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1251
1251
Review of A Waking Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lance,

I am here reviewing for your Wdc Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a wonderful day.

This sonnet on beauty is a personal poem of love. Love is described from your view. I mean how it engulfs your sanity without notice is seen here. All your defenses fall short and things work in her favor.

"An enrapturing gaze fells my vulnerable army,"

Here she is emerging as a winner and the to lose in such cases is not loss but ironically another win. So I might conclude that both the people involved in this love episode are winners.


Whether she is a waking dream or a vision the factual reality is your being smitten by love of a woman, your "heavenly beam".

Rhyming and structure of the poem win my praise.

It flows well.

Write on!
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1252
1252
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Milhaud

I am here to review for your WDC Account Anniversary.Congratulations and have a fruitful day.

The collection of snippets is nicely arranged. The chain of memories is narrated in first person. you have shown each character with clarity. The readers can understand the feelings of the youngest sibling for all his family members.

The times are when there was no fridge yet. That makes the whole perspective very interesting. Life appears more peaceful with the family enjoying their occasional meetings.

I can see there is closeness and bonding between the members of the family.

Language and style are such that feelings and thoughts are well understood. You used simple language and showed every incident as you have witnessed it. Very realistic.


Thank you for sharing the collection.

Write on!
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1253
1253
Review of Battle  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello

I am reviewing this short verse for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a great day!

Content-
The cat and dog play is a great visual. We do have such sights but you caught it in the brevity of a short poem. The eternal struggle goes on. It is embedded in the creation itself.
"Dog barked and howled
Cat growled"

Although there is no message as such, your poem makes me read between the lines.

Imagery-
This poem brings in a variety of visuals. It is not only the two fencing animals but the atmosphere as well, the tree, the shade and the sun come through the word pictures.

Structure-
Short rhyming stanzas tell the whole story. Line endings rhyme well. words are simple and of everyday usage.
"her glare
a scare"

It flows well.

Write on!
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1254
1254
Review of Words Have Power,  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi

This is a truly an inspiring story. More so because it is from life's reality.

The person who suffered the eye injury could not have taken it more courageously.

Narration-
I find the story interesting told from the first person point of view. There is a method in showing the events as they took place.

The trauma of recovery is reported credibly.

By the way it is unique that you chose to play lacrosse as a professional. You did very well. Your enthusiasm paid off.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Write on!
Glorious and Joyful
1255
1255
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing this picturesque love poem for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a lovely day.

This sweet poem as I have already said, shows a fetching image. The two lovers lose themselves in each other as rain falls to a rhythm.

"Come twirl me, dip me, and kiss me again.
Embrace me as raindrops dampen our skin"

The rhyme scheme you have chosen AA BB is apt and it brings out the charm of the line endings and lines.

The rain encourages them to play like children and love like lovers.

You have well highlighted the fact that rain is unique in making people forget their worries and dance to its beat.

Enjoyed the poem.

Write on!
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1256
1256
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ladywhite,

this rainy poem has a lovely rhythm as I listen to the falling rain via your poem.

Structure-

It looks apt that you composed your poem in couplets. Each section has an image and a slice of reality. Eleven of the couplets bring out the facts of life.

"The rain engulfs me
Readily, I know I am alone..."

The poet's eye-

Your observations of the falling rain and its associated thoughts come through transparently. Indeed, nature can be one of the kindest of companions.

"Amisted glorious chaos
Order is acutely regained."

Your choice of words is rare and fine. In the above lines for example, I find the usages like "glorious chaos" "acutely regained" are pleasant and perceptively used.

I have a lot to learn from the likes of you, dear poet.

There is a telling flow in the poem.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on!
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1257
1257
Review of The Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Gregory,

I am reviewing this poem of yours for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a wonderful, creative day.

This is an enjoyable poem for two reasons. First, the ambiance you created around the night of dancing sounds so real. Second, the facts behind images come through loud and clear.

"and white gloves all around
The mirrored ball in the ceiling..."

This must be a plush dancing hall with ladies and gents properly dressed. It is nice to give wings to imagination and be present at the dance.

"Drinks" is the unavoidable part of a dance. Well, along with it comes the desired effect.

"Drinks spilling...
all over the white tablecloth"

This is a down-to-earth poem, completely true till the last letter.

Free style poem flows well.

Write on!
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It flows well.
'
1258
1258
Review of Pumpkin  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello TinaMarie,

I am here to review for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a wonderful day.

This acrostic on the Pumpkin is truly appealing. It has a place of honor in our (Indian) cuisine.

Your observation that Autumn and pumpkins go hand in hand is worth noting.

"November is the PUMPKIN Holiday here at home in Autumn."

It is the time when nature's plenty is displayed everywhere. Mankind's blessings are numberless.

Imagery shows the splendid orange of the pumpkin, which has multiple nutrients.

Imagery also mirrors Nature looked at from inside the house.


Flow is fine and it follows the rhythm ingrained in the free verse.

