You're right about one thing. Extremists, whether they are religious or not, can be dangerous. Those who oppose all religions are often just as dangerous, in my mind.
About your opinion piece:
There are numerous places where punctuation problems occur. I would also probably use a few more paragraphs, making this easier to read on the page.
Even for one who lived back then, there's quite a jump here between your beginning statement about the 50's and delving into King's speech in the 60's.
But you have reminded me how we've almost seemed to go farther away from King's dream instead of closer. Indeed, there are some ways that racial problems have been changed and resolved.
But it was these words: "When all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands..." that I realized how things have changed and not for the better.
Now, rather than think that older folks have some wisdom, we think they are useless. Is it any wonder that those with any money head for retirement in Florida?
We discriminate more now than ever, not only against color but gender, body size, age, and religion.
What a fantastic idea - crossword puzzles. It's all that was lacking from the site. I know a few folks who just might be enticed to join now that they can creat crossword puzzles.
My how things have changed and grown in just a few short years.
Good one, (user:matt123}. In a few short words, you've shown us the fear this person feels. Another reviewer suggested this might be expanded. I agree, although it does work well this way too.
Some suggestions:
It is dark beneath the coats and furs inside the closet witch stands halfway along the ground floor hallway."Witch" should be which here.
She can hear him moving through the house searching for her in every nook and cranny he can think of. I would probably leave out the words "he can think of." They aren't necessary, and with them this sentence ends in a preposition.
The title and description drew me in. As I read this, I thought that it was a "typical" abuse story that needed to be shared. The more we write and talk about abuse and get it out in the open, the better the chance of eradicating it. But your story was, indeed, a surprise.
It does need some work, though. That first paragraph should probably be cut into two or three, making it easier to read. There are also some long sentences.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here!
What a great story. I think it touched me because I lived with my parents for a year and saw how hard it was for Mom to take care of Dad. After Dad died last August, Mom's memory seemed to disappear in an instant.
There are some things I would suggest:
1) Although I like the color you used, it is a bit difficult to read on the page.
2) There are some places where you've changed verb tenses.
3) And there are a few misspellings. Spell check might take care of that, or a more thorough proofreading/editing.
I heard a comment during the controversy about whether or not retailers should allow employees to say, "Merry Christmas" or force them to say, "Happy Holidays." This person said, "It's not the retailers' jobs to keep Christ in Christmas. Their only interest is in how much money they'll make."
As your poem says, it's our job to teach our families about the true meaning of Christmas.
Good word choices and questions. They are probably question we all have, thus the poem should appeal to the masses.
I did wonder about the use of "standstill." My dictionary says it's a noun, but in the poem you don't seem to using it as such. I think the question should be, "would the world stand still?"
Thanks for showing us an honest look at you. I think many - young and old - want more than they receive at Christmas. And those among us that have rich relatives don't understand why they can't be more generous.
Suggestion: This sentence doesn't need "not" in it twice.
I was able to purchase a gift for all of the guests and they were not, for the most part, not just trinkets.
Perhaps:
I was able to purchase a gift for each guest, usually more than just a trinket. Or some such...
Ah, the ponderings, the dreams and nightmares of a writer...
You've expressed well what some of those nightmares can be. Papering one's walls with rejection slips isn't such a bad thing.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
"Writers capture the things that go unnoticed by others. They trap furtive truths. They pull them from the dim corners where they would prefer to hide. They bring them into the light, catch them in mid-flight."- Susan Shaughnessy
Excellent. Letting your daughter know that she deserves this kind of man is important. Teaching her that she should be that kind of wife and mother is as well, since a man of this caliber deserves a woman equally loving and kind.
If we all showed this much interest in our kids, perhaps there wouldn't be so many problems?
Good job. Thanks for the reminder...that miracles do happen.
Another reviewer took quite a bit of time to point out some suggestions. For the most part, I agree with them. But, where you have "Walter and me", it is correct. That reviewer forgot the easy way to check this. Just take out "Walter and" to see if the sentence needs "I" or "me."
Thanks for letting us see this part of your life. You've written about it well.
I would suggest that - just for easier reading for us older folks - you put spaces between paragraphs.
The world was once simpler, wasn't it? I don't recall needing anything from my parents, except their total income, when applying for college and loans and scholarships.
I love your contest idea. You've explained it well and the rules should be easy to follow. I'm tucking this one into my favorites file. I probably won't have time to enter, but I do want to see what entries you get.
I'm enclosing a few gp's to help with prizes too.
Thanks for this one!
Blessings,
Kenzie
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