I always thinkm it's so from the heart, and kinda opening yourself up, when the bond and love is soo great for another, you feel you can express yourself through writing about them, in this case your admiration for your mother.
Very peaceful, and presented well. I could imagine the love and memories you and your mom created and shared together, as mom and daughter. Well done.
I did however see a few minor typos.
You've taught me so many cool things
There's a extra space between so > many.
In the last stanza a few lines are missing periods, and you change tense once.
I don't know how you mange to such a well portayed poem, about marbles of all things and without using the letters o or u. I ma wonderfully surprised and impressed.
It's told well, it makes perfect sense, no errors, I have no suggestions to improve it and is very interesting!
Woohooo, I love this, right what I had imagined when I thought up the prompt, Gross, vivid, and kinda distrubing, my muse was enthralled.
You did a great job adding such detail, and flow, to a small poem like this one. A reader, like me, can truely see what what growing, in all it's invading preverseness, and feel the emotiions, of fear,confusion, sickening awe, in being the host for the growth.
Sniff, Oh My catwoman, I'm all emotional, this hits me soo close to my heart, I am amazed and delighted!!
I never realized The StoryMistress was a Friday the 13th baby, I can realate so well to your labor and feeling on having a child on that date, that so many fear with no solid foundation.
I was postive my Jordan was a beautiful boy, and this might be a mom's ego, but ya he was, Born friday the 13th, he was healthy, big, 10pounds,1 oz, and huge baby blue eyes, and brown highlighed hair, what a combo!
I wanted a natural delivery too, but couldn't handle it, and begged for the meds coming on the end of my labor.
I hope too Jordan will do things in life that give him all the happiness he desreves, and thanks sooo much for sharing. I am delighted to learn something new about Storymistress, and tickled pink she;s born on the same day as my son, Jordan, and of course, Darling Kiya!! kiyasama
This is very descriptive dear, and vividly gross. You go girl!
The image of a zombie seeking love, slowly rotting and festering in it's fleshly decay was nice, and you are talented indeed to bring such intensy and feeling to small free style poetry.
I am creeping through this folder, Yup! Don't fear my muse does not hunger..
This is fantastic, small, intense and bang! This is a poem, that grabs the readers intrest, satsifys them with descrpitive words, and dark imagery, that wraps it all up, ends it talently like a steady life line~~ nice and well written.
I see no spelling errors, and again, the desciption just doesn't do this poem justice. Wow!!
Embrace death, plea with darkness and find light! HaHa, I adore free style poetry, and this poem, "Bring back my love" is well written in all it's saddness and longing for one's true love, and hate~ well almost. One can envy death for he has that love, and in death ywo can be one.
I see no spelling errors, and liked how you included death speaking with some very good imagery, “Wait,” his voiceless calm emits. NICE!!
I would suggest though dear in perhaps cahnging the description for this poem, it doesn't do it justice, grab the reviewers attention; make them curious on what the poem portrays.
A poetic piece about how a simple object can hold so much depth. by udontno
How marvelous sweet simple well written poem, you did fantastic dear so it being the middle of tht time and thoughts rambling in your head, I know what's that like only I'm too lazy to crwal out of bed. *winkl*
I remember my crayons too, ahh ages ago it seems, I loved my sky black.
Wow!! Indeed Nikola, Like a vise!!! You described the agony of a terrible migraine to a T! To the point, clear, and very vivid!!
Intensely written, my type of poetry.
On another side, Nikola, my heart goes out to you, for experiencing and suffering such cruel headaches, and although I can't sympthize personally, my husband suffers, and he has spend many times in our "dark infested room".
Very cool, Nikola, relating your feeling of being drained,used, and lacking care, with a old, used rug with feelings, as if was alive and the feelings a rug would have if it had been used and trampled apon by careless people mindless of what's around them and below their feet. Personication I think it's called.
I see no typos, you edited it well! The word frayed has a nice ring ring to it, it really carries alot of imagery and perceptions with it. Nice!
Thanks for sharing, and I very so enjoyed this poem.
The title is so vivid, and interesting! Grabs the readers attention for sure, and dabs some curiosity too with the vague description. The decription doesn't give this short but great poem justice and I would suggest changing it.
