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1,271 Public Reviews Given
1,274 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, a writer of children’s stories. I love writing and reading them myself; in fact I’m very much a kid at heart *InLove2*

This is a charming tale of a magical adventure featuring two cat friends. It has a conflict and a resolution, but lacks any particular character development aside from learning the Oak tree speaks to them. There is no specific reason why Sneaky Sam, whoever he is, would want to summon a storm, and it seems a lot has been left unsaid for simplicity and brevity.

Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as it depends largely on the age group you’re writing for. If you have very young kids in mind, it’s better to keep the action tame and the evildoers at arm’s length, and a story brief enough to be read at bedtime. Older kids, however, will appreciate a deeper dive into character motivations, interactions, dialogue, and plot twists, which could stretch your length into a thousand words or more. “What if” is a great question to ask yourself as you consider different elements and scenarios to incorporate into your story.

Adding any further content will require you keep an eye on your word counts… for that matter, I highly recommend adding a word count to each subtitle so we can decide if it’ll make a good bedtime story or if it requires more time. I also recommend using WdC formatting language (which can be accessed by using the tiles lined up on top of the text entry box) to make your items Size 4 Verdana, which is an excellent choice for keeping the page clean and engaging.

Another thing I would venture to add is the dreaded “did you use AI” inquiry. Something about the writing style bugs me, but I’m not going to paste it into one of those AI content detectors because they simply aren’t reliable or accurate. Maybe it needs more dialogue, or maybe it’s just me being hyper sensitive. I can’t pin down anything specific to tell you to change to make it sound more “human.” At any rate, it’s a sweet and fluffy little piece which a young child would enjoy.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Flipping Liam  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Victor!

I found this on the Random Read and Review Button.

Ah, a quick thrill. If I have to read stuff which dances on the edge, I prefer it in flash form to get it over with as quickly as possible. This was written with brisk, wry humor and a snappy ending and was a pretty fun read as I considered what might be happening in such a situation.

I would suggest adding two more relevant genres such as Crime/Gangster and Dark or Thriller/Suspense. This helps people find your item when browsing. I also like to recommend Size 4 Verdana font, but I can't tell what size you've used on mobile so it's all good.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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128
Review of Angels  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, friend!

I love this acrostic you've crafted for us. It shares your beliefs about the beautiful nature of God's angels and how they interact with us on Earth.

I like the rhyming couplets, which worked out perfectly because the word has an even number of letters. And the different colors you've chosen to set off the opening letter of each line adds elegant clarity to the acrostic style.

I'm not criticizing the perfection of what you have here, but since the BEAR project requires at least one suggestion, I might suggest adding more lines. What you could do is select another word and add it as a second verse acrostic: maybe "love..." or you could add a verse built on the word "God's" at the top to create an acrostic reading "God's Angels..." Because after all, there are good angels and bad angels, and we should be clear which ones we're talking about *Smile* *Angel*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Power  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com, Carl!

A "powerful" poem, written using the letters of the theme word to introduce each line. We see the world's problems laid out in simple terms: corruption, greed and lack of morals, along with the ultimate consequences of allowing oneself to fall prey to such.

I noticed the last letter has a couplet by itself, but it's run together as a single line broken by the screen: you may want to do a line break at the second "the" and add {indent} at the front of it to arrange this in a more visually pleasing manner, like so:

Ravenousness: the greater the amount one requires,
         the quicker the one will expire.

Which brings me to our proprietary markup language, known as WML. The row of tiles above the text entry box is your key to rearranging and formatting your text in different ways. I always suggest Size 4 Verdana font. As as an acrostic, you can also underline and/or bold the first letter of each line to bring the point home; that way you may remove the word written as the title at the top, which is usually unnecessary here. If you need any help, you can check "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for an extensive user guide.

I would recommend choosing three relevant genres for this poem, as it makes it easier for people to find your work when browsing. Philosophy, Political, Drama, Relationship, History, Psychology, or Dark would all be suitable options. Filling in three genres also allows opportunity for as many Quill Award nominations as possible.

I look forward to seeing you around here more. Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Charles!

Good grief, what a rollickingly absurd and glorious story! I loved it! I'll try to break down what I liked so much so I don't go rambling all over...

