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3,276 Public Reviews Given
3,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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Review of No Time To Scream  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Angus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         I thought that since you are the featured Anniversary Reviewer this month, that it would be only right if my first review for April was for you.

         Very interesting story, a bit typical for a werewolf story, but very good. I liked the way you presented it with different scenes, Cory and the first body, plus the police officers. The Beast and his second victim, the woman on the bike. And lastly, the third feeding. I think the only thing that threw it off (and just a little really) was the ending. The story is told from a third person POV, yet in the last line, it shifts to first person. Nothing bad about that, but it was a sudden shift is all. Well done in meeting the prompt in less than 1000 words.




Sum1

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627
627
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Davy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, this is one of the most unique things I've ever read. *Bigsmile* Not only that, your sense of humor is evident in almost every word. The scary thing is, if I relax enough, I can see me writing something along these lines. I wouldn't be able to pull it off as well as you did, but wow, I love it! Do we both think that much alike? That's a scary thought! Excellent job of showing and telling here, I could plagiarize a movie line, and say, "You had me at Hello." But I think that would be a lie, because you had me when you said, "I don't speak with a lithp." *Laugh* That's what caused me to read this. Thanks for brightening my morning.



Sum1

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628
628
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Yellowrose
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         Your free verse poem brings home a lot to me for a couple of reasons. Being a 20 year veteran, anything to do with our military always attracts me. However, I also worked in a tire plant for 6 years, and would never put a tire in front of our veterans. Not even in front of a civilian! I can't believe this would happen, but then again, I know how politicians can be, so yes I can believe it. How very sad. Nicely related here, thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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629
629
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Rebecca,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!


         You paint quite the picture of life in Western Australia with your essay here. I loved how you described the countryside, the way it changes as you drive along. I would love the chance to visit that part of your country. I've been to Australia, but I've not really SEEN the country. Spent a whopping week in Melbourne one time, that's all. While I travel a lot, I don't get to Australia much, and doubt I'll get back there at all, sad to say. I live in the Chicago suburbs, and it's quite crowded. I prefer the countryside, and life a little less fast paced. So I know I'd love to visit your area of the world, and experience the things you write about here. *Smile*

         While you did a good job describing the area you live in, this essay does need a little editing if you want to improve it.


What I liked in this:  Your descriptions of the countryside near Armadale.



The Essay's Strongest Point:  The vivid images you painted in my mind of Western Australia.


Things you might want to look at:  

1. You use the word 'then' several times early on in the essay. On one occasion, it should have been than, not then. Tasmania is an island, separate from the rest of the country and secluded in the sense that their separation keeps the community tighter knit then the swiftly expanding metropolises of the other states.

2. In a couple of cases, you seemed to fall in love with comma's. Here's an example of one line that has quite a few. The parkland rides over the hill with splendid views looking across the city, skyscrapers blending with deep, blue, river, boats, and bridges, the green hills disappearing into the horizon. This sentence runs on and on, and on, and, on, and, on, and,,, get the point? *Smile*

3. It was in that part of the essay where you used then several times in quick succession. A little later after that part you have another sentence loaded with comma's.

4. A few of your sentences are not complete sentences. Here's a couple of examples.
   a. Seeing the countryside pass in farmlands, fruit groves, vineyards, caves of precious gemstones, forest, bushland, and splendid coast.

   b. I’ve seen the whales come so close to the shore during their yearly migration.

   c. I’ve seen our historical landmarks. This by itself is not that bad of a sentence, but you have a chance here to tell us, and show us through your descriptive ability, what those historical landmarks are!

My Favorite Part:  I'd have to say, it's the pride you have in living in your part of the world. It was shining like a star throughout the essay.


Overall impressions:  A nice essay about life in Western Australia. The descriptions of the countryside make this a very interesting read.


Sum1

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630
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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Sophy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         Titled as it was, I was wondering where you would take this poem. I thought that perhaps you would speak to her, and she'd tell you how she looked just like you when she was younger. But your idea is better, seeing yourself reflected in a mirror on the street. Not that it's the same thing, but I remember a time 30 years ago or so, when I saw a woman walking in the mall with 6 young children, and I thought to myself, "That poor woman with all those kids!" I was shocked when I realized it was my family! Seeing that made me realize how odd it is to have that many children. I think you might have felt the same way in this poem, you feel for the woman, and as you said, amazed that she's let herself go. All the while, you think of yourself as young and in shape. You turn to speak, and realize you are looking at yourself. Sometimes it take a small shift in looking at ourselves to realize how others really see us. Well done in accomplishing that in this poem!



