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Retired. Never an obligation 3,777 times…minus two or three thousand more (when a zealous-whatever programming made me) before MY lobby saved the rest, thanks to response with consideration and generous reply to put up with me.
 
I get a hang up on stats and what’s right. Blame baseball historians. Apparently, I can’t hear the societal norm above the NOISE IN MY HEAD! WHAT? Oh…you were saying?
 
Nope. Still just me. *Cat2*
 
What’s ringing the doorbell? Tinnitus??
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1076
1076
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sort of proof positive about the power of prayer. It's a call to god for a reminder how to cope and in the end are reminded how to love and pay it forward. It also reminds me that prayer can give us comfort.

Nice use of nature in the middle stanzas, because looking upon His bountiful works in awesome reverence we can find a connection. The speaker in this poem affects me in a way that reminds us of how we all can feel lost at times. You also use very effective imagery: "The wind is your breath upon my face. The sun holds the warmth of your embrace." These simple expressions embody the heart of the poem. It feels natural and it feels like the voice is finding a good place to be.

I would be consistent in my choice to either capitalize 'You're' or do not (my preference). Too much capitalization like this causes a distracted reader to stop and notice.

Your poem also reads like an open letter to god with a p.s. at the end. This is where it pauses, as it flows nicely and gives the reader the feeling that the speaker is fully feeling the impact of the words and reflecting on the moment shared with his or her maker.

It was a pleasure to read and comment,

G

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1077
1077
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I had to re-rate this piece. This review is meant to be affiliated with the Byways of Ink & Paper
You have here an impactful depiction of the voice of one victimized by bullying. It sounds dire because to one so young and insecure, there seems no escape. Tragically, the voice of this piece is destined to be on a daily path to mental and emotional trauma that could take a lifetime to overcome.

The most telling moment in your poem, "Why me?/Am I targeted/That easily?" Victims usually beg the villain to explain, can we talk about this, to understand. I'm reminded bullies can show no compassion, because they have been shown none in a repeating cycle of abuse. It feels hopeless and as usual the victim does not have an authority to step in, perhaps fearing they cannot be protected all the time and will provoke a more intense ire from the terrorized.

It was also reflective of the bullied that we feel friendless, just lonely. It makes it easier for bullies to weed out the herd in this way to pick on someone. Making friends and keeping in close contact with others help the isolated survive.

Such a haunting and effective voice inside of this poem. Be brave and believe in yourself throughout life. Seek friendship whenever you are haunted by the past and never feel alone.

All the best!
G
1078
1078
Review of momma  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a very emotional narrative with the voice that is seeking out comfort and yearning for attention from mama or some mother like entity to help allay fears. I'm not sure why but I am reminded of that Jimi Hendrix song.

Tragically, this makes me feel it's the voice of a soldier who has been trained to kill, though the mention of a knife might suggest otherwise. I think this person has lost their way and because of the violence is starting to question themself. There seems to be no rest for this beleagued mind. I don't know if the ending is made to make us feel like suicide is an option? Or, if this person is self-medicating.

The poem is driven around the repeated title 'mama' and decided to read it without that driving theme and found that this stands very well on its own.

"take this knife outta my hand
it's thru my own recklessness
that i misunderstand

they took the gleam outta my eye
threw me in this unknown world
i see but dont know why

put some hope back in my soul
say the words i wanna hear
to make me feel whole

put to rest my worn and broken heart
ease my mind this time
before the pain and hurt start

send me on my way to peace
let me begin to think again
maybe this time it will cease"

All lowercase and a very effective voice with a consistent rhyme scheme. I am again reminded of Hendrix' lyrics "mama take this gun outta my hand." This poem shows the potential for being extremely dark and might even suggest murderous notions. Maybe, he wants to be talked out of doing something very wrong. That is why he is adopted the theme of seeking out maternal wisdom or comfort.

