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Review Requests: OFF
2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Congratulation!

This is to inform you that your tale has taken first place in this round of 120 contest.

It came very close to taking the grand prize.

I loved the intelligence of this and it had a fun creepy factor.

Alice
527
527
Review of Black Wind  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This is the last read for this round of the 120. I should have the result up today or tomorrow.

THe new prompts are up for another round.

I thought this was good us of the prompt of "wind".

I do not think this that far fetched. I think to save ourselves we would sacrifice what we should protect.

Alice
ecilA
528
528
Review of Having My Cake  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Once again we met at the 120.

I am surprised at how well the contest has done. Each round seems as strong as the last.

I this really works. I have to consider the last line, which is either brilliant or cheapens it. I have a cold so it is not fair to judge.


Alice
529
529
Review of Scenes of Life  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

From the 120.

This is the last read for this round. I will have the winners posted tonight or tomorrow along with new prompts.

This a great use of the prompt, "painting".

In this micro-flash I think the description is nicely done.

Overal,l this has a good "Night Gallery" feel to it.

Alice
530
530
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

From the 120.

This is the last read for this round. I will have the winners posted tonight or tomorrow along with new prompts.

This a great use of the prompt, "wind".

I like that you almost treated the wind as a character. I also thought the motivation was there too.

Alice
531
531
Review of Mirror Warning  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

From the 120.

This is the last read for this round. I will have the winners posted tonight or tomorrow along with new prompts.

This a great use of the prompt, "mirror". Over all this is a little too traditional and has that urban tale feel to it.

Read you again.

Aice
532
532
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

From the 120.

This is the last read for this round. I will have the winners posted tonight or tomorrow along with new prompts.

This a great use of the prompt, "insects".

I think this one you should make into a longer version.


Read you later,

Alice
533
533
Review of Next Morning  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

From the 120.

This is the last read for this round. I will have the winners posted tonight or tomorrow along with new prompts.

This a great use of the prompt, "insect".

The last line is really very good. It evokes wonderful imagery.


Alice
534
534
Review of Dark  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks again for taking part in the 120. It is wonderful to see you writing so much.


"Don't go out!" She cried. She stared helplessly at the lone candle sitting in a pool of wax on the table.

I would cut "She cried." You do not need it.

I think you should always watch out for starting too many sentences with the same pronoun.


"Please, don't....!"

don't . . .!"


http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/ellipse.asp...


Alice
535
535
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for taking part in this round of 120. I hope to see you again.

I will read everything again. It is that reading that counts the most. Use my notes or not. It is your story.



Something pushed at the bath plug so forcefully that it flew out of the water. Greyish cord of living flesh appeared out of the drain and found me. Instantly octopus’s arm weaved itself around my leg, hardened into solid steel wire and pulled.

I think you should start it here. WHy? Because it is full of action.


Alice
536
536
Review of Under the Rug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thanks again for taking part in this round of the 120. I will read everything again in few days.

I rolled my eyes,.

I think you should remove the comma.


"Every time new dirt is allowed to sprinkle through these floor boards, another spirit is released from it's earth-bound prison."

its

http://www.writing-world.com/basics/gaffes.shtml



What a fresh take on the prompt.


Alice
537
537
Review of The Pollen  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am so happy to you enter the Ordinary Horror contest.

The title is okay.


Tag is fine.

You could easily lose the opening paragraph and weave the description in the next paragraph.


It reminds of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Night of the Triffids".


Maybe it was trauma getting to him, he wondered to himself

You forgot your period.


Good read not great. If you want increase its fear factor let me know.

Alice
538
538
Review of Scenes of Life  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thanks once more for taking part in this round of the 120. I will read everything again in a couple of days. That is the reading that counts the most. Feel free to ignore anything I say.


Lila’s life was painting. She loved the colors and smell of the paints, the transformation of a blank canvas into a scene, a story.

Consider,

Lila’s loved the colors and smell of the paints, the transformation of a blank canvas into a scene, a story, it was her life.

Her too I would rework some of the sentences that start with the pronoun.

Good concept on this one.


Alice
539
539
Review of Mirror Warning  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thanks for taking part in this round of 120.

I think any time you use she at the start of so many sentences that you should rearrange some so that it flows better.

