Hey Brandi,
This speaks to me. You capture that hopeless feeling of being unable to influence or move the spirit within this man. He's troubled. The narration is troubled about this, and it shows the personal hardship to overcome the undescribed obstacle between them. And maybe, not being able to leap this invisible fence shows how flawed both are, unable to connect.
It's sounds like they share more of a physical relationship, rather than a deep, personal one? I can only imagine him as someone like myself, who battles things he expects no one else could understand. But I get the feeling, if anyone can, it is her...only she is restrained somehow from being there for him.
I'm particularly struck by the use of imagery in the first few lines to describe her. It seems she is emotionally bankrupt, too. But she cares for him anyway. But, maybe the flaw here is that she knows from experience what troubles him, but thinks she doesn't have what it takes to put gas in his tank. This is where the theory about the metaphor fails, because two against the world is a much more powerful force than can be predicted. So, it's saddening to see there is not much hope. It's tragic to see flawed logic prevail, and that makes for a very compelling pen. I can imagine people giving up hope before they ever even give something a chance.
Now, there could be more, but it is not described within. I think your poem is effective on the whole as is. I think rather than making this narrative prophetic, it's better show the weakness, because it smacks of the human condition. I think this is the truth about a tragic pair, plain and simple.
There are other interpretations here. He's married or committed in some other sense, even imprisoned. But that could be a metaphor, as well, for he cannot commit to her. But I don't think she has what it takes to bound that barrier that divides these two. If she looks down deep within and feels she could be the salve that heals his life and makes her whole as well, it may be worth tearing down what keeps them apart.
So this reads like self-imposed imprisonment. Whatever life puts in their way can be taken apart. It's effective to show the restraint. But maybe, there could be more about what keeps them apart. But I don't know the true intent of the author without really suggesting how this story within your poem could be illumed even more.
I just know, it effectively touched me. It reads well and uses poetic elements to help me connect to the emotional conditions. I don't get a strong physical representation of the two. I'm not strong on physical description myself, but you use some effective metaphors to drive the mood of the poem.
So, well done. And, thank you for sharing this with me.
Brian
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