overall: Thank you for sharing! I'll be anxiously awaiting more from you.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

533

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094585

Review of i rain forgetfulness

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "i rain forgetfulness"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like the name of the title, but I think it should be properly capitalized. The same with everything in your poem.

Style and Voice: I like how you describe how you rain forgetfulness and use analogies. Very creative.

Word Choice: Some words that especially stuck out to me are:

crimson despair

orphaned fingers

clad in lilac blossoms

Structure and Form: Great free-versing. It flowed well, and I didn't feel like there was any awkward parts.

Imagery: At one point I imagined a crimson river made of tears, and glowing stars braided into a womans hair as she floated down this river she's rained.

Overall: Great imagery, and great story-telling within the poem. Thank you for sharing this. Oh, and HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

534

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094574

Review of The Reflected Horror

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Reflected Horror"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: I like the title. It's very suiting to this deliciously twisted short story.

Scene/Setting: I like how this takes place in the wood and how it's predetermined that he avoids the main roads. What I almost want to say I'd like to see more of the scenery in the wood, but honestly I don't think this story needs it due to the nature of the character.

Characters: I like the thoughts and haunting dreams this character has. Terrified for his own well being, then being captured, and the horrible realization at the end. Wicked.

Technical: A few things I spotted:

In the first paragraph you mention that you're taking the Redpine Valley short-cut and state that it's against your better judgment. My question is, why is this against your better judgment? Is it because it's a forest? It seemed like some foreshadowing.

Need I stress the word peculiar? sounds a bit over the top to me. I think it could be removed entirely and have the same strong effect.

Paragraph two, sentence two, could use a bit of re-work. You could put something like At first, all seemed well and I was thinking clearly. Then, the knowledge of the escaped mental patient that'd been on the loose entered my mind. - I think you can cut out 'for several hours' and 'enters' can be 'entered'

It looks as though you're switching from past tense to present. Depending on which way you want this to be read depends on how you word things. You're using both though.

Overall Opinion: This was a really great read and I enjoyed reading it. My only complaint was the style/point of view/past tense versus present tense thing that came to mind as I read it. However, in the end, I'm left unsure. Maybe it was the best way for this story, given its nature. It's up to you decide. In any event, this story was awesome. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

535

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094568

Review of Snowy Mountain City: Outberak

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Snowy Mountain City: Outberak"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: The title seems like a typical zombie sort of thing. It reminds me a lot of Resident Evil. For the plot, I felt this was more just a re-hash of his events, like a journal entry. I think all of it in its entirety may be better as a prologue to a novelette or novel.

Style & Voice: I'm not sure if it's your voice, or the characters voice, that's showing through the journal entry. Maybe both.

Technical: Some things I noticed, while reading.

We never know what happened to his friend. Why was it so important that the main character rob the liquor store? I would think, being its a recap/journal entry, he would've confessed his reasons as if to justify them to himself or his readers.

"Open the register and give me the money."

I would take out the line "All through high school the worst I had done was attempt to skip English." - or change it to something else.

I think this journal/short story would read better if there was proper paragraphing.

Overall Opinion: I love zombies, so I quite enjoyed this read. I know where you were going with it. With a bit of work, this could be quite thrilling.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

536

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094465

Review of Random Poems

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Random Poems"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I liked the title of this poem. It got me wondering what sort of reflection the story would be centered around.

Style and Voice: I feel the author in this poem and can imagine your feelings.

Word Choice: Some words I liked his this poem:

Complete silence, complete solitude.

Equalizing the cold and hurt

Structure and Form: I like the free-verse form of this poem. I thought it flowed almost perfectly. The only line that seems just a little too long is Physical numbness the vast, beautiful lake

Overall: Overall I felt this was a pretty good poem and would like to thank you for sharing it with us. Keep up the good work.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

537

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094391

Review of You

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "You"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I feel this title's appropriate. A couple of alternatives I can think of are Broken and Broken Heart. Though I think it's pretty good how it is.

Style and Voice: Behind the pieces of this poem I hear your voice; heart on fire as it breaks in two. Excellent job.

Word Choice: I liked your word choice. I didn't feel you were cluttering it with a bunch of big words that are out of place.

Structure and Form: I think your rhyme is excellent, and your flow is pretty good. There are a couple of words I think you should take out. The reason being, is that the syllable count makes it a little clunky.

Your smell intoxicating

Smell intoxicating
To lose you would cripple me

Losing you cripples me

Overall: I like this short poem. I can't find anything else with it to improve upon. Keep up the good work, and keep writing!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

538

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094143

Review of Dreams Come True

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Dreams Come True"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Style and Voice: Very catchy. I can't place my finger one it, but the first stanza had me hooked. That's a great sign.

Word Choice: One line in particular stuck out to me: These are the times, I'd cherish the most.

Structure and Form: I can tell there is a distinct meter and flow with this, which makes me enjoy it all the more.

