I tried sending a review on this one, and it disappeared. Let's try again...
It's certainly a creepy story, but you're telling it well.
Some suggestions:
1)In the folder intro you said, "main characters has spent." If it's one character it should be "main character has spent", if more than one "main characters have spent."
I've always loved the People's Choice Newsletter. You do a great job! It has something for everyone, from lots of categories. And the format and color is great too. (Obviously, I'm a true fan. )
Well now, I'm not sure how to rate a guest book. Yours has been here for a year with only 27 messages. Maybe having it appear on the public review page will get you a few more.
I did like the picture on this one.
Thanks for being sooooooooooo generous and helpful.
Howdy, buddog07 and welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you decided to join us!
This is a funny letter, especially if it's purpose was to get some t-shirts. I thought, perhaps, you really wanted a lessor job...
A suggestion:
You need someone at the helm who young people relate too, (Should be "to." Actually, I would probably change this to, "You need someone...to whom young people can relate..." But that certainly doesn't sound like a young person.)
This is great. Well written, of course, and as one who lived many years in Florida, I think it's more true than humorous. But I think your theorem works in Texas too. Maybe it's the amount of storms in warm weather.
Thanks for the chuckle. Even so...I still miss Florida...
This is a well written presentation. But it is rightly categorized - one category, anyway - as an opinion.
Recently, I went searching the Internet for definitions of free verse and was amazed. After finding five different definitions, I gave up. (Those were found at dictionary sites and poetry sites.)
And while researching what famous poets have said about poetry, I also discovered that they don't agree on much either.
For instance, Eve Merriam once said, "There are a few rules I have for poetry. NO RULES!" She also explained what a poem can do. "Just about everything."
It's always fascinating - for me - to read about why another chooses to write. Or must write. Since you've been writing for so long, I know that you know you've included some sentence fragments. With your conversational tone, they actually work, I think.
I think you've answered the question about why you write rather well.
Good job. Wish I could hear the music to this one. There was a place or two where the rhythm seemed to be just a big "off" but hearing it as you intended would probably help.
I loved these lines:
Hosting, promoting and swaying disaster,
He is the leader called the Story Master.
Good job, Florence C.. You've explained what you like and don't like about reviews quite well. You've also made the page pretty with emoticons. The only real "problem" I see with this one is a few page layout quirks where sentences are left dangling, and the next one starts on a new line, rather than right behind the last. Understand?
Hi, dmack. As I started exploring your portfolio, I discovered that I had rated (and hopefully reviewed?) many of your items. I know I had already read this one, but perhaps I got distracted before rating and reviewing. So here we are...
This is a cute story. It's short, and doesn't appear to have any glaring errors in spelling or grammar. Beyond that, it offers some lessons in friendship...and a reminder to adults everywhere about happiness and simplicity of kids' lives.
This is wonderful writing. Obviously this is one of your passions, for much thought went into the writing of this one. (I understand. )
I particularly love this part:
For me, a good poem does what a good short story does. In a sense, it says "now you see what I see."
We probably disagree a little about what makes something free verse and what makes it prose. I tend towards dictionary definitions for that.
Thanks for sharing. I believe your idea of sharing links about other such writings is a good one. May I put a link to yours on my "Poetry Refreshes the World" ?
How funny. (Well...if the affects of alcohol and drugs on a life can be comical.) Quite creative too. Never did I think of this kind explanation for this tale. The construction is good too. I don't think I'd change a thing.
Excellent points in this one. Our media is the last place we should be going for facts these days. (This from one who has worked only in a mid-sized newspaper...where front page news was decided only by how many papers it would sell, which reporter got finished first and which photos were good.)
I particularly liked these lines:
Why then, is it okay for our media and for Hollywood, to spout political comments as if they are facts when they have no real knowledge about what is going on inside the government? We all need to stop listening to the rhetoric and check things out for ourselves, reading both sides of the story.
Your reminder for folks to check out the government's official pages as part of the research into what is really true is excellent. (Weighing that against media...)
Sadly, I think most folks are just too lazy to do that. It has become so fashionable to just think the worst about government and the best about media.
Your writing is always good. Funny, though, going back and reading some of these chapters now does make me wonder just a tiny bit whether Crystal and Erik sound "real." Maybe they sound like we all wish things could be.
Good job. This certainly took me back in time. I was telling someone just the other day that I knew my bank had ATM services available in the early 70's. You just confirmed that. You were born in a great year for music.
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This is great. I realize it was written a few years ago. I hope all has gone well since.