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3,285 Public Reviews Given
3,333 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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601
601
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Winnie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I wasn't sure what the Janaku form of Poetry is, so I looked it up. I always do that when reading a new form, otherwise how can I comment on it? But in this case, it was more for information than it was to comment on this. Your poem is beautiful, the story much more important than any poetry form. My best friend, Amay5prm here on WDC is taking care of her mother, who suffers from Alzheimers, so it hits home to me a bit.

         Your poem fits the Janaku form perfectly. Like I said earlier, its message is more beautiful than any poetry form though. The last verse in particular completes this poem. I can't imagine the heartache you feel seeing someone you love so much, go through a disease as terrible as this. Thank you for sharing, it's beautiful.



Sum1

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602
602
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear LinnAnn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         This is very cute story of Dorothy being in a different Land of Oz. You described the 'standard' characters well, and introduced us to a new one (or three). The trio fit in well with the traditional characters first created by L Frank Baum. Happy endings are good too, and natural with this story, or shall I say, the traditional Wizard of Oz story. Did you know that Baum intended for the Wizard of Oz to be a scary story? At least I read that once, or twice. I have always loved the stories about Oz, and have read a few of them.

         I loved the idea of her eating the Purtreats, but being rescued by the bumblebulbs. Even more, I loved the names you used for the characters and the vegetables. You did well in keeping with the Oz type of naming if you ask me. Overall, well done!



Sum1

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603
603
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Dear Peep,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a bit odd of a piece, and not what I thought I'd read when I opened it. But it's what you wrote, and that's the important thing. What I mean is, I thought I'd find you writing about some deep insights into the various uses of Toilet Paper, or the various qualities of it on the shelves at a store. It seems you were a bit lost in the checker's eyes when you checked out, wanted more in way of conversation between the two of you, but didn't pursue that idea.

         I did notice that you like to use comma's, and do so well for the most part. But sometimes you tend to overuse them when perhaps a semi-colon or period would better suit the situation. (My 'caveat' statement is that I'm no English major, but I can tell when something needs other punctuation than what's there, but I can't cite the reason I say it). Here's an example of where I thought a period could have been used to break up one of your sentences, with a slight reduction in comma usage.

1. Dinner by 9:30 and bed by 10:00, I think guessing that work probably keeps her late and isolated from a domestic life. No children, no hips, no husband, no ring, a dog, no a cat, I presume, sits curled on barely worn paisley sofa waiting her lonely owner's return. It seems the comma after 10:00 should come after guessing instead. Then the following sentence really runs on, with a total seven commas in it! Just my opinion here, but I think you could do better with something along the following lines. Dinner by 9:30 and bed by 10 I think, guessing that work probably keeps her late and isolated from a domestic life. No children, no hips, no husband, no ring. A dog, no a cat I presume, sits curled on barely worn paisley sofa waiting her lonely owner's return.

2. "Anything else mam," he asks. If I'm not mistaken, Mam should be Ma'am.

         Overall, nicely written article. I call it that because it just doesn't make it as a short story for me.




Sum1

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604
604
Review of Promises  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear Sunshine,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, you do write with impact, don't you! This story had me going, I was following Tammy's train of thought well, and knew she was good at heart. The accident wasn't her fault, and there was little she could have done to prevent it, other than immediately pulling him over. Even then, he may not have stopped right away, though that didn't seem to be in Nathan's character. I tried to look for minor errors, but this is very well written. And, I got involved in the story, and seemed to forget I was a reviewer. That's beautiful if you ask me. You got me so involved in it all, I forgot why I was reading it in the first place. Well done with this. But you might want to warn readers to have tissues at hand when reading this.



Sum1

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605
605
Review of Writing.Com 101  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Dear StoryMaster
         Happy 14th WDC Anniversary! I can't imagine the pride you feel in this website every time you open the web page. I love the reviewing that gets done here, it has helped me improve my writing skills quite a bit. That being said, you can see this review is not really from a template, but I do have several, and use them frequently. You provide great guidelines here, and I've seen many types of templates in use by people while crediting their reviews. I love the attached link to StoryMistress's page on ratings and comments. One of my biggest pet peeves is getting a review that says how much they love the story/poem, heaping praise at every level, only to get a rating of 4 or below. At least I've learned to accept it, smile a little, and move on. Thank you for the advice here, and for creating this site. It is a second home to me, as you might know. *Smile*



Sum1

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606
606
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Hey Chuck,
         I saw this on the new and unreviewed page, and thought I'd give my two cents worth. My Christmas was fine, how was yours?

