Whew, this survey about romance movies was even harder than the first. I can't wait to see what comes of this one!
Remembering movies has always been something I've had a problem with, sometimes even as I drive home from seeing one. I've always wondered why that was...
Some thoughts to ponder here. Whether or not a writer should accept publication without pay is a topic that comes up at most writer's sites time and again. Your one example of using a non-paying publication to further one's career actually makes sense. In that case, though, there is "pay" involved - the value of being published and recognized.
Some suggestions:
Published Australian author, Cheryl Wright and I share membership in several groups together,
The word "together" is unnecessary here, since you've already said that you and Ms. Wright share membership in the same groups.
Don’t publish with the very first person that accepts your work just because you want to see your name in print.
Don't publish with the very first person who accepts your work...
This is a great tribute to someone who helped shape you into the person you became. By all means, let her know!
Some suggestions:
1) You have a number of sentences that are really two thoughts separated only by a comma. Those should be changed to two sentences, or separated by semi-colons.
2) She is small in stature, but what she lacks in height she more than made up for with the size of her heart. Since the rest of this is written in past tense, I'd change this sentece to, "She was small..., but what she lacked..."
3) Her son and I broke up, her and her husband Bill moved up north. ...she and her husband...
4) Whenever my teen goes to see her and the rest of the family every so often I always send him of with” Say Hi to Grandma Ivy for me” Better might be..."Whenever my son visits Ivy and her family, I send him off with these words, "Say hi to Grandma Ivy for me."
5) As another Mother’s Day approaches I think of the 2 mothers in my life. It's better to spell out "two."
6) There’s my birth mother, with whom I have a love/hate relationship and my mother-in-law whom I never want to see or spend time with. I'd word this differently so it didn't end in a preposition.
Thanks for sharing. And I do think you should tell Ivy how special she was for you. Perhaps you should send a copy of this to her.
Wow, this is good. Quite creative...to tell this tale from the dog's perspective. I guess I never thought about what happens to an old dog when his owner passes away, especially if the owner hasn't made prior arrangements.
What a wonderful love story. The only change I might make would be to make flashbacks a bit more obvious - by more separation or something to make them stand out.
This one made me both laugh and cry. I do like happy endings.
Good job. You have quite a sense of humor. I wish more folks could laugh about morning commutes. Maybe they need your solutions - new spouse, music and Prozac.
You've stated one case pretty well here. Your own. You sound much like my son. Fortunately for him he was home schooled and could progress at his own pace. The first two years that we home schooled (4th and 5th grades - before that he was in private schools), he completed three years of lessons and would have completed four years if I had let him. Instead, we limited our mornings to learning like the school district wanted (they still had strings attached) and he studied independently and whatever he wanted in the afternoons. What an education he got that way!
But, as I said, your writing is about you, not really about all students. What we - society, teachers, administrators, whoever - have forgotten is that each student learns in a special way. Sure, we can group learning styles into a few categories, but even so students often cross those lines. Not all students learn best any one way, and the problem with schools today is that we're trying to make cookie-cutter students. It just doesn't and can't work. It's no wonder that 87% of all high school students in Texas have to take remedial math when they enter college. They didn't learn!
Anyway...
Some suggestions:
By forcing him, he learn learns
And...
You've used capital letters where capitals aren't required. In some instances, I think you did that on purpose. Still, it looks "wrong."
Thanks for sharing. Sigh...if only we could teach all students to just love learning...
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. What did your teacher think about your accessment of most teachers???
This is certainly something written with emotion and honesty. Hopefully, sharing your pains and ability to overcome them will offer encouragement to others.
At the beginning, you might add a sentence after this one:
The purpose of this story is to encourage and enlighten not to bore. I have learned that adversity builds strength. Or some such…
Here I would take out the word “now.”
The home that I grew to love had now become a place where evil resided. My home was now filled with hatred, accusations, and a dysfunctional upbringing. The home that I loved became a place where evil resided. My home was filled with hatred and accusations; it was a dysfunctional home.
Instead of ending with a preposition:
As we sat there the three of us, watching the moon shine brightly mother came up with a plan that Chris and I wanted no part of. As we sat there watching the moon shine brightly, mother devised a plan that Chris and I rejected.
Mother than sprang to her feet… then
One Christmas after the move, our parents did not buy my sister and I anything. This should be “my sister and me”. If you remove “my sister” from the sentence, you’ll find that “our parents did not buy me anything” is correct.
By the age of thirteen, I was stealing, running away from home, and school was certainly not a priority. By the age of thirteen, I was stealing, running away from home, and skipping school.