I was caught by the voice of this poem and it struck a chord with this reader. You do well with the narration as the voice of this piece is very relatable.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1079
1079
Review of Love Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Such a treat for the senses in this symmetrical poem that has a person rejecting before finally contemplating the possibility of a relationship with another.

Right from the start you hook me with, "Do not bring love into it, I have forgotten its taste. Much better the addition of whimsy, that warms the body longer than can worm-eaten love." A totally cynical voice that resonates throughout the poem. But as we read along we see the flaws and weaknesses in this character who in the end decides there might be room for love after all.

And your opening lines start with "do not bring love into it," "no, do not speak of love," "it isn't but I feel," "I can now see you love," and "I do not hope for love." With each stanza we are feeling something but also are finding there is a revelation about to happen.

I was especially struck by the verse where you say "It isn't love I feel, my skin is enameled to its allure. Much better to avoid its touch, it's roadmap penitential avenues and bridges left detoured." So profound and filled with images that make you sense what this experienced one has been through with a life of failed relationships and does not want to start another one.

The final stanza is especially sweet and brought this poem home to such a beautiful conclusion:

"But if, perchance, skirted love would beckon,
White-flagged and all a tempt,
I would sit down, negotiate
For tho I walk an only trail
to you I might admit,
there's room enough for two."

If that isn't about the most romantic verse I have probably ever read, I don't know what is. You build up this hardened character so well and it seems like they will never concede that it gets us all misty eyed when there's a change of heart.

Just brilliantly played. A true psychological masterpiece with such great phraseology that captures this reader. Bravo!

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1080
1080
Review of A Confession  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Even this poem teases us with words that the narrator would wish to speak to the other person on the receiving end of a telephone call. It is essentially a soliloquy not spoken to a person that someone wishes to be reunited with. As you describe it "an obsession" just to hear their voice.

I loved how the voice of this person was revealed, opening up in sharing their insecurities with the reading audience. I further appreciate that this is like a letter that is penned but never sent; not having the courage to speak to someone we desire to be with. You also did a bit of showing with their hopes to speak to this person on the line, "instead of replacing the receiver to its base." That made me feel how this person gently put down the phone, rather timidly. Perhaps, afraid to be discovered.

What especially struck me was the line "your voice was so deep it frightened me." That's as real as it gets. You put me in the moment that I can relate to as someone who's been affected by a voice on the phone, especially one who we've become estranged from. Sometimes, the stunned silence might be just a matter of not knowing what to say. But here, you sum it up as "I was afraid you would discover my obsession for hearing one word, hello."

That final line was quite telling. It speaks to me in a way that shows how difficult it is to get over the past and reconnect. And if you'll forgive me, it also sounds like someone in high school who has a crush they wish to reveal. It just seems so innocent and yet insecure at the same time, though this could be about a friendship gone awry. To me, the voice is the key to revealing the feelings this speaker has that are unresolved.

I like a little bit of mystery with a poem with some psychological aspects that a reader has to discover. You do that quite well and tease us with wanting to make the connections to understand why this speaker behaves like this. "wishing I could stay on the line" helped me see that they really needs their friend back.

Glaedr

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1081
1081
Review of Booting Up  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
I read four other reviews of this poem before I decided to review myself, and not one single person could demonstrate they understood or could comprehend the intention of the author or dissect this offering to get at its meaning. Although, some tried to give the impression they were "In the know" or that it was one of the best works that they had ever read and would give it five stars. Is this a ruse?

I've read other works by Dan Sturn that have impressed me greatly, but this little ditty that I have danced around for at least two weeks befuddles me. I cannot begin to comprehend what the writer intends with the words. There is a simple message there but I could not relate this to a computer booting up.

If this is the voice of the computer, it is taunting not only the writer but the reader to understand why we are trying to 'parse' its text? It does not border on the humorous and the author gives no genre for this item. Is he just testing us all to see if we will just blather on with accolades for something that really was just a stream of consciousness that he decided to pen and then see what reviews he would get? Adding that this is an auto-rewarded piece, he figured it might give him a chuckle to see what we would have to say?

