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Public Reviews
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501
501
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WhoMe? It's me!

A beautiful rhyme with great thought provocation. I see this as the question of heroes and society. What great deeds do we have today, and who are the heroes here to take on the beasts and tasks? To me the answer is easy. The answer is the little man. The little man that anonymously helps his neighbor in time of need ;the neighbor looking out for your house while you are gone. I don't think life is so much about the big heroes anymore, but the little heroes whose acts of kindness and generosity outweigh the heroic deeds of yesteryear.

Sorry, got off on a tangent. This is a beautiful poem. It is well written and thought provoking.
502
502
Review of IMPURE ANGELS  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Multi group sig
A poem with a darker side, this tells of angels, and what happens if we choose to follow the wrong ones. In life there is light, dark, and shades of gray. Following the right light can make the difference in the end.

You have chosen to write this poem in rhyming couplets, of which, I could find no error. Well done.
Second verse, second line, it should start with a capitalization, to better fit with the rest of the poems formatting.

I hope you are enjoying this lavish attention, but please do not feel obligated to respond to each one.
503
503
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
kiyasama designs

When life gets tough, as it often does, we are sometimes left to question if we really and truly know the person behind the mask. Many people wear masks to cover for one thing or another. Some for lack of self confidence, other use them to hide who they really are. If you ever get a glance at the real person behind the mask, you are then left to wonder who the real person is.

You have truly captured this disturbing piece of society. Not all fall into this category, and some who do, it is unintentional. This poem speaks of a relationship, one of which the mask has slipped and a different person is shown. Can one forgive transgressions past? Or will new alliances need be formed???

A well written poem.
504
504
Review of GO AWAY?  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
WhoMe? It's me!

Sometimes it is very hard to know exactly what we want. What our mind says and are heart speaks, are two different ideas at times, and one must prevail over the other, or come to a compromise. This is a wonderful poem expressing just that. With the see saw motion of stay or go, I see disorganized rhythm, meaning the mind and heart are not in sync, and thus I would suggest centering this poem to better illustrate or portray the uneven sides of the coin through illustration.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Beautifully written. The grammar, spelling and punctuation are all in order. The subject matter is one that needs written, and is a masterpiece.

Lets see, you won three reviews, a badge and an award,,,no mystery surprise...but guess what.. .the surprise is, when will the reviews stop...will I review your whole port, or just a mini raid??? You will find out when you get the award. The award marks the end of the reviews *Wink* and the completion of your package.
505
505
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Text for sig.

*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*When one has an active imagination as I do, this is what I fear in the dark. My imagination sees the demons lurking. I can't explain why they are after me, I just know that they are there and are about to get me. You have captured a strong feeling of fear, and put it on display. I see the darkness creeping from the shadows in this poem.

A well written poem comprised of rhyming couplets. I saw no flaw or error in this piece. The illustrations add to the somber atmosphere surrounding the poem.

Bet you thought I was done reviewing...Ha, guess again.
506
506
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Text for sig.

Non-rhyming poetry with style and grace. A folder full of greatness. I enjoyed reviewing the poems in here, well, the two I hadn't already done. It is always a pleasure to look at life through your eyes. You have a very powerful spiritual connection.

The fairies and angels seem to be prominent fixtures in some of your poems. This also is uplifting and reminds me of you.
507
507
Review of NOTHING TO FEAR  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Text for sig.

A wonderful poem of beauty and spiritual guidance. I read this and I think of you. The darkness shrinks before me as I think of this poem and all you have told me. Fear may be powerful, but it is nothing compared to His love and protection.

You have done a wonderful job portraying the path that will brighten the way. Thank you for being you.
508
508
Review of ENCHANTRESS  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply Positive!

I must stop and ask myself if this poem is depicting you, or your fairy godmother. In this poem, I see sister Sherri. She looks out after many, encouraging them to follow their dreams. She loves the niche she has picked out for herself, and tries to help others find their way as well.

Yes, to me, this is a poem about you Sister Sherri. A beautiful poem it is.
509
509
Review of MY NEWEST POETRY  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WhoMe? It's me!

This poetry folder is full of a variety of styles and genres. From depressing and dark through to the love and honor to you mother, these poems all ring with emotion. Your heart and soul shines through your work. You are very clever and witty.

This is just the beginning. I am going through to see what else I can find. What other treasures are buried and hidden in this treasure chest?
510
510
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Peek! It's WhoMe!

Wow, out of this whole folder, there was only one item that I hadn't already reviewed. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother. I can see it was hard to write, with the emotions running high. I know sometimes it chokes you up to even talk about it.

