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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
Not sure what I'm going to say at the moment. I'm just not looking forward to the drive to work. It's snowing. I'm going to have to clean off the car and then drive in it. I'm hoping that the streets are clear enough. The apartment parking lot isn't. I haven't seen any school closings or anything, so I guess the roads must be clear enough. The university won't close for this amount of snow. Even it did, the library wouldn't. We're considered an essential service and must remain open.  To me, an essential service would be like dining service, but they get more breaks than we do. I think the theory behind the library being an essential service has to do with students needing to study, but not many students are going to brave the weather just to do homework. Even if they live on campus. And one day without the library isn't going to severely effect their studies. I was going to leave a little early anyway, as the cats are out of food and I need to pick up some more. They barely had enough this morning. I still haven't heard back about any of the tests yet. I thought I would have heard about the blood tests by now. The past couple of days, I've been feeling much better, but I've still had a few 'episodes'. For lack of a better word. They haven't been very bad either. I finished the 'first' round of revisions to Chasing. I'm preparing to start over again from the beginning. I've been working on the sequel too this week. I'm taking some vacation time at the end of the month and so is Benn. That'll be during our anniversary week. Not sure if we're doing to anything though. I need to renew my membership on WDC this month. I plan on doing that on Friday, I think. The second Mistborn book came yesterday and they're only giving me until Feb. 1 to finish it. I should be able too, but I also got the next Sandman graphic novel on Sunday and I have until Feb. 22 to finish it. I can have the graphic novel done in a day... Makes no sense. One of my friends also gave me the first three books of the Dresden Files. I'm not very far along in the first book, but I'll have to set it aside to get the Mistborn book read in time. I will say that so far the Dresden Files seems to have some of the same things going on as the Anita Blake novels. Both have main characters that have supernatural powers that they market and both work on retainer for the police. And the crime scenes always seem to be gruesome. I suspect that the Dresden files aren't going to turn into hard erotica. I hope that Dresden isn't going to turn into a Mary Sue character like Anita did. I guess we'll see. Benn read some of the first book while I was at the doctor's the other day and he said that he thought Dresden was a sorta jerk and he didn't like him very much. So far, I haven't been turned off by him. I'm still in the curious getting to know the book phase. *sigh* I'm going to have to get ready for work soon and brave the snow. Blah. I really wish the bus ran until I got off work. It would make things so much simpler... |
| Okay, so I went to the doctor's this morning to get fitted with the heart monitor thingy. I think it's technically a portable EKG, but whatever. I wore this big, black buttoned down shirt I have, because I thought it would hide it nicely, and it does do that for the most part. However, I wore my pants that have no pocket and the little monitor doesn't have a clip. The nurse said they used to have clips and belts, but now that don't... Not sure why, but whatever. We didn't have time to run back home for other pants, so we stopped at Big Lots and I found a pair of black jeans. They were six bucks and a little short. After I wash them, they will be really too short, but hey, they were six bucks. I don't think you can tell they're jeans either which is a plus, because technically we're not supposed to wear jeans to work, but under the circumstances, I think the higher powers that be would understand. That's nothing compared to me not having a bra on. hehe. The nurse told me I couldn't wear a bra while I had this thing on. I don't think anyone call tell with this shirt, but I feel so naughty running around work with no bra on. I feel like a rebel or something. I wouldn't think this would feel so liberating, but it does. I'm supposed to keep a journal of symptoms as I'm wearing this. And I am, but today's the best I've felt in a long time. As of yet, I've had nothing as severe as I've had in the last couple of weeks. Figures. Not that I want to ever have anything like that again, but I'm thinking what's wrong with me can't be detected by this monitor thing anyway. I think this is just a part of covering all the bases. I've wondered for the longest time if it's my thyroid. I hope the tests that they're doing for it are more extensive than the ones they do for the yearly physical. I've read at least one article about where some doctors don't do enough testing for thyroid issues and chalk up the patients' symptoms to psychological issues. I know my grandmother had a thyroid condition, but I'm not sure what kind. Anyway, bra-less! Woot! |