Now if I'm wrong, I have stepped in a big pile the Doodoo. I do not want to insult the poet with my crude attempt to call a bluff. I do appreciate his work. I probably should not even be reviewing this piece, but I feel as though I need to comment. If Mr. Sturn could illuminate me in a way that will change my mind, I will eat crow and rerate this piece at a later time.

With the utmost respect,

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review
1082
1082
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I feel I can speak to the content of this poem as a former manager who made his way up the company ladder. The tagline for this piece is a tad bit deceiving when you call it "fun." I don't think it is fun when you have to jump through all the hoops in order to preserve your job for another day. Though you are correct that we must stay vigilant in order to appease our employer, lest we be out of a job.

You nailed it right on the head with the fourth line of the first verse when you say, "the goal being profits, cost-cutting, and planning." You show in this stanza how the boss is always keeping an eye on the help, trying to decide who will be the next one out the door. I found this poem was clicking until the third stanza where you lost me.

The rhyme scheme was already feeling forced and some of the lines didn't make sense here. "We are being productive like all of the raving…" Also, "so many useless tactics of craving, acting in ways girls shouldn't be saving." these lines puzzled me.

The last stanza picked up steam again, "work as a team, live for gains you can reach, and with each opportunity, struggled to teach…" then you mention striving to become management, and that is where you lost me once more. The middleman usually has it worst. He/She usually works more than 40 hours a week as a salaried employee and doesn't earn that much more than the people beneath. They are so burdened, it is hard to have a life outside of work. It is typically not a job that you love.

I think a better message would be learning a trade. Too often we are stuck in dead-end jobs because we don't have a vision for our own future. For some people, management feels like the bottom end of the employment food chain.

The heart of your poem I was able to relate to. I think you did a much better job trying to put a traditional rhyme scheme on it. That seems appropriate for this piece.

Best wishes,

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1083
1083
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
When I read the title to your poem "Butterflies In The Stomach," I was hoping that this would not be the expression but maybe about some child or animal that consumed these insects. Too often we are treated to tired old phrases in writing, as with poetry, and I like to see poets elevate the language by finding new word combinations that intrigue a reader.

With a poem that is self-help/philosophical like this, I prefer something more whimsical with possibly a traditional rhyming scheme. I think the content is good but possibly could be better if this is also based on experience.

I think what you are trying to state is that preparation helps get rid of the "butterflies" in ones stomach. What is also important to note is that some of the great performers in either sports or entertainment also get this feeling before they take the big stage. Even if one has prepared they may still have this anxiety, but it is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it elevates the emotion of the moment to help one succeed.

The last stanza speaks to something of a more industrial nature. I assume the writer intends to speak to an audience of middle-class workers? I think, without specificity, it is difficult to comprehend the intention of the final verse. Phrases like "maximum performance" and "engineer quality" did not have a poetic feel. In fact, the whole piece read like prose.

I can appreciate the statement you make with this poem. What is missing for me is any sort of epiphany. I think I am looking for something deeper that illuminates a reader's mind. Perhaps, what's missing are metaphors and imagery that can bring your ideas to life.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1084
1084
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Renewal is a strong theme with this poem full of hope and promise for the future. The poet sees broader vistas with the "ominous scope" toward the future. This effort reads somewhat like a New Year's resolution.

What I find interesting in this piece are the turn of some phrases that would suggest the author has been revitalized by "Vast intellectual displays and proactive responses/ Culled from vistas previously lacking." This suggests the poet has been renewed by some source that offers "sanity and a destiny of hope for me; I am now trustingly engaged like never before, eyeing greater tools." I don't know if this is some fount of knowledge or if the writer has been inspired by events, but it is a commonly understood theme.