         Now, to the matter at hand, about writing. Being one sentence, this doesn't qualify as a story, poem, or article. What you could have done, is make this an in and out type of thing, or even a quiz, where someone can answer and give you feedback. As it stands now, it most likely not achieve very good grades, yet it can. I bet you can write decently well, and have ideas in your head. So, do it! You asked how our Christmas was, how about starting out by telling us about yours! Think of one that was special in one way or another, why it was special, and write about it. Change the format of this to something that allows others to express their opinions/thoughts, and watch. You'll get a bit of interaction, a bit of feedback. But you have to give people something to work with! One more thing, a final thought. GET RID OF THE CAPS! When you type in all capital letters, it reveals a little about you, but I won't go into that part. What I will say is that in reading text on line, all caps means you're shouting at us. That's a big no-no, and will get this ignored more than read. If you're serious about writing, have some fun doing it, and tell us a story, write a poem, get involved on this great site, but please don't shout at us. *Smile*

Jim


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607
607
Review of Last Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Dear Jay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Let's say I knew what was going to happen about 30 seconds before I read it. *Smile* The ending was quite cute, that's the part I got 30 seconds early. I love the idea of a talking cat, it helped set the stage for the end of course. I'm a little confused by his blood though, and how he died. Since this is a contest entry, I'm assuming you were under a word limit? It would be nice to know what happened between him and his boss, and what "You two got wild." means. Was i lovemaking? Or did they just argue a lot, and she ended up killing him somehow? Also, the part about the cat seeing her carry him out is a little off. He's there, but is it his soul, or really him as a dead person? Lots of questions from me, little answers, lol. I did see one thing you might want to check, should you decide to edit this.


1. As I stared at the clock I heard a high pitched voice say, "Don't worry about it. You're not going to work today anyway." You are missing the word at in this sentence, shown in red.



Sum1

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608
608
Review of Loss  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Kelly,
         You are correct, this can be interpreted in many ways. I am nor overly religious, and dislike the term 'Spiritual'. But to me, this speaks of God, or a God like presence that I believe resides in us all. It flows well, even with the repetitive use of he at the end of each line. You created many images in my mind, each line unique, yet descriptive. Each a different subject. I do have a couple of comments for you on it.

1. Most of the lines are double spaced, but the last four are not. You might consider correcting this minor thing.

2. In this line, of should be have. Somehow, it should have been more, the magnitude of who he was should of cut deeper to more. Think about it, read it aloud. Many people make this error, but if you think about a possible contraction, would it be should'f? Or should've? I'm no English major, but I know of never follows should.


Sum1

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609
609
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Heathen,
         I saw a review of this on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Well, it didn't make be burst out laughing my head off, but I could definitely see the humor in this. In my long life, I've heard all three of the basic terms, and am pretty sure I've heard all five. And you are right of course, you hear these and forget everything you had planned, because you are in the doghouse. The problem I always had, was once I was there, how could I get out? I'm not sure I've figured that out to this day, which might be why I live alone now. I'm just not sure I'm better off.... Thanks for the fun read, I enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy your Anniversary!



Sum1

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610
610
Review of The Little Things  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Shasta,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         Oftentimes, the best things we write are written when we're upset. But, what needs to happen afterwards is a bit of editing, as is the case here. You poured your heart out when you had a bad day or moment, that's easy to see as it is read. But it does need a bit of TLC editing to allow it to shine. What I mean is this. There are numerous places where you repeat yourself. When you use the same lines over and over, especially after one another, a reader can be turned off and leave without finishing the story or poem. That's the last thing we want of course. I'll highlight in red the areas I'm talking about.

Why don't people want to love, in this world full of hate?
Why don't people seem to care, when friends become irate?
The people running here and there, they never seem to halt.
And when something goes wrong, it never is their fault.
Is this world all too busy for a little thing called love?
Is love just an emotion for the squirrels and the doves?
All the people in the world, never slowing down to talk.
Whatever happened to the parks, where lovers used to walk?
All the people of the of the world, don't notice these simple things,
And never seem to let their hearts and hopes take wing.
I see these troubles all around, and say this with despair,
Why is it all the little things, go by without a care?


         Don't get me wrong, I love this poem, it's simple, speaks from the heart, and flows well for the most part. But those repeated phrases really throws the mood off, at least for me. Another consideration you could give to this, and it might help that repetitiveness, is break the lines up as so.

Why don't people want to love,
In this world full of hate?
Why don't people seem to care,
When friends become irate?
The people running here and there,
They never seem to halt.
And when something goes wrong,
It never is their fault.
Is this world all too busy
For a little thing called love?
Is love just an emotion
For the squirrels and the doves?
All the people in the world,
Never slowing down to talk.
Whatever happened to the parks,
Where lovers used to walk?
All the people of the world,
Don't notice these simple things,
And never seem to let
Their hearts and hopes take wing.
I see these troubles all around,
And say this with despair,
Why is it all the little things,
Go by without a care?


