*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vamp_cat/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/21
Review Requests: OFF
2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 17 18 19 20 -21- 22 23 24 25 26 ... Next
501
501
Review of WRITING  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello SINCERELY YOURS,

Welcome to Writing.com.

I found no errors in the way of spelling, grammar (which for poetry is odd anyway) or formatting.

I think this would come across better if you were display the side word in a different color or have it be the only thing that is capitalized.


a
502
502
Review of Sandpaper  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am sorry about running behind in my reviews. I will everything again in a couple of days and then post the results and give out the rewards.

Feel free to ignore my notes. It is your story.


Great lead-up and wonderful conclusion.


Thank you from the 120[/c}


Alice
503
503
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is the last review for this round of the 120.

I think this is a real contender for the top prize this week. Although I still have not made up mind as of yet. I have a few more to read, but I am sure this will win something.

As always,

Alice
504
504
Review of Dust Bunny  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I think this is the last for you in this round.

I will let everyone know how they did TODAY. Sorry to be running late.


Great opening line.


I really liked the idea of evil dust bunnies.

I think this is conceived and well written. Good job.

Alice
505
505
Review of Happy Anniversary  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again,

THis is the second reading for this round of the 120. I am running behind this week.


Joe walked into the room just as she fell, dead, to the floor. He placed the snake back into its box with a stick and hummed as he dialed 911.

I think this should be its own paragraph.


Other than that, this is well written.


Alice
506
506
Review of Mrs. Finks  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This is the second read for this round of the 120. I will have the winners posted TODAY along with the prizes given out.

I still think this one was a fun flash. It appeals to me. I know some of my teachers were heros and others . . . Well you know.

Alice
507
507
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Great title.

Jason was eating candy bars while we walked.

I think this is a passive voice. Consider,

While we walked, Jason was eating candy bars.


Unfortunately, he, also, threw the wrappers on the ground.

Unfortunately, he also threw the wrappers on the ground.


IMHO, you have a good idea, but you lack the delivery of it to be horror. Here is what I would to bring up the horror factor . . .


Cut the first line. Why? This will give more words to work with in the end and do not need it there. Plus the second is stronger.

Now add the more to the ending.


OR not. It is up to you.


Alice
508
508
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I have not had saltwater taffy in long time.

He should not have eaten the candy. Fool.

I almost think this would work a little more if it were and impetuous child who ate the poisoned candy.

Other than that is a fine read, even if do not change a word.



Thanks again for the tale.

Alice
509
509
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
WOWOw this is great.

I thought you did a great job with this prompt.

The description spot on.

The grammar, spelling and formatting are fine.

The character is rich and well motivated. Not easy to do in a pinch of words.


Thanks for the great read,

Alice
510
510
Review of Mrs. Finks  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello to you again.

I think more than one person has thought that at least one of their teachers were really evil witches. I am sure at least some of them are.

Everything else seems okay. Part of my thought that thee last two lines should be their own paragraph . . . I think it is fine either.

Alice
511
511
Review of Happy Anniversary  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again!

I think most people would not like to open a box with a snake in it. Although it is not an effective means of murder. The snake might just slithered away. Now if she had shaken the box, that would ticked the snake for sure.

Everything seems just.


Alice
512
512
Review of Dust Bunny  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I will read everything all over again in a few days and post the result soon after.

I think this was great use of he prompt "dust". I was hoping someone would do a dustbunnies.

alice
513
513
Review of Under the Rug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This tale was judged best for the use of the prompt "YOUR OWN" in this round of the 120.


Alice
514
514
Review of Under the Rug  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is the last review in this round of a 120. I should everything read and winners posted today or tomorrow. I will also have the list of new prompts. I hope you will look them over and see if they do not inspire you again.

This was nice use of the prompt " Your own".

I LOVE the idea of this one. I really think you expand upon this tale.

A
515
515
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I should have the results up in a day or two. I will also have the new prompts up also.


This was nice use of the prompt, "BATHTUB".

This shows your imagination. It had a bit of a Lovecraft feel to it.


Alice
516
516
Review of Dark  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I should have the results for this round posted no later than this Sunday with new prompts for you to take a look at. Maybe even sooner. I hope to see you again.

Nice use of the prompt "WAX".

I think this is well written.

Alice
517
517
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I should have the results for this round posted no later than this Sunday with new prompts for you to take a look at. Maybe even sooner. I hope to see you again.

Nice use of the prompt "your own".

I think this has a classic urban ghost tale feel to it.

Alice
518
518
Review of Having My Cake  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I should have the results for this round posted no later than this Sunday with new prompts for you to take a look at. Maybe even sooner. I hope to see you again.

Nice use of the prompt "cake".

I think this one has good imagery.

Alice
519
519
Review of REVENGE  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am so use to reading stories from you that have length that I hardly recognized it as yours.

He finds himself on the Manhattan side of the BrooklynBridge.

I think it should be "Brooklyn Bridge".

The last line is very good. But them you know I like most of your writing.

Alice
520
520
Review of The Tea Service  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I was interesting in the contest "twist" so I thought I would see what I was up against.

I think this is well written. (She is such a shrew!)

I found spelling, grammar or formatting errors.

I am sorry to say I guessed the ending. No worries. This has gotten tons of high reviews and I am not the judge. They might love it too.


Alice
521
521
Review of Survivor  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Whahahah!! I am first!


Wow almost 5000 words.

Time slipped away from me today; at least Mr Jinx’ll be looked after while I’m away

Mr.

I saw this posted and quickly clicked over to see if you were still on. NOPE. I was hoping to IM.

Cool story. It read really quickly so pacing was fast.

Alice
522
522
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
When read the title I knew I would have to give it a read. Then I saw the ratings. I was skeptical.

or an entire stomach.

I was wondering, did you mean belly/abdamend? Or did you really the organ?

Oh never mind. I read about the elf-- cute.


So far the only thing you might want to think about changing is:

NOOOOO

?!!!!

Simple because I have never seem such things in a published work.



(which was slightly intimidating, as the chef was by no means a small or weak man…in fact he was quite large and intimidating),

man . . . in

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/ellipse.asp...



Penelope then bit her lower lip in a disgustingly adorable fashion and apologized in a soft, quivvering voice,

quivering



[b]
Becksley didn’t pay any interest as to why my clothers were filthy, singed and smelling of sulfur.

clothes



Great. Read.


A
523
523
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am so sorry. I messed up.

I finally caught it and them I haunted around for my notes.

Anyway--- your story has taken second place in the 120 contest for use of the prompt of, "wind".

I will post you on the list now.

Here are your gp's.

Alice
524
524
Review of Haunted  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I LOVE GHOST STORIES.

I had hoped to enter this contest too but time left.

I have to tell you the title is little more than functional and does nothing to make your tale stand out.

But it was early in the afternoon, and daylight should remain for several hours

I do not think you should start any sentence with a conjunction. I think it is fine in dialog.

I do think this is well written. However it is not a five like it has been for some many, and I am sure other will too.

A five is a huge WOW and this only good for me.


Alice
525
525
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This is the first review for this round of the 120.


{b{
Though he tried to ignore the voice, it continued to cry with bone chilling shrieks.
He arrived at the young lady's house to find her door bordered in black. Her father had died and was buried just that morning.

A small formatting problem but no biggy.

GOOD tale.

A
809 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 33 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vamp_cat/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/21