Write on!
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1259
1259
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
For a person who is habituated to writing, it is a great stress to pass the day without penning few lines or words. It is difficult to imagine not writing everyday, something or the other, or about this or that.

This essay shows the color and quality of the days without writing. They are spent listlessly, thrown out of gear and unable to decide what to do next.

"Every day was empty, every day was dark, every day..."

Once you understand the impossibility of not writing, you will have no option other than going back to writing.

Confessions can be quite appealing.

Write on!
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1260
Review of I like you  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
The concept is attractive and unique. Liking someone who doesn't reciprocate is pretty sportive I guess.

It is only at the end of the poem we learn that her love is one-sided and she doesn't mind it.
"I still like you although you talked for hours, about the woman you loved."

You have shown your love for the person in various and many images. The crush that you have comes through several word pictures you have drawn.

"I like the sound of your laughter."

This free style poem has a rhythm that shows your admiration and affection for the person.

It flows well.

Write on!
kids at play
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1261
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Anna

This is a different kind of encouragement you give to those suffering from shyness and negativity. I think sometimes shyness may not be of the negative kind but negativity, on the other hand may give rise to shyness.

That apart, you spoke of courageous encounters, which I thought would be with the outside world. Shyness is displayed mostly in the presence of the outsiders and the outside world. However, I do understand the kind of courage needed to face self and self motivated actions such as rising from the bed and conducting functions like getting out of home and driving to office and so on.

The message at the end is of great value.
"Courageous encounters are those wonderful things you do to make you feel better about yourself."

Being happy and comfortable with one's own self surely help us gain confidence and courage.

Nice read.

Write on!
kids at play
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1262
Review of Being ORDINARY  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is true to be ordinary is not easy. There are too many attractions to be in the limelight. Many people revel when surrounded by others, being praised and being noticed.
On the other hand, there those who do useful things, yet go unnoticed. They don't mind. In fact they like it that way, to be quiet and unobtrusive.

"Who don't intend to seek attention from the crowd,'

yet they know

"where to find his happiness!"

Imagery in this free verse shows a simple but successful person.

It flows well.

Write on!
kids at play
1263
1263
Review of Light of Night  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This free verse contains a tribute to the night. Night is not just darkness but it has therapeutic value for the poet.
"Melting fear, sadness and pain
Only peace and serenity remain."

Night is personified effectively. It is portrayed as someone with soothing presence.
"I race for it's comforting embrace'

Imagery-
Imagery reflects the on coming night with day light fading away.

The poet treats the night with a special affection, which is unique.


It flows well.

Write on!
Glorious and Joyful
1264
1264
Review of Come With Me  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very inspiring poem.

Theme-
it is about freedom of the soul. shedding fear and hesitation one should go ahead with the future assured of safety and joy.
Shedding fear and doubt will open doors on a world hitherto unknown to us. A world where the vistas are full of beauty and grace.
"Let us leave the past behind.
Let the future be our own."

form and structure-
Written in a three-line stanzas of six, this poem has the rhyme scheme of ABA except in the last stanza where it adds one more line AB AB.

Imagery-
Images of the new world are on the horizon. The poem entices the poet's partner with the tone of courage and assurance that everything is going to be fine.

It reads and flows well.

Write on!
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1265
1265
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Love has a way of blinding people into believing falsities and flatter. And then it is too late to recognize and realize the real truth behind the mask of lies and deceptive appearances.

Title-
Tells us what will follow. Yet, we read on to track the wolf.

Form and structure-

Free style verse with five quatrains. Each of them shows a different stage of fall for a wrong person.
"Although you uttered many tender words..."
Rhythm is reflective of how things changed from being bright to dark.

Content-
Content is well dealt with. It has a novelty despite being repeated, for each story of deception has its own uniqueness.
"You painted a pretty picture
Then lured me in with gentleness"

Imagery-
this is finest aspect of the poem. Nature imagery to mirror the inner condition is well done.
"The sun's rays of gold turned black"

You brought the person alive in the poem with appropriate word choices.

There is nothing to suggest for improvement.

Write on!
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1266
1266
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It is one of those stories, which makes us smile as we draw to the end. Liz's character is well-defined and shown in her roles as a mother, as a hard-working employee and an ambitious hopeful to realize her dream.
There are many more angles to her personality. Her patience and forbearance too are shown effectively.
A nurse is what a person like Liz should be.
Dialog and setting are quite appropriate.

Lou loves her. Yet kept his silence understanding her future plans and the deep bond she has with her husband who served in the army.

The story unfurls itself in a natural way. Smooth flow of sentences keep us to reading it and expecting it to continue.

Very engaging.

Congratulations on being placed First in the contest.

Write on!
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1267
Review of Reading  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi PastelQueen,

I perfectly understand your taste for real life beauty in fiction as well. A classic, they say is forever. Books that describe and talk about life as found in real world with an addition of its beauty are, in my opinion become classics. The two books you mentioned are famous for two different reasons. While Huckleberry Finn is based on a real life character, Frankenstein is the first Gothic novel referred to as the first true science fiction story. I appreciate your point that there is a child in the respective books.

