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Review of Angels Do Cry  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, SoulReal Author Icon *Smile*

Very nice prose you have here told in a honest almost surreal, tone that truly touches the reader. I suppose angels do cry, and to find love only to lose it is deep indeed. It is a wee confusing at times, for you jump to imagery that really has a gap to what is being expressed as a whole in your prose, I say prose cause to me this is not poetry. Poetry has structure, some form. This is expressed more clarid and free paragraph.


I suggest some editing for punucation, your spelling is good. Breaking this into groups of three or four lines would bring the poetry essence to it and I think clarify the jumpy imagery.


Like this"

I remember looking back at her baby pictures, small toes, her nose and her beautiful smile the world seem so… innocent.
When she was a child she had a father she thought would never leave her side,
(till) the day he walked out the door he never said goodbye.
Her smile turned upside down to a frown mayday…
mayday this little girl going down,
That moment in her life caused a negative change looking for love in a man, she did some wrong things..


Seperating each line adds context.

I hope i was helpful and thanks for sharing. Write ON!



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Review of ponder more  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


Hello, Ranaa Author Icon

Poems of reflection are always a joy to read whether the message told but more so a poem of admiration is most delightful. *Smile* You wrote in a clear, unhurried tone, telling of a time still remembered, one person that stills tickles your heart so to speak! *Delight* and ponder! remember! embrace the memories that you love and that changed you for what you described as better.

I enjoyed your poem and thank you for sharing with me. *Bigsmile*

I do too have some suggestions, that I offer only in my desire to be helpful.

In your decription you have spelling errors and that is what readers see before your poem.

Asking questions That have no answer,
And simply should not be questioned.

That- that
And- and
and place a comma after "simply"

But now I'm sitting here at midnight ,

No space after your comma
and omit "But" it is not needed to start your next sentence as it does not change it.

am I undefined without you or am I a fighter?

Start with a captial.

You errors are small and seem more just from unediting. You have a great small poem here, Well done! *Smile*





staiNed Author Icon





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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello, Fyn Author Icon. *Smile*

Thanks for your entry in "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window.. I am delighted to have this chance to be a part and have enjoyed your story very so.

You wrote so smoothly, the dialogue is quite dandy. *Delight* You start off fast paced with Joey running, and his thoughts are told so clear so realistic, we see his regrets, his memeory of the tire swing as a child all the while intrigued as to why he was running.

I will be honest I struggle reviewing stories, but have enjoyed yours alot, and cannot suggest improvement. thanks Fyn for entering and I wish you luck!


staiNed Author Icon


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Review of Knock, Knock  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


"Knock, Knock" Open in new Window. aralls *Smirk*


Oh my!!!

*Delight* "squeek!" Ouch!

Knocking, knocking
in search of my flesh.

Wow! Where did such an idea come from?! *Delight* Powerful!!! Malign in the most lovely ways of a dark poet! *Smile* I think this is great! true on can only hide in their closet for so long but golly why? If suxch as you describe is their existance I crackle on in all the gore of a faint heart. *Smirk*

Moving! evil. dark! Someber in some mephoric ways others would not enjoy, but I sure do. *Delight* Thanks! and always laugh most evil.. Buwhahaa! "cough"

Thanks!!! for sharing, I'm glad I found you in wdc most dark places. *Laugh*




staiNed Author Icon




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Review of Room at the End  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)


Hiya! *Smile* ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon

Congrats on being highlighted in Sher's Simple Postive this week, and I am delighted to have been shown the way to this neat, thought proking poem, and in a hard form too. Yikes! *Ghost*ies.. eek! fear forms I do, and envy those like you who write so wonderfully.

This is so sad! A person trying so hard to fight the confusion, the fear, the shadows of frightening memory loss, worrying that one eye closure may be the last they remember a heart love, a tender hug, the sun shining in a perfect moment. You express these feelings well, and relate a poem that touches a subject often not.

Thanks for sharing always!
*Bigsmile*'s!


staiNed Author Icon 4 Simple Postive.. darkness is so! *Laugh*






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Review of Death Winged  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Boo! *Ghost*ies... eek! Kindel Fire Lit Author Icon

Oh! What a creepy, well written, ryhmneful poem you have written, captavating in it' somber dark message of a deathful last days, to which all will experience, as imagined in this poem.