The alternate rhyming scheme is true to form and was a breathtaking beauty. It runs down the page in honor of a loved one who has gone on ahead and is no longer suffering. Great love and emotion are here.
511
511
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Peek! It's WhoMe!

How wonderful, you have a new rising star. Now, do not think I am going to review your sigs and call it good. I am merely starting at the top and working my way down. I noticed this is new since this morning. I started at the top then too, only after opening the first poetry folder, it took me about 10 or more before I found one I hadn't reviewed. Then I had to go, so my search has started fresh, and this is merely the beginning. *Smile*

A lovely sig. I know who designed these, and she is very talented. So is your rising star by the way.
512
512
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply Positive!
*Heart* A LITTLE SOMETHING PACKAGE from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" from gladiola


With heart beating loudly in my ears, I read as this tense meeting transpires. Finally catching up to the pursued, the tracker is awestruck by his prey.

I found this very well written. My only question of movement was of when the creature reaches his side. The tracker would never have taken his eyes off of his prey. When they are side by side, does he look at the ground, or the floor, in fear? I think some clarity is needed here, though perhaps I missed it the first two readings. I will look again.

Overall a tense, and well told piece of a story. It was bold enough to capture my attention and wish more of the story were readily available for reading.
513
513
Review of "Crystal Tear"  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Peek! It's WhoMe!

A well written piece, full of sadness and loss is exposed as this rhyming couplet poem, creatively flows down the page.
POINT TO PONDER:

ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.
514
514
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Simply Positive!


A wonderful tribute and illustration of a native leader and chief. Engaged to marry a direct descendant of Chief Joseph Brant, I can truly see the beauty and sadness of this poem.

I would have to say, my favorite part of the poem, "lived for centuries in complete
harmony with the land.", speaks truth and reality.

A simpler time, maybe, but definitely not easier. The natives worked hard and strong amongst each other to live and survive on the land and with the land. This poem, to me, reiterates and encompasses all that the Indian nation was. A great tribute.

Just like Aldric and Annaliese, this period tale written in poetic form is a read that is honest, true and holds strong emotional ties.
515
515
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Simply Positive!

A great stop for all who are following the Writing Dot Com Survivor contest, this housing for all of your entries and voting is a great page. Congratulations on making it through the first few rounds. You have accomplished a lot with your first few entries, garnering yourself two immunities thus far. I wish you well in your continued endeavors.

This is a well displayed page. It is set up for easy following of the contest, including the voting.Good Luck in future rounds.
516
516
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" 
Ldyphoenix creations


*Heart* A little something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" from  
(hover your mouse over the intro to view the DISCLAIMER)

Intro


Image #1629009 over display limit. -?-




Zoe

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* TITLE *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
A captivating title. One that does the novel justice in being cryptic.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* OPENING IMPRESSION *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
With the first sentence, I noticed it needed some editing. It is a run on sentence...
It was cold below her[.] What felt like...

The opening sentence starts off with great action, something is amiss.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* EDITING *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
~More groans and cries starting sounding around ...started to sound...
~to high of a temperature[the wrong use of to, it should be too]...
~But she was just nervous and anxious, she reminded herself. [incomplete sentence]
~
The office wasn’t huge, but it was impressive. The walls were lined with bookcases filled with various novels and student texts, ranging from industrial to medicine and others. Many Saige had read herself in preparation. From the ceiling was a chandelier that looked like it belonged more so in a mansion than in an office. The ceiling was painted, little angel boys stared down at her, looking far from angelic but more accusatory.
[the spacing is off in this paragraph]...
~Breathing, more than one amount and not her own...this sounds awkward, instead of amount how about, ... She was able to detect breathing from multiple sources.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*SUGGESTIONS *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
I would suggest going back through and reading this aloud. Doing so will help to discover most of the editing problems remaining. It always helps to go back a time or two.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* OVERALL IMPRESSION*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
Though some editing still needs done, this has, and shows great merit. I may have to dig deeper into the story at another time.
Image #1642111 over display limit. -?-
517
517
Review of Captive Shadows  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" 
Ldyphoenix creations


*Heart* A little Something Package from jannie, which consists of two reviews.