         Now a final thought. From the beginning, it seemed the rhythm was a little off, and this reveals it. For the most part, you have a nice 7/6/7/6 syllable count here, with a little 8/7/8/7 a time or two. That's fine if you ask me. However, the following ends up being 6/6

And never seem to let
Their hearts and hopes take wing.

         With every other line/segment having a higher syllable count in the first part, and one syllable less in the second, this line really throws the reader off. You might want to edit that. Also, please note that one line has a repeat of 'of the'.

All the people of the of the world

         This is a nice poem, it deserves better than 'just' 4 stars. With a little editing TLC, it will get that over and over I'm sure. *Smile*



Sum1

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611
611
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Dear Deb,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         As I read this, I got the impression that Millicent is a 'carnal' vampire. One who doesn't suck blood from their victim, instead it is sex, and the energies expended/consumed in the act. I loved the story, I felt like a voyeur watching the two of them on the grass. It seemed like Jabrina was becoming a slave to Millicent's ministrations, she loved the feelings caused by her loving caresses. Being a male, I wanted to read more detail, but I know men and women write, and experience love-making differently. I see there's a sequel, so I'll try to read it this morning also, but it's almost time to get dressed for work. Thank you for an enjoyable read this morning, now to see if I can concentrate on work. *Smile*



Sum1

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612
612
Review of OLD  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Dear Ms. Jones,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!


         I have to say I really loved your story. It left me almost in tears, even though I knew where it was going almost from the first. But I have to rate this on it's writing, not on my feelings, and this does need a bit of TLC editing. What I mean is, this is all one paragraph, with a few misspelled and misused words in it. So though I love the story and its flow, I can't rate it based solely on that. I think you need to look this over, carefully read it again and see the minor issues in it, and correct them. If you did that, and wanted me to re-review it/rate it, I'd be happy to. The story itself deserves a higher rating, but it needs to be edited some before I could do that. I loved the story, your unnamed main character, the conflict he felt inside, his visiting neighbor who was never there really, the whole plot. Excellent telling, but you really need to do more showing, and divide it into paragraphs. If you want more advice on it, let me know and I'll be happy to help.



Sum1

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613
613
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Fran,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You know, I've never been an athlete of an caliber, but I've always loved sports. I always gave it my all when I played with friends, they did too. We all dreamed, but thankfully each of us knew it was a dream. That being said, at least you knew when it was time to bid 'Adieu' and get off the stage. Nothing worse than someone hanging on, a shell of the athlete they once were. Trying to recapture the glory, trying to show that they still have it. Sadly, the world (as it is) sees this, and many times all people can feel is contempt, outrage, or a myriad of other feelings about the athlete. They realize that giving up that career is like quitting. And a true athlete never quits. You didn't quit, neither did any other athlete who could no longer perform at the level required to excel. You always performed at a peak, it's just that as we get older, that peak isn't quite so high any more. So you didn't quit, you moved on with your life. *Smile* Well done here with this free verse poem. I would love to see it in rhyming Quatrains, but it's not my poem, nor my story to tell. Loved the story in your poem, the images you created were as good as any seen on a major network.



Sum1

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614
614
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear LeeReay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Your Renga flows very nicely, with a story to be read within it. I see you've modified the traditional Renga format, since you didn't use the 5-7-5 syllable count for the odd numbered verses, nor the 7-7 syllable count for the even numbered verses. That's fine of course, since this is your poem. I guess the syllable count all depends on how you pronounce certain words too. *Smile* The Renga is a new form to me, so I read about it a bit before commenting on this. In reading your poem again, I see a consistent 5-7-5 syllable count (in the first verse, I had to pronounce orange as two syllables to get 5 syllables) for the odd numbered verses, and a 7-5 syllable count for the even verses. But I loved the story told in this. A first date, shyness, two teens in Daddy's car, and at the end, an unexpected sibling interrogation! Very nice in telling and showing here.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Pam
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         There are things that words just can't adequately convey; the subject of this poem is one of them. At the same time, words are used to describe emotions, and you do this well in your poem. I loved the flow of it, I found the formatting to be wonderful, a worthy tribute to those who gave all so the rest of us can live the lives we live. I served my time, but was 'safe' underwater in a submarine during my career. But that was my calling. I'm not sure what I'd have done in battle, no one can be sure. The military trains our men well, that's what causes them to fight like they do. I hate the fact that men/women give their lives for causes, but I don't have any answers to prevent it, so I have to accept it. I wish peace for the world, but that will be a long time coming. Until then, we'll have battles, losses, and tears. You hit the nails on the head with some of your lines, I especially loved the ones about not forsaking his friends; that is so true. The same applies for a mother's loss, that happens all too often as you know. Thank you for an eye opening/remembrance read this morning, I appreciate it.



