Dear Bella,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!
You have quite a story here, a life few have lived and still be as cheerful as you are. I'm glad you are getting along as well as you are, just wish things were better. A few things have helped you in life, among them your belief in God, and your constant animal companions. Like I frequently say, "Thank God for small favors! (And the big ones too.)
In reading this, I saw a couple of minor things you might want to look at. First, you have a tendency (as I do) to overuse commas. You also place them in spots they are not needed, or fail to place them in areas they are needed. This may be due to your eyesight, but this comment here is very minor. A second thing though, is the overuse of the word 'me' in the first part of this. I didn't try counting them, but I bet you use me, my, or I around 20 times in the first three paragraphs alone. Here's an example: It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, me and my world, and me and my family in the present.
I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. After reading that part, I almost felt like you were one foot from me, screaming, "Me!, Me!, Me!" I know you didn't intend it that way, but that's how it seemed. You could have said the same thing in a slightly different way. It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, my world, my present family.
I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. Just that little bit really changes how it comes across, but still leaves no doubt that this is all about you.
I know you say this is a work in progress, but you might want to see if you can give it some kind of ending, at least for now. Right now, it just ends, drops the reader off like falling off a cliff. I did a couple of other very minor things you might want to look at in this.
1. Tiz' not to be, so I'm creative and organized as much as possible so that when the opportunity for me to go somewhere is available, I have a plan, tell the driver what I want and need, and we set a time and then we're off cursing to our destinations. I think you meant cruising, not cursing.
2. In retrospect, I now realize that I should have gone to the hospital to be checked out, but When I was growing up, you toughed it our unless you were seriously sick or hurt. When does not need to be capitalized.
Overall, I enjoyed the read, it helps me know you better, understand you, and feel as if we've met. ![Smile *Smile*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/smile.png)
Sum1
WDC POWER RAIDER ![Boat *Boat*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/boat.png)
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