What's lacking in this piece is something concrete like an epiphany. Is it just the fact that the calendar has turned a page to the new year or did something more relevant happen? In any case, you can feel the jubilation and joy looking forward. It is a very hopeful tomorrow.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paperbreview
1085
1085
Review of The Mirror's Gaze  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is quite impressive when considering just the honesty in the tone of the voice in your poem "The Mirror's Gaze" Open in new Window. [E]. Right from the start I was captured by your description of the penurious mirror. I had to look up the definition and the meaning has two different answers that begs the reader to consider what the intent of the author is. The mirror reflects a vision of a person who could be considered emotionally broke but also Scroogelike, if you consider the definitions I found on the web.

Either way, it sets up the poem full of this honesty where one is taking account of "the mask i wear." You have here someone here who is running the gambit of emotions to fully realize where they are going with whatever it is in life they are wrestling with. I imagine that has to be about what one has to offer to others. It is full of the realizations that one has been a fool and has not been able to project themselves the way they know themselves to be.

I can relate to feelings of feeling misunderstood. We as writers sometimes have our shortcomings and it is difficult to convey in words what we truly feel we wish to express. This poem reflects a moment standing before the metaphorical mirror looking at themselves and who they really see but also trying to imagine what others might see. It seems to be a defining moment.

The question of trust is a big factor. This person feels that if they let their guard down they open themselves up to criticism and rejection which is difficult to handle. But it could also open the doorway to their heart and find love and respect. I think the author has hit on some key personal moments through honesty that others wish they could express as well as I've seen written here.

This was a pleasure to read and consider before lending my feedback.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1086
1086
Review of Barren  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem is full of imagery that gives me a sense that this desert metaphor can also work as purgatory. I was especially clued into this by the use of the word wasteland. This voice feels isolated and, dare I say, forsaken. The poem is emotionally the strongest when you say "Call down the heavens to splash their life upon my upturned and sorrowed face…" you can really feel this voice's need for relief.

What puts this person on this path in this wasteland is curious. The final lines suggest that the voice in this poem is destined to remain in this place. And can accept that because at least they are alive. This raises questions for me as a reader that I cannot answer without knowing the intent of this poem. I imagine that they have to pay penance for something, though I do not gather what that might be. Even the opening line is an eye-opener when you say "now I am alone -- my fears are manifested…" something has happened to put you on this course in life.

You stay consistent to your theme making this a visual work that I can appreciate. I can connect to the emotion of this voice through the visual imagery that you used to depict these scenes. It was a pleasure to read and comment.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1087
1087
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This poem started out so strong and by the end I could feel the anguish of the voice trying to find a foothold with this "polar opposite" other. I think the voice in this poem loses points for using phrases like "silly rabbit tricks are for kids."

It didn't seem like the poem set out to be humorous but rather show the frustration of trying to find compromise with one who has their mind made up. Your opening verse was solid, "you're strong. Sometimes stronger than me. Your brash, your contradictory."

but in the next stanza it loses its perfect rhyme scheme. In the following stanzas it started to show some heart but was searching for the right words. I think the frustration of the writer can be felt because it seems as if they've had difficulty finding a grasp on what to say.

At times like this, I just like to go back to the original concept of something I was working on. Here I think it is your opening stanza. There are parts of the poem that act as the he meat of what you want to get across. May take some time to put this back together and assemble it in a way that is cohesive.

Best wishes,

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1088
1088
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I took a look at your poem "Will always remain" to return the favor of a review from you. What I found quite pleasing as i began to read was the repeated theme in the opening stanza lines 'take me as you have,' 'touch me as you have', and 'love me as you have' showing progression in this relationship.

However, this theme changed direction in the fourth and fifth verses. It seems after the love is over, the narrator is worried about if he will ever leave and what would happen then. This is the point where I missed the celebration of the love you found and turning it into a nagging fear.

