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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
... to Thomas  , prompts are, how you say? Elitist, no?Prompts are like saying, "Here, I will tell you what to say, and you better like it!" The first recorded prompt in the United States happened around the Gulf of Tonkin incident in which many at the Pentagon were prompted to say "Yes, it happened". A more famous prompt heard every year around the Super Bowl is "I'm going to Disney Land". You won't find a prompt here. Oh no, sir or madame. Here I give you the evidence and you write what you want to. It's what I like to call ZACK'S PICTURE CAPTION CONTEST AND BOX SOCIAL That's right, write a caption to the picture below and if it makes me laugh more than I would at rednecks dressing "fancy" to eat at Red Lobster, I'll give you a surprise*. Here's the picture: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Good luck! *Surprise may include but not be limited to photos of Z on a beach in a speedo, clubbing a baby seal for its sweet, sweet nectar. |
| ... No! Today I teach you! As an undergrad who studied film, and now a grad studying international relations, I am particularly qualified in the field of foreign cinema. Don't ask me to explain how, just trust me, and whatever I say from now on. I have scoured this site looking for, as we all have, a wife, but instead found these international blogs. Here's a couple of not just blogs... but films to boot. Noa נעה 's "Invalid Item"  . I think the title pretty much sums it up. Writing in the first person, unlike the third as Zack is so often guilty of, Noa provides her take on Israeli affairs that may seem distant to us Americans. A FILM: There's this one Israeli movie I would highly recommend if I could remember the name of it, but I can't. So I recommend The Band's Visit & Beaufort. One classic and one contemporary pick. Dis-Ease  's "Invalid Item" .Writing from Japan, Dis-ease records the happenings of an American ex-pat raising his son with a language barrier standing in the way. A FILM: I could literally recommend a billion Japanese films, but that would be ridiculous, so here's a couple you'd never find without my help; Kamikaze Girls for the ladies and Gozu for the boys. I am an equal opportunity recommender. And that's it. Swing by and say shalom or konichiwa as the case may be. Now, if you had to live in another country what country would it be? I emphasize "had" here for the Americans who would try and patriot their way out of that question. "Ain't no sport like NASCAR and there ain't no country like Arkansas!" |
... to the moon. Way to be landed on this day forty years ago! I always knew if there was an extraterrestrial body that was going to be landed on, it was you, moon! And f k Pluto! Lying to us for years, trying to impress us as a planet, you know what Lifetime Movie Channel says, once a cheater always a cheater... and I used to think you were cool.[Rebuttal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heRn5n6z-Ck&feature=related] Unfortunately, this anniversary can not be celebrated with Walter Cronkite who has passed on. He was one of the last great newsman (Bill Moyers may be the last) and was replaced by Dan Rathers who was the first multi-million dollar anchor. Cronkite always thought that was the end of journalism's golden age, and frankly I agree. Reporting has been replaced by punditry, glitz and sensationalism. Does it seem like this is a bad year to be a media personality? Like flies, they're dropping! No one seemed to talk about Karl Malden much which is a shame cause he was an excellent actor. But then I'm a man out of time. If you asked me who should play me in my bio-pic, I'd say "Gene Kelly, cause my bio will be as musical and tap-dancey as my life was!"... or Torshiro Mifune, cause I could live with a sword play bio too. I used to admire and respect you mothers and fathers out there with kids. In fact, I would have to say your kids were my favorite as I never had to see them or listen to them in real life... but now your kids don't impress me so much. Until your babies can do what this kid can... speak not to me of your brood, breeder! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiNUkDnDMFA&feature=rec-HM-rn Who would play you in your bio-pic? Answer below. Extra points for esoteric answers and descriptions why. |
| ... your Sunday Hypothetical Hypothetically speaking, you are a soldier of fortune about to parachute behind enemy lines when your plane is shot down. You wake up in the debris to see your other soldiers, your wife/husband and your father have both been bitten by a poisonous snake while climbing from the wreckage! In the medical kit there's only one dose of life saving anti-snake serum.... who do you... with only one dose of serum... give the.... parachute to? |
| ... your SATURDAY STUMPER Kwai Chang Caine in the series Kung Fu was looking for his half brother named ______? |
