OOOPS, I should've read this first before reviewing your poem "FINAL GOOD BYE" ...I'm so SORRY
I see why the first 2 lines are the way you have them. Well, I learned something new today...How to write a Ghazal. Again sorry . This article is very informing. Thanks for the lesson. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, just visiting your port for awhile. Your folders sound interesting. I chose this one because I'm a nurse and take care of elderly patients. I like this poem and the way you've done it. By ending every other line with now...very unique. Except for the 1st 2 lines...I think it would be better if you had the first 2 lines like the rest of the poem. Just a suggestion. Great job. Tammy Invalid Review
Sorry for your loss. Great tribute to your Grandma. I can feel the love you have for her in each word!! I can see that your Grandma lives on through you!
I like these 2 lines the best:
You touched so many with your heart
It still hurts to think we are apart
Only suggestion :...line 7..you could leave off but..
Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Chapter one starts off well, I like your main character and would definitely like to read more about her!!
A few typos and errors I noticed:
She knew she shouldn’t, but, after-all, she( just use but or after all...not both)
shops she’d just been in. they (captilize they)
Well let me tell you( a comma after well)
Great start, Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I ,like many, suffer from depression and your information is helpful and informative.
My opinion:
Your essay just needs a little cleaning.
whether good or bad, whatsoever.(you don't need the whatsoever...just end the sentence at bad.)
Depression is not a disease that only influences males or children of the age three to eleven.(I'm not sure what the relevance of this statement is...? )
To be Majorly Depressed (this does not need to be captilized)
undergo a Major Depression episode sometime(same here.. and through out you captilize when it's not needed...)
Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I can see where you are going with this poem. Yet, I think it needs more! The few comparisons you have are unique..I think if you added to this piece with the uniqueness you've already showed that it would be really good. A few suggestions on what youy could add:
Just a little more about the man saying "take care."
Maybe, more about what kind of relationship you had at the beginning. Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Very inspirational poem. The message is very clear, and I agree with your thoughts. This is a great stanza and my favorite:
So with these words my love to you
My heart’s an open door
I’ll walk and talk and follow
For it’s you I do adore..
Only change I might make:
I’ll walk and talk and follow( I think it would be better if you didn't have both the ands..I'll walk, talk and follow) Just a suggestion!
I did not notice any typos or mispelled words.
Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Great inspirational poem. The message is loud and clear. Thanks for a great read. I didn't notice any mispelled words or typos. Keep writing and good luck. My favorite part:
There's one thing that keeps me going. One thing that keeps me strong.
One thing that keeps me believing. One thing that keeps me living.
Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Wow, what an ending!! I didn't see that coming at all. This is well written. I didn't notice any punctuation errors, mispelled words or typos. I enjoyed reading this. His love for his wife is very apparent! The only thing I dont't like is the title.
Great job. Keep writing and good luck. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is great!! Well done. I just can not master a funny piece. Your story is funny and its very easy to read. I did not notice any typos or mispelled words.Your character Helen is very likable..we don't know alot about Ange and john..you might elaborate some on them. Keep writing. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Thanks for entering my monthly contest and good luck. You write of a popular subject, yet you do make it your own. I like the repition you have in it. I like this stanza the best:
Please don't tug my bleeding heart
Or fool with my guilty mind.
Can't let the memories start
To put my thoughts in a bind.
This stanza I like the least:
Sometimes we gotta do what's right
And what's right don't always feel it.
Sometimes we gotta end the fight
Although we want to heal it.
Line 2 seems a little forced...you might try..
Even if it doesn't feel it. Just an opinion!
Overall, great job. Keep writing. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Thanks for entering my monthly contest and good luck. Just my opinion:
Your poem is okay, and I say this because, we all wear mask...and unfortunately alot of people write about it. So its not very original. You can keep the subject but you have to make it your OWN...use unique comparisons and unique imagery....so that it's not so plain!!
Errors I found:
Line seven has a typo...ro=to
line 15 typo=cutts-cuts
the last line typo=hidding=hiding
Keep writing. Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/43
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.60 seconds at 5:21pm on Jul 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