The flow started out really good with lines 1 and 2. At 3 and 4 you get rocky. Here's a breakdown so you can visualize:

Stanza 1
Line 1 + 2 - 8 syllables / 8 syllables
Line 3 + 4 - 9 syllables / 11 syllables

Stanza 2
Line 5 + 6 - 11 syllables / 11 syllables
Line 7 + 8 - 11 syllables / 9 syllables

I think if you kept a constant meter with syllable count this piece would flow much better. They syllables don't have to necessarily be exact per line but a pattern would help. This can easily be done with minor re-wording.

Imagery: Every stanza made me feel different and envision different things. From a cabin in the woods, to snuggling by a fireplace, to growing old with my partner.

Overall: I liked this poem a lot and look forward to future revisions. Thank you for sharing it, I look forward to reading more of your work.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

539

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094049

Review of Alice and the Illusionist (Introduction)

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Alice and the Illusionist (Introduction)"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: Good story. I felt the ending was a bit weak though. Do they hook up? What happens next? I would've enjoyed a little bit more. Where did the guy end up going?

Scene/Setting: I liked the setting, but I felt there was a bit missing. A card table was mentioned, but this is Vegas baby! What about the lights, the swarm of people, the atmosphere?

Characters:

Technical: Just a few things I spotted:

towards should be toward

and she gave a loud scream. - Maybe you could put and she gave another loud scream. as you've just pointed out she did before.

He walked back there and grabbed the man's shoulder. - This is a bit redundant as in the previous sentence you tell us he is walking back to them.

Nnow should be Now

What is your name, sir?"

Overall Opinion: A pretty good story with an interesting twist. I wonder what happened to that creepy guy. Keep up the writing!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

540

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094043

Review of Break This Heart

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Break This Heart"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: Sad, but true title, to this poem. I can't think of anything better to name it.

Style and Voice: Angry, hurt, but everything I'd expect with the ending.

Word Choice: Some of the words were a bit much, but I give you total props for not holding back. It was actually very well worded for the tone.

Structure and Form: Great rhyming couplet. I didn't syllable count it, because I thought it sounded good regardless of what I would've turned up.

Imagery: Well, I thought about that rash and sort of winced. Other then that, I think you captured the emotion pretty well.

Overall: A harsh, but realistic too, poem. Great job at writing this. Keep writing please!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

541

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094030

Review of Tireless Days Of Young

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Tireless Days Of Young"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I don't like the title. I either lost the connection that it had to the poem, or something else. It made me think of mobsters or people doing dirty work, and not in the non-literal sense that your poem expressed.

Structure and Form:

For '10' I would use 'ten' - spell it out.

Watch your contractions, you're missing them. (ie: at Cant should be Can't)

The hours meshed in to one ambiguous lump.

into

Keep watch on punctuation. If each line is a refrain, you don't really need to put a period after each. However, if you want to combine them for better flow you can mix them with commas.

Example:
Laying in grassy fields all day,
ignoring the school bell that rung.
Walking in no direction at all,
talking ten years ahead of our time.

Imagery: Good imagery centered around the conforming of youth.

Overall: With a bit of work I feel this could be a more moving piece. Let me know if you re-write this piece or edit it as I would enjoy reading it again. Thanks for sharing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

542

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094017

Review of she who unloves

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "she who unloves"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The only thought I have for the title of this is that it should be properly capitalized like the rest of the poem. Maybe even with a little dash there. She Who Un-loves.

Style and Voice: I like how this is presented. It could even make for great lyrics.

Word Choice: Some word choices I really enjoyed in particular are:

promises mornings caresses

pillows blue with desire

litanies incense

sweet feathery cage

Structure and Form: This free-verse is remarkably well laid out. I like how parts of it are indented and italic.

Overall: Great job, thank you for sharing this with us. And, HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

543

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094013

Review of My Four Seasons

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "My Four Seasons"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like this title, especially everything you've done in the poem.

Style and Voice: You have a wonderful gift with story-telling and words! I'm in utter shock!

Word Choice: I can't just pick one thing with this piece, me pointing out specific word phrases would not do it any justice.

Structure and Form: The flow and rhyme of this is so catchy. It was great to read! You did this very well.

Imagery: Brimming with it!

Overall: I kept laughing. This poem had me in absolute hysterics. What a wonderful job, I can't believe it hasn't received a ribbon yet! Also, HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

544

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3094003

Review of Dying for Love

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Dying for Love"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I was first wary of this title. That is, until I read the end.

Style and Voice: I like how you've managed to tell a story with this poem. Not many people can pull it off in the twisted dark way you have.

Word Choice: I had a hard time picking out exactly my favorite piece. I loved the whole thing.

Structure and Form: While I couldn't find a specific structure, meter, or rhyme, it had excellent flow.

