Impressive story.
Narration, chracters and action are winning points.
Kate’s character is absolutely credible. It is heartening to know of her blindness. Yet, the heart that beats in her is that of a mother. Her anxiety for the child’s safety is well depicted.
It reads well.
Indeed life is an enigma and death, a puzzle. At some point this kind of contemplation hits us all.
The poet structures his thoughts in this free style poem quite well.
Life cannot be one glorious dance either.
The title-
Very appropriate.
Life is a journey from birth to death with many highs and lows.
Imagery-
The picture of life's pleasure and pain flashes before my mind's eye.
The compare and contrast between the sea and desert are thought provoking. Both are dangerous while both provide shelter to the living.
As the author rightly pointed out, it is difficult to live with both. So we are urged to choose one of them. Good advice.
"Until you break out and choose to go either way."
The sun and the rain are impartial. Another sensible point. Hope lives on wherever we live.
The warning at the end is a bit puzzling, because surely there are some who might choose to live on the border.
Hello Hooves,
I just read the chapter and I found it interesting.
You have spun the story around Writing.com, which is just amazing.
your prose flows free of errors and makes it easy for the reader to continue reading with ease.
Characters-
Each is an individual with his or her own special features, including Sara whom we haven't met yet except through Ollie's reading.
I hope the "engagingly handsome" Ollie would find his dream woman on my favorite site, the WDC.
Enjoyed Satyra's love story.
Dialog and sentiment of love draw me into reading the story.
Both characters appear to know the meaning and depth of love, the ruling element of any life.Both are sensitive to love and togetherness.
Situations and setting are unique.
Meeting on line is materialized through careful planning and carrying out till the finish. Old lovers meet and recall the reasons why they parted only to patch up and restart.
Language sounds natural and there is nothing forced about it.
Hello LegendaryMask,
this free style poem evidently shows your unconditional love for your sweetheart. Obviously, you depend on her for a happy future. She is vital for you. You stated that in a very romantic way.
"I think about the joy that you will bring into my life."
Imagery is eye catching. Each line brings a clear picture of the kind of life you imagine is in store for you both.
"When I think of the sunrises and sunsets..."
Taking your breath away shows that she holds you in thrall.
Very modern and intensely personal poems.
As far as I could perceive-
The first poem voices not just the need to create but the inability to do so. The poet admits he has no feelings for Mother Earth.
“...I cannot be worshipful...
To this planet we’ve been given.”
Yet, he/she cannot help doing (creating?) something albeit without interest.
The second poem is expressive of the poet’s more dominant need to write than to make love. His/her mind thinks of “The alchemy of blood to ink flowing ..” which to him/her is more of a “marvel”.
To me, this is an impressive verse.
The third poem sounds a bit presumptuous, if you don’t mind. My reason to say so is, you cannot predict how the world at large looks at your creativity.
It could be the contrary of what the poet supposes.
All the three poems excel in creating imagery, diction and mood.
I could follow the rhythm of these well composed free style poems.
An understandable wish is voiced in a free style poem.
We all want to be normal despite health condition. Will matters to bring back normalcy. The poet has plenty of it.
“I just want to repair
What has been lost and broken”
The poet used carefully chosen words. The ring of truth is loud and clear. A sincere poem from the depths of heart.
A suffering condition is well narrated.
“When everything swings up and down”
This prose poem is inspiring and well constructed.
The content is devotional and therefore should appeal to all readers.
Setting-
The setting against which this poem is composed seems a church. The surrounds are peaceful. Lord’s presence lends support and strength to the devotee.
“There is calm and peace here”
Edit-
“In the quiet he speaks to me”
(In the quiet He speaks to me)
Imagery-
One can see with the help of imagery the way the poet feels the presence of the Lord, Almighty.
“so very near to me.”
The result of absolute faith is shown with calmness and joy.
“and I feel no fear...”
This little poem appeals to me on several counts.
Imagery-
I can see the lonesome traveler journeying through several towns working for his keep. Imagery appeals to heart and eye.
Tone-
It has the tone of story telling. The story teller narrates to those sitting around.
Do I feel an underlying message ?
It could just be the life of a lonely person.
A simple but a rather sad (or melancholic?) poem. The poet shows a very telling way to say goodbye to sweetheart.
I am impressed by the tone of the poem. It is casual and conversational. Yet it carries a serious issue of bidding farewell to a loved one. What an irony!
Imagery appeals. So does the flow.
There is a commendable ease with which the poet expresses her/his feelings.
It is true that a person mellows with age and growing wisdom.
Terrific story.
Horror/scary element is used with style. A stirring incident that made me guess what happened to Sally. Do cats smell the spirits?
Another great point about this story is the language. You have all the adornments like similes and metaphors in place to make the content doubly interesting.
" The beam sliced through the darkness"
Loved the narrative tone and style of expression.
My doubts-
"I looked out the window.."