The fascination you have for reading is remarkable.
" As I enter into those hallowed halls I have become fully engrossed in this book, ... I see the setting as a real place, the characters are ... This world is no longer an escape, it is reality."
The above observation is hundred percent true.

Great assessment of reading(with complete pleasure).

Write on!
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1268
1268
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Gift shops such as the one you mentioned, namely, Harlan Kirwan, Anna Kirwan, and Harley Kirwan Deadwood are not easy to find. I went through the experience of buying suitable gifts to friends and relatives. I wasn't happy with my finds.
In this advertisement, I find that I can get gifts to be given to various people including the smallest in the family.
The author has done a great job, showing the circumstances under which he went to the above shop and had a nice pick of the gift, he intended.

Good luck!

Write on!

1269
1269
Review of Seasons  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Spidey,

I came across this nice story in the Weekly Newsletter, "Short Stories: Seasons Change".

In this romantic story you had shown how the seasons change in human lives. Both the central characters are well defined. Elliot's part is important because we trace the life of the couple through his recap in the park. I notice the key role played by Rusty.

Anger's effect and speed are shown visually.
" His heart was racing, as anger coursed through him."

This story mirrors one of those sweet experiences of couples in love,i.e, fight and patching up.

I felt that a short dialog in the park could be nice.

I like the way the sentences and paragraphs connect. Smooth transformations are a draw.

Write on!
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1270
Review of Take My Hand  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ray,

this is quite a poem about the Halloween night. Instead of horrifying your verse makes the night delightful and worth watching.

The nightly song of wolves and the rising of ghostly presences are well depicted.

I just wonder who the two people moving about the shadowy night whispering perhaps sweet nothings. could it be vampires or witches.
However,
"You smell so lovely,"
This line makes me think of none other than human beings. Of course I could be wrong. Poet has his own visions of beauty.

Imagery makes it flow well.

Write on!
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1271
1271
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello stuka,

I am reviewing this rhyming verse for your up coming WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a wonderful day!

This poem is impressive because you imagined yourself as a possible ghost. The verse shows how fast things change and places do not remain the same after few years of absence. Like you said it is no longer recognizable with trees felled and houses gone.

Quick changes in urbanization and developing business are beyond our guess.
"They felled the cherry tree, and the houses went away."

Yes, it is rather sad that things do not remain the same after the passage of time.

Rhyming verse reflects the regret at the way things happened. Imagery shows the replacement of the old familiar scenery.

It flows well.

Write on!
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1272
Review of Harm None  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kimchi,

It is my pleasure to review this poem for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations on completing one more year at the WDC. Have a great day!

I chose this poem because it appeared special. It is about kids of all ages. You wrote it from the view point of children. Yes, we come across all kinds of them, some very polite, some not so. Yet the fact that they are all children and easily mouldable. You have shown the problem as well as the solution. That's great.

I like the descriptive passages and the song-like sequences. They move rhythmically.

"We are connected by a strand, on a web with every man-
respecting others means that I'm respecting me.
Imagery is visual and appeals to mind as well."

It flows well.

Write on!
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1273
1273
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rosie

the information you gave is useful. My husband fell sick a while ago and is not able to get enough vitamin D. The vitamin D3 you use could be useful for him as well. I need to talk to his Doctor and get him the supplement.

The fact that it has other benefits as well is encouraging. Like it is in your case, my husband is advised not to consume milk or milk products.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on!
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1274
1274
Review of The Change  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dayna,

I am reviewing this wonderful real story for your Wdc Account Anniversary. Congratulations on completing a year of creativity at the WDC. Have a fine creative day!

Well, this story is repeated almost everywhere on the globe. You have brought in the novelty by introducing the deer, which actually lives in the forest. Deforestation has become one of the most dangerous features of modern world. The greedy businessmen fell the trees and find new sources to make money, more money. They loot the animals of their habitats and render them homeless. How long can they move into the bowels of the forest? How long can a forest stretch?

You told the story in a fascinating manner. You showed how it happened in days. How long it took the deer to understand its ultimate fate.
" He blinked, recalling the forest once more, as it was before they came, then he too, turned toward the deep forest and moved on."

The above sentence is truly moving. The death of trees means the annihilation of the animals to a great extent.

Thank you for sharing a wonderful story written in clear and fluent prose style.

Write on!
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1275
1275
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Margy/Annie,

It is a wonderful thing to know about your Mom. She appears to be extraordinary. Few people have the kind of courage to battle the cancers and diabetes. Yet she is inspiring enough for the younger generation as well as her contemporaries to face life as it comes and be happy and zestful ever.
I congratulate you and your siblings on having an adorable mom. I pray and hope that she lives for a long time to bring smiles to others around her.

write on!
Glorious and Joyful


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