Sum1

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Review of We Need to Talk  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Dear Raine,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story, one I'd love to see a bit longer. But being right at 1000 words, I'm betting you were under a word limit. It is written well, but didn't quite go the direction I thought it would. Of course, I didn't write it either. *Smile*

         I thought this might be a 'break-up' story, or one that ended happily (the route you chose), or even a thriller. I say thriller because his comment early on about not letting her ever break up with him could have led down that path. I have the say, I saw a lot of me in David. If you tell me you have something to tell me, then tell immediately, don't say you'll wait til a little later to spill the beans. Funny how we always jump to the idea that by waiting it has to be bad, huh! Yep, me exactly. Well done in writing this, enjoy your 10th Anniversary!



Sum1

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Rendellgrisen,
         Welcome to Writing.com, or WDC as most of us call it. It's a great place for people who love to write, even if you have trouble relating to people around you. It is my pleasure to review this for you. *Smile*

         I knew that English was not your native tongue by some of your wording. However, since I can't speak anything but English, how can I fault you for something so minor? If I may offer a little advice based on what I read in this essay. Relax and be yourself. The two girls you described in this essay are what I'd call 'typical people who think that what they leave in the toilet doesn't stink'. They think the world owes them, why the world owes them they can't tell you, but they sure feel that way. So relax, meet people with your interests, people you can relate to. You are bound to find someone who has similar interests to you. *Smile*

         I found this to be well written, you kept my interest throughout the essay. I thought for sure that at the end, someone would walk up to you and say, "Hi!", and start a conversation. I see that didn't happen, but hopefully it has, or will soon.

         There are a few very minor wording issues that I won't point out, because they are due to the language difference for you. Over time, you will learn some of the nuances of our language, I've heard it's the hardest language in the world to learn. If it is, that wouldn't surprise me. I did see a few things I do want to comment on to help you out though.


1. Like normal, they had a curious look on this unexpected stranger. This is one of those 'English wordings' I mentioned. It could be worded a little better, maybe this will help. Like normal, they had a curious look on their faces as this unexpected stranger spoke to them.

2. I said, alternating eye between both of them. You might want to add the word 'contact' after eye.

3. "Well, I do know my places," I lied, putting a confident expression on my rigid face. Then I smiled and nodded as each of the girls told

me the names of the places. They could have been from Greece or the middle of the Indian Ocean as far as I know. You have an unnecessary hard return as you can see here, after told. If you put the cursor after told, and press delete, you'll get the lines to line up correctly.

4. And both of them burst laughing. You should add out after burst.


         Overall, this is well written as I've said. It's very informative, and helps a reader get to know a shy Indian girl a little better.



Sum1

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Dear Satch,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         It's not too often that I read something, and smile from the get-go. Your sense of humor here shined brightly in every word. Your characters, the plot, all of it hit my funny bone. I loved the fishing expedition, and the one poor girl catching a shoe. But the best part was the last line, when she 'examined her sole'. I almost lost it then. Well done!


Sum1

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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Stu,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is one I've long believed in, that we are part of an atom in a much larger universe, and that the atoms we see are part of a much smaller universe. I loved the idea of time in your story, it fits, at least for me. You seem to love long, rambling sentences, you write as if you're sitting by a campfire talking to a bunch of children. That's not a bad thing, it's just how you write. Try as I might, I could only spot one small thing you might want to look at in this, should you choose to edit it.

1. Little five year old Natasha Kimiski, who liked to play on swings and ride her tri-cycle, who liked to pull on her daddy’s beard until he screeched with that funny face, would cringe in horror and sadness had she known that she would soon become a monster of destruction, wiping out, without a moment's pause, the whole long and proud history of a civilization which had thrived for millions and millions of years... ever since, in fact, she’d waken up that morning and picked cookies from her eyes. Wow! You do love long, wordy sentences! They do tend to run on, but the way you write seems to encourage them, and not be a problem. However, in this sentence, waken should be woken.


Sum1

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Review of Jacked!  Open in new Window.
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Dear G. B.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, I agree with most everything you've written here. I am quickly becoming very obstinate, and very doubting in everything I see or read. I was trying to think of something you might not have mentioned here, did a quick re-read, but have to say I can't think of anything. I'm sure it's there, and as soon as I press send, it'll hit me. Always does.

