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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| Well, I've thought about making entries, but I haven't really felt motivated to do so. I don't really now, but I thought if I started typing that maybe something would come to me to write about. I don't know why I haven't really felt like sharing anything lately. Not that there's been much to share. We've been really busy at work lately. That will cut down on how much my mind wanders during the day and thus, I'll not think about anything I could make an entry about. There's been so much sickness and with the student budget already cut, it leaves us very busy. During the day anyway. At night things still slow down a bit. I'm grateful that I have yet to catch a cold or illness this season. I hope that keeps up. Before working here, I didn't get sick all that often, but once I started here, I got at least one nasty or annoying illness during the winter. I think since I deal with the public so much more, it made me more susceptible to germs. Maybe my body's gotten used to it now. But the season isn't over yet. Blah. I'm trying to get back into writing. I've been slacking a bit the last couple of weeks. I think it may have been me getting used to the medication I'm taking now. I think it was just making me sleepy at times during the day, so I would just sit around and end up doing nothing. Sometimes taking a nap when I could. I did work on Strawberry Moon before work yesterday and I was upset that I had to stop so I could get to work. So that's a good sign. I think I should forage for food before I have to go to work. Have a good one. |
I am once again going through a book list that the media librarian gave me to check against what we have in the collection. Our area is for the educational majors, so our collection is basically youth books. If we don't have any of the books listed under younger readers, I'm supposed to fill out a purchase request automatically. The cool thing is, she's leaving it up to me whether or not request items we don't have from the older reader list. So, I'm probably putting way to much effort into it. I'm looking up the books on Amazon and Goodreads.com, but for some reason, goodreads connection is sucking and I can't access it at the moment. The one day at work I have something to keep me busy the whole shift and that happens.  Since our collection isn't geared to youth but instead to the education majors, it affects the choices I'm making. With the fiction books it's really a tough call. Since the list comes from ALA, all the books are getting fabulous reviews for the most part, but will an education major really need that much fiction for their lessons? Especially the upper level classes? The Hunger Games is getting so much love, it's making me never want to read it. (I'm weird that way.) While I can accept it's a good read, I can't see where a lot of student teachers would need it. Now, if they were making a movie out of it, it might change my mind. Once a book is being made into a movie, requests for it pile up. That's why I suggested long ago to the media librarian that we get the His Dark Materials trilogy. Well, we had one book, I think, and I suggested we get the rest. We did. I have all three books in one giant one. I'm actually really enjoying this. I've known for awhile that I would like the collection development part of being a librarian, but those positions are few and far between. I just can't believe she left this part to my discretion. That's probably one reason I'm putting a lot of thought into it. I want to make sure I make the best decision I can. I find I want to go out and read the books before I decide, though. While that may seem like the best way to make such a decision, it's not practical as there are so many books to go through. I suppose another option I would like is to talk to someone I know who's read them, but since they're youth books, I don't think I'm going to find too many people who have. |
| The view count on my blog isn't working. It says there have only been two views between the last two entries, yet I have three comments. After the first comment, the view count didn't go up at all. Not that the view counts have ever been that reliable anyway. If you have something in book format, it's possible for the chapters to get views that don't count towards the book views. In order for that to happen, you have to have a link to the chapter which is how my review forums are set up. Not to mention that on static items, after someone sends you a review, it ends up counting another view. Anyway, I don't have much to say. It was a rainy, dark day and that's pretty much been my mood today. I didn't want to get out of bed, and I'm thinking, I probably should have stayed there. It hasn't been a bad day, I'm just in a bad mood. So, I guess I'll call it an entry right now. I can't think of anything else to say. |
I've meant to say something the last few days about my visit to the doctor last week. Yesterday, I just got so upset at trying to find a ride, I had to get out the frustration. I did eventually get a hold of my sister. Apparently her Sunday sucked as well. My grandmother finally found the car title in the space of two hours when she hadn't been able to find it for three weeks.  So, now every other Sunday should run smoothly.I saw the doctor again last Thursday. She decided to put me on an anti-anxiety drug which is also an anti-depressant. She gave me samples for six weeks and I'm supposed to go back in a month to see how it's going. I've always been of two minds about getting samples from the doctor. On the one hand, yea, don't have to pay for it. On the other, the drug company is probably encouraging the doctor to use their drug, so there's that seed of doubt whether or not this is the best solution. I would have liked to find a solution that doesn't involve taking a pill, but the doctor said if the pill doesn't work, then she'll refer me to a counselor or something. To me that seems backwards. I know medical doctors are supposed to have this reputation for relaying on medicine instead of psychiatry, but still... Since it was samples she gave me, I had no information on the drug. I found out it takes 1 to 4 weeks to work. I'm only on day 5. I had a bad panic attack again on Friday night and I was even more freaked because I thought the drug wasn't doing any good. Benn wanted to go get wings at BW3s which is a bar type place. I didn't want to go out. When we were seated, I just couldn't sit down. Thankfully, we were at a table with high stools so it didn't look so odd. I was having hot flashes and thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't calm myself. We ended up getting the stuff to go and as soon as I exited the building I was feeling better. I don't think I was thinking about being cooped up in busy bar with people, but yet as soon as I got out of there I felt better. When I got home, I looked up the drug on the internet and was much relived on some level at finding out it takes awhile for it to take effect. On another, I had a break down as I began to accept that I may have issues. I don't like being this way. I don't know how I got this way. I had these symptoms before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and I got over it. So obviously, it's not something that's always bugging me. In some ways, I think I'm worse now that doctor suspects that I have an anxiety and panic disorder. Then I still worry that's not the real problem, but that could be the disorder talking. Benn was talking to a co-worker who is on the same drug for being bi-polar and schizophrenic, she said the drug can mess with you anyway until it takes effect fully. That's not encouraging either. I hope it doesn't take me a full month to grow accustomed to it. I feel like such a mess. Today, Benn was saying that I need to unwind. He says I keep too much bottled up. As I pondered that, I realized that's it been awhile since I just had fun. I've been relaxed and content when I'm not anxious, but I honestly don't know the last time I had fun. I've laughed and enjoyed things, but actually doing something that could just be classified as fun? So, that's what's been going on with me the last few days. I think I need to go focus on something else for awhile. Or try to. |
