Welcome to the board.
We are in the same contest and I like to everything that's listed.
I would separate the paragraphs. This will make it easier to read.
Oh, God did Aaron’s head hurt! Jesus I must have drunk a whole beer keg by myself last night. He rolled over on the bed and stared at himself in the mirror on the closet door. Wow, he barely looked like death warmed over.
You change POV here.
By Thursday, he knew there was something wrong. It had gotten bigger and it hurt like the devil himself was in there.
I like this line.
He reached his fingers up to touch it and could feel some of the lines accually coming out of his skin, almost like little hairs.
actually
Friday, Greg called. “Hey, where are we going tonight?” he quired.
I think you meant inquired.
“No, not tonight,” replied Aaron, “This tattoo is a mess. It’s infected, hurts like hell, and really swollen”
Period
He could see the lump under his shirt, it had grown to the point where he was not going to be able to hide it anymore.
; instead of the comma.
“Oh, my god, I need a drink” he thought.
“Oh, my God, I need a drink,” he thought.
“No you don’t” came an equally strong thought.
“No you don’t,” came an equally strong thought.
This time the head yelled at him,
This time the head yelled at him.
Your too young to throw your life away in a bottle”
You're too young to throw your life away in a bottle.”
“You’ll be sorry” stated the head.
“You’ll be sorry,” stated the head.
“Yeah, like you can do anything about it”
“Yeah, like you can do anything about it.”
“You can’t ignore me” stated the face.
“You can’t ignore me,” stated the face.
His own head has shrunk.
His own head had shrunk.
the head lay next to him, watching a movie on the tv.
the head lay next to him, watching a movie on the TV.
Everytime he headed for the kitchen, the right side of his body resisted, like it had a mind of it’s own.
Every time he headed for the kitchen, the right side of his body resisted, like it had a mind of it’s own.
“That’s it keep washing your brain down your throat” said the head.
“That's it, keep washing your brain down your throat.” said the head.
“Shut-up” his little voice squeaked.
“Shut-up,” his little voice squeaked.
It was getting harder to get the whiskey in his ever shrinking mouth.
It was getting harder to get the whiskey in his ever-shrinking mouth.
This was getting crazy, he would lose his job soon.
This was getting crazy; he would lose his job soon.
“No, we won’t let that happen said the head.”
“No, we won’t let that happen," said the head.
“Hey, buddy, where are we headed for tonight?’
“Hey, buddy, where are we headed for tonight?"
“Nowhere”
"Nowhere."
“Ah, come on man, I’m ready to party”
"Ah, come on man, I'm ready to party."
“Sorry, I don’t drink anymore.” replied the head.
“Sorry, I don’t drink anymore,” replied the head.
“Yeah, must be”
“Yeah, must be."
“Hey, how is that thing doing, I heard you were out of work a few days?”
“Hey, how is that thing doing? I heard you were out of work a few days.”
“Oh it’s doing much better,” replied the head as he looked in the mirror and watched a tear slip from the corner of the single eye on his left shoulder.
“Oh, it’s doing much better,” replied the head. As he looked in the mirror and watched a tear slip from the corner of the single eye on his left shoulder.
“I’m having it removed tomorrow”
“I’m having it removed tomorrow.”
Good ending!
Good luck in the contest.
Alice
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