| Just to be clear, the link in the previous entry was for humor. I'd never actually use that as a sig unless I knew the person well enough to know they'd find humor in it. And even then, I'd think twice about it. I just got a rather bizarre comment for one of my poems. All the person said was that he/she really didn't understand it. Which I find weird because to me, it's probably the one with the clearest meaning. They gave me a one star and left it at that. If I was more concerned about my poetry, I might be a little ticked. Even if they didn't understand it, I'm sure they could have given better comments than that. Here's the poem if you're curious: "He Was Okay Once"  I wrote it high school and for the longest time, I thought it was the best thing I had ever written. Now if someone had made that comment about some of the other poetry in my port, I'd totally understand. At one point, I was trying to write epic, deep metaphor type stuff and I don't think the results were all that great. Anyway, I had a three day weekend. I had taken Thursday off. I didn't get much accomplished at all. I should have finished the revisions of the last chapters of Chasing. I have it all down on paper, I just need to put in the Word document. I should have been able to finish a couple of chapters in the Strawberry Moon novel. I worked on both a little bit, but I should have got more done. I know why I didn't. I don't think I've really mentioned it here, but the last month or so, I've been a little worried about my health. There have been a few times where I feel like I'm going to pass out. That's about the only consistent thing. I don't want to go into a lot of details about my medical history as that's rather boring. I did go to the doctor on Friday and she pretty much ruled out it was a heart thing. Although, tomorrow, I have to go back to the office to be fitted with a heart monitoring thing and wear it for 24 hours. I'm having blood work done. She said the results should be in on Monday. I've debated that a lot of this could be in my head. On one hand, I want them to find something so we can fix it, on the other hand, I don't want to be sick. I definitely don't want to find out that it's something fatal. I'm of the theory that there is something wrong and when I sensed something wrong, I would work myself up to the point of having a panic attack. Ever since the doctor visit, I've felt weak at times, but I haven't gotten that worked up over it. But it is keeping me from working on my writing. This weekend, I've been treating myself like a china doll. I think in some cases, that's making me feel worse. It could just be the loneliness I've experienced over the holidays. There have been times at work, where I'm by myself for hours. My co-workers are elsewhere, there are no patrons to help. I've said before that if I'm alone too long, I can end up depressing myself. In some ways, having nothing to do at work is more stressful than being constantly busy. I'm guessing there are some people who wouldn't understand that statement. The semester starts tomorrow and there have been times in the past day or so where I feel like myself again. Hopefully, I'll be fine soon. The weird thing is, I feel like I need a change of scenery, but I don't feel like going anywhere... Not that I have the money to go anywhere, anyway... |
| The fantasy selection at my library sucks. Fine, I work at an academic library. So of course there's not going to be much in the way of fiction period. That's why I've been using interlibrary loan. But I need something to read while I wait. I am reading Dune now, but I'll probably be done with it soon. I have to say, I'm not really that impressed with it. In fact, there are parts that I'm just skimming over. One of my faithful reviewers told me it was the most immersive book he's ever read. I just don't see it. He told me to read it as an example. The story line is good. There's no denying that. And there are interesting things such as the religion and the planet. But it has failed to immerse me. First, I don't care for the way that the omnipresent narration is used. It ends up repeating the same damn information or spoon feeding the reader as if we couldn't figure some of the stuff out for ourselves. Early on in the book when Jessica is talking to the doctor, he thinks about his wife being killed. Then Jessica thinks, oh, his wife must be dead. Then the doctor is oh, she figured out that my wife is dead. I mean, really? Do you think his wife is no longer amongst the living? That sort of thing just kills the immersion for me. Another problem I have is that I haven't really connected to a character yet. I do like Jessica, but I have a feeling she's going to die. By the third chapter, the reader has pretty much been told that the Duke is going to die. I'm surprised at