         When I first started reading this, I thought, "Oh no, Jacked at the start of every $#@%^^& line." But as I read through it, I realized it was necessary, otherwise you might not have gotten your point across as strongly. I think my favorite one would be, Jacked by a body that seems bent on breaking down. Boy can I relate to that! Just hit sixty, and doing fine overall. Just a pinched nerve right now, but man, it can hurt. Thanks for the enjoyable, thoughtful read.



Sum1

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Dear Bella,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You have quite a story here, a life few have lived and still be as cheerful as you are. I'm glad you are getting along as well as you are, just wish things were better. A few things have helped you in life, among them your belief in God, and your constant animal companions. Like I frequently say, "Thank God for small favors! (And the big ones too.)

         In reading this, I saw a couple of minor things you might want to look at. First, you have a tendency (as I do) to overuse commas. You also place them in spots they are not needed, or fail to place them in areas they are needed. This may be due to your eyesight, but this comment here is very minor. A second thing though, is the overuse of the word 'me' in the first part of this. I didn't try counting them, but I bet you use me, my, or I around 20 times in the first three paragraphs alone. Here's an example: It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, me and my world, and me and my family in the present.

I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. After reading that part, I almost felt like you were one foot from me, screaming, "Me!, Me!, Me!" I know you didn't intend it that way, but that's how it seemed. You could have said the same thing in a slightly different way. It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, my world, my present family.

I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. Just that little bit really changes how it comes across, but still leaves no doubt that this is all about you.

         I know you say this is a work in progress, but you might want to see if you can give it some kind of ending, at least for now. Right now, it just ends, drops the reader off like falling off a cliff. I did a couple of other very minor things you might want to look at in this.


1. Tiz' not to be, so I'm creative and organized as much as possible so that when the opportunity for me to go somewhere is available, I have a plan, tell the driver what I want and need, and we set a time and then we're off cursing to our destinations. I think you meant cruising, not cursing.

2. In retrospect, I now realize that I should have gone to the hospital to be checked out, but When I was growing up, you toughed it our unless you were seriously sick or hurt. When does not need to be capitalized.


         Overall, I enjoyed the read, it helps me know you better, understand you, and feel as if we've met. *Smile*



Sum1

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Dear Andrew,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Some things can hit your funny bone and really make you laugh; with others, you can appreciate the humor of it all, but not really laugh. I loved this, but never laughed. Can you imagine exchanging e-mails (or texts) in today's world in an exchange like this? These telegrams were sent over a 6 month period! It might take 6 hours to get this done in today's world. And for the life of me, I'm not sure which is better. The one 139 years ago, or the one that could occur in today's world. Only thing that might be different, is the parrot wouldn't die before the grain was shipped. Thank you for an insightful, somewhat enjoyable read!



Sum1

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Dear Last Cicada
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         You write an interesting take on a small child being buried alive in this story. You initially gave us her point of view, lying in her coffin, but hearing help draw near. The sound of the shovels had to be music to her ears as her rescuers worked to save her. The twist at the end was excellent, and brings home the thought that idea of what a monster is can vary, depending on your point of view. I love stories with a twist, this one didn't disappoint at all. *Smile*



Sum1

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Dear Jace,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty cute story you've written here. I've raised two young boys, I know what you mean about being careful what you say around you. At that age, your actions aren't too surprising; after all, you were only trying to help her out! *Smile* I was reminded of Tom Sawyer when I read this, and if you had said you stood aside while your friends completed pulling up the flowers, I'd have added Huck Finn to the mix. I'd love to see other mischief you got into as a child. *Smile* I did see one small thing that caught my attention, see what you think.



1. Few things achieve immortality in the family collective than the honest eagerness of a rambunctious, though helpful, young boy. It seems you are missing the word 'more', or 'faster' in this sentence.



Sum1

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Dear Flora,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         My main comment on this is just one word. Bravo! So many Americans don't know enough about our history, and this would be a good start for them to learn about it. I won't comment very much on the writing, since most of it is quoted from actual documents relating to the American Revolution. What I will say is you might want to look at some of your early comments on this. There are a couple of places where you might want to re-word things. Here's one example for you. The fights begun in 1775, one year later, the American colonies declared their independence from Britain. Perhaps a alternate wording could be, The fighting began in 1775, one year later, the American colonies declared their independence from Britain. It is very minor in nature, but I did see a couple of things like that. I did learn a few things in reading this, especially since I'd never read the complete Declaration of Independence. Well done here!


Sum1

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