This almost have a musical feel to it, and the message one tells, raise few questions so undertstandable your imagery is. *Smile* We really don;t have much to look to, if this as you portray..

"Harmonious ghosts diluting creation
The challenge is to survive abomination "

is the fate that awaits, *Smirk*

A dark outlook you have, and I enjoyed your poem very much so. Thanks and always keep your night spookafied. *Ghost*..






staiNed Author Icon




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Review of The Sky is Bored  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Insane Mosaic Author Icon *Smile*

Creative release here, you show you have put some thought into your poem, but it it's title itself, that grabs the readers curiosity, and I am glad I took the time to read you thought provoking poem.

You give a gray somber message here, not the most norm of candy cane straws and lollipop smiles. Looking at the cup half empty. Being sad or depressed can make one see things as your descrobe here, dark cluds, sunless days, wondering, the questions that praddle in our heads, "Are things always this bad?" Some really look for that silver lining, but few find it.

I do have some suggestions, that I hope are helpful. *Smile*

I believe you tried to keep your poem simple, and uncluttered by big words, and deep alterations, but in that, I found feeling was lost, and questions arise to to the imagery being portrayed, as yes not all poems "can happen" but in poetry, most embody the experience of dreaming it did.

In your fourth line:

I think you intended to end it with "stay" not "say"

Cumulus cries her tears and the
green grass grows you wrote.

I know cumulus is the cloud, and your describing that as a breathing essence, that the sadness touches, but I think another word would be more suitable for your poem, also perhaps omiting "and" and bringing the to start the next line.

The last two lines, are like a ending, question, fact, statement. I think an ending couplet would be perfect. *Smile*

Nice poem, thanks!! I enjoyed it.

Write On! *Ghost*ies.. eek!




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Review of [ice tears]  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Faye Lorraine Author Icon *Smile*

Very descriptive poem you have wriiten, enjoyable in all the cold, emotions you share, in that one can relate who suffers too, and have some comfort in that storm that they know others have depression too.

Symbolic to a winter's storm and the use of some very nice creatiive expressive words is great to your poem. *Smile* I had no problem understanding your intent and what you hoped to share, such feelings as one endures them at that moment are often confusing and isolating but in your poem they are very set and clear in the sadness, loneliness, all expressing in some poignent imagery.

I do have some suggestions that I offer in only my intent to be helpful as you deem. *Smirk*

Your first three lines seem different from the rest fo the poem. They seem unfinished and choppy.

Ice Tears frozen
Fiqhtinq down my cheeks
They sickle jaqqed

Adding a beginning to you poem, since you express the tears, as an entity seperate from yourself, the depression is a breathing force in which you fight to escape.

Perhaps:

Frozen Ice Tears
sickle,jagged`
Fight down my cheeks.

Destiny is spelled wrong. *Smile*

You have a wonderful expressive poem here, describing the depression as a frozen burden weighing you down in the storm of life, is quite neat. I enjoyed this alot, and thank for sharing such a emotional struggle with me.

Write on!

staiNed Author Icon




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Review of Deeper  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hiya, Hedren Rowe Author Icon

Nice to meet you! *Smile* I am delighted to have taken the time to read your poem "Deeper" Open in new Window. My only intent is to be helpful, and encouraging. *Smile*

Indeed a small, clearly expressed poem of one's depression, and their searching in that depression for the faint crossroads between sanity and insanity, and in that search feeling the lesser of the two evils is a more welcomed one. *Smirk*

This is relatable in the imagery of not wanting to get out of bed, the hopelessness of sadness, and the confusion of not understanding the sorrow that seems to spring like a leak of happiness from the sun's itself almost. Very creative!

I do have some suggestions that I think could add some depth to this poem.


You use "uninvited,unchallenged" in the second line, and the second last, for the emphazie of repetition on the feelings you are expressing with these choosen words, however for me reading it, they made it cluttersome and unexpressive, it was like reading the first all over again and not getting any kind of ending to all the depression oozed in this poem.

Fourth line, first stanza, I would omit "and"

You last stanza needs seperate creativity to the rest of the poem, I think sinstead of reapting the imagery from the first perhaps changing to another spoekn of in your poem, night, fear, or perhaps peace in being pinned to the bed.

Interesting outlook to a sad topic often misunderstood. {E;smile} Thank you very much for sharing.