This is a personal poem as I can see and the expression is good and well. But as poetry, it needs better exposition. There are poetic devices like metaphors or imagery that can be used to stimulate the readers senses. This conversational piece does have psychological roots and gives us an insight that help develop our perception of where this relationship might be going.

I think the ending lines are most telling, "Respect me as you do/If ever this turns to fate/ I will love you always/As when we used to date." Best wishes to you and thank you once again for reviewing my work.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review
1089
1089
Review of No Way  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem delivers line after line. I kept reading wondering if this poem of yours was ever going to lose steam, but it did not. In fact, these lines drove home to the finish with a perfect rhyme and meter to stay the course.

I don't know if this deadbeat is real or imagined, but the character described in your poem "No Way" comes to life in each developing line. The psychological profile of this person just reminds me of the direction our morality is headed in our current society.

"No driving force, to fill a need." "No fear of failure, or future sorrow." Or, "No dread, of everlasting brimstone and fire/No truth, so you become a habitual liar." You take all of these lines and develop them in a cohesive manner showing progression to the end of this person's life with how it turns out. They end up alone and miserable with no family support.

The poem's final declaration is quite harsh and blunt. If this was written about an individual person, I would hope they would get the point that "No existence, for the world to see. No reason even, for you to be."

When I read this I'm reminded of pathological people who murder, or those who just cannot grasp the concept of community and family. I don't know what's in the water these days, but messages like yours need to be well received.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1090
1090
Review of The Elevator  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Here with your poem "The Elevator" you have something that works on a simple fundamental thought that I felt could be developed further. You have written several poems about the writing process and the epiphanies that you have. It seems all of these short odes could be brought together to make one longer and more substantial piece.

What you have at work here is basically an elevator metaphor that sometimes people will use humorously about those whose thoughts don't always make it to the top floor. And that might work to this poem's advantage as it has a whimsical nature.

You again mixed your metaphors with the second stanza leaving the elevator theme behind and going to a wheel metaphor. Perhaps you could expand it to broaden the aspect of the poem and make it more about amusement park rides. The elevator might not work in the context of this poem, if it is changed to that theme.

But just looking at this as a whole to see if there's any suggestions I can make to help you develop "The Elevator" into a more cohesive piece. I did find that the rhyme and structure of the poem worked fine. I just feel that there is so much more here that has yet to be discovered.

Good luck,

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1091
1091
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
My first thought when I read these words was that the author had an epiphany and needed to jot down what the image of clouds in the sky conveyed. For a poem that is so short, it was unfortunate that there were too many metaphors at work. I think the poet has the opportunity to separate these thoughts into separate stanzas, or find a unifying theme.

The title which is one of the metaphors is unusual, "Cotton Balls of Hay." I can envision this though I wonder if it needs to be described as bales of hay? A further metaphor in the same stanza describes them as "angels at play."

What I can see as a possible solution to these mixed metaphors is to show the evolution of the clouds as the role on by. Often when we watch them in the sky we all have different interpretations of what we see. Perhaps, you can show in your poem how these clouds keep changing before your eyes before the angels appeared.

I think the next stanza also shows promise. The use of the word 'mortal' could be developed further, using words that would show the reader the humility this voice feels witnessing God's creations.

The rhyme was a little forced using words like 'form' and 'norm'. I would play around with the words more in hopes of being inspired to create something even more polished than this.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poem "Cotton Balls of Hay."

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1092
1092
Review of I'm Special Too  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I pen little inspirational odes like this to myself to keep about and read at times when I need a reminder. It must have been an epiphany for you to have a moment when the words came spilling forth and had to grab pen and paper to preserve these thoughts.

What makes "I'm Special Too" Open in new Window. [E] appealing is we're not striving for perfect English in the opening lines to make a point --
"When I think of the talents/That others have got/And I can see/Just what I am not..."
It's almost like you are playing dumb when you obviously are not. I get like this, too. I find that I am jealous of the amazing abilities people have to construct words that I wish I had thought of.

