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2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
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Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
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I review most things.
Public Reviews
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676
676
Review of She Wrote  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you SO much for taking the time and writing something for flash contest.



Consider this





Lily wrote in her diary,

He cannot be gone. It can’t be true. I cannot live if I never see Ethan again. Who can have done such a terrible, terrible thing? I feel as if I don’t belong in my own life anymore. I go to university lectures, I drink with my friends and I eat and sleep, but it’s as if I’m watching someone else in a TV program do these things.




She’d hadn’t expected to be affected like that.

I think it should read like this,

She hadn’t expected to be affected like that.




I myself try to not have too many sentences start with the same words. I think this helps with the over all flow of a story.



Now she felt powerful, it was almost fun to watch there ignorant ramblings.

their





Completely.The heat between her legs had grown to be almost intolerable as she watched him gasp and drool.

You should place a space between the words 'Completely' and 'The'.





Over all this was a good use of the prompt.


As always Alice
677
677
Review of Domestic Animals  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for taking time and placing a story in my contest, Cat Tales.
I should be done by this coming Sunday.



Lots of emotional impact for such a short amount of words.


I did not find anything as far as grammar or spelling that you could improve upon.



As always Alice
678
678
Review of "insomnia"  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This was listed underneath one of my stories. I thought I'd give it a read.



I think you should capitalize the title and center it in the story. You can do this with placing the word center between {} in front of the word and after do the same but add / after the { and before the word center.





The tag-line for the story

evil is unleashed upon our world!

Also needs a capital.







"What do you speak of and what have you done Charles."

I think should end with a question mark.








"What was unleashed Charles."

Here again I feel a question mark is in order.



"pure evil."

Capitalize pure.





"You were hallucinating from insomnia, we have told you this already"

This needs a period.




"No, the gate it opened to another dimension, and a dark shadow with red eyes escaped before it was close it's the truth im telling you."

closed. It's the truth I'm telling you."




This reminded me of Poe.


Alice
679
679
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found this on the Plug Page.

The title caught my eye. Then I checked to see what genre it was. Lastly I saw your name, so then I knew I had to give a read.





. Music to me was a way of life, I would close my eyes and drift away to the plains of my imagination. Reality to me could never compete with the worlds that the music took me to, within my own mind. I would spend hours upon end in dream-scape's, flying over mountains of gold and, oceans of cherry wine. I would walk through cities made of the reddest bricks ever made and smell the seductive aroma of freshly baked bread and apple pies.


Very nice.






Piratical like poetry.



Oh to read, perchance to droll.

Alice
680
680
Review of The Magic Cat  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

And thank you for entering my contest, Cat Tales.

I hope to have everything read by this weekend. I should be done by Sunday.


Charming!



Alice
681
681
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking the time for my contest, Cat Tales.
I should have everything done by this Sunday.





Beautiful, sweet little fishies that never hurt a fly.

fishes






But they sure did eat a lot of mosquitos.

mosquitoes







BabyCat pretended not to notice, since she knew how upset her furriend was.

I liked the use of 'furriend'.




"You see, its like this.

it's






The old wrden at the fish hatchery has retired,

I think you meant 'warden'?






He is very mean, and has covered all of the place with nets, so that I can’t get in to get any fish.

Consider

He is very mean, and has covered the entire place with nets, so that I can’t get in to get any fish.





And what could he have meant when he said, "where the real warden is?"

I think it should be "Where






The warden picked up the phone which hung on the wall of the storage shed and called the police.

Consider

The warden picked up the phone that hung on the wall of the storage shed and called the police.






This was very cute. I think my boy would like to read this as well.




The last line was great!



Alice
682
682
Review of Booker's Miracle  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you so much for taking to time to write a story for my contest, Cat Tales.


I hope to have the winners posted this coming Sunday.




I licked futilely atmy soaking paws for a few moments before giving up and letting myself shiver as I listened to the destruction being wrought upon the world outside.

You should separate the words atmy.








You have already struck a string in my heart. I keep company with a cat. His heart is not mine. It belongs to my oldest boy. When we speak for him we say that he calls Nick, Boy.






The Boy tilted his head, looking pensive. “I like that!” he declared, jumping up tolift me from my new scratching post. “Booker! Let’s call him Booker!”