Sum1

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631
631
Review of Color Me Human  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear D.L.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         You know, this isn't the best thing in writing, but it's written well. But I never saw any potential flaws that may exist, I was engrossed in the story. Well told, well written, and entertaining. I'm not a huge believer in mixing races, at the same time I don't believe in segregation either. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in the middle; when it comes to race, my pendulum is in the middle. What I believe in is this; if you can get together, talk, find a bit of camaraderie, enjoy your time together, then skin color should never matter, huh. Like you said in your story early on, get past the color of skin, and we're all the same inside. We're all humans. Love this story, love it's message. I just wish more people in the world would look beyond skin color (or where the person comes from), and see the human inside. Well done! *Smile*



Sum1

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Review of I'm Okay  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Dear Vivian,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say this; I think everyone, and I do mean everyone on God's Green Earth should live a day in your shoes. Only then will many appreciate what life we have, the health we have, the ability to get things done. I would share the energy I have with you if that was possible. Fill your units and put some in reserve. Saying that reminds me of a favorite movie, "Resurrection", with Ellen Burstyn. In it, a near death experience changed her, allowed her to heal others. I've always thought that would be an awesome ability. <Sigh> Such is fantasy. I truly hope you manage each day, feel as well as you can, and live life long, to its fullest. Wonderful article here, I hope many others read it, and learn.



Sum1

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633
633
Review of Z's  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Dear Rebel G.,
         Thank you for requesting a review of this from me, I will do my best to provide you valuable feedback on it. I have to say that as I read it, I got the impression I was reading your story, not his/her journal. It wasn't until your final paragraph that I felt it was a journal. And that's how I would have started this out, and written in that frame of mine. Here's an example.

         It's been two months since this all started, and by the end of this month, the world I knew is in ruins, and humanity is very close to extinction. Yes, I've been here since the start of it all, I've seen friends and family succumb to the illness/Pandemic, and yes, I've had to survive, but dang (substitute a suitable word here if you wish, but make sure you rate the story appropriately) if I know how I've done it. Either way, I figured someone needed to write down what has been going on; since I don't know of anyone else doing it, I thought I'd start.

         They say it all started with a flu bug. This years strain was very contagious, extremely dangerous and deadly. It spread so fast that before anyone could respond to it, hospitals were overflowing with sick people. Being as deadly as it was, people died right and left, and soon morgues were overflowing with bodies. The dead couldn't be buried fast enough; the stench of death floated on the air every where you turned. The real problem started when decaying bodies became animated and started prowling the streets. With humanity's resources stretched so thinly trying to help those who were ill, it wasn't long before the Z's outnumbered the living. A lot of us survivors have taken to calling them Z's, not Zombies. It just seems to help us cope, but hell, are we really coping?


         See how the approach has changed? There's a lot of I in this part, leaving no doubt that the person writing this is experiencing it. Later on when you move to third person, you can detail things that are going on. Be careful if you move back and forth between first and third person, it can be hard to keep the POV straight. You have a well used, but always interesting start here, I wish you luck with it. *Smile*



Sum1

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634
634
Review of Still Here  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Robin,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         The shock of seeing the home you've known all your life destroyed is one that hits even the hardiest of men (or women). I've seen the result of a tornado, not a very powerful one to be honest; but all the same, natures fury is awe inspiring. I loved how you showed their shock. Your mother repeating the same words over and over. Your father unable to really come to terms with it all. That one lone sheet of paper floating on the wind, coming down just like it belonged there in the first place. Then, like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes, the paper pulls you all together, I could envision rebuilding already occurring. The sheet pulled your minds out of the pit they had fallen in to, and allowed you to rise proudly. Very nice touch, I loved it!



Sum1

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635
635
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Blue Witch,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, you have quite a bit here! I finished reading this, and felt like I know you already. *Smile* We have some common interests (cooking, reading, sports in general, (though our tastes in car racing are different), and travel). I've never been to Portland Maine or Burlington Vermont, but I've been to numerous other places. Have you ever considered a travel blog? I have one going here on WDC, and love noting where I've been. If I were to make any recommendations here on this, it would be to keep the titles of each section centered, but left justify the content of each section. Picky aren't I? *Smile* Nice to get to know you!



