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2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
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551
Review of Memories Unmade  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello again L A,

I enjoy sitting with live oaks and discussing the concept of alternate timelines, probably better known as "what ifs". The trees know them all, of course, since their perception of time isn't continuous. Well, at least that is what they tell me.

I love this. ^^^



Great title.


PLEASE TELL WHEN YOU WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Alice
552
552
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
HELLO,

And thank you for taking part in this round of the 120. I will read everything again in couple of days. It is that review that counts the most.


Consider,

He imprisoned them and asphyxiated them with cyanide.

Imprisoning and asphyxiating them with cyanide.


I can see why so many before me enjoyed this tale. You should see if you make this a longer tale.

Alice
553
553
Review of Next Morning  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

And thank you for entering the 120. I will read everything again in a couple of days. It is that reading that counts the most. My rating may go up them.

This is a tad too "The Metamorphosis". If you were to pick another insect it would help.

I love the thought of the last line.


Alice
554
554
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
My oldest would love this. We have to air shows and plane museums and have tons of patches for things I have no idea about.

There are some formatting issues with this.

There is also a nice layer of affection and respect for what you are writing.

As always,

Alice
555
555
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And thank you for entering the 120. This review is for the round of May 5th to May 12th.

The prompt used is "

Laughing I took his plate and went into the kitchen and down into the basement.

Laughing,


Just then I heard my husband call to me,

How come he can not hear the awful things that happen down there, but she can hear him?


I think this is a good and chilling idea.

a
L
I
C
e
556
556
Review of Haunted Rug  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again,

I did read both of these before but I did not get change to praise.

Just think, if you had never enter the 120, I might never have read your work.

This is for the prompt "rug", in the 120, for the of May 5th through May 12th.

The tea one appeals to me a little more than this but is still very nice.

As always,
Alice
557
557
Review of Tea for One  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Again this is your review for 120, in the round of May 5th to May 12th.

I think the names in this one are really good.

I think this is the best written out of the lot.

I do not think the last line is necessary because it was already implied very well without it.

558
558
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ah ha! I read you again.

This review is for the round of May 5th through May 12th of the 120.

Cute idea. It reminds of the TV show Night Gallery, those short-shorts they would do.

The same hokey movie monster jumped out and ate them both.

It said, “Hah, laugh at my movies, will you?” It licked its teeth and slipped back into the shadows.{/b]

I think this would read better if they were combined.


“Hah, laugh at my movies, will you?” The same hokey movie monster jumped out and ate them both, licked its teeth and slipped back into the shadows.
559
559
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I do love florist shops, they cool, smell wonderful, and of course the flowers.

He thought he would die for that smile.

He was the last customer of the day.

See the lump of of "he's" . . . I'd try are work them out.


Consider,

He thought, {i]' I'd die for that smile.'

The florist turned the sign after he entered, he was the last customer of the day.


She said, “I’m leaving you.”
He asked, “Why?”
She stated simply, “I love Marvin.”

I think above this you should have had ***

I also feel that you should use her name instead of "she".

He also could used a name used earlier.


then Cindy smiled and dropped a blood red rose on his still chest as they walked away.

I thought this was very nice.

Alice
560
560
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
WE met again...

Again this for the 120 round of May 5th to May 12th.

The prompt is "rug".

Great title.

I think over all there are places you should easily cut some words and used them for her reaction to her surprise.

I am glad to see you try so many. That is always nice to see.

Alice
561
561
Review of Pretty Skin  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

And thank you for taking part in the May 5th through May 12th of the 120.

This goes under the "skin" prompt.

He watched her as her large frightened eyes followed him above the gag he had covered her screams with.

I think anytime you use a word more than once in any sentence, you should consider reworking it.

He watched her large frightened eyes follow him.

Above the gag, her large frightened eyes...

I really liked much of what you have written in the past but this one seems to me not like your best.

Oh well, one small flash.

Alice

562
562
Review of A Grim Experience  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

and thank you for entering the 120. This is your review for the round of May 5th through May 13th.

I am going to put this under the " your own prompt" category.

I hope to see YOU again.

Well this a good flash. Not a huge but still good.