Such emotion and color, It is not often so much can be portrayed so clearly in a small poem and in this poem you have it mastered.
I see no typos, you edited it well.
Where reality is denounced,
Consumed by the void,
Brillant! A void consuming, so twisted, and torn, two elements I adore in poetry. Bwhaha!
Thanks for inviting me to your port, and I would return again. Keep the awesome poetry coming.
Thanks for taking the time to enter, and wow!!! I am in awe.
I never imagined the prompt used so, and you truely dabbling in the darkness inside you and shined brillantly black.
His legs returning to him, undead and having a perverse entity surrounding them was fantastic, I could sympatize with the huy's perceptions, he was believeable and therefore his legs were too.
My first impression is catchy title draws the readers curiosity.
I enjoyed this, and liked how the story starts off in almost a darkly bibical way. Very creative, and well imagined, the night having a esssence; a form, that hunts, and seduces the wek, partically those within the hospitals walls.
The personality given to the "dark" was believeable, and almost passionate about his purpose.
You took a very original idea and truely made it own. Well done! This poem reminded me of the classic The Raven, by Poe. Gotta love Poe.
You use some fantastic imagery in this poem, about the superstitions that surround and crow, and perhaps there is some truth to them, so fear and heed the warnings a crow delivers if your so unfortinate to be visited by one.
I loved the ending stanza, I could relate from my own poetry.Do not fear the darkness, you must survive the night, to live another day. Neat!
I enjoyed this story so far, and am adding it, very interesting and orginal idea. The tale starts with the young girl, Kasey getting at tattoo, with a peek into her mind on the reasons and influences behind her decisions, and then moves on to events happening throughout the town.
Your descriptions used as the man ate the rats and killed the cop's partner, to the look in his eyes and the terrifies cops when he was found, to the girl's friend Rose coming across her friend transformed, hungering, was vivid and colorful. Definatley a story for those who love the dark, like myself.
A few suggestions
These are only suggestions dear, and you may use or not use as you deem helpful, and in no way do I intend to offend you.
The relentless buzz of the needle pushing ink deep into her skin was maddening
It seems vague a little perhaps saying. The relentless buzzing sound and the sensation of the needle pushing ink deep into her skin was maddening.
perused
persued?? perhaps
Mack was tired of this crap shift.
Mack was tired of his craapy night shift.
The junkie startled, shoulders hunched, and shifted to turn around.
remove and
“So, negative on narcotics and prescriptions, both. Hm
Should end in a question, she's Hmm as in wondering and questioning.
Final Thoughts
This is already a very interesting story, and I agree with the pretty yellow ribbon that decorates it. Well done, you have a fantastic muse happening!
This is fantastic!! I enjoyed reading it and was very sucked in. I like when a stort truely portrays the charcters enough to feel the tale being told.
It deserves a five for sure.
One suggestion though, Brandon, You do not have a rating on it, and without a rating, thw writing.com system will not show it in forums and searches, if you ain't sure it's rating, I think it 18, thanks again for your review and take care,
Amazing emotions in this poem Sherri, full five from me. I actually felt as if I was the person is the poem, it was so clear, and I was being tormented by the questions of forgivness and the lure of anger and betrayel for being treated so uncaring, and selfishly.
I really hope this is fictional, although deep down I feel it's it not, and my heart goes out to you.
You really do write fantastic, emotional poetry Sherri. Thank you for sharing them with me and everyone else here.
This is well written, and flows together very well. I liked the quiet modesty portrayed in this poem, and the questions inplied but never really asked straight out.
Only suggestion I have is second stanza last line. You might want to satart it willl I. Might come together clearer.
You write some beautifully dark poetry and this although small portrays some very ghastly images of undead or dead and begiining to mortally decay and being aware of it. Indeed one would fear sleeping, not just for what hides under their bed, but what lies deep in their minds also.
I see no mechanicl errors, but find the first stanza very descriptive but not as flowing as the second, they don't seem to come together well, perhaps it is just me, no offence intended.
like swallowed eyes
and transparent flesh
Ohh, Very vivid in all the blackened imagery it's portrayed with. Nice!
Onward a happily creep....stained.
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I hope you won, or will win, This is fantastic!!!
onwards I creep...
You go girl!