Sum1

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636
636
Review of Earl  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Dear Hatsuda,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         There is no way I'm going to review this properly, I lost myself in the story, and failed to look for errors. Okay, I noticed a few, but I'd not change a thing here. I love stories about our veterans, this one is extra special. Doc, You, and Earl are heroes in my book, people I look up to, people who deserve recognition from the media. Well done in writing this, but I will confess that I'm the one who changed the rating of it to 18+. You used an F bomb a couple of times in it, any use of that word automatically gets an 18+ rating. Forgive me please for that, I love your story, and most anything you write, but as you might guess, being retired military myself, I'm a stickler for rules. Thank you for the honor of reading this.



Jim Dorrell, EMC(SS) Retired

See, you 'made' me use a title I haven't used in over 20 years. *Smile*

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Review of The Carousel Ride  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Mumsy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story describes Anna's love of a carousel, and at the end explains why she has to visit one at night, when it's quiet. Your provided some nice imagery in this as you described how she moved among the various creatures that make up the ride. You wrote this for the Writer's Cramp, which means you could have used 1000 words for the story, yet it's only 287 words in length. You could have described it a lot more if you chose, making it a much stronger story. *Smile* Here's a couple of examples for you.

1. Just the bittersweet memory of another carousel in another place, at another time. Her grandfather, oiling the gears to keep the machine running smoothly. The scents of popcorn and cotton candy, mingling with the salty tang of the ocean on the other side of the boardwalk. I bet her Grandfather did more than oil the gears to keep it running. How about her as a young girl helping him polish the animals of the ride? Maybe she spent more time on a tiger than any other, perhaps because of it's brilliant coat, or the way it seemed to be leaping as it rose during the ride? Maybe as she grew a little older, she helped him load the ride with children anxious to enjoy their turn in a fantasy world.

2. Later, you write that those days were gone, her grandfather was gone. Again, you could elaborate here a little, maybe explain why she can only tolerate the carousel at night when all is quiet.

         Overall, a good story, but you have the chance to edit it, strengthen it and bring the emotion home more to future readers, if you choose. *Smile*




Sum1

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638
Review of Fly to Lucas  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Swede,
         As I thought, your article wasn't hard to find, it was in your port, the only item in there so far. When you joined WDC, you were given a suitcase, and since you have posted an article, story, or poem here, it's in that suitcase. *Smile*

         I liked your article on Lucas, Kansas. The town sounds like a delight to visit, I hope I get a trip near there soon. In the first paragraph, you describe how to get there on a plane, as well as driving. I think it would be a bit better, and more consistent if you gave a little more direction on the highway routes. Perhaps something like mile marker numbers, etc, what to look for when exiting, etc. From your descriptions, I'd guess you're a flier, perhaps having your own plane. The wording you used to describe how to chock your wheels and such is what I base that one, few know those words if they are not used to flying terms. I do have one small comment for you on this, but I think you may have meant this tongue-in-cheek, so it's intentional. In the last line, you wrote, The food and the folks are warm and the attractions are just plane strange. As worded, it is incorrect, plane should be plain. But since you seem to fly, maybe it was intentional. *Smile*



Sum1

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639
Review of Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Wenston,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Forget what think about not writing poetry, I really liked this! You have a bit of a loop poem going in the middle of each verse, starting the next line with the last word of the previous one, and I loved it. It does have that Poe feeling to it, an almost ominous tone as one reads it. I could feel the cold and dark surrounding me as I read it, you really put me in the mood! I did see a couple of things you might want to consider in a possible edit.

1. a hellish nightmare to where I've been. It might be me, but it seems that to could easily be of, and read a little differently. a hellish nightmare of where I've been.

2. Once in a while I stumbled in reading aloud, and it's the rhythm. It's a little off in a couple of places, read it aloud and see what you think.

         An excellent poem that can bring a chill to you. Well worthy of the description saying it's a Poe style poem.



Sum1

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Review of When life ends  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear Michelle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem speaks volumes about love lost, and the path one might take then they feel rejected. I liked your repeated refrain for "Darkened Sky, Fallen Shadows, Heavens cry", it tied things together, and reinforced the image of someone at the end of their rope. There was just one small thing I saw that you might want to look at, and it's very minor. In the last verse, you used the word 'anymore' twice, it just seemed to detract from the read a little bit. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful as written, but that verse stuck out if you ask me.