| Everything seems to be conspiring to ensure that I cannot get a ride home tonight. My sister never seems to be around on the weekend, but this time when I call her phone it's acting funny. So I thought I'd call my parents to get her cell phone number, but their number is busy. My parents never talk to anyone! Seriously, who are they talking to... my sister probably... I tried to get a ride from someone at work, but the only two people with shifts similar to mine today are leaving early for various reasons. There is one friend we've recently made connect with again that I could call, and I've done it before, but he just got out of the hospital last week and I'd feel like an ass if I called him asking for a ride. That pretty much leaves me calling a taxi. Which is fine I guess. I just don't know why it's taking my family so long to find the title to grandma's car. I honestly thought we would have had it by now. I. Hate. Sundays. I dare say, I hate them more than I hated Mondays when I had M-F jobs. Okay, just found out that my sister and her husband use their phone line for the internet, so that explains a lot. Still haven't reached her yet, though. Her cell phone is turned off and I left a message on my BIL's cell. Geez... |
| One of my student assistants had to sign something again. So when I typed this out in my nightly e-mail to my boss, I put that he had resigned it. But I realized that it was a different word entirely. To resign doesn't mean to sign something again. At least when I looked it up, it didn't offer that as a possible alternate definition. So I spelled it re-sign. You think you figure out all of English's little quirks... |
| I feel a little bad for not responding to comments in my blog lately or leaving comments in other blogs. I know I rarely feel moved to comment anyway, but I am reading. Just feel like being even more quiet than usual I guess. I also haven't felt moved to make any blog entries lately either. The weird thing is, ever since I started keeping this blog, several times a day I think about writing the current issue/event I'm going through. I imagine how I'm going to say it and what tangents to go off on. Then rarely do I ever write about it. Usually because the day has moved on and I think of something else by the time I can add an entry. Even when I don't feel adding an entry, I still think about writing one at some point during the day. There are some topics I think of that I'm worried might be too controversial. I really don't think there are too many who read this blog who would angrily disagree with me anyway. All the same, I usually don't like to risk confrontation. Really, I just felt bad for not responding to some comments lately. I know it's not a huge deal, but I think I need to get a little bit better about it. |
| Yeah, I know, about half the other months have the same amount of days as January, but I still say it's a long ass month. Not that it's been bad. It's already better than last January. I think it's just because I don't like winter and I can't wait for March to get here. Not that spring always starts when it's supposed to. February used to be my favorite month. Mostly because it's my birthday month and when I was in elementary school, I actually liked Valentine's Day. In elementary school, our class was divided into threes for holidays. Which meant, you would bring in treats for the holiday group you were part of and I almost always was in the Valentine group. I'm thinking it may have had to do with my last name being in the latter part of the alphabet. There was also something I liked about the red, pink and white colors too. Then in sixth grade, when students started pairing up, girls got special gifts from their sweetie and Valentine's Day started to suck. Now, I'm fairly indifferent. This is also the last day of my vacation. It is sooooo nice not to have to work on a Sunday. I don't think I can explain enough how much Sundays suck. If we ever get grandma's car like we're supposed to, it won't be quite as bad. But I still have to get up way to early and Sunday days are so slow. Sunday night is a different story as all the students realize they have something due on Monday, but I leave at 6:30pm on Sundays. I got some writing mojo back last night. That felt good. I've been struggling with getting out the next part of Moon for awhile, but it flowed rather easily last night. Still needs work though, but the main chunk is out. For some reason, I almost find it easier to work on my writing when I go back and work with what I have written already. I think that's all. I'm rather eager to get back to writing. |
| I don't know why, but I'm feeling bitchy. Today has already started with a bitter taste in my mouth and I don't think it's going away. I'm getting annoyed really easily. Mat is annoying my cat which is really starting to piss me off. He so deserves to get bit or scratched. Just so you know, Mat hasn't moved out yet. The place he was going to move into looked 'shady'. *sigh* I should have known better than to agree to let him move in. I think Craig is getting annoyed with him on some level. They've both living out of his room. They hardly come downstairs. I don't know why. Mat isn't exactly endearing himself to me or Benn. The boy can't stop eating. All of Craig's boyfriends seem to end up selfish bastards. Mat really did seem different. Maybe I'm not being fair. After all, I'm in a sour mood at the moment anyway. Tonight we're supposed to go back to one of Benn's co-workers to start up the martial art training again. We haven't done it weeks due to holidays and such. I haven't really done any practicing on my own. I hope to get some reviews done today. I don't know why, but lately it seems like its harder for me to get reviews done. Really the previous two days off haven't been bad. Although our trip to Indy last night kinda sucked. I did find the second trade for Buffy, so it wasn't a total loss.  We went to a restaurant in the next town over called the The Nile. We hadn't been there in years. So we decide to go on the night when snow was falling like crazy. But Benn has no problem driving in it. The Nile serves Mediterranean food. Specifically Greek, Egypt and Turkey like dishes. Technically, Mediterranean could include Italian, French and Spanish too. It was tasty as always. I think that's all for now. |
| I put this here so I can find it easily when I get home, but I thought there may be those, somewhere out there, who might enjoy it too. http://www.sloshspot.com/blog/01-24-2009/Kurt-Vonnegut-Motivational-Posters-107 |
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