I am in awe by this poem right up my shadowed alley, full five from me. It is not often I read a dark poems that's soo grossy vivid and tastly written. I enjoyed it alot!
You wrote some remarkable expressions lines in this poem, and your descripyion od the City of the Dead, it roads paved with human skulls, and perverse abnormalities of flesh and bone, woohoo Nice! I could imagine the city in all is deathly glory and I am happy I found someone who writes such darkness divine.
Indeed this is a very small poem, I would classified it dear, as prose, where as poetry usually contains one or mmore stanzas. This seems unended and could be elaborated with some interesting thoughts of you own.
You seem to have a very good thought going,walking through the fire, perhaps Hell's but not giving up, not dead yet perhaps.
If you ever add to this piece, I'd love to read it again, thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC.
Very descriptive and heartwarming Sherri. You present such mellow feelings of love, understanding,tranquilly. A poem about what I pictured a tiny fairy or angelic maiden free riding on the wind, untouched by the cruelties below.
Final Thoughts
The rhyming is great, and you flow terificly with the maiden's expressions and feelings. I see no errors, and liked the pic presenting the poem, it's a nice touch.
Thanks for sharing Sherri, I really enjoyed this poem.
Well written, and expressed. The fears of being hunted by these impure angels was very clear and the feelings of hunger and sin within the angels was clear also.
I could picture the angels in all their dark glory by your descriptive talents and the emotions expressed. Well done.
Suggestions/ Likes
I really have no suggestions Sherri, you have done a great job. I liked the rhyming in the poem. and the ending wow!
In demonic clutches, I burn in Hell.
In its fiery pit, Iāve been left to dwell.
Made me think of Maleblodge, my campfire.
Keep them coming, my black heart enjoys your "dark" thoughts. stained.
You expressed your feeling for you father very clearly Kiya, and I could truely picture him sets in his ways often deemed "old fashioned" as most fathers are today. Deeply touching, not often I get teary eyed.
Suggestions and/or Errors
I see nothing that can improve this, writing from the heart takes strength and understanding. Opening yourself and letting a little light in and sharing your love, fears, pride, for your father is brave. You did a fanstastic job.
The use of imagery in this poem is fanastic, A reader could get lost in the feeling of this. Dark,depressed,frightened,alone,decieved,lost,helpness.sorrow, I could go on and on.
This begins with wrapping the reader up in all the images that haunt us in the dark, beware what goes bump in the night With a very unique ending.
Suggestions
You tell this like a fast paced story, and I could follow her through the house clearly as she painicked in the dark. Although in some stanza's, particully stanza two, the verse seems to run on, losing some of it's intense portrayal.
I see no spelling errors, and you presented it clearly,well done!!
Keep writing, we all have something to say. staine.
This is my kinda reading. Dead end, all hope is lost. The questions and regrets that come flashing before one;s eyes as they realize that the end in here. No decisions made now can change anything that has happened or will happened.
This had a "dark" feel to it, and some great descripitive stanza's. Splashing, searching, seeking rebirth I particully liked this in my own dark thoughts.
Gee you can edit, and your poetry is fantastic. So full of imagery and feeling, Keep them coming!
I am impressed with this poem Joy. You describe so many elements layed out so clearly and uncluttered. You described the pond as a living, bearthing aware entity, and I liked that.
"BLEEDING HEART" Tears of suffering, questions, and a cry for help. Sad.
Impressions
Wonderfully expressive Sherri. You portrayed a lot of feeling in this sad poem, I could feel you hurt and sadness, very heartbreaking.
Suggestions/Errors
I see no spelling errors Sherri and I like the use of blue , as representing your feelings of being "blue". I have a wee suggestion though, You wrote this in the first stanza, feelings of depression, loneliness, and woe,
and to help me forget whatās hurting me so. I find the last part wordy, perhaps removing and,to and changing help into helping. It would read, feelings of depression, loneliness, and woe, helping me to forget what's hurting me so. Just an idea.
Final Thought
You are fantastic in bringing feelings to your poems Sherri. The feelings of sadness and betrayal were so evident I got teary eyed reading it, That's great poetry when a reader "feels" what they read.
A sad look at a child's life through her eyes from the over proctectness of her parents. When kindness kills. Very well done, friend.
The mood in this poem comes through very clearly. I could feel the little girl's loneliness and sadness as she looked out her window, and the sadness and confusion in her mother;s eyes not understanding why her child's spirit to live was dying like a caged baby bird.
