I really enjoyed reading your little soliloquy on the journey of your life. I especially liked your epiphany moment when you discovered that 'becoming is more satisfying than being.' I think this is so true.
I also found this to be a very well written piece with no grammatical errors to distract the reader. Keep on writing and nursing. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I found your poem in the poetry newsletter. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Very interesting poem. I find myself wondering if you have ever been a mother. I liked the way you talked about the mother cat. Does she really know? And do you really not know? I think all mothers know there babies from the beginning.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): A good job with this format.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I liked the way you compared the mother cat to a human mother. I remember watching my mother cat birthing her kittens. She was beautiful
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: no problems here.
Suggestions: None.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon and enjoy the birthday bash.
I found your poem in the Poetry Newsletter. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A nice poem about water. I liked the way you talked to the water, and the way you described it.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Good rhythm and flow in this free-form poem.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Your description of the water was good.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems here.
Suggestions: I would change the third line in verse two to read: snow-laden storm instead of tropical, since in the other three verses you are asking the water about ice. I just think it would give the poem better cohesiveness.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon and enjoy the Birthday Bash.
I found your poem on the review request page and I really enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I loved the premise of the poem. It really spoke to me, as I love looking at the stars.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Since it is a free form poem it does not really need to be broken into verses, but I think that would make it easier to read. It does have a nice rhythm and flow.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I love the whole idea of this poem and your words and imagery.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems here.
Suggestions:
Keep your chin up little stargazer,
At worlds above our own. - I would change this line to read "Look at worlds above your own."
FIrst of all it doesn't make sense the way it is now. The verb is missing. Also I would change the "our" to "Your" since you are always speaking to the person in the rest of the poem.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon Enjoy the Birthday Bash.
I found your poem on review request. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: An interesting little poem. I found myself wondering if the daughter was dead.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): This is an interesting form and one with which I am not familiar. It seems like you have done a good job with the format.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems found.
Suggestions: None.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I loved your cinquain garland, and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: This is great. Your garland is very philosophical, and has something to say to all readers, even though it seems to be talking about a personal relationship of yours.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): You have done an excellent job with he format of the cinquain. I can find no obvious mistakes, and trust me, I really looked. These verses also have a nice rhythm and flow.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Your artistic voice is lovely.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems here.
Suggestions: Darn, I can't find one single thing to complain about, pick on, or suggest. This is just about perfect. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Enjoy the Birthday Bash. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your cinquains and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I liked the overall concept of your four verses, covering the four elements.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Metering (as applicable): You have done a good job with the format of this type of poem. In line three of the 'earth' cinquain you have one too many syllables. Perhaps you could leave out the word "all."
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I loved your imagery of each of the elements. I think you have really captured the essence of each one.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems here.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your haiku and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I loved your little comment on life. I can hardly believe you were only in sixth grade when you wrote this. It is excellent.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): You have done a great job with the form and format of this haiku.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: The imagery in your haiku is very powerful. One can really see a whole life in three short lines.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems her.
Suggestions: No suggestions, except to keep up the good work.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your haiku, and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I think you have some good ideas, but you need some work on the form of this type of poem. These are more like little three line comments than haiku.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): You do need to work on the form also. In several instances you have more than the required number of syllables per line. This may not be critical, as they are written in English and not Japanese. There are two schools of thought on this.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: The third poem, about fort has the best imagery. I can see fog sneaking.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No problems here.
Suggestions: You are on the right track. Keep working on this format. It really is a fun format in which to write.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
This is a beautiful tribute to James Doohan, better known to most of us as "Scotty."
I think it is awesome that it will be sent along with his ashes to the stars.
I also liked the picture, but think it should have ha a spaceship, although I can see the lighthouse would make sense even to one who sails the sea of stars.
Considering that Middle Earth was recently invaded by aliens, yes, aliens from a faraway planet, I found this particularly hard to do. How do you choose when you believe that all aliens, especially those in human form, are evil, or at least potentially bad. After much consideration, all things considered, I did make a wise choice. And I hope it is considerably better than your choice, human.
I remain eternally yours, Etele the elve
OMG, Eystar, please do not listen to anything that silly elve says. He managed to hack into my account and post this idiotic response. I have respectfully submitted by choice.
I really enjoyed your little erotic poems. I especially like the way they let the reader's imagination supply the events. They have good form, rhyme and meter, and there are no grammatical errors or typos to distract one.
I really loved all of your cNotes. I couldn't decide which one was my favorite, but I think I like the quote by David Carradine best: "If you cannot be the poet, be the poem." I love to write poetry, but I hope that I am also someone's poem. I also like that all of the backgrounds are forests.
Great job. Enjoy the Birthday Bash. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your little piece of erotica. I wasn't sure that the title really conveyed the idea of the piece, especially the word sensibility. In particular I liked the way you used not only the sense of touch, but of smell in your piece. I am glad there were no grammatical errors or typos to distract from the piece.
I really enjoyed your short story. It has a good beginning, middle and end, and follows the prompt very well. There are no grammatical or typographical errors. I especially liked the way the first sentence sets the scene and tone of the story.
Keep up the good work. Enjoy the Birthday Bash. Best Wishes, Cynaemon.
I enjoyed reading your poem, and I think it has some good possibilities. It would be nicer to break it up into verses. It is really kind of hard to read without any breaks. I liked the style of your writing and your phrasing. It made it seem more like a fairy-tale, which I think is what you were aiming for.
Good job. Enjoy the birthday party. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
This is a great little cinquain about water. You have done a good job following the traditional format of this type of poem. Your poem also has an excellent sentiment. I especially liked the way you referred to water as transparent gold. You have described your subject to a "t". No errors of any kind.
This is a nice little philosophical poem, and it is sometimes nice to write these things. You did a nice job with the free form format of the poem. It is not overly original, but it is a good beginning. I think you have good potential.
This is a very interesting story about your Christmas memory. Christmas is my favorite holiday, so I am glad I got to read this. I really did like the story, but there are many, many grammatical errors which need to be addressed. I think this has a lot of potential if you fix these things up.
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
the name each other. - with each others' name
ret hem - did you mean 'rhythm'?
possion (Granny Beasley doll) - should be 'possession' and also "A" Granny....
could have made up - could make up
they may have been) - as old as they were
dark nights with out - without is one word, not two
where he barely - where he COULD barely
living room, Dad - no comma needed after 'room'
because its’ - no apostrophe after 'its'
Wadding up the excess foil into balls, found small toys, made paper chains out of paper bags we cut and colored, and string popcorn. - We wadded up the excess foil.... and STRUNG popcorn
got an Pepsi - I got "A" Pepsi can
them so carefully on the green giant tree. - do not need "SO" in this sentence, and giant green tree sounds better
This is an interesting little cinquain about mountains. I was not too sure about the word 'gigantesque,' but it does describe the high peaks very well. And I love to make up my own words too, so this is fine. You have done a good job with the form and format of this type of poem.
Welcome to the writing.com community. This is an interesting little piece. It is well-written, and I see no grammatical errors or typos. So good job there. However, this is not really an original thought. I look forward to seeing more of your writing, with much more originality.
This is a nice little poem about love. I think it would be considered more of a pyramid poem rather than a cinquain, as it does not follow the form of a cinquain. Perhaps it is a variation with which I am not familiar. At any rate, I enjoyed the poem and its sentiment.
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