how long it took to kill him. Since I knew he wasn't go to be around, I didn't allow myself to get attached to him. I think that maybe one of the worst things you can do as an author. From the get go, point out who's going to die. I guess it could work if it were done correctly, but for the most part, I think it takes something away from the story to just declare 'this person will die' from the start. Now if you give the reader time to connect to the character and then suggest death... well, I think that can really draw the reader in. I can't really bring myself to like Paul. Maybe I should say care. I guess I don't dislike him, but I care about him like I would care about a stranger in a news story. You briefly feel bad for the poor person, but you move on. I'm still a little misty eyed about what happened to one of the characters in Mistborn. I can still remember how I felt about characters' fates in Harry Potter. But in Dune, I'm just mildly curious. Some parts of the book are just boring to me. When they're discussing strategy and politics it's just dry. It's not because I don't enjoy reading about politics. I've read plenty of books with such things, and I've enjoyed it. Well, I thought about doing an entry on Dune, I just wasn't expecting to do it tonight. I will give it this much kudos, I do enjoy reading a sci/fi story where there's not an over abundance of technology. Often sci/fi just feels too sterile for me, but Dune isn't like that. It does feel more 'real' in that aspect and I can appreciate that. |
| So, last night, I had this dream where a Godzilla-like beast was terrorizing campus. Actually, it probably looked more like a T-Rex... For some reason, the thing to do was to hide in a building when it came to campus. I'm not sure what the safest course of action would be if a giant lizard attacked the town, but unless you go to the basement of the building, I'm not sure a building would provide much safety... I know what I'd do in the case of zombies, vampires and werewolves... but giant lizards... Anyway, in the dream, I did not hide in the basement, I cowered with everyone else on the first floor. Several of these attacks occur and the last one, the lizard just comes crashing into the building. I stared at it afraid to move, but hoping it would turn in the direction opposite from me so I could run. It did and I took off, but as I'm running away, all these eggs hatch with baby giant lizards. I'm also trying to follow a friend in the dream. I can't remember if that person is someone I really know or not. Anyway, as the little lizards are hatching, that's when I wake up, with my heart beating a mile a minute. I get up, use the restroom and go back to sleep, but my mind is still dwelling on the dream. I don't wish to continue to dream about the big lizard and its children, but I do anyway. The middle dream is more of the same. But in one of the attacks, Benn is there and we're running from it through the parking garage and its head gets stuck. Of course, it eventually frees itself. The last dream is a little odder. For some reason, the campus is celebrating Chinese New Year and it's 2015. There are still baby lizards, but I don't know if they're dangerous or not, but they were kinda cute. I woke up before discovering if they were like they're momma or not. There were still attacks going on from the big lizard, and I was wondering why no one had taken care of it by now. I assume the first dream occurred in the present. Six years and no one had found a solution to the problem... They were such vivid dreams that they're sticking with me today. Here's the weird thing: I was a junior in high school when Jurassic Park came out in the theaters. Before it came out, the English teachers at my high school thought it would be a good idea to have the juniors read the book. I don't know if it was or not, but I enjoyed reading it. The first dangerous lizard dream I had was around this time. It was about those raptors from the movie. They had gotten into my grandma's house. Scared the hell out of me. Ever since then, on occasion, I'll have dreams about dinosaurs existing in the modern world and attacking people or I'll have the Godzilla-like dreams. They do happen few and far between, but I wonder if that means anything. I had no reason to dream about giant lizards last night. Yesterday was lizard-free. I have no fear of lizards. Anyway, other than the first one scaring the crap out of me, I guess it made for an interesting night. |