Overall: What a deliciously cynical read. Thank you so much for sharing this, and everything, with us.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

545

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093995

Review of "I"

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry ""I""

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: Simple, short, to the point. Very fitting. I don't think you should change it.

Style and Voice: I like how it sounds like the Navajo is narrating.

Word Choice: Some word phrases in particular that I liked were:

Many arms, many fingers, all fragile,

Here I stand Tall and Proud.

My roots go deep,

Overall I feel this piece was well worded.

Structure and Form: This is a free-verse poem, and rightfully so.

Imagery: It was filled with imagery of a Navajo explaining not only their way of life but their view on life. From the sturdy body they rely on to mother earth, sky father, and much more.

Overall: Great job. Thank you for sharing this with us! The ribbon on this is well deserved. Oh, and HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY! *throws confetti*

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

546

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093951

Review of CRY

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "CRY"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like the title and think it's appropriate, but I'd like it more if it wasn't all capitalized.

Style and Voice: Interesting free-verse here. It's pretty simple, but I like how it turned out.

Word Choice: I liked how stanzas 1, 3 and 8 repeated.

Structure and Form: A couple of things that I think would help with the flow with this piece:

Triple dots

I dislike the triple dots. They only really work at the end of lines like you have them, but they also indicate a long pause. I think it would flow better without them.

In the 2nd stanza, last line, you break your form.

You can easily fix it by putting try on another line. Just like you do with the rest.

Stanza 4, 5, and 6

These could use commas after their first lines.

Last stanza

I think this would be fitting if you copied the stanza 1 and 3.
You'll
never
see me
cry

Overall: Thank you for sharing this with us. I thought it was pretty good. With some work, it could be even better.

547

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093860

Review of the afternoom clouds

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "the afternoom clouds"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: The title of this is fitting, but it needs capitalization, and the typo fixed. It should be The Afternoon Clouds.

Style & Voice: I like how you wrote this, and I feel you definitely have a style here. I liked how you described things especially, including the greedy pigeon and the men in the swanky car.

Scene/Setting: I liked the activities that were going on in London's square. It reminded me a bit of Seattle, with hot dog stands and other outdoor activities.

Characters: I wonder who those creepy men in the swanky vehicles are. You definitely have me wanting to read more!

Technical: A couple of minor things I noticed:

Sentence four is quite the run on. I'd try to break it down into two sentences.

they're the freshest in Lond...

The sentence after the that line of is also quite long and run-on.

3 begins with another rather long sentence.

Seconds later a human shape...

Overall Opinion: This is a pretty good looking story so far. If the rest of the chapters are looking to be around the same length it could make quite an interesting novella depending on how many chapters you put in. Thank you for sharing this with us!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

548

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093857

Review of My Professor in Sorcery

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "My Professor in Sorcery"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: The title seems fitting for the piece.

Style & Voice: The style of this story feels geared toward a younger audience. I'm not sure if the main character is really young, but he sounds it.

Technical: Some things I noticed:

medieval year - What does this mean, exactly?

I asked the young lady besides me. - besides should just be beside.

After knowing that, I felt sad.
Vampires should be burt
I've spotted several grammatical issues, spelling errors, and lines that don't make much sense to me from a reader's perspective. My suggestion is to possibly run this through an editing program like MS Word. You can also find a lot of free programs online.

Overall Opinion: Honestly, I feel like this short story needs a lot of work. I think the first step you should take is to fix all the technical errors in the story and repost it, and then see how the feedback is from there. With a lot of re-work I think this has potential, so don't give up on it.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

549

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093826

Review of Summer Storm

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Summer Storm"

.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: A great title, for a great short story about summer rain on the beach.

Scene/Setting: I feel the setting is mentioned here casually, but could be worked upon. Maybe in the beginning you could describe their surroundings a bit more. What are they seeing? Who are they seeing? Are others laying around, or are their kids splashing in the water? Etc.

Characters: This couple is pretty cute. I like how the playfully shrug off the storm instead of letting it ruin their plans.

Technical: I only spotted a couple of errors. One thing I saw a bit of was telling us instead of showing us. An example of this is where you said: ...and I glare in annoyance at the man... - Aside from small re-works like this, you did a pretty good job.

Overall Opinion: Thank you for sharing this with us, I enjoyed the read. It made me wish we had more warm rain here near Seattle. We've had a few times, but it's definitely more chilling than warm. Keep writing!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!

550

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093769

Review of Blood on my Hands

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Blood on my Hands"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like it.

Style and Voice: Again, you have a way of putting seemingly bland words together into something more meaningful. It's beautiful.

Word Choice: Anything I would say here would not do it justice, so all I will say is that every bit of it was great.

Structure and Form: Free-verse. Isn't it funny how even though it's fairly short, here I am sitting and typing more words saying how it made me feel than the actual poem was.

Imagery: Brimming with it.

Overall: Don't change a thing. This piece is just perfect. Happy WDC anniversary, once again!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!