Write ON!

*Ghost*ies... staiNed Author Icon





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Review of Vacant  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)



Hi, Tristan Asher Author Icon

*Smile*!

This poem does indeed stand on it's own, such stagmative descriptive feelings. Not a topic often wrote of, and you involve a deep feeling of love in this too, quite a surprise. Confusion, acceptance, a subtle voice that speaks in openeness, and pain.

I do have some suggestions that I only intend to be helpful. *Smile*

In your desire to be descriptive, you almost overdo and lose some of the intense sinful imagery you strived to inprint your readers with.

Very first line, its like a cliff, I was thrown for a sec, seeing as you end with "I" no comma, or period, yet the next countinues your thought but almost painfully.

You wrote:

Not even ghosts would dare to tread where I
Within my hollow shell adrift at sea


Ghosts would not tread with you so evil, mailgn the place your body without a soul suffers, I understood, but, this is a weak sentence compared to the claritty of the rest of yor poem.

Perhaps tweeking this opening line would cement it to the rest of the poem, withput the gasp it gives now. Like,

"Not even ghosts would dare tread to where,
I, within my hollow shell adrift at sea."

Just a few words moved makes it clearer and less wordy.


Enjoyable dark evil poem. True purgatory is sins manifested, in this by a love so wrong. Thanks for sharing, and always keep them coming! *Smirk*





staiNed Author Icon




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Review of Siren's Song  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow~~~ This is great!
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Review of Shattered  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Hiya! duskinrose Author Icon *Smile*


Oh! *Shock*! This is quite the shocking love poem, not at all what I was expecting! Nice touch! *Wink* You say alot in few words and that in itself is quite the talent in poetry of any kind or form.

Adding a little to this would greatly improve on the flared idea. I know but wow! What a love, broken poem, death, not as all what I expecting. *Smile*


Thanks!!!

staiNed Author Icon


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Review of Reality  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello, Bwitchd3 Author Icon *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your poem! This is a fast paced, quite simple yet somwhat perplexing at the same time. A great quality in any poem for me.

You start each line with a repeating phrase it adds and takes form your intent to inforce the presense of the "reality" but takes too in the repetitive feel it gives to your poem.

Great ending!!


Somebering to express "reality" as such a malign thing. *Smirk* Well done, I only suggest perhaps expanding on all the poignent offset.



staiNed Author Icon











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Review of Sanctuary  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Hiya! theravyn Author Icon *Smile* Welcome to writing.com.

KimChi Author Icon send me your way, and golly delighted I am to have a chance to enjoy this super cyptic, bountyful poem about such a dark painful love.

Golly to take a relationshhip, something that should be happy, rewrading and blessed, and well you still have these qualaties in this poem, but they are so abyssal, so perplex in these clear perceptions of suffering, malign pain that bloomed, yes so bloomed in a love that was so strong, so afire that it left nothing more than an aftermath of cinders and monsterous depraving longing still.


WOW!!! *Delight* I very so enjoyed this! I do though have a suggestion that I offer only in helpful intentions *Smile* Ohh creative description too! that's it draw us in!..

Second stanza, second line you need a comma after "gaping" and I would omit "with".

This is intense! I love what you express, and how you end it with a sentence that truely makes you understand, and fell a love so painful it was like bliss.

Blinded by my love, but destroyed by your heart

Oh!! write on! I am a fan! *Bigsmile*







staiNed Author Icon




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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

What a terrific love poem Sher. *Delight* I was deeply moved by the feelings you have in this, and the honesty in what you tell. You mention the growth we all ebrace our loved other in, the fear, the hard times, we all have for love thought it may be the most super duper hugable feeling out there, without the hard times we would forget the warmth of those late night hugs.

Love poems to me are not easy to write. We all embrace love differently, but I enjoyed your poem alot Sher, such a happy feeling well edited beauty this is. *Delight*

You are so lovable, Thanks for sharing Sher.

*Wink*

staiNed Author Icon




SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)



Hello, ⱲєbⱲitϚћ is 18 Author Icon*Smile*

I have no idea whta my inner animal is, WW dear, but you defiantly do. *Laugh* This is a well expressed poem you have written, portraying yourself symbolically as various animals, or as I saw. This has a native feel to it, I almost expected to hear their dialogue. *Wink*

Your the mother wolf, fierce, protective, educater, yet I really saw other animals in this, an owl, an tiger, perhaps a mother hunting cat. Well written this is I know, for you express so much it truely makes it an interesting poem to read. Thanks WW for sharing for me.