| ... FAN-FICTION THEATRE FRIDAY... That's right, today's the day when we stand back and appreciate amateur versions of the stories we don't read the professional versions of. I can think of nothing more awesome than Fan-Fiction, and this week, because it's all the rage, I present to you an original work of fan fiction by me: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Mule. Here's an excerpt - Enjoy  Harry stood over Ron Weasley's bloody corpse. "Damnit! The Colombians are moving onto my turf!" The other members of the Potter Cartel knew Harry was lying, he was covering up for Hermoine who shotgunned Ron to death in an act of crack induced rage. Ever since Harry had gotten her chasing the dragon, she'd changed. She was though the best mule in the business, and Ron had been nothing but annoying. Oooo, enticing! It's a crime drama, I think there's a movie there. Sometimes though, fan-fiction goes too far. Like in this piece about Dora the Explorer by David McCullough entitled "Historically Speaking: Dora the Conquistador": Dora would have started her occupation by enslaving the native tribes. There would have been forced bible lessons and conversions. Gold, being the main purpose for her mission, would have been mined out in as large a quantity as the forced labor could muster. Who knows what diseases her monkey would bring to the virgin, new world. Historically speaking, all Spanish Explorers become Conquistadors. But perhaps my favorite pieces of Fan-Fiction were actually broadcast over the TV. They were written and performed by the cast of Fox News about President George W. Bush. You gotta respect the Fox, even though their favorite character is out of office, they still produce fiction like no other! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPr5IPRhiZ4&feature=PlayList&p=F3E1A060E0C37C2B&p... |
| .......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand - DRUNK (VICTORY) BLOG. Well, that's a lie. It's more like a BUZZED BLOG, which means, yes, I did lie to you. But it's not the first time. My real name isn't Zack, it's Sandoval, Sandoval Bulgingpants. Before our V-Ball game tonight, I had an eye doctors appointment. For like a month I have been rotating one contact between eyes, so I needed to really just go and get the freebie trial pair that comes with your check-up, but it was my first time seeing this doctor. First off, everyone was amazed, from the desk girl to the doctor himself, that I had come to see the Dr. in one contact. "You have only one contact?" "Yeah, I lost the other one jogging two days ago," I lied to them too. "So why are you here today?" "Ahem, please allow me to reintroduce myself as the guy with one contact." Eye doctors seem relatively pointless when it comes to the whole doctor-sphere. That's the one doctor you go to knowing you'll never hear the words "your cured". Eyes never get better, they get worse. Tonight, at our volleyball game, I freaking murdered some guy with a spike. Literally, the guy died, in his wife's arms, with his children crying near by, and it felt awesome. Tonight, compared to the past few weeks, was a good game. Primarily cause our rotation worked. When I'm near one of our girls who can set at the net, I freaking summon the power of Greyskull and just murder... flat out murder. Guess how many abs I'm showing in the comments below! |
... going to talk about baseball, St. Louis' awesomeness and what-not, but then I thought "Give back, Zack... give back". So now, for all of you who do so much for me, allow me to do a little for you. LADY PARTSA blog where I take a seat, cross my legs and answer some serious lady questions about men. I got a whole slew from "Manless in Montana", she's been eager for these answers, so let's get started.  Manless asks: Why is it so hard for men to say what they are actually feeling?That's a good question Manless. I can tell you, 100%, men do say how they are feeling, all the time, you probably weren't listening. Manless asks: Do men talk candidly about sex around other guys?We speak of sex the same way we speak of baseball stats, and there's no dream a man holds more dear in life than to be a third base coach, waving a teammate home. Manless asks: Why will guys flirt and flirt but it's always the woman who has to make the first move? Copping a feel is a first move, learn to enjoy and respect it. Manless asks: Why do all men hate Valentine's Day when they know they will get laid?It's because of statements like the one above. Men never have sex, or get laid, we make love. We are a gentle, romantic creature. The idea of having to trade a box of chocolates or wine and dinner for love making, ruins any romantic ideas. And, to us, turns our beloved into prostitutes, something we'd never ever let happen. So the next Valentine's Day when your husband or man-thing "forgets" to get you a Valentines Day gift, know it was because he respects you. So much so, that he won't even mention his feelings about your cheapening the romance of the day by bringing money and gifts into the love equation. I hope I was able to answer some questions, not just for Manless, but for you reading this as well. For an awesome "Man Line" that should be used in every lovers spat, you should go to Natalie 's blog and read "Invalid Item" entry #46.And finally, my average reader is single broads making less than 30k again! Finally! Talking to a bunch of married dames is like sparring with pads. And now that I've vomited sensitivity all over this blog, I'm probably like the most eligible WdC bachelor ever! Victory BeLcH! Line up ladies and take a number! |
