This is a beautiful reminder of what your father taught you about life and love. You were truly blessed.
One suggestion. I would watch verb tense if I were you. Since this is written in the past tense, I would change these:
You taught me that my feelings really do matter even if there are some who do not seem to care; and that it's okay to change my mind after I have calmed down rather than make harsh decisions in anger.
You taught me that my fellings really did matter even if there were some who did not seem to care; and that it was okay to change my mind...
...you told me not to want something just because somebody else has it. You taught me to be thankful for what I have and to be satisfied.
...you told me not to want something just because somebody else had it. You taught me to be thankful for what I had and to be satisfied.
Also...there is a sentence early on, I think in the first paragraph, where you missed having a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence.
Again, this is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford
What beautiful word crafting. And that it is a metaphor about parenting makes it even more beautiful. What a great way to think about how a child - each of us - matures and how parenting fits into that process.
Good one. I'm glad this was highlighted in the spiritual newsletter. It reminds me of Jonathan Swift's quote, "We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another."
This is wonderful. How anyone could possibly give this less than a 5 is beyond me. If I could give it a 10, I would. The wording is great, but the emotion behind the words comes out as if we were there experiencing your joy.
School should be remembered as a good experience. Sadly, that's not always the case anymore. I think it's because schools don't teach the joy of learning. Oh well....
If I read this correctly, you're still rather young to be realizing that school is a good memory.
Some suggestions:
It is this place that has provided me with the fondest of memories and the happiest of times.
Since your piece is written in the past tense, I'd change this sentence to, "It was" or "It has been."
On being asked I replied “the teacher had said ‘you should eat vitamin tablets tomorrow’ and I have not.”
This sentence is a bit confusing. I think I understand.... "On being asked why, I replied, "yesterday the teacher said, 'you should eat vitamin tablets tomorrow' and I have not." Or some such... This is still a bit confusing.
What a hoot! You've explained what happens with some women and menopause rather well, and with a great sense of humor. We must keep a sense of humor while going through this. And husbands have to be near saints as we do...
The bulldozer and front-end loader circle the small field behind my house like a pair of doddering old dancers long past their prime.
I liked that you kept calling them dancers too.
Perhaps this hit home because I remember when this happened to our neighborhood as a child. One day our neighborhood was the home to horses, cows, chickens and goats. Then in no time at all, there were 300 homes built in what used to be a farmer's field. Sad.
Excellent! The rhyme and rhythm are good, and the explanation? Well, I'm certain that my 20 year old son would understand perfectly about having a banana in your brain. No wonder you received an award for this on.
Thanks for sharing. I must send a link to this to my son.
Good job. Another reviewer pointed out the few minor problems, so I won't repeat them. Like that reviewer, I wouldn't want you showing up at my door...
This story actually probably hits home to most writers. (Except for the ending, of course.) Often, the writings we think are the best are the ones others find "unfocused."
What a wonderful story. It's well written, of course. But it also holds a great lesson. I like that.
Isn't it interesting that God can send other humans or even his creatures to help us learn?
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." --Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Good story. I had just the slightest idea what that secret was at the begining, but that didn't detract from the story at all. I would suggest that you rate this a bit higher...so that young folks don't stumble upon it and learn this secret themselves.
You had a few really long sentences. I would find a way to change them into smaller ones. Here's an example: This included an early morning mass ten miles away, a home school art class at her own home immediately afterwards, then skipping a crabby four-year-old's nap to take two teenagers in the raging snow to their carpool ten miles away for a weekend youth group retreat, then back home to watch a friend's daughter while she took a Holy Hour at church, then cooking dinner & immediately afterwards driving a child an hour away to Toledo to spend the weekend with her Godparents for her Godsister's confirmation.
Also, I would replace the ampersands with the word "and."
Bless your heart, this is a beautiful story. Another reviewer pointed out some tiny flaws, but to me they were'nt important. (Besides, why repeat them...even if they were!)
This one tugged at my heart strings. I'm sure it's because my father has Alzheimer's. He's still at home with mom (who is now developing dimentia herself...sigh). Each evening, they sit on the sofa together and Mom tells him all about their lives together - 55 years. He still remembers who she is, but he often forgest about much of their time together. So she repeats their story for him each night. At the end, she always says, "And we've been married now for 55 years - and if you count the time we were going steady too, we've been together for almost 60 years. And we still love each other!"
Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. Any story that can make me feel - sad or happy - that makes my heart sing or makes tears trickle, or that makes me think...that's a great story in my book.
This is a well written request asking for advice on whether or not to attend the Poetry.com convention.
I did find one error:
Eveing gowns (Should be evening gowns)
As to the advice, I would read and re-read that link you were given about what the scam of Poetry.com. Many have written horrible poetry just to see if they would select it as a "winner"...and they did! Every "poet" I've ever known to submit to them is selected as a winner - and asked to start sending money...for anthologies, for trips, etc.
A real poetry contest will award prizes, not ask for money to receive awards.
Thanks for sharing. Much needs to be shared about this scam!
Interesting poll. Hmmm. Like the majority of your voters, I picked, "A long piece that lost the plot halfway through." But that's true mostly of writings other than poetry. I think my real gripe in poetry is rhyming that is sing-songy. I rather like free verse myself...
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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I think your "cat voice" spoke quite well. 