What you have done with this poem is turn it into a reminder that if we push ourselves, we too can achieve goals. Sometimes, it takes just doing something to get a "good for you!" to motive oneself. And then, you know, that you are "special, too."

It's the power of a positive attitude that drives this poem. I'm reminded that envy doesn't have to make one feel it's time to throw in the towel and give up, but to buck up and try harder. We are reminded that we have abilities, also, if we just chose to display them. Having an audience does help, too.

Well done,
G
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1093
1093
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very sharp poem with good rhyme and meter. I am ready for some football! You are right to say that this game is the greatest on earth.

I don't know what inspires to write poetry about the NFL, but I think this is something that would work for fans of the game. It speaks to them.

It is a very timely poem, as well. That second stanza has lots of opportunities to grab people with the anticipation of the upcoming conference championship games this weekend. You have a chance to spice it up a bit and replace words like 'try', 'look', and 'see' to give greater action to your words.

Some of the greatest sportswriters are poets. Although, that may be more in the past. These purveyors of sports lexicon might use words like hurl, pound, or smash. And then, there is football terminology like block, tackle, blitz, or sack. This is the place where they have gridiron, the end zone, the red zone, etc. This is a very brutal sport that can be as beautiful as poetry.

I think as a three stanza poem, this works very nicely. Like I said, your rhyme and meter flow really well. If you wanted to do an extended version, you could have even more fun. Perhaps, a Super Bowl poem is in the works?

Glaedr

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1094
1094
Review of Little Brother  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem with the way you play around with the words and give us this sense of a place inside your heart that can be small yet so hard to fill. It reads to me like someone's difficulty with being fully satisfied with life. It feels like you have everything you should possibly have to make you happy and yet something is missing.

This is a sweet ode to one's little brother. I know how exciting it is for parents when there is a newborn. It's even more fun for parents with a child who is excited to have a little brother or sister. That's what makes this poem even sweeter.

It did sound at times like the poem was reaching to find words to express. It kept repeating the lines about the little space which can work within a certain form or structure. But it just felt like the words were roaming around inside the poem not knowing what to do. Now you could say that that was the actual purpose because the speaker did not know how to fill that space in their heart. So I kind of made an argument for it.

It was a pleasure to read and comment.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review
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1095
Review of A Moment's Trial  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This was a nicely worded poem to read about one's journey through life and faith. You set me up in the opening for something that I don't believe was realized, but by the end it really didn't matter that you didn't answer my opening query... What did you find "strange."

You speak of all the trials and tribulations and people who have duped you in life. And you also talk about how few victories a person can have and how you shake your fist at the sky in obvious frustration. To me, this seemed like you were shaking your fist at God. But in the end you also say that you put your faith in him. That might sound a little bit contradictory, but we are all prone to asking him why life turns out the way it does. So, by putting your faith in him you feel like it helps you get through the days.

The rhyme was good, although, maybe...just a little forced. You also have a very tight meter that seems hard to work with, causing you to constrict the sound of the words. I think it would be okay to open up the poem and make it longer and perhaps you can play around more with the sounds and the rhymes.

I did enjoy some of the imagery you used as an expression including, "through jagged peaks and blasted lands." It sort of gives the reader a taste of the frustration of the person who is battling their way through life in this poem.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1096
1096
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nicely said! That we should all not fear life but live it. Sometimes the unknown is the factor that causes us to be too wary or too cautious.

You hit on some key phrases that struck a chord with me in your poem "life is for living and for the living." For starters, "One who smiles in life is a king," is a good credo to live by. You know that you can affect a lot of people by just being happy and confident. It will draw people to you and there is no doubt you will have many friends.

The final lines of the poem where the most profound:

"People with vision smile and tread
any adversity in life, they do not dread
they lead life and by life be led for,
life is for the living and not the dead!"