| ... spun2sugar was back in St. Louis to see the Cardinals win the World Series. We had vague plans about where we were going to meet and at what time, for game 5 of the series. But as the game progressed, for whatever reason, I put off calling her and eventually just didn't. Drunk? Surely, but if you can't use that as an excuse in a car accident (or fertility accident) I don't see how I could then. I found out later that Sug, who had been struggling with addiction, had fallen in with an old crowd of hers here and then slipped off the wagon. Color me douche, I felt awful, and had wondered if I'd called her back if that could have been avoided. Then sometime last year, I wrote a blog about getting old and sucking at 27 under the title "The 27 Club". April got the reference and then called, commented and e-mailed to make sure I wasn't going Kobain. It was the call though, that I never returned, and now again I feel awful. Her voicemail lost in the depths of "skipped messages", and now I can't call her back at all. However many times we talked on the phone, I think I dialed her number maybe twice. Sug was always calling me, and when she left a message, she didn't wait for me to call back, she called me back later. I'm a lazy friend, if you can have lazy friends. We tend to think of "friend" being a verb, it's a proactive adjective. If you're not involving yourself then you're just a fan. I think it's just that you don't expect someone about your age to die. This year, for the first time ever, I took Sugar off the blog links on my page. And I remember thinking, "I'll put her back when she comes back", cause she had come and gone quite regularly. I'm not trying to eulogize as I'm sure there's no shortage of that going on. I don't think I deserve to even try after yesterday's joking here. I think all I really want to do is apologize to April, I should have called back, I should have called more often, and I should have definitely called back for game 5. I'm sorry, you were a better friend than I deserved. |
| ... the WdC world mourns the loss of one of its national sons. Z.˚rz , after a long, brave battle with beard cancer, finally succumbed this morning at his Zackerland Ranch, he was only 14 years mature and 28 years old. A methodist by birth and ragamuffin by trade, young Z took on odd jobs such as shoe-shine, boot-black and pump-peddler all to earn enough for his very first pencil. Hearing that WdC was just the place for an attention hungry, arts & crafts enthusiast such as himself, he joined the site. His blog, The Manifesto Remix, primarily concerned with his sexual exploits and gambling mishaps, became a cult hit among Eskimos. His humor, while, always lacking, garnered many an applause for its effort. Z's biggest comedic influence, he said, was the forerunner to Monty Python's Flying Circus, BBC 2's Montgomery Boa Constrictor's Grounded Nickelodeon. More so than his humor will Z.˚rz be remembered for his politics. A staunch supporter, and life time member of the NRA, when asked his life's motto he replied, "Shoot first! I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6!" Later in his WdC career the demons caught up with him. For years, weighed down by an addiction to LPGA Tour Events, he was forced to check himself into the Betty Ford Lincoln Mercury Center. His writings suffered and his last efforts such as PolyPsycho, which was rarely visited, and the image forum Boobs For Beads: WdC's Never Ending Mardi Gras will now unfortunately define his legacy. It's through his earlier works though that much of his influence can still be seen. His autobiography Rich, Republican and Redacted: My Life At God's Right Hand is still regarded as the "best autobiography written by either of my sons" according to his mother. He leaves us all too soon... Good night sweet Prince! May you finally find the peace that you could not here. He is survived by DDWearsmeout WHO ALWAYS AGREED WITH EVERYTHING HE EVER SAID IN HIS BLOG EVER. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS DDWearsmeout SAID, "ABSOLUTELY 100%, I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING Z.˚rz EVER SAID (so did Tor).My tombstone would read: "Here Lies Z.˚rz , One Suave FK". Tell me in the comments what yours would read! |
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