| One more week until the semester starts and on Monday, The Daily Show and Colbert Report will return. It's probably sad I'm a little excited about that, but there it is. I think there's more to it than just seeing new episodes. It's a sign that things are returning back to normal. I don't often have as many holiday plans as others, but I'm still affected by everyone else's moods and such. How can you not notice how the world seems to pause for two or three weeks? For some reason, my writing's slow downed during this time. It's like pulling teeth to get me to start working on something. It's not writer's block. I know what I need to revise. I know what I need to write, I just need to sit down and do it. Yesterday, I did start on a new chapter for Strawberry Moon. Once I got going, I was fine for the most part and getting back into the grove. It's just a matter of forcing myself to do it. It doesn't help that I found Scramble on Facebook. I just love playing it. I don't know how different that is from me playing Free Cell instead as a distraction. Except Scramble is timed and Free Cell I can stop playing and come back to it. As far as Free Cell goes, it can help when I come to a rough spot in my writing. While I'm moving the cards about, I'm thinking how to solve the problem and it usually works. I don't think I can say the same for Scramble. But I expect the shininess of that will soon fade. I'm slowly revising the final chapters of Chasing. I'll be going back to the beginning which means I need to renew my researching of agents and publishers. I'd like to start submitting it this year. I think it's time to take that jump. I'd like to get back to that short story and submit it while I'm at it. The fire is slowly stirring again, so that's a good sign... |
| I just finished Mistborn yesterday by Brandon Sanderson. It's the best book I've read since American Gods. I'm looking forward to reading the next book in the series. While I was waiting to go work, I reread parts of Mistborn to attempt to analyze it- to see what I could learn from it. I did catch a few editing mistakes by the way. I'm beginning to think every published book must have mistakes, but our brains often fill in missing words or letters so we don't notice, but now that I'm being a little more critical when I read, I'm noticing these things more. One thing I noted, was that on the same page, the author would repeat, he said quietly or she said quietly. This happened on more than one page. Now, there are some things that reviewers here would call him out for. First, it was repeated so close together. Second, quietly is an adverb. Third, whisper or murmur would be a better word choice. A part of me has always disagreed with the last one. To me, there is a difference between whispering something and saying it quietly. Not always. There are instances where I feel either would suffice. Here's the thing, though, when I read it the first time, I didn't notice. I was too caught up in the story and the fact that the repeats didn't jerk me out of it, says something, I think. I don't know. I know my writing has improved by following the rules that have been told to me. I also know that every time I read a published work by a successful author, I find a lot of things that I would be called out for here. That doesn't mean the author couldn't improve. I saw today spots in Sanderson's writing where I would cut a few things and they would sound a little better. I guess finding these flaws in published works makes me feel a little better about my own writing and makes me believe I have a chance. Whereas some reviews I get, make me think I'll never be able to get it up to snuff. I'm not saying these things because I want to go back to lazy, insipid writing, but I think if you focus on the rules too much, your writing's going to lose something that way too. Anyway, Mistborn is a good book. Go read it. Most public libraries do interlibrary loan. It's the first time in awhile a book has made me cry. |
| but right now, it seems right. If you'd rather the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNF1a-ZG1uc A long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving Oh the days go by so fast And it's one more day up in the canyons And it's one more night in Hollywood If you think that I could be forgiven I wish you would (Na na na, etc. yeah) The smell of hospitals in winter And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls All at once you look across a crowded room To see the way that light attaches to a girl And it's one more day up in the canyons And it's one more night in Hollywood If you think you might come to California I think you should (Na na na, etc. yeah) Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 a.m. And talked a little while about the year I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself To hold on to these moments as they pass And it's one more day up in the canyon And it's one more night in Hollywood It's been so long since I've seen the ocean I guess I should (Na na na, etc. yeah) -Counting Crows, A Long December |
So, I'm not spending the rest of the day putting the living room together. The living room won't be ready for that until Monday. So, I'll pretty much be living out of our bedroom for the next few days.Which I guess isn't so bad, but still... I just wish I had gotten a better night's sleep last night. Hopefully that means I'll sleep better tonight so Sunday won't suck.  |
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