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2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
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676
676
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking the time to enter another of my contest. I feel as you and I are becoming old friends.

I only have one more in this contest to read after yours. I hope to have winners, posted by this weekend.





If so, at least let him take a bath before your judgement.”

judgment






The men swivelled as one towards the sound, their hands on the hilt of their swords.

swiveled





As they entered the room the smell of incense wafted into the corridor .

There is a little too much space before the period.



The shamisen player walked through the streets of the town softly stroking the strings of his instrument, singing his songs, and swaying his body in sinuous rhythm.


The song of arrows whistling through the air was rapidly accompanied by screams of agony as the arrows pierced cloth and skin.

These were my favorite lines in the story.



They turned to look at the victor holding the head of the slain. “Damn!”, spoke Sugi.

I do not think you need the comma here.



The last line kicked butt.


677
677
Review of Simon and Jake  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

And thank you so very much for the gift of your story, for taking the time to enter my contest, Cat Tales!




Formatting, and spelling look to me to be spot on and there was only one or two small notes for grammar.

Simon slowly approached Jake and was about to preform a sneak attack when he noticed something strange.

perform

His motion sickness was slowby ebbing with the tide.

slowly




After a week at the shelter, Simon's family finally came to claimed him and they relocated temporarily to another state.

claim



At first, I found the style of writing to be a little redundant, then the dog Jake came into the story and away the story flew.


I put this story off in part because I was sure it would make me cry. Yep.




I should have winners posted very soon. This was the last thing to be read for the first time.


As always Alice
678
678
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a gifted writer you are.


As always Alice
679
679
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I use Google all of the time. I don't know how any writer worth his salt can't. Honestly what did they do before this wonderful thing.

We have a young lad in one of my groups who is at lose to how to do research. IMHO it shows. Guess who will be getting an email from me with this helpful link.

i'd like to see you do another. One where you show how using quote marks, or different combo's of words can help you find what your looking for.

Maybe even showing how you can find dictionaries, thesauruses, rules of grammar, quotes, find classic reads, or pictures for inspiration.


Alice
680
680
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I read some where that the Catholic Church no longer consider him a saint. However he is the star of one of my favorite stories to hurry for him.

Usually poetry is not my cup of tea, but I found that this went down smooth as milk.

You'll get no notes for improvement from me.



As always Alice
681
681
Review of The Map  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

My contest is closed, however I thought I would still give your work a read.


The title although fits the story is not engaging and rather common.


The formatting looks fine.



Do to the manner of writing, I feel you should also list this as a gothic tale.








At first, when I commenced on the etheresque trail, the night perpetually compelled my vision within its infinite depths,

'Etheresque' struke me as a funny word. I tried looking it up on Dictionary.com and found that what it offered for alternates made little sense.






This did not concern me; all that was on my mind was the unsquelchable desire to discover where it led.

unquenchable






Nothing occupied it, and I surmised I was not the only one who had entered the sepulchre, that graverobbers had stolen what was once inside of the funerary box.

sepulcher

grave robbers






This had Lovecraft, Stoker feel to it. Great read.



As always Alice
682
682
Review of She Comes  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking the time and placing a story into my contest, Villains Victorious.



Pretty good title.








Three best friends sat upon mattresses spread out in the large attic of an antique house, munching on cheddar popcorn.

Consider

Munching on cheddar popcorn, three best friends sat upon a mattresses spread out in the large attic of an antique house.








Book in hand, the eldest girl flipped the pages gently, almost as lovingly as one might handle a precious family heirloom, so as not to rip them.

Consider


Book in hand; the eldest girl flipped the pages gently, almost as lovingly as one might handle a precious family heirloom, so as not to rip them.






Thoughts of childhood ghost stories filled the others, of getting scared of campfire stories.

Great line!







‘C’mon, it’s not like we’re gonna kill anything.’ Jennie pat


pats






Soon, a short list of item was compiled an scrawled out on the page.

Consider

Soon, a short list of item was compiled a scrawled out on the page.






Here in The States we have a different ritual for calling forth Bloody Mary.







There is also a small amount of formatting problems.






Over all this is a fun read.





As always Alice
683
683
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for placing a story into my contest, Villains Victorious.


Great title.


I think you should placed the opening paragraph was intriguing.


Perhaps placing the second paragraph in italics. This would help with transition.



of memory put together in a mirage mural for our mind.

I love the flow of this.





This was a unique story.





Thanks for the read.