Mirror, mirror on the wall…

I think she should be saying this or thinking this.


Alice
540
540
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120.

I think having wind speaking to someone is a great idea and one that would be worth exploring more in a longer story.

Feel free to ignore any notes I give you.

The wind would whisper things to Judy. It whispered vile, horrible things sometimes.

Consider combing these.




The wind would whisper things to Judy. It whispered vile, horrible things sometimes.


won[b}'t


Alice
541
541
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again,

I do not feel the title is any good.


I really strong opening paragraph.


"I'm sorry" I whisper, I know she can't hear me.

"I'm sorry{c;red}," I whisper{c;, I know she can't hear me.



"Too expensive" Ma shrieked.

expensive ,"





A magnificent wall mural in the artistic fashion of a five-year old decorated the left wall of our green bedroom.


No hyphen.



"I'm thorry, Rothanne" was what I heard, making me angrier.

Rothanne,



"Crap, crap crap, this sucks!"

crap, crap. This



There is a good voice in this one.


ALice
542
542
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"You were named after two nurses and the prison ward doctor who delivered you." His comments screamed the words my foster mother drilled into me early in life, "Don't end up like your mother." She never offered an elaboration or explanation.
I didn't want to believe him. I always imagined I’d been named after grandmothers or a group of beloved aunts. Until that day, I believed in a fantasy where entering foster care was the result of some horrible tragedy that my parents could not control. Did this brother that I never knew existed, who entered my life so unexpectedly, held the key that would unlock all the answers to the questions, which plagued many restless nights of childhood?

You should place a space between these two.


Really good breaks in the chapters.



“I have enough”

Needs a period.




“Okay, see you in school tomorrow, gotta get off” she said.

off,"




“George, George Fillios, He doesn’t look anything like me”

me.



“Don’t spill any of that chocolate sauce on my new couch” Ma said.

couch,"





“Please” I threw in at the last minute.

"Please,"





Good luck with the rest.


As always,

Alice
543
543
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
The title is good.

The opening line is great!

I would guess the dark words are the ones required.

There is some really nice description and the flow of the story seems natural.

I think the lead up was good. Poor old bear. Poor old mum.


You should do well in the contest, I am sure.

Alice
544
544
Review of Memories Unmade  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello again L A,

I enjoy sitting with live oaks and discussing the concept of alternate timelines, probably better known as "what ifs". The trees know them all, of course, since their perception of time isn't continuous. Well, at least that is what they tell me.

I love this. ^^^



Great title.


PLEASE TELL WHEN YOU WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Alice
545
545
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
HELLO,

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I will read everything again in couple of days. It is that review that counts the most.


Consider,

He imprisoned them and asphyxiated them with cyanide.

Imprisoning and asphyxiating them with cyanide.


I can see why so many before me enjoyed this tale. You should see if you make this a longer tale.

Alice
546
546
Review of Next Morning  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

And thank you for entering the 120. I will read everything again in a couple of days. It is that reading that counts the most. My rating may go up them.

This is a tad too "The Metamorphosis". If you were to pick another insect it would help.

I love the thought of the last line.


Alice
547
547
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
My oldest would love this. We have to air shows and plane museums and have tons of patches for things I have no idea about.

There are some formatting issues with this.

There is also a nice layer of affection and respect for what you are writing.

As always,

Alice
548
548
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for entering the 120. This review is for the round of May 5th to May 12th.

The prompt used is "

Laughing I took his plate and went into the kitchen and down into the basement.

Laughing,


Just then I heard my husband call to me,

How come he can not hear the awful things that happen down there, but she can hear him?


I think this is a good and chilling idea.

a
L
I
C
e
549
549
Review of Haunted Rug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again,

I did read both of these before but I did not get change to praise.

Just think, if you had never enter the 120, I might never have read your work.

This is for the prompt "rug", in the 120, for the of May 5th through May 12th.

The tea one appeals to me a little more than this but is still very nice.

As always,
Alice
550
550
Review of Tea for One  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Again this is your review for 120, in the round of May 5th to May 12th.

I think the names in this one are really good.

I think this is the best written out of the lot.

I do not think the last line is necessary because it was already implied very well without it.

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