You should place a space between tolift.







Those which were once streets were now rivers and gullies.

Consider

Those that were once streets were now rivers and gullies.








Most of the little land that was still above water was occupied by animals.


Consider


Animals occupied most of the little land that was still above water.






Yep, this was a good story.


Alice
683
683
Review of Midnight Janitor  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well I did enjoy the sordid little tale.

I found no spelling or grammar mistakes.

I think for something that is a bit on the short side, it is well told.





Would you consider checking out my contest? Perhaps you will find a inspiration there as well? And you know the judge likes your work.


Alice
684
684
Review of Nyctophobia I  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Stephen,

i thought you should put this in the contest,

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1106411 by Not Available.

This is way better than any of the other poems entered in the contest.

Hope to see you there.

I love the idea of Magpies who change forms.


Alice
685
685
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am so happy to see good story up in this contest. Now if I place it will really mean something.




"Now what does that old witch want?" As he tried to read the note he was jostled by the other students rushing toward the exit doors.

Consider


"Now what does that old witch want?" As he tried to read the note the other students rushing toward the exit doors jostled him.






Bobby was a fanatic about chewing gum. He chewed gum all the time. His favorite was Bazooka Bubble Gum. They made the biggest and best bubbles. One day he watched Bobby blow a bubble bigger than this head. Bobby wanted to be famous for blowing the biggest bubble in the world. Jamie just shook his head and laughed
because no one ever let Bobby's bubbles stay big for very long. Someone always popped it before Bobby finished blowing it and gum would be stuck all over his face and in his hair.

There is too much space between the word 'laughed and the word 'because'.





"Nah, It was all done quick and quiet. I think Helen is pregnant." sneered Robbie.

I think you need a comma after the word 'pregnant' instead of a period.





"Next...I said NEXT!. Excuse me young man, do you intend to stand there all day or would you like some help?"

I do not think that you need an explanation point and a period.






Back at the appartment, Jamie took out his trusty old typewriter he bought when he was in sixth grade.

apartment





I thought this was perfect tale of ordinary people trying to make the best of their lives even with bad events that happen to you as a child.




Good story.




Alice
686
686
Review of The Reunion  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

“Thirty eight years? Seems impossible – it was only a few minutes ago that I, uh…

You forgot the end quotation mark here.



“No, except for a rare number of people who can connect with our spiritual manifestations. Our existence is simple: we wait for The Light. Only then will we be transformed from the undead to purely spiritual beings.

This one too has no end quote marks.




I think you need to give the ending something more. It's not fulling enough yet. IMHO


Alice
687
687
Review of Rats  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for taking part in our contest.

Here are some notes.





No, we mustn’t,” Vincent replied, smiling.

This could use a beginning quotation mark.





The police said the thief’s motive was probably to sell her organs on a black market.

I would place a comma after 'said'.







He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue which was adjacent the kitchen,


Consider


He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue which, was adjacent the kitchen,


Or


He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue that was adjacent the kitchen,






I think this would be a better read if you were to make Matt a bit rat like himself.
688
688
Review of The Room  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Aaa, I'm not the first one to read it. Darn.






The next morning.


The way this hung there bothered me. Perhaps if you were to connect it to the following sentence.








But of course they know no better.

Consider

But of course, they know no better.





Despite the time I still can hear the whirling in that room.

Consider,

Despite the time, I still can hear the whirling in that room.






I guess I had been standing in front of that door for a while.


Consider

I guess, I had been standing in front of that door for a while.





Before I knew it I heard the door open and close.

Consider

Before I knew it, I heard the door open and close.





For me, this is not horror story. But hey, I'm not judging the contest and she may disagree with me %100.




Alice
689
689
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering my contest, Cat Tales.

I will read everything again after the close of the contest.

~~

Tiny had a wonderful tale made use of every single one of his lives well.

Thank you so much for sharing Tiny's tale.


Alice ~ in meows
690
690
Review of Everyday Miracles  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for placing a story in my contest, Cat Tales.

Please know that after the close of the contest I will read everything again.