Although the above expression is common, I think it is not grammatically correct. I found it in songs but not in daily conversation.
1.Looked out of the window
2. Looked through the window
3. Looked from the window
and so on are more often used than the one I found in the story.
"When I'm restless there is invariably a westerly wind blowing."
I am puzzled at the connection. Why should the wind follow your restlessness? I am just curious not rude.
There are several thoughts I agree with.
Almost every thought is powerful. Each seems to have been the result of long experience.
“I know my value. Do. You know yours?”
There are some instances where I wonder.
“Some times we call it “ “Motivation,””but deep inside it is just hate that drives us to the top.”
Each thought is well composed and effectively presented in fluent language.
Thank you for your January 19 string of thoughts.
An inspiring take on physical appearance. Yes, I agree with the opinion that God created us all and made no difference in granting us beautiful souls. It is up to us to understand this. Appearances change being victims of passing time.
It is important for all of us to have self respect and self confidence. Only then we will know what we are here for.
I appreciate your language and style and the examples you referred to.
I understand the girl’s anxiety over the lost chance to vote.
Obviously, she knows the value of franchise.
The story moves at a leisurely pace.
Details about family, sibling and friend Terry, who made it possible for for the girl and for others like her to vote by arranging transport to the polling booths.
Language and style appeal to me. Characterisation is realistic. Situations are true to life.
I have a friend exactly as described in the poem. She is warm-hearted, sensible and sensitive too. I feel free to express my feelings to her.
This poem paints a true picture of a perfect friend. Trustworthy is great way to describe a close friend. Close friends happen during school and college days.
It is a prose-poem with an internalised rhythm.
Imagery is visual. It appeals to my mind and heart.
A very appealing verse on the inevitability of death. No one knows the end or the beginning. The interim is spent on understanding what it is we encounter after the end. This one puzzle is not solved ever, though there are theories and doctrines trying to fathom it.
The theme apart, this rhyming verse has a great appeal.Rhyme scheme being AABC, matches well with the rhythm.
Personal feelings and surmises find visual imagery. Imagination shows the vague outline of an unseen presence and it could be the shadow of the self itself.
Hi Kaitlyn
Congratulations on choosing WDC for your writing adventure. I am sure you will find it exciting and inspiring just as I did when I joined the community.
I can assure you that your writing skills and creative talent will improve and increase with time spent on this site.
Pretty entertaining.
Setting gets full credit. So do the characters. Money is the driving force. A person can go to any lengths using his skill, cleverness and ambition to win the odds and still continuing.
The large man pales in comparison with Dominic.
Looks like a turn of the century(18th c) story when prospectors were daring unknown terrain.
Hello Crystal
These thoughts and words are soothing and so true.
You talked about transformation. As pointed out by you, transformation can be a real life changer. And it is mostly for the better. This had happened with me and millions of others.
I appreciate your concluding thought on transformation i.e.
“...no matter how much it hurts inside....places before.”
Prose style and sentence construction are error-free.
It is an appealing piece.
I too am a die-hard fan of Jane Austen. I especially love her characters, society and opinions on various things as expressed in her novels. I like all her novels. Some of her characters like those in Pride and Prejudice, Sense and sensibility are big draw.
The above features apart, I have a weakness for her settings, small towns and drawing rooms. Her evening parties and dances, card games and beautiful woods and gardens have a charm of their own.
The above article gives me information on Jane Austen's biography. This helps me with a better understanding of the author in her.
I conclude from the fragments that life is a mixture of brightness and burden. The brightness too bright and the burden almost unbearable. Life is but a balancing act of extremities.
Grammar varies from stanza to stanza, from simple present to present continuous.
" a burden
. sometimes light
. occasionally crushing"
Structure is attractive. When a poet uses ellipses or pauses, they are bound to be meaningful. His silences are equally so.
Nothing seems as certain as death.
It is a blessing to have everything in place and some more. There is hardly room to imagine something to happen and break the pleasant present.
The opinions expressed here seem honest.
"I don't know what it is about boys, that makes them so much easier to talk to than girls."
I certainly wouldn't waste my thinking power on things that haven't happened. Things that I presume may happen, may not happen at all. I wouldn't have time for restless musings. Life is too valuable and the time on hands is so limited. It is never predictable. I got to achieve a lot.
Hello Zeke
It is a nice poem. Why? Because despite your dislike the world drew you in and made you complete. It made sure that you are no longer alone or disinterested in the people around you. Good for you.
The story you have in this poem has a great conclusion.
Imagery-
Imagery shows how the transformation was possible despite your "ruse".There is pleasure in surrendering too.
Your free style poem flows well with its rhythm in tact.
You can see what you want to see despite fog. Will and love matter. Nothing else is important.
The poet’s question and answer are significant. By asking whether the other parson can see what she sees, she wants to make sure that the person also is able to see her. It also stands for the fact of their love. True love should overcome adversities of any kind.
Imagery is telling.
It flows well.
Write on!
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