As always,
Alice
563
563
Review of Skin Art  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is your second read for the 120 in the round of May 5th to May 13th.

This goes underneath the category of "skin" prompt.

I think this is nicely written and that is of course makes the tale worth the read.

I truly like this one too.


Alice
564
564
Review of Flower Power  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is the second reading for May 6th - May 13th of the 120.

Thanks for work and the read.

Both words in your title need to be capitalized.

Where, oh bloody where it is? I rummage through the cellar, weakening with every moment while the green demons suck the life out of me. Ah, finally! Gotcha!

I think this should appear as,



Where, oh bloody where it is?

I rummage through the cellar, weakening with every moment while the green demons suck the life out of me.

Ah, finally! Gotcha!


I still love this.


Alice
565
565
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

This is the second reading for May 6th - May 13th of the 120.

Thanks for work and the read.

I think you have some nice writing and some good description.

The idea is cute but not a huge wow for me. Still a fun flash.

As always,

a
L
i
C
e
566
566
Review of Black Wind  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

Thank you for taking part in the 120. I hope YOU do so again!

Some how to me this has an air of New Orleans to it although I can say for sure why.

I huddled in the comfort of Mother's bosom and tried to block out the hungry wind and Father's voice.

I think you should switch out "huddled" here. In flash you must be-careful to what words you repeat.

Other than that, a fine read.

aLiCe
567
567
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a nice concept for a pome, and quite right for the Haiko too.


Steel blue Winter dawn

Steel blue winter dawn

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp...

I think you should think of using a new color for each season instead repeating them.

568
568
Review of Skin Art  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I have to tell you this well written.

It is wonderful that you doing more than one and I hope that you keep it up.

Although it is clear that you are good writer, you should know that the dragon has been on skin a lot. So is lady. So looke for something else. Keep the tatoo but reach for something else.

Alice
569
569
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

And welcome to 120.

I read everything at least twice once before the close and after. The round I will be having someone else help out of the judging as well.

Any notes I give feel free to ignore. It’s your tale not mine.

Please enter again and again and again.

I love vamps too.

ALice
570
570
Review of Flower Power  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

And welcome to 120.

I read everything at least twice once before the close and after. The round I will be having someone else help out of the judging as well.

Any notes I give feel free to ignore. It’s your tale not mine.

Please enter again and again and again.

This one is great.

ALice
571
571
Review of Choices  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I think you did a great job with the prompt and the time.

I did find some small things:

I am given the choice again , ‘salty’ or ‘sweet’ This time I choose salty.

again,

'sweet'.



The first vioice spoke, “I told you it was too stupid to figure it out.

The first vioice spoke, “I told you it was too stupid to figure it out.

voice


I think it very cool. You got a clever story out of it!
572
572
Review of Phantoms  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I know you could come up with something. Now we got ourselves a contest boys and ghouls, yes we DO!



He had a undying urge to see the world outside.

an undying




Good ending.

Boy would it suck to have your legs crushed.

This has a wonderful myth quality to it.



As always,

Alice
573
573
Review of The jam  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The Patterson family were seated for breakfast.

was seated




"Sweetheart, Daddy took care of those rats months ago".

ago."




More minutes passed, angry Mrs Patterson stood up, "I'll get them!"

Mrs.




What the hell is happening thought Henry.

'What the hell is happening,' thought Henry.



He slowly approached the cellar door wondering, when had he last checked the trap.

Slowly, approached the cellar door wondering. 'When was the last I checked the trap?'

This one is good. I like that it is all left to my head what happened.



Alice
574
574
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Damn, the lights!” I jump, then find a candle, lighting it I trip over the cat as she hops through her flap carrying something..

Double period.


“What do you have, kitty?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the relentless booms shaking my sanity.

On this line I mix it up and find another word for "booms".


This one is very nicely written.

Alice
575
575
Review of The Rat Waits  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Boy you are in a word flurry or what?!

The rat sat watching. Its malevolent eyes boring into my mind.

Consider,

Malevolent rat eyes bore into my mind.

I think over all it needs more feeling and description to highten the horror factor. I know you can, if you try.

Alice
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