A relationship gone wrong, and both being being a few branches short a tree so to speak. A fast paced read full of energy and a "take that!" mood.
From the story's description I was expecting a very different ending, and I not sure if that was your intent. The story jumps from character to character a lot and at a few points I kinda got lost. Well edited, and presented with clearly with double paragraphy, and spoken dialogue highlighted.
Final Thoughts
Enjoyable read, Intuey. A woman giving her x man some secong thoughts about &^^% with her and leaving her, easier said than done eh?
Gee, This is almost sad. A poem about a peacefulllness of a forgotten creek in the middle of the night. You portray a deep sense of sadness in this poem. almost as if the creek cries songs of remembrance and loneliness.
Final Thoughts
You go girl, full five, not a errors, and I adore the mood involved in this poem.
Well done Tracey, a tale Poe would be proud of. Seeing unhappy spectors in their evil embodiedment, and being blessed by the light of God, from their dark embrace.
Final Thoughts
Nice editing, I see no spelling errors. You rhymed this poem well, and told it like a spooky story. It desreves the pretty blue ribbon, it wears proudly.
Just creeping through your port dear do not fear my shadows obey..bwhaha.
Impression.
A well written almost musical poem about true love, perhaps love that wasn't truely found until it was lost.
I enjoyed the flow the rhymning gave this piece just rolls off the reader's tongue. You portray the feeling and warmth of the relationship very clearly.
I adore how you ended it, I promise not to fight.
Gives a glimpse of something more, something not spoken that happened within the realtionship. You edited it well I see no errors.
You keep this acrostic very simple and well to the point. Earth day in what it represents, how it's viewed and what everyone can and should do.
Suggestions and/or Errors
I really see no major errors, and your presented this well, although I find the over use of color a little hard.
Final Thought
You did a good job of expressing your thoughts about Earth day, and giving others some enlightenment to perhaps feeling the same. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
Almost a little too "deep" for me. Just kidding!!
You povide some different ootlooks for defining free, and sheding some light on some views I hadn't considered before.
Suggestions and Errors
I see no spelling errors, although I did find this piece a little confusing as you go from paragrapg to paragraph. You write this in a scientific point of view I found.
"The Hall" Wickly dark, with a great ending, check it out!
My shadow's stalk the weak and those afaird of the dark, and the blackness deep inside themselves. I enjoyed this. StaiNed-
Impressions
Well written and presented poem about a young man walking down a hall, littered with bodies, being stalked only to find his fate the same as those dead at his feet. Bwahahaha!!
Suggestions and/or Errors
I honestly see no spelling errors, super editing, you go! However a few questions arised as I read the poem, as questions often do when we watch horror movies, and scream to the T.v. "Hello, Don"t run UPSTAIRS you idiot, your a gonner." I couldn't help think this when reading this piece, Why was he in a hallway, with evident death everywhere, I would has my ass outa there.
Gotta love the feel of the hunt though, and the wonderful ending you gave this poem. And it is all over,My life at its plea Divine!
Final Thought
This is wonderfully dark in all it's macrabre glory. Keep them coming, my shadows hunger....
This is captavating to put it mildly. I really liked this. You really captured the essence of the columbine tragedy and tastefully expressed you view of the sad event.
This line stood out for me, When lovers fight and emotions rise
until someone starts to bleed, How true. I could picture this very clearly. I adore the use of "coffins remain" and your rhyming.
Well written and presented. I see no errors. Nice editing.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed this poem. Onward I go,,,
First let me comment of the prompt WOW! I give you credit for even working on such a difficult one. However you did well, I enjoyed it, and liked the title, made me curious.
suggestions and/errors
I think you flow and presented this poem well, the use of the gray color was a nice touch considering the title. You give the poem a futuristic feel, with the description of "Globs of murky gray that burn like acid" I liked this line the best in the poem.
Wonderfully written expressive poem about a relationship with someone who keep themselves closed up to the other. You shine a light a a lot of different feelings and views and leave the reader with many questions.
I'm not sure if this is a certain type, and you portray you desire very well I feel.
My on;y suggestion is the very last line, I understand what you saying and your desire to leave the reader with with closing the poem up but though doesn't seem to suit the feeling in the line, perhaps another choice,
Thanks for sharing and onward I go...
Your friend ((hugs))staine.
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