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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| I swear, I shouldn't be left alone to my own thoughts for very long. When I came back from lunch, I was in this wonderful, everything's clear mood. I had that need-to-save-the-world feeling I get from time to time. I know it sounds silly, but there have been times in my life, that I was certain if I was at the right place at the right time and could do the right thing, all would be good with the world. I like those moods because I have energy, but it does make me restless and if I'm trapped at work, or some other location I must show restraint, I nearly burst. I swear I could do magic or fight off hordes of evil with a sword... Then I get several lyrics from Meatloaf songs in my head... Yeah, I'm sure it sounds corny, but it's good for brainstorming and helps me get tasks done. I did at least four reviews today. I stopped because I felt I had done what I need to do review wise. But I should have kept going, because then I couldn't decide what to do. Then I started to think about things and I started to depress myself. So I started this blog entry in order to redirect my thought process. It is something I've noticed about myself. If I'm alone too long, I can really bring myself down. That's one reason Benn's twelve hour shifts suck when I have the whole day off. It's not like it happens every time I'm alone, but I think I do need to keep myself distracted a lot. I think since joining WDC, I do manage to keep myself distracted with my writing. There are just reasons I can't do that at the moment... In about an hour, I should be able to. Hm... Okay, I think I can go move on to something else now... |
| {sarcasm} Compare your writing skills to mine and then kill yourselves: Tonight the sky was clear and he could see the stars clearly. {/sarcasm} I found that little gem as I was going over one of the chapters that I had written for the second Chasing book and my sarcastic self clapped and said, "Bravo." I should go over all the stuff I've taken out of my stories and put something together to enter that Dark and Stormy Night contest... People get I'm joking between the sarcasm tags, right? |
| I think I decided that I will probably read the Twilight books. Or at the very least, give the first one a try. But, first one of two things needs to happen. Either, I'm going to wait until the are no more holds here at the library on the first one or I'm going to wait until I get to a used bookstore that sells them cheaply. Although, I'll admit, Meijer had them pretty darn cheap, but now that the movie is coming out, the cover is from the movie. I prefer the cover with the apple on it. Yeah, for this, I'm going to be that petty. I never completely trust the books that come out right before or after the movie anyway, because sometimes they edit the book to fit the movie. The only problem with waiting for the book at the library is that there is a long waiting list. It wouldn't be so bad if people would remember to cancel their holds. In a lot of cases, people find the book elsewhere but don't bother to cancel their hold. We hold books for ten days for the patron to pick up. I think it's a safe bet to say there are about twenty people on the list. So you can kinda see how long it may take before there are no holds on the book. Another think I can't decide is if I want to decorate our townhouse for Christmas. I haven't decorated for Christmas or Halloween in years. Now that we have a townhouse, I could get a big tree. I like decorating, but it's always a little sad to take the decorations down. I'm one of those people that take the decorations down as soon as I can after Christmas, because to me, it's sadder leaving them up. I'm weird that way. We don't get any visitors really, so I would only be decorating for myself. I don't think Benn or Craig care either way. I could be wrong about Craig though. If it makes me happy, Benn won't care. Then there are other issues such as, are the cats going to see the tree has a new toy? I've never put up any tree since we got Raish and he's probably about four years old now. I did have a small tree up with Una around and she knocked it over. Once. I think it scared her so much she learned her lesson. I always want to enjoy Christmas. I held out hope for the longest time that each Christmas might be something wonderful. But after years of disappointment, I kinda gave up. Although, if I had truly given up, I would have gotten rid of the Christmas decorations that are now sitting in my closet. But I do like the lights and the crystal and glass ornaments. Maybe I should take all those symbols and bring them back to their pagan roots... Maybe if I look at it more like a winter solstice thing... Or I just like shinys... I think all those Christmas movies and holiday specials warped my mind as a child. I don't do it anymore, but I used to have Christmas lights up all year round just because I like the way they look. Now you can buy stands of all one color and you can change the mood of a room very easily by playing around with things like that. Anyway those are some of my more frivolous thoughts I've been having lately. I've been really gong ho on working on the Chasing series again. The revisions are taking me longer on the last few chapters, because I'm starting to fill them out a little more. I just hope I'm not tampering with them too much. I'm really itching to work on the second book. Which I have been little by little, but now I just want to forget all else and do nothing but work on it. Mostly because the third book is begging to come out... |