Sum1

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641
Review of Whisper  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Simona,
         Wow, you say so much in this beautifl poem! It flows well, the images you bring to mind, the love the woman felt for her family was evident in every line. I loved the ending, it's appropriate, it fits well with the image you painted of the woman. I will say that this looks more like prose than poetry, mainly because of the formatting on the page. If I may show you a small suggestion on the, without changing any words.

Like a serpent, it sneaks through the grass
and whispers in her ear…then, she feels cold…
her brittle bones creak as she walks in fear,
but her heart pounds strong, She will not disappear,
or will she wallow in sorrow as time grows near.


         Notice it's now centered on the page, and the lines are broken to give it a more 'poetic' look. You could (if you chose), eliminate a few words and not change the meaning; sometimes in poetry, less is more. *Smile* Whatever you though, keep working at your craft, you have a nice talent here. If I may put in a plug, I have a poem in my folder also titled 'Whisper', but it's entirely different from this one.
Whisper Open in new Window. (E)
A poem of Faith, Love, and Hope, that fades to a memory
#1692869 by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon


         Enjoy your time here on WDC. I hope you find it to be a second home, like I have....




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Dear Jeff,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         There is no way I couldn't review this, and I'm surprised I haven't done so yet. This video brought home a sense of family and love that I haven't felt in quite some time. I still watch it in awe, and often wonder who everyone is. I recognize two or three, more because of how they present themselves than anything, but I would love to see a list of who's who, and in what order in the video.

         I can't imagine the time it took to put this together, nor the resources you had to use. This gift to the SM's is more than words can convey, at least for me. When I first saw it, I was speechless; all I could do is sit there and stare, wiping my eyes once in a while. I've grown to love "Safe And Sound" since first seeing the video on the StoryMistress's newsfeed, so using this song brought it all home even more. Thank you for this, and all you do here on WDC. I truly hope your inbox is inundated with reviews from people sending Anniversary Reviews this month.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Dear Arakun,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Well, now you've gone and done it. I may just have to come back and read the rest of this diary! Excellent story, had me hooked early on with the creepiness of it.

         You described the atmosphere around the house well, and the storm only reinforced your descriptions. It's these kind of ghost stories that can raise the hair on the back of my neck. It didn't quite happen in this first chapter, but I know it would if I read the rest. *Smile* I liked the way you had the girl appear at the top of the stairs, then again right in front of Melissa. Overall, the story has a nice quality of creepiness to it. I did see one thing you might want to look at in this.


1. As she was on her way, a thunderstorm had arisen out of nowhere. This seems to be worded a little awkwardly. Perhaps something like this would help. While on her way, this thunderstorm had risen out of nowhere.


Sum1

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Dear Geoffrey,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         I swear, only a fisherman, or a man of the sea, could tell a tale like that! *Smile* You wrote in a tone that was as if we were sitting next to each other in a bar. In telling the story, you'd lean over so only you and I could hear what was going on. Me, a middle aged man from the city. I've been on ships (okay, Submarines), but I'm not a man of the sea. You, a grizzled old man, 3-4 days growth of beard, caps tipped on the back of your head. See what images your story created? I did find myself wondering what kind of deep sea monster you saw. Was it 'The Kraken'? Nicely done, well told!



Sum1

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Dear Nicole,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         As you stated in your post script, this letter could be used by anyone who had fallen in love, and lost. We've all been there, felt that ache that never seems to go away. I love how you describe your feelings the moment he said, "Hello." That movie quote fits here quite well I'd think. *Smile* You say a lot here that all of us would like to say to a former love. Words unsaid, that need to be said. Well done! I did see a couple of things you might want to look at in this though.

1. And when you said hello I knew there was no hope for it, I would've gotten away with my heart in tact if you wouldn't have said that one word. In tact should be one word, intact.

2. When I accepted that I fell for you, hard. As written, this doesn't make sense. But I think you meant to place the comma after that, instead of after you. Then it would make sense paired with the previous sentence.

3. Like I should've a long time ago. While there's nothing wrong with the way this is written, it would look and read a lot better if it was should have, instead of the contraction.


Sum1

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Dear Just Me,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem is very cute, and one of the most original one's I've read recently. I checked your math, just to be sure. *Smile* I do think it would be nice if you could use other words than just plus, minus for the majority of your lines. Something like, "adding 30 deep breaths", or after you say plus once, then say, "and 5 notes to a song, along with 58 minutes of cutting class". This way, you aren't reading the same word over and over.