As always Alice
684
684
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for entering my contest, Cat Tales.

I hoped to be done with everything last weekend but my family each took turns being sick.




“I had a friend of mine named Winston Rockefeller help me.

I think it should be 'helped'.




“Mother," Isabella said. "Don’t you see he loves me and he will take good care of me.

I think this should end in a question mark.
685
685
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you so much for taking the time and place a story into my contest, Cat Tales.


I hope to have everything done today or tomorrow.


Better told than most that are written along a similar lines.


No notes for improvement. It read just fine to me.


As always Alice
686
686
Review of Home Alone  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for entering our flash contest!




“Stop! You can’t do this! I won’t let you kill us!

You forgot the end quotes






Everything else seems fine.




Good idea for this prompt.


As always Alice
687
687
Review of She Wrote  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you SO much for taking the time and writing something for flash contest.



Consider this





Lily wrote in her diary,

He cannot be gone. It can’t be true. I cannot live if I never see Ethan again. Who can have done such a terrible, terrible thing? I feel as if I don’t belong in my own life anymore. I go to university lectures, I drink with my friends and I eat and sleep, but it’s as if I’m watching someone else in a TV program do these things.




She’d hadn’t expected to be affected like that.

I think it should read like this,

She hadn’t expected to be affected like that.




I myself try to not have too many sentences start with the same words. I think this helps with the over all flow of a story.



Now she felt powerful, it was almost fun to watch there ignorant ramblings.

their





Completely.The heat between her legs had grown to be almost intolerable as she watched him gasp and drool.

You should place a space between the words 'Completely' and 'The'.





Over all this was a good use of the prompt.


As always Alice
688
688
Review of Domestic Animals  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for taking time and placing a story in my contest, Cat Tales.
I should be done by this coming Sunday.



Lots of emotional impact for such a short amount of words.


I did not find anything as far as grammar or spelling that you could improve upon.



As always Alice
689
689
Review of "insomnia"  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This was listed underneath one of my stories. I thought I'd give it a read.



I think you should capitalize the title and center it in the story. You can do this with placing the word center between {} in front of the word and after do the same but add / after the { and before the word center.





The tag-line for the story

evil is unleashed upon our world!

Also needs a capital.







"What do you speak of and what have you done Charles."

I think should end with a question mark.








"What was unleashed Charles."

Here again I feel a question mark is in order.



"pure evil."

Capitalize pure.





"You were hallucinating from insomnia, we have told you this already"

This needs a period.




"No, the gate it opened to another dimension, and a dark shadow with red eyes escaped before it was close it's the truth im telling you."

closed. It's the truth I'm telling you."




This reminded me of Poe.


Alice
690
690
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found this on the Plug Page.

The title caught my eye. Then I checked to see what genre it was. Lastly I saw your name, so then I knew I had to give a read.





. Music to me was a way of life, I would close my eyes and drift away to the plains of my imagination. Reality to me could never compete with the worlds that the music took me to, within my own mind. I would spend hours upon end in dream-scape's, flying over mountains of gold and, oceans of cherry wine. I would walk through cities made of the reddest bricks ever made and smell the seductive aroma of freshly baked bread and apple pies.


Very nice.






Piratical like poetry.



Oh to read, perchance to droll.

Alice
691
691
Review of The Magic Cat  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

And thank you for entering my contest, Cat Tales.

I hope to have everything read by this weekend. I should be done by Sunday.


Charming!



Alice
692
692
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking the time for my contest, Cat Tales.
I should have everything done by this Sunday.





Beautiful, sweet little fishies that never hurt a fly.

fishes






But they sure did eat a lot of mosquitos.

mosquitoes







BabyCat pretended not to notice, since she knew how upset her furriend was.

I liked the use of 'furriend'.




"You see, its like this.

it's






The old wrden at the fish hatchery has retired,

I think you meant 'warden'?






He is very mean, and has covered all of the place with nets, so that I can’t get in to get any fish.

Consider

He is very mean, and has covered the entire place with nets, so that I can’t get in to get any fish.





And what could he have meant when he said, "where the real warden is?"

I think it should be "Where






The warden picked up the phone which hung on the wall of the storage shed and called the police.

Consider

The warden picked up the phone that hung on the wall of the storage shed and called the police.






This was very cute. I think my boy would like to read this as well.




The last line was great!



Alice
693
693
Review of Booker's Miracle  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you so much for taking to time to write a story for my contest, Cat Tales.


I hope to have the winners posted this coming Sunday.