Any notes I may give you do not have to use to place.


~~~


"No such luck. No such Lucky."

I liked this pairing.






Hope faded as did daylight on Sunday.

I think you should place a comma after the word 'fade'.








Lucky was not at the shelter, so a report and a description were filed.

Consider

Lucky was not at the shelter, so a report and a description was filed.






"Not knowing if he's OK is the worst part. If I just knew he was safe, in a house somewhere.."

You should remove one of the periods.







If I'm not around, start LOOKING for me!".

I do not think that you need a period here.




I thought this was a good cat story and one worth telling.

Alice
691
691
Review of The Habit  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
As a father of hord of girls, this story must strike acord with you. I am sure that, along with your wonderful desciption is what makes this story work so well.


Alice
692
692
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Maybe I should forget about it… he thought, I mean, how can I admit to him that I’m not what he thinks I am?

I change 'can' to 'could'.






How can I tell him that - that I’m a monster??

I would also only use one question mark.






Other than that, a fine wolfy tale.


alice
693
693
Review of Meat Loaf  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you so much for entering my contest Cat Tales!

Please feel free make or not any changes to your story.

I will read everything again at the end of the contest.
~~~

We call our cat a Meat Loaf. I even used it in a story of mine.


In your description of the cat, you may wish to consider adding his eye color.


I put wet food in front of him he would give me this look like I wanted him to be a cannibal.

^ This made chuckle. Our meat loaf of a cat will not eat wet food either. The smell is interesting but that is it.




Our cat too loves carrots. When cutting them he will wait for a stub of one to play and sniff with.

Mine sleeps mostly with my son unless it is cold. Then he wakes me up so that I will let go under the covers with me.


Ours has gone camping with us too. He is not a fan. However he is a fair mouser.


I thought it was sweet. How could I not, when your kitty felt so much like my own.

It is a four for me because I would loved more of Meat Loaf.


Thank you for telling me your tale.


Alice
694
694
Review of Weeping Willows  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Congrats on making this weeks Horror Newsletter. It was a great theme, dolls.

I thought the opening hook really worked.

I think you should express thoughts with either italics or with signal quote marks.



and people rarely entered.

I would drop 'and' and start the sentence with 'People'.





Kenny was one of those that listened to all signs—he was very cautious and proactive.

Wonderful!





Just as Kenny rotated his waist to dash (dangerdangerdangerdanger), a thick emerald vine spat out of Periculum's arid palm and bound itself around Amanda's ankle (who was frozen solid from dread beforehand).

I have liked the writing up until this paragraph.



Some of this could be tightened up. But most of this is an entertaining read. If you would like to give you more detailed notes, let me know.


You should be read more.

If you EVER need someone to read, please let me know.


Alice
695
695
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering my contest Cat Tales. I will read everything again at the close of the contest.

There is a problem with the formatting. What that means, is that some of the paragraphs touch or don't touch in an off sort of way.

I think this is sweet tale and you picked my favorite holiday too.

Alice
696
696
Review of Carlo's Muse  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
When we stopped, I saw that we had come to an “amusement” house. Common laborers, who did not appear to labor, marched in among crass women hanging around the doorstep with garish clothes and too much flesh. I grabbed at my Lady, but she is fast for her age and pushed out even before the driver could dismount. I think he hesitated at the sight of the place.
The crowd laughed at our clothes, and men pulled off their caps to call me “Guv” and the women made offers that I will not repeat or even think on. The smell, oh Carlo, the smell was ripe sewage, the body odors were a thick wall to penetrate. But inside we went, I following in my Lady’s wake like a reluctant puppy.


These two are touching.


Other than that, I see no way to improve your story.


Very enjoyable.

Alice
697
697
Review of Rosa  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think somehow you managed to look into my soul, and pull out two of favorite things and combine them in one wonderful story.


Fabulous.
698
698
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
So clearly written with grace and intelligence.

Alice
699
699
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I was hunting for alternate fairy tales for the Children's Newsletter and I came across this. Although I do not feel it is right for the newsletter, I still loved it.


GREAT and more Great and even more.


Alice in awe
700
700
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (3.0)
kiss the hands of the gorgeous women, and talk to the sexy ones.

If this this is indeed intend as children's tale then I think you should change the word 'sexy' to 'attractive'.


This is a cute idea, but for me, this is a story that you are telling instead of showing it. I hope that you someday come back and give this froggy tale more life.

Alice
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