| http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27669362/ I mean, ag... ah... I could... Is it even worth dignifying with conversation? Does Batman even mean the same thing in their language? It took them 69 years to say something? ...This is the kind of stuff Lewis Black talks about that rolls around in the back of your mind and causes you to have a stroke... |
| I have not slept well the past two nights. Friday night, whenever I was just about to drift off into sleep, I would jerk awake from panic or from my heart beating faster. Which is something that isn't unusual, it's something that has happened throughout my whole life, but never often enough that I felt it required medical attention. In fact, this maybe the first time it's happened since we moved into the townhouse. Last night, it was a slightly different story. I just couldn't get comfortable and my mind wouldn't shut down. I'm sure I fell into the first stages of sleep, but I never got into the dreaming part until after 4am. The weird thing was my mind kept thinking about Acacia, the novel I've been reading. I finished it just before going to bed. I guess I should have taken the time to veg out watching TV or something to let my mind calm down. For whatever reason, in that hazy falling to sleep zone, my mind kept returning to the novel. I guess there were some things about the novel my brain felt needed to be resolved. I did note, that once my husband came to bed on both nights, I feel asleep pretty quickly. Lately, he's been staying up playing Final Fantasy XI. I think it's starting to annoy me that he's staying up so late. I hate not getting enough sleep on Saturday night, because even if I get a decent amount, Sunday's are usually sluggish enough since I have to be at work at 9:30am instead of 2pm. It doesn't help that it's an icky, gray day. Thursday, the first trade back for the graphic novel Sandman came in for me through interlibrary loan... I've read a little bit of already... I did read that Friday night before going to bed... hm... nah... |
| Butter knives are about as freakin' amazing as duct tape... |
| Ack. Okay, time to get back to the writing. Since last night, I had planned to make this entry about an issue I'm trying to work out in regards to writing, but I haven't quite got my head wrapped around it enough to write it out just yet. I don't think I'm quite in the mood to sort it all out for the community to read in order to get some opinions about the topic. It may have to wait until I have a day off. But maybe I'll come to terms with it on my own. Who knows? The important thing is that I jump back into it. I'm thinking it's time I revise my erotica short story and send it out. I really don't think it needs much work so I'm hoping I can get the revisions done in a week or two. Chasing on the other hand... I'm doing some serious revisions to chapter 25 but haven't had enough time to sit down and implement the revisions. What I've been doing, is printing out chapters and revising it that way, then making those changes on the computer. I know there are flaws with that arrangement, but I think I keep my focus better with the chapter printed out. If I'm on the computer and revising and I get to a difficult spot it's easier for me to scroll down the document and forget about the difficult spot. Not to mention the other distractions a computer offers. It's just so easy to be clicking and checking things when I'm at a computer. For some reason, if I'm working with the hard copy, I can concentrate on what I need to do better. The weird thing is if I'm creating something brand spanking new, it seems it's easier for me to do that on the computer. Maybe that's what I get for being stuck between Generation X and Y... As you may have noticed, I did some rearranging of things above. I'm not sure I like how it turned out, but I'm also using one of the gigantic monitors at the library and that can skew with my perceptions. I finally fixed the color tag issue with the 2AM quote. For some reason, the color didn't want to show up on Firefox. I guess Firefox prefers the center tag to come after the color tag. Even though the later tags it didn't seem to matter.  All right, time to get disciplined again... |
| I kept glued to the interwebz while at work last night. I get off at 11PM EST. I refreshed CNN's website before shutting the computer down and heading out. In the amount of time it took me to get from desk out to the lobby where the TVs are, the West Coast's votes came in and CNN declared Obama won. I can't remember ever feeling this happy and this awe struck by an election. As I rushed to the car, I could hear students shouting and celebrating all over campus. It was freakin' amazing. I came home and watched the Daily Show special.  And CNN still doesn't have Indiana's results. The local paper is saying Obama won Indiana.  The county I live in, Obama did win. I'm still shocked and amazed by that. Maybe I'm not as much of an outsider as I thought.  I can't believe how good I feel. This is just crazy...  |