In conclusion, life is what you make of it. Might be better as: Even through all this turmoil, I learned that life is what you make of it.
As for me, I have chosen to stay positive and motivated; knowing that every hurdle that I overcome is just another step closer to victory. As for me, I have chosen to stay positive and motivated, knowing that every hurdle that I have overcome brings me another step closer to victory.
Welcome to Writing.com daisy. We're glad you're here.
This was a little different than what I expected from the title and description. After I finished reading, I wondered where the hate came into the description and had to back and read again.
The verse mentioning hate confused me a bit and I wondered if that last line wasn't a bit of forced rhyme.
The differences
that hate us
polish up and gleam.
Also:
are never what they seems. Should be: are never what they seem.
What a wonderful collection you have here - of signature shops, places to learn, places to plug your writing, etc. How kind of you to take the time to list and share these. It's a great resource. (But there is one invalid item listed. )
Blessings,
Kenzie
"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." -Gene Fowler
This really is wonderful. I love your word crafting, your rhymes and rhythm. I'm with you, too. I can't wait for spring and summer to really get here. Snow is pretty at Christmastime, but not in April!
For one still so young, you have such a way with words. I'll be so proud a few years from now when you're famous to be able to say I knew you when...
I like this. It is just how we should all see and hear God. I like how you repeated withing the first verses, then switched a bit.
That one line stands out as a bit long - just a syllable or two, but it affects the "beat." Also, the last lines are a whole different rhythm. That's okay if it's what you intended, though.
This is an excellent response to questions many have about the Bible. There certainly is a difference between God dictating a book or inspiring one. That being said, I still do think the Bible can be our life manual in all matters, even today, and even in dealing with the scientific, medical and moral issues of the day.
Excellent story. The ending was a real surprise to me, but it was a good one. I'm not surprised that this one has a ribbon attached to it.
I did notice that you sometimes use commas excessively. You also have some long sentences, some of which need to either be separated into shorter sentences or have semi-colons placed within them.
Here's an example:
The traffic, on the street was almost nonexistent, only the hardiest or the most desperate commuter was willing to brave the near artic weather.
Either...
The traffic on the street was almost nonexistent. Only the hardiest or the most desperate commuter was willing to brave the near arctic weather.
Or...
The traffic on the street was almost nonexistent; only the hardiest or the most desperate commuter was willing to brave the near arctic weather.
Notice that you misspelled "arctic."
Here's another long sentence with a few errors too.
There was turkey and dressing, fresh green beans, a large bowl of boiled potatoes, Yams, giblet gravy in a large tureen, mounds of baked rolls, there was other steaming bowls filled with different vegetables and there was platters of cookies and sweet cakes, many of which Jones could not even begin to identify.
There was turkey and dressing, fresh green beans, a large bowl of boiled potatoes, yams, giblet gravy in a large tureen, and mounds of baked rolls. There were other steaming bowls filled with different vegetables and there were platters of cookies and sweet cakes, many of which Jones could not even begin to identify.
What a great story. I think it explains the world and humanity rather well.
As I read about this man and his ability to feel for others - strangers - and his inability to nurture and treasure one loving relationship, I realized that this is a common malady.
You have some rather long sentences, including the first one, but you have punctuated them correctly.
What a great lesson you learned from that inchworm. Thanks for passing it on!
Some suggestions:
It was a beautiful morning, the sun filled the sky with such light that the muddy little river almost sparkled.
The sentence above should either be separated into two sentences or a semi-colon should be placed after "morning" and before "the sun."
Pike, Bass, the and the occassional Perch can be caught, but Pickerel, now they were the prize.
It looks like you have an extra word in this sentence - "the and the..." Also, it’s occasional.
It occured to me then, that we humans are like the inchworm. Stubborn, obstinate creatures, we stive and strive, sometimes exhausting ourself in the pursuit of our goals.
No comma is needed in that first sentence. Did you mean "stive and strive"? Stive is a word, meaning to be stifled or suffocated, but I'm not sure that was what you meant. Occurred is the proper spelling; and it should be ourselves.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com.
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. There really are lessons all around us, aren't there?
Good story. With those restrictions - 400 words and present tense, you did a fine job. The story leaves just enough left unsaid... Writing in the present tense isn't always easy. Sometimes it just doesn't sound right, or a writer will slip and put some past tense in as well. You didn't do that.
What a wonderful tour of Writing.com for a newbie! This makes that first time(s) come to life. We were all there. And most of us did have some angel appear to help us navigate.
This should be required reading for all newbies. It's much more fun to learn by reading a story like this one, instead of touring alone (and stumbling!).
Thanks for sharing. I wouldn't change a thing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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