Enough said! The poem was rough to read at times and could have been smoother. But the expression is very good and very profound.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review
1097
1097
Review of Music to my ears.  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This poem seems to work on a much larger scale than it seems. The whole poem seems to set this up as a metaphor for this person's life and relationship with the woman.

What's missing is what happens in the moment when the tear wells up in his eye and he is caught by surprise. Is this a moment he is trying to suppress from the woman, is it embarrassing for him to show emotion? I think the reader needs to be clued into what is transpiring.

The metaphor of the music creating this emotion in the person is very relatable and a very good metaphor. The other problem that I detected with the poem is that the voice is not true throughout. He says, "totally surprised to see you staring back at me." Then, the poem finishes with him asking questions about what she was seeing. He is now speaking to the reader and not to her. Either he needs to put those questions to her in quotes or change the entire voice of the poem.

The use of the words tripled and quadrupled were too exact. This is also a chance to use some form of expression to show how these emotions were intensifying.

"Music to my ears" has an unusual form but was easy to read. And was interesting to analyze. However, it feels like the emotions are still too bottled up to relate in poetry. Sometimes, these things are just too personal to put down on paper and share with the rest of the world.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1098
1098
Review of Angel with a Cart  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
You painted very detailed picture of a runaway who is convinced by someone who is homeless this was no place to be. Who to give better advice than someone who has very little money and is forced to live on the street. I found the gesture of this angel to give money to the runaway, urging her to make a phone call home, was a sweet touch.

I sensed some innocence in the narration of the poem and makes me feel as though this story is being told by the 15-year-old, only a little bit older and wiser for the experience.

Your poem reminds me that teenagers have a difficult time and perhaps through strong parenthood could have better communication to avoid circumstances like this. Physiologically, young people are going through so much and so many emotions that parents have to be as understanding as possible.

I really appreciated how you set up the story, showing us that some angel with a cart could have compassion for a young person who is misguided.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review
1099
1099
Review of Never To Forget  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Psychologically this poem you've created intrigues me. This dream you recall in your poem is curious. You speak to the person you dream about which is unusual. Are you awake? It is unusual to speak to someone you dream about unless it is a real person in your life. It's like you're writing a poem in your sleep.

It works on the level of a dream because you start out asking the person if they remember seeing you or hearing you talk to them before you wind up embracing them and kissing them. I imagine then that the person you dream about is some sort of icon or idol. They could be somebody so special that they are not actually in your life. It winds up being a wonderful fantasy that you find yourself enjoying after you wake up. Probably causing the poet put pen to paper.

What would make me sad is to think that you're dreaming about someone who has passed and no longer a part of your life. Dreams can function by bringing someone we have lost back to us and give us some kind of comfort or fond recollections.

Analyzing a poem that allows me a to analyze someone's dream is always a fun challenge. Here you dream metaphors and then get to create the metaphors on paper. Surrealism becomes reality. That's my game!

Now it sounds like I've over analyzed what is supposed to be just a simple poem about a very pleasing dream. I feel our dreams are supposed to be pointing us in some direction (probably the subconscious), or in this case, giving the dreamer a very pleasurable experience that can be enjoyed even after you wake up.

This was very short and sweet and rhymed well and was a pleasure for me to read and comment upon.

Glaedr

A Byways of Ink & Paper review


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1100
1100
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a poem full of realism, about the things parents are troubled by when they worry about the future of our children in a world that is becoming a bit unravelled.

Something that struck me is that feeling she has about are there others like me who doubt our government. That disconnect seems to come from the fear of voicing our civil dischord less it sound like disobedience not unlike Walden pond.

This intones a feeling that we all have with doubts that don't allow us to unify our voices. Was distracted by the rhyme, or lack of its consistent use. Heavy at start but did not finish.

The message about faith was strong. It raises questions about the state of our world today and the ever growing apathy that abounds and why we don't make time for issues any more. It's like we are looking for our mouthpieces, the Ralph Naders of the world to step up and fight for us.

G
a Byways of Ink & Paper review


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