Write On!!


staiNed Author Icon



SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Hiya, Daizy May Author Icon

*Bigsmile* Oh!!! I am a fan!! this is so a long epic poem, one that tells all, leaves nothing to imagination of we follow the sorrowful ghost, try to haunt who broke her heart, and ended her life. Very interesting, and told in a way only you can manage Nancy,

I agree with that purdy black ribbon. great poem, full of rhymne, and somwhat dark, sad imagery.

staiNed Author Icon



SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, Daizy May Author Icon

Dill pickles and milk, wow! eek! An acquired taste indeed like pb and honey, or kd and ketchup. eww! *Laugh* I think this and the other children's poems I have had so much fun reading are just fantastic. this is well edited, and has one of the the most creative subjects I have ever read. There are few poems written that just make ya smile, and you heart swell, and make you cann friends or whomever be with you to the computer screen to grow bubbling feeling over. I cannot say how much I enjoy this poem!!

Kudos!!! This is just super endearing. awwww, you almost convert me my friend.


staiNed Author Icon




SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


I am back Daizy May Author Icon so delighful was your last poem I enjoyed I just had to peek for more, and golly, you have a very humerous talent.

I would never have thought up anthing even remotely close to the happy feelings this has, and all about a flat basketball. {E:laugh This will go down in as a children's classic I'm postive! This is a poem that makes one want to hug. I could see so much in this, and smiled the whole time!

Kudos!! Daizy, I love your poetry!

staiNed Author Icon



SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review of Under The Sink  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hiya! Daizy May Author Icon

This is just so delightfully childlike. I can see so vividly a small adorable child in this, trying to convince, that the mess is not his/her fault. This has such a lighthearted feel to it, so warm, humerous, and poetic in in endearing "e" qualities, it is fanatastic!!

Wow!! I enjoyed this very much and see nothing I would suggest changing. You go girl!

staiNed Author Icon



SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review of Hidden Thorns  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi ~Sue~ Author Icon

Wow! this is wonderful, I must say! Beware the hidden meaning inside this well expressed, wuite emotional, creative, super duper edited almost dark poem. It so had a tainted fell to it, so alive the thorn felt.

You have written a quaint beauty here. I see no errors, and cannot see any suggestions to chnage this, you rhymne is endearing and unforced, and in the end, this is great!

But you know, for all their beauty
when you grasp roses tight,
the sharp thorns ranged along the stem
impart a painful bite.

Fav'd! You gave the thorn a personality. One can see it, more than what first comes to mind but as a injured, pained heartbroken feeling. Nice.

Thanks!!! and do write ON!

staiNed Author Icon






SP CHALLENGER SIG
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Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi again! ~~~Dia~~~ Author Icon

Oh! *Delight* A quiet, mockingful poem, dandy!! This taunts one, you give a simple perception, and wrap in up in the dark, twisted pathways that leads us in circles, never really getting to know what way we go, or what we see, or what we read. *Smile* The silent bomb like poem! Boom!

I like this alot! Do though have some suggestions again. *Blush*

The night to me, in not the othersome from day literally, but more a demonic being, that takes, abuses in a a misguided affection of what it thinks is affection but it only deception. So in your title I think "Wandering within the Night" since the night seems to breathe. Third stanza, "Iam" got ya again, "I am" space Dia. Last stanza, you wrote:
Laughter falls
through the breeze
taunting me with torture

I suggest "with" "your" for really there is another tormenting, and portrayed as the illusive night, and in the third, "master" would be better "masterful". *Smile*

You have a very creative talent that shows in the originally of your poetry. Keep them coming, and looky "`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. darkness since 06. *Laugh*


staiNed Author Icon





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Review of Reborn  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Boo! ~~~Dia~~~ Author Icon*Smirk*

Spray and wash Dia. stains do linger. *Laugh* I am hopefully here to gift you a helpful, honest review, budding dark poet, *Wink*

This has an almost lyrical feeling to it Dia, and you have a very sombering, somwhat beautiful image going quite smoothly within this small dark poem. *Smile* I like alot that there is now fear, the chnage is almost like rapture, a blessoing of a undead nature, in dead an evil rebirth is born, it makes me think or my most loved evilies.. zombies. Eek!