I licked futilely atmy soaking paws for a few moments before giving up and letting myself shiver as I listened to the destruction being wrought upon the world outside.

You should separate the words atmy.








You have already struck a string in my heart. I keep company with a cat. His heart is not mine. It belongs to my oldest boy. When we speak for him we say that he calls Nick, Boy.






The Boy tilted his head, looking pensive. “I like that!” he declared, jumping up tolift me from my new scratching post. “Booker! Let’s call him Booker!”

You should place a space between tolift.







Those which were once streets were now rivers and gullies.

Consider

Those that were once streets were now rivers and gullies.








Most of the little land that was still above water was occupied by animals.


Consider


Animals occupied most of the little land that was still above water.






Yep, this was a good story.


Alice
694
694
Review of Midnight Janitor  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well I did enjoy the sordid little tale.

I found no spelling or grammar mistakes.

I think for something that is a bit on the short side, it is well told.





Would you consider checking out my contest? Perhaps you will find a inspiration there as well? And you know the judge likes your work.


Alice
695
695
Review of Nyctophobia I  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Stephen,

i thought you should put this in the contest,

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1106411 by Not Available.

This is way better than any of the other poems entered in the contest.

Hope to see you there.

I love the idea of Magpies who change forms.


Alice
696
696
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am so happy to see good story up in this contest. Now if I place it will really mean something.




"Now what does that old witch want?" As he tried to read the note he was jostled by the other students rushing toward the exit doors.

Consider


"Now what does that old witch want?" As he tried to read the note the other students rushing toward the exit doors jostled him.






Bobby was a fanatic about chewing gum. He chewed gum all the time. His favorite was Bazooka Bubble Gum. They made the biggest and best bubbles. One day he watched Bobby blow a bubble bigger than this head. Bobby wanted to be famous for blowing the biggest bubble in the world. Jamie just shook his head and laughed
because no one ever let Bobby's bubbles stay big for very long. Someone always popped it before Bobby finished blowing it and gum would be stuck all over his face and in his hair.

There is too much space between the word 'laughed and the word 'because'.





"Nah, It was all done quick and quiet. I think Helen is pregnant." sneered Robbie.

I think you need a comma after the word 'pregnant' instead of a period.





"Next...I said NEXT!. Excuse me young man, do you intend to stand there all day or would you like some help?"

I do not think that you need an explanation point and a period.






Back at the appartment, Jamie took out his trusty old typewriter he bought when he was in sixth grade.

apartment





I thought this was perfect tale of ordinary people trying to make the best of their lives even with bad events that happen to you as a child.




Good story.




Alice
697
697
Review of The Reunion  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

“Thirty eight years? Seems impossible – it was only a few minutes ago that I, uh…

You forgot the end quotation mark here.



“No, except for a rare number of people who can connect with our spiritual manifestations. Our existence is simple: we wait for The Light. Only then will we be transformed from the undead to purely spiritual beings.

This one too has no end quote marks.




I think you need to give the ending something more. It's not fulling enough yet. IMHO


Alice
698
698
Review of Rats  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for taking part in our contest.

Here are some notes.





No, we mustn’t,” Vincent replied, smiling.

This could use a beginning quotation mark.





The police said the thief’s motive was probably to sell her organs on a black market.

I would place a comma after 'said'.







He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue which was adjacent the kitchen,


Consider


He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue which, was adjacent the kitchen,


Or


He was just about to go back upstairs when he heard a loud crash come from the morgue that was adjacent the kitchen,






I think this would be a better read if you were to make Matt a bit rat like himself.
699
699
Review of The Room  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Aaa, I'm not the first one to read it. Darn.






The next morning.


The way this hung there bothered me. Perhaps if you were to connect it to the following sentence.








But of course they know no better.

Consider

But of course, they know no better.





Despite the time I still can hear the whirling in that room.

Consider,

Despite the time, I still can hear the whirling in that room.






I guess I had been standing in front of that door for a while.


Consider

I guess, I had been standing in front of that door for a while.





Before I knew it I heard the door open and close.

Consider

Before I knew it, I heard the door open and close.





For me, this is not horror story. But hey, I'm not judging the contest and she may disagree with me %100.




Alice
700
700
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for entering my contest, Cat Tales.

I will read everything again after the close of the contest.

~~

Tiny had a wonderful tale made use of every single one of his lives well.

Thank you so much for sharing Tiny's tale.


Alice ~ in meows
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