| So, don't read if you don't like rants. Last week, the folks who made the video game Oblivion, released a similar game called Fallout 3. They're pretty much the same game except that Oblivion is a fantasy setting whereas Fallout is Earth in the future after a nuclear war. And Fallout looks harder. Now, I admit, I don't mind watching Benn and Craig playing from time to time, because it is kind of interesting to watch. I've been tempted to give it a try myself. But that's all they're fucking doing when I'm home. One of them is on the damn TV in the living room and I can't watch anything I've recorded. When I come home at night, I like to relax by sitting down and watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. But now, they're always playing the damn video game. I've been fine with it for the most part, being all sharing and stuff. It's given me time to read, but I've noticed something. If I'm reading, I stay up longer. Reading keeps my mind active and I don't want to sleep. Watching TV helps me slip into dreamland. Right now, I have things from Sunday I want to watch but I haven't had a chance because of these two and it's starting to really piss me off. Not to mention, I have to keep on top of the DVR stuff because it doesn't work like it should. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if not for the other things. Neither Benn or Craig seem capable of refilling the ice cube trays or putting a new roll of toilet paper onto the roll. Benn only seems to take care of the dishwasher when I ask. Craig hasn't touched the dishwasher in months. For the dishes that don't go into the dishwasher stack up until I get to them. Or if one of them needs one of the items, that's the only one they wash. It also seems I'm the only one capable of bagging the trash. Both of the would rather have the trash pile up around the trash can or on the counters instead of putting a new bag in the can. The one thing I can them credit for is that once I bag trash and put in the hallway, they'll take it to the dumpster without being asked. So, what was this morning like? As soon as I got up and showered, I went to vote. Benn was already playing the damn game as I was heading out. This pissed me off, because there are things I want to watch I haven't got to yet! When I get back, we have no food in the house but I decide to try to make do with what we have. I start cleaning the kitchen. I clean out the cat box, bag the trash, empty the dishwasher, fill it again and then proceed to make lunch. Then I discover, we have no sugar and that's the last straw. I decide to the go the store. As I'm leaving, Benn knows I'm pissed, but he's acting like I don't have the right to be pissed, which makes me that more pissed. I get back and he's still playing the damn game and I start lunch. I'm suppressing my anger. I know I probably shouldn't, but I am. I'm trying to act like nothings wrong. Soon the game will lose it's shininess... and I will get over it... Grrr.... |
Before I go into detail about my experience at court, I'd like to do a happy dance since Benn's charges were dismissed once he showed the prosecutor that he had, in fact, been issued a license.    Well, they don't have a dance emoticon... So we got to the court room a little before one and found out we had to move the car every hour because that was the time limit on parking. Blah. So every hour, I went out and moved the car. Basically, the way it went was that each person there was called to speak to the prosecutor to hear a plea agreement and either accept it or not. I was afraid that meant Benn would have to ask for a trail, but no. hehe. Anyway, while we waited for Benn to be called, we got to see the defendants stand before the judge so he could approve the plea agreements. Which was a little bit interesting. It was also a little disturbing. Most of the defendants were there because of a DWI. It's just scary to think how many drunk drivers there are at any given moment. Anyway, one thing that had most of the courtroom's attention was when the judge stated what the breathalyzer had said when the defendant was pulled over. The highest was a small college-aged girl, who's level was .25. Legally drunk in Indiana is .08. I'm thinking that girl is lucky to be alive. There were a couple of men with levels of .1. We were only there for three to four hours, but it felt like it should have been 9PM by the time we got out. As I was waiting, I imagined this must be what it was like in purgatory. Nothing bad was necessarily happening, but it seemed like it would never end. But it did. And this whole name/license thing is over. Maybe I shouldn't sound so confident about that... Now, onto to the election... I've been ready for that to be over with for the last couple of weeks. I just hope it turns out better than the last two presidential elections. I can't take another defeat. I never thought I would be one to get so caught up in politics, but I have. I think Wednesday, I may finally collapse... |
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