What do I think? As you already know, I'm often in the minority.
I think this is pretty good. You've called it an essay. It's also sort of a rant, sort of a mini-autobiography.
Do folks care about reading about our personal lives? Didn't Erma Bombeck make a fortune laughing at herself and her family in print? (She also had a bit of a sarcastic, yet humorous nature to her writings.)
I said I think differently. I agree with this statement:
"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." Frank A. Clark
And I've been quoted as saying:
"I don’t think any true writer ever writes anything bad, not if he allows the heart and soul to be the writer of his words." Kenzie
"If you dream of being a writer, you already are one! The words are merely being held prisoner in your mind. Release them!" Kenzie
If you're happiest when scribbling away, then scribble you must. And eventually, you'll probably scribble something that knocks everyone's socks off and is marketable. Until then, entertaining yourself (and us) is not a bad thing.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. About that criticism part... The only thing that irritated me about this was the sentence that ended in "to." I have a thing about that...
Good job. It is right to ask these questions. Have times really changed, even here in the United States? Sometimes it's doubtful. And for other countries, women are still considered far less than men. It's a shame.
I like your format - of asking a question at the end of each verse.
Good for you. You've found the kind of church fellowship and teaching that we all crave, I think.
My only suggestion would be that it helps to put spaces between paragraphs. It helps oldies like me read better, and it also just presents better on the page.
It's a perfect letter to your daughter. (But I'm still wondering how a teacher can insist that a parent write such a letter for your daughter's homework assignment. It sounds more like your assignment. )
These particular words sent chills down my spine. If only every child had a parent who gave affirmations like this...would our kids be turning out differently?
I think so.
My all-consuming fear for you is that in your deafening quest to be heard, you will forget the words to the song in your soul. I am proud of the child you were and the woman you are becoming.
Well, bless your heart. There are some interesting things here for auction. I'm not making a bid, but I will donate a few gift points. I don't want to see you lose your upgrade.
I can just see the woman sitting far about the street, watching what is now and remembering what once was. And I can see her still smile. You've painted the picture well.
I love it! You described this as: "A quasi-fictional piece with a lot of truth." Indeed, the story could have been about any one of us - dealing with family, home from school, looking for a job - in any decade.
The descriptions and dialogue were good. And I could almost feel the heat as she went searching for a job in the heat. Well done.
What a fantastic story. I never thought about the tree being the center of Christmas, but it makes sense. I loved how you wrote "tree" within other words. Good job.
Reading this now, though, almost makes me long for Christmas. Almost.
These are both very sad endings. I certainly like to think that the father's example of total forgiveness was passed onto the older son. And I also like to think that the prodical son forgave himself, just as his father forgave him. Those, after all, are the lessons we're supposed to get from the story...that God forgives us and that we are to forgive ourselves and others just the same.
Good writing, though. I would probably put spaces between the paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Good job. I heard from another writer/poet that she has started listing her poem type or format at the beginning, so that readers begin their judgement knowing ahead of time. Might not be a bad idea.
You've captured what happens between childhood and adulthood well.
I liked the rhyme and flow of this one. I really, really, liked the title. That's what drew me in. I can just imagine me going around the house repeating that one today. It's that kind of word phrase - catchy and memorable.
Thanks for sharing...and welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here.
Wooo. Good title, excellent question. Is friendship worth it? Worth what? So...I had to read. Good job drawing me in.
You don't have any glaring mistakes in grammar or spelling or punctuation. There are a few places where you've ended in prepositions, and I don't particularly like that. But I'm told "the world" sees this differently now. Hmmm. And you put the quotation marks inside the punctuation where it should have been outside.
Also...this last part is a bit long...
Your innocence has drawn several people close to you;but beware of people like me because our hearts have remained to much on the dark side and we suck the happiness out of people, as I see is happening to you…and I believe it is time for me to step away….but I fear to be blamed of betrayal……and I am not a traitor at least where friendship is concerned!
As I read that, it made my heart sad. Rather than letting friendship go, why wouldn't a person want to change himself/herself...so that he/she didn't suck the happiness out of people?
Wow, what a story. We need to speak of these things - abuse - and we need to speak of how people are able, with help, to get beyond the pain.
Some suggestions:
In your first paragraph, you've used both present and past tense verbs. I'd stick with the past tense, since you've carried that out throughout most of the piece. You did revert back to present toward the end, but if it were my work of heart, I'd change it all to past tense.
I know some folks think it's okay - now - to end sentences in prepositions. I prefer not to do so. I would probably change this: which he was so notorious for.
that that meant he didn’t love her (Might be better as, "that it meant...")
I would also put spaces between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here!
Well done. Good rhymes, good rhythm. You told the story of your work experiences well. I have to wonder if you're working for the government. I can't imagine any other employer having bored employees.
What a survey. I really had to think about some of those movies! Some were old, some new. Gee whiz. A movie really has to hit me hard to be remembered. Otherwise, I leave the theater and forget what I saw 30 minutes later.
I'm glad you wrote this. I've been thinking some of the same things.
When my son was just a toddler, he had a Sesame Street telephone. Oscar the Grouch said, "Have a rotten day." That was one of the first complete sentences my son repeated - over and over again as he laughed and laughed.
"Do we tell people to have a rotten day?"
"No," he answered. "That's not nice." (I have this conversation preserved on an audio tape.)
He'd laugh at the Cookie Monster because he was a funny character. I'd ask, "Do we stuff cookies in our mouths like that?"
He'd giggle and answer, "No!"
In fact, my son never ate a cookie or a piece of candy until he was three years old. By that time, he had developed a love of good foods. He liked eating fruits and veggies much more than sweets or junk food. (Yes, that did change once he hit his teen years. )
Some suggestions:
Sesame Street is changing their image after 36 seasons and promotes healthy eating.
Maybe...
Sesame Street is changing his (Cookie Monster's??) image...and promoting healthy eating.
This is a plea more so than a rant, this is a plea to parents to take charge and have more of a role in their children’s lives.
You could use a perior or semi-colon after "rant."
Good job. I have to agree. You DO have a way with words. Perhaps that makes you a wordsmith. I never thought about the different way one could ponder: a way, away and a weigh. You've made me think. And smile. And that's a good thing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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