I enjoyed reading your little poem about elephants. It is a good attempt at writing a cinquain, but I think you need to study the form a bit more. Your lines do not follow the prescribed parameters for this type of poem. The number of syllables (or words) should follow the format 2,4,6,8,2, or conversely, 2,8,6,4,2.
Keep working on this. They can be a challenge to write.
I really liked your little cinquain about the dog and the burglar. You have done a good job with the non-traditional format of this type of poem. It made me laugh. I always say my cats would lead a burglar to the family jewels. Not that I actually have any real jewels.
Loved your little cinquain about Smaug. You have done a good job with the form and format of this type of poem. You do deviate from the traditional form slightly, in your number of syllables in lines 2 and 4, but I can see that as a variation. And the poem is so nice, who cares if you have taken liberties with the format.
You did a good job with the form and format of this poem, but I felt a little confused by it. I am assuming it is the horses talking in the first two lines. But are you the one shouting in the last three lines, or are the horses? Still a good job.
I loved your cinquain chain about your five cats. I have been writing senryu for all of mine, 80+ in my life. You did an excellent job with the form and format of this kind of poem, and I am glad to see that you stuck to the traditional form. Great job. I especially liked the one about Peaches. It reminded me of my little Maile Alani.
This is a really nice cinquain, and an unusual subject to write about. While it is not a traditional cinquain, I did look up John Hewitt's example, and see that you have followed it closely. I see no obvious grammatical errors or typos. Good job.
Really enjoyed your little sci-fi story. It sounded kind of like an old Star Trek, but that I okay. There aren't too many un-done themes in science fiction. You are a good writer, and this is well-written. You have a good command of the language. You developed your story and characters well, and keep the reader wondering until the end.
Just a couple of grammatical/typo errors:
A couple hundred thousand more - I think "a couple hundred thousand times faster" flows better.
But they were monstrosities - "but" should not be capitalized here
This is an interesting little poem about a nice subject, but it is not a true cinquain. Although you have the correct number of syllables per line, which is good, it does not follow the traditional parameters of this kind of poem.
1st line - 2 syllables, one word.
2nd line - 4 syllables, two adjectives, not a phrase
3rd line - 6 syllables, 3 verbs (usually ending in 'ing')
4th line - 8 syllables, usually a four word sentence
5th line - 2 syllables, one word which usually is a synonym for the title (you did a good job on this line)
However, not following the traditional form does not detract from your little poem. I liked it very much.
This is a nice little five line poem, and a good attempt at a cinquain, but it is not strictly a cinquain. I also looked up variations of this form, and it does not follow any of the standard variations either. Having said that, I really liked your poem, and think it has a nice sentiment. So even though it is not a traditional cinquain I enjoyed it very much.
Keep up the good work, and keep practicing the form.
This is an interesting little poem about an arrow, but I don't really think it is quite a haiku. It does not follow the 5-7-5 format of this kind of poem, although that is not always necessary. You have only four syllables in the second sentence. Also, you change from third person in the first two lines to first person in the third line. And a haiku doesn't really need punctuation.
I really liked your little haiku about Robinson Crusoe. I especially liked the double meaning of the ending. You have done a good job with the form and format of this kind of poem, and I like that you have stuck to the traditional 5-7-5 number of syllables in the three lines.
This is a very interesting little story, and I find myself wondering if it is the prelude to a larger story or not. You have an different style of writing which I kind of like. You also have a very good command of the English language, and use your words well to convey your scenes and to build your character.
This sentence bothers me: As he continues his observations, more falls out of place for Dex.
I keep wondering more what falls out of place? It just seems like an awkward sentence. Maybe saying "more THINGS fall out of place" would make it read better, or flow better. Still, it is not a major problem.
In this sentence: Dex turns his head and looks thru a large window out into space - you should spell out the word thru - 'through'.
I liked the unexpected ending. Good story. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I really enjoyed your essay on why it is good to be a normal member. I found it quite inspirational. I liked the style it was written in, and you gave some valid reasons for remaining a normal member. I am glad to see that you are still a member here. I am an upgraded member, and love my membership. And I assure you, I am not normal by any stretch of the imagination. LOL. Thanks for sharing your most interesting views. And congratulations on the awardicon. It was well deserved for a very well-written essay.
I really liked your little senryu about the Christmas tree. You have done a good job with the form and format of this type of poem, and i like that you have stuck with the traditional 5-7-5 format of these poems. I also liked the sentiment of your poem. Keep up the good work. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
Here is another great little senryu by you. I hope you are doing well in the contest. Obviously with so much practice, you are really perfecting the form and format of these Japanese style poems. Keep up the good work. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I am really enjoying reading all of your haiku/senryus. You certainly have a very good feel for this style of poetry. I especially liked the sentiment of this one. The title gives the reader a glimpse of what to expect.
This is an interesting little poem about a relationship. I don't really think it is a senryu so much as it is three lines written in a senryu/haiku format. However that does not detract from the sentiment in the poem. Keep practicing the Japanese Poetry forms. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
Congratulations on your honorable mention for this nice little senryu. You have done a great job with the form and format of this type of poetry. I also loved the sentiment in the poem. The title also fits the poem perfectly. Christmas is my most favorite holiday. I always say Christmas lasts all year for me because my name, "Nathalie", means Christmas child. Best wishes, Cynaemon
You have written another great little senryu. I think you really have this format down. I also loved the sentiment of this little poem, being a genuine California beach girl. I wonder where you live. Keep up the good work. There is nothing I would change here.
I really enjoyed your little senryu about youth. You have done a good job with both the form and format of this type of poetry. The title fits the poem perfectly too. I wouldn't change a thing in this one.
This is a pretty nice little poem. I like the sentiment of it, and agree that we should all pursue our real dreams.
You have done a good job with the 5-7-5 number of syllables in this form of poetry, but I am not sure i consider it a senryu. It is just a poem in that format. Keep working on this. You are doing a great job.
I really liked your senryu. The title goes along well with the subject of your poem, and adds extra depths to its meaning. You have also done a good job with this format, sticking to the traditional 5-7-5 syllables for the three lines.
Thanks for all the great suggestions. I am definitely going to give some of them a try. Some I hadn't thought of before, and others I didn't even know were things one could do.
Of course, there are all the great fan fiction sites to contact too. :):)
One that you didn't mention when finding new sites was looking for writing prompts. There are some great writing site prompts, and they can be looked for more specifically too, like romantic prompts, kids story prompts etc.
Love this site. Thanks for all the wonderful years.
I really enjoyed reading your haiku and senryu. You have done a fairly good job with the form and format of these short poems. I like your slightly warped sense of humor too. My favorite, or the one which I think is the best of this form is "Denise."
Keep up the great work, and thanks for the smiles. Cynaemon
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