(hover your mouse over the intro to view the DISCLAIMER)

Intro


Image #1629009 over display limit. -?-

{item:}



Zoe

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* TITLE *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
The title is intriguing, and has me delving deeper to find out what kind of a mystery is hidden inside. With an allure like this you are on a great roll.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* FORMAT/STYLE *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
I am guessing this is the prologue...it doesn't really say, but it is also the housing for the chapters written so far.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* RHYTHM/RHYME *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
The rhyme and reason appears to give us a backstory on what is transpiring, or about to transpire, almost as if the back jacket of a novel. Somewhat of a teaser.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*SUGGESTIONS *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
There was one sentence above others that bothered me. The one talking about surroundings not all there is to be feared, which then launches into shadows being threatening...are not shadows part of the surroundings? This left me confused. Can this be clarified some and still contain enough mystery to make me want to pick up the book?

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*POINTS TO PONDER*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*

Points To Ponder:
CONJUNCTION
Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to joinsentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* OVERALL IMPRESSION*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
A good start to the storyline. I would add some fine tuning, but it is a teaser as it stands and something that will drag a reader through to open the cover.
Image #1642111 over display limit. -?-
518
518
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Simply Positive!

A heartbreaking tale of loss and sorrow, this short contest entry has me in tears as this close to home image is told. For some, having constant reminders, as in the picture, is too tough, and for others, it is a necessity to keep them in view.

This entry addresses a mother's sorrow as she relives the days she last spent with her baby girl. Well written, I could find no spelling, punctuation or grammar errors. The sentence length is about average and the descriptions leave us a clear view of events. Well done.
519
519
Review of Faking  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
An image for WhoMe. Love, Riot.

Good sound advice, written in a rhyming poem of much thought and inspiration. I think this is well written, the only thing that I personally feel would or could improve this is a tiny bit of punctuation, and here is my thoughts as to why:

PUNCTUATION
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.
520
520
Review of Max the robot  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E
Peek! It's WhoMe!

First let me say, it is very difficult to write a story in fifty-five words, without any repeats. Not sure if this contest eliminates repeats, so we will not address that.

Sentence one and two contradict each other. First, max is a child, then he is a robot, and children do not want to play with him. This contradiction happens do partly by the word constraints and with the leaving out of some words. I am willing to guess he was a robot child, so human children refused to be his playmate.

Overall, I would say this is a work in progress, not quite ready for submission into the contest. The concept is there, but some fine tuning would help improve the results.
521
521
Review of Withered Bars  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Peek! It's WhoMe!

A tale of sadness and abandonment, this was an interesting tale to read. I kept picking up a rhyming pattern, however, it kept getting lost in all of the extra space in the poem. I would suggest taking the added spacing out, so as to not distract from the poem.

Other than that, the poem reads well. The message is clear and well written.
522
522
Review of hbar, the ogre  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sp Group leader sig

A wonderful acrostic tribute to a great WDC member. The only thing missing is the sig used in hbar's reviews. For that is what I see when I read this wonderful piece written in his honor. I found this to be true and a great character analysis of a good friend.

The acrostic remains true to form. The poem is well written with reference to a wonderful group.
523
523
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WhoMe? It's me!

The lessons of life often go unnoticed or recognized for what they are. This is one great piece of writing that recognizes a life lesson, its origin, and the character building experience it is. A creative piece of writing that was thought provoking and inspiring, as much as it was endearing and a great read.

A very well thought out piece of writing, free of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors, as far as I could see. It was a pleasure to read and I enjoyed it in its entirety.
524
524
Review of Absence of Time  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Peek! It's WhoMe!

Dearest Pat,

There is an auction where you won three reviews, a merit badge and an awardicon. I forgot the link to the auction, though I remember the debt owed. Please forgive the delay in payment.

I find it a pleasure each and every time I visit your port. I always come away with sunshine in my heart and a smile on my face when I drop by your place. For that I am thankful.

I chose this item, for it was top of the page and something I hadn't reviewed as of yet. I am glad I did. On this dreary day, I was transported to the beach and filled with serene thoughts and warmness as I felt the sun on my face. The wet soothing water as it caressed my feet, cooling them from the heat of the sun. Wow, what a very influential poem. The vivid details you paint with this poem had my chilled shoulders turn warm.

This is well written. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. The content was believable and influential, touching me to the core with warmth and smile.
525
525
Review of "A Man Among Men"  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sp Group leader sig


A beautiful poem that speaks volumes both to the man he was, and you yourself as a man. A great son to father tribute. Beautifully written in rhyming couplets that flow down the page with great respect and admiration.

~last verse, the wrong use of to is used...it should be too

~in the fourth verse, the second rhyming couplet did not rhyme, and was a stretch. The only fix I see for this is to change the first line of the couplet, here is one selection, though it alters the poem a bit...

He died as he lived, I gently weep,
God came for him one night in his sleep.

I hope you keep writing. Your talent shines forth. Thank you for sharing.
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