I do have some suggestions, for you really do have a good poem here, but I see a few things I feel can be improved on, I only hope to help, not step on toes, so omit what you see as otherwise, no *Ghost* will get ya. *Laugh*

Third line "vains" is veins. *Smile* Eighth line "i" should be captial. Tenth line, "Iam" needs a space, Line Eighteen I think "beging" is meant to be "begin".


This would be superb broken into couplets or stanzas. It would take the essence of the feelings this poem has, and cradle them together where they bond and support similar emotions within your poem. Structure adds quality I was once told when I joined and I do agree with the sentiment alot, and see it as a benefit to your poem, Dia. *Smile* I am not sure if you know but couplets are third line groupings, stanzas four. *Wink*

For example:

as a couplet:

Coldness of the wind
I can feel it trap my breath
freezing my veins

the dark light takes control
uplifting me into a dark unknown
winged shadows dance

upon this inner rage of fire
boiling hot it consumes my life

as stanzas:

Coldness of the wind
I can feel it trap my breath
freezing my veins
the dark light takes control

Uplifting me into a dark unknown
winged shadows dance
upon the rage of fire
boiling hot it consumes my life



In your fourth and fifth line you use dark right in succession, I suggest a different word in one of the two uses, perhaps "glum,dim,sour,sinister,sullen,pitch black,ill natured.

Your nineth line you change tense, and "knew" should be know" for yes you are expressing a past event of change, but in a present voice or sure knowledge and admiration not fear. *Smirk* Line fourteen you use "plead" I suggest "commit" or "endure" or "forfeit" since throughout your poem Dia you speka of being rebormn, although a drak evil rebirth, a welcomed almost prayed for emlightenment, "plead" makes it seems dreaded, and this poiem ghas no glimpse of such feelings within in.

Also, you could give some more depth with some wonderful emotional words to the "wings" spoken of in the first few lines, they belong to someone or something morbid, and to give some indentity to that would add to what the rebirth means. Also in you description I suggest adding "New life begins in death" since really this is a death, yet a step forward into a darkness that never dies and know not age.

Enjoyable poem! I* like it!!!! *Bigsmile* I am delighted to a mentor you peotry is so mmy muse. *Smirk*

Thanks for sharing and again welcome!!!






staiNed Author Icon




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Review of The Dark...  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi. ⱲєbⱲitϚћ is 18 Author Icon *Smile*

I see so many poems here related to Acme's Scream Comedy Event, and wonder where I was, LOL! I am finally here W.W with your gifted package from "Just Because I Want To Group", and the ever so kind Lonewolf Author Icon

"The Dark..." Open in new Window. [13+] such wonderful things happen there, and you so very very surprised me, with what does.. happen in the dark place of this very niffy, dandy of a poem! *Delight*

I almost thought at first this was gtoing go steamy, and oh the 13+ness of its contest was going high and hot. *Laugh* but such you have a way with words W.W. that you painted a mild, yet very suggestive ideal of what a wooden manneguin, and her devilish lover, golly this is simply great!

Only Webwitch I gotta say,, you need a title that gives this the justice it so deserves, *Wink* one jist as thrilling in all the quiet, touches this poem has.

Buwhaha! You go girl~ *Wink*



staiNed Author Icon




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Review of The pain within  Open in new Window.
Review by staiNed Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Hello, jaya Author Icon

I am here on behalf of Simply Positive to hopefully as is my intent to gift you a helpful, positive review. *Smile*

Such an inner profound torment. The pain one feels deep when they feel as if their very core has been cracked, damaged, and each breath bears only the pain of heartbreak. That perhaps life cannot go on. A sad poem, yet somehow I felt a small glimpse of hope. Despair, confusion, all is expressed in your poem, yet through we travel the road of darkness indeed we have rod in hand, and in that hope remains, it lives with each painful breath that light will shine guiding us down the blackened tunnel.

I do not see any editing errors, as mechanical, though you use some over creative words for the simple, deep quality your poem contains, and in that I thought what you express forced, almost confused.

Enjoyable. despite its somber message. Thanks for sharing!

*Smile*

staiNed Author Icon


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