Sum1

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Dear Masked_Writer,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         You have a good idea for a story here, you have started it off nicely. However, it needs a bit of work to make it complete. Every story has a beginning, a middle (plot), and an end. But yours has a beginning, and that's about it. It seems like you got as far as getting Shanti to the 'new Earth', but then dropped it. I think you have a great beginning here, the idea is sound (been written before I know, but still, it can always be written again, perhaps with a new twist). But Shanti gets to the new planet, and that's where it stops! In reality, your story is just beginning, so finish it for me so I can come back and read it! *Smile* When you do edit it, you will want to carefully check it. Here's a small sample of what it looks like when reading it.

1. Shanti watched Tracy stand on a green circle and a chair came out of the floor and she sat down. She waved to Shanti as she took out her



personal V-Pad and started poking madly at it. Spacing like this occurs throughout the story, making it very hard to read and stay engrossed. In one as short as this is, it makes it doubly hard to get into it. Also, when writing Sci-Fi, be careful using names for things that sound like something in today's world. An example is the V-Pad; it sounds an awful lot like an I-Pad. I don't think they would have something so close to an I-Pad this far in the future.

         Like I said, this does need some editing, a thorough going over to check format, as well as a middle (plot), and an end. Example: We know why Shanti went to the new Earth, but what happened once she got there? Did she find it to be the Utopia she thought it would be, or did she find something going on that a reader wouldn't necessarily think of. Add a twist, give it some depth, and see what happens. *Smile*




Sum1

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Dear Zelda,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Never having much to do with Ballads, I had to carefully read your explanation before re-reading this poem. I found it to be very entertaining, but the end left me a little bit surprised. He burnt the birthday cake, and she was coming at him with a knife? It sure sounds like an extreme reaction if you ask me. *Smile* You did paint quite a few images in my mind as I read this; I know I smiled a few times while reading it. I did see a couple of things you might want to look at in this though.




Title:  Excellent for this poem.




Description:  Very good also.




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Your rhyme scheme was very good, but I thought the rhyme of again, and pain was a little bit of a stretch. The rhythm was almost perfect with the 8/6/8/6 syllable count. I did see a couple of lines you might want to look at.

1. that made everyone sick. As written, this is seven syllables (should be six). If you deleted the second e in everyone (ev'ryone), then it would work. Depends on how you pronounce everyone.

2. I stepped into streams of light This line also has seven syllables, and should be eight.

3. she was surprised to see me. Seven syllables, and it should again be six.

4. she took her iPhone. This line should be six, but is only five.

         Don't get me wrong by my comments, I really liked this. But I guess it's my ODC, when a poem is written to a syllable count, I end up counting,,,,


Overall impressions:  A really good poem, written from an E-mail point of view.


Sum1

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Dear MyLynDoll,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         You know, this is a pretty adaptation of the Three Little Pigs. I love the characters you created in the three pigs, each was very unique. You managed to keep 'fairy tale' type of approach to it throughout that made it work well for me. The end seemed a little abrupt, but then that's how fairy tales are, aren't they... Still, it seemed like the ending didn't quite fit with everything else. I do have a few very minor comments on this for you.



1. You see, Sully was quite the taxidermist and he couldn't very well hang up his collection in the pig sty, but in his own home, it would be very different.
So he took his mother's advice and purchased a home made of wood. For some reason there's a hard return in this line, and it seems to belong with the previous paragraph.

2. No, she was more concerned about friendship and she had many woodland friends, some of which were female wolves.
She wanted to have them over sometimes, but knew that they wouldn't be welcome in her Mother's home, oh, but I am getting ahead of myself in the story. Another misplaced hard return it seems.

3. I don't understand why there's a rose graphic in the middle of the story. It seems out of place.



Sum1

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Dear Leger,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary! There is no way I could let this occasion pass without visiting your port.

         For someone who says she writes terrible poetry, you do a decent job at free verse. *Smile*

         This is a nice poem about what seems to be a one night stand. Possibly even less than that, since you never learned his name. I love the flow of it, plus the formatting makes it look a bit like a tornado, as if something started big between the two of you, then dwindled away over time. A very short time at that. If I may make one suggestion, it would be to delete the words 'and so' at the start of the last line, they are unnecessary. Sometimes in Poetry, less is better. *Smile*



Sum1

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