Characters: you have the perfect "everyman" type with Joe, the average tech geek who has some unusually awful bad luck with tech gear. His interactions with the world around him are so introverted, I can really identify. I love the scene where he's chilling in a corner of the meeting with his teacup and a good book, ignoring everyone *Laugh* His coworkers are ingenious, so typical and yet so creatively done. Rob with the magic abilities, Greg the exasperated boss, Fred the guy with the rich auntie... They're a scrappy bunch, but somehow they get their mission accomplished through bungling and barfing. Joe's habit of saying "fair" to stave off conflict reminds me of the gentle ways of the Strange Planet creatures.

Premise: The idea of a tech nerd being hounded by saboteurs throughout his life is absurd, approached with enough sympathetic humor that we can't take it seriously enough to be alarmed by the death and blowing up of stuff which eventually ensues. I was prepared for a miserable ending, because I've seen other "everyman" stories where the poor fellow gets hurled through a "series of unfortunate events," and they can be pretty depressing and pointless. This, though, had a larger message of friendship and teamwork by the time it arrived at the end. I'm really looking forward to Joe's further adventures.

Setting: the real world, complete with name dropping and geography, is perfect. You've set up such a relatable situation, with all that malfunctioning tech and the little details carefully woven together, from the butter to the flashbacks of Joe's childhood. You keep us hanging, unsure of what's going on from moment to moment and reading excitedly to see what happens next. The moment where he was reading the feelings of the guy at the showdown shows how empathetic Joe is; I was hollering at him that he's overlaying his own feelings and not to fall for his own soft spot...

Ok, I do need to give you a couple of suggestions. First, you should make the font larger. I know this will throw off the careful tapering of Joe's moans of shock, but a little twiddling will help. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for ease of reading.
Then, I highly recommend choosing two more genres for the item. Technology and Crime/Gangster would be good, unless you want to give away the lighthearted side and add Comedy as one. This will help people find it when browsing, and also allow the opportunity to be nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible.

You may want to check the scenes where they're at the auntie's house and make sure you didn't confuse Fred and Greg somewhere along there.

A word count at the top would also be a great idea to let us know what we're in for.

Your writing style is brilliant; this comes across like an office sitcom collided with Mad Max. I really enjoyed it and can't wait for the next installment.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Into the Wind  Open in new Window.
for entry "Oh So Delicious" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Lizzie!

I remembered you’re part of the PPC5 challenge and thought I’d find one of your entries to review as a fellow member.

This is a yummy poem... And now I'm hungry for a simple, classic dish of Italian spaghetti *Hungry*

You've painted your scene well, engaging our senses with the smell of garlic, the flavor of cheese and tomato sauce, and the sight of warm bread cleaning the plate. It's a deeply relatable moment for all of us; my mom and I love a good pasta dinner.

The free verse is conversational, whimsical and creative, as we spot a couple of accidental rhymes which lend a flow to the piece.

You've misspelled the word "fare" as it relates to food in the 13th line. Also, a line count at the bottom is nice to help Lilli quickly see the requirements have been met. I can hardly remember the prompt for that week; was it the "favorite food" prompt? Perhaps you should add a little note about it at the bottom, even just for your own reference. I know Lilli adds them all to a "quick list" which we can look at if we fall behind later in the year.

A perfectly scrumptious snapshot of a luxuriously simple dinner for one. I really enjoyed the tactile bliss you've shared with us here.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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Review of Perception  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Purple Princess!

I'm here as a fellow member of I Write 2025.

This is a fun little story... At first I thought it was describing a dream, going by the word in the subtitle, and when we arrived at the shift in font after your utilization of the prompt phrase, I figured that must be "real life" again.

You've made it lots more fun by making it entirely real and reasonable, though. I've heard before that critters look bigger when they're moving, and if a kid is terrified of snakes, I'm sure they would indeed appear way bigger than they actually are. Plus, I've always had a hard time estimating distances visually, though perhaps not to such an extreme extent... *Laugh*

Where Blair says "it was horrifying!" You left out the letter T in "it." I'm a super cheapskate when it comes to word counts; I love (well, maybe it can get a little tedious) going over and over my works trying to trim out excess and compact everything as briefly as possible. I think if you reworked some of the descriptions of fear in the first half, you can add a description of what the Scarlet Kingsnake looks like. When I saw the name I remembered the Coral Snake, which looks similar to the King Snake but with reversed stripes. Have you ever heard the rhyme “red and black, friend of Jack, red and yellow, kill a fellow”? That’s how to tell the difference…

I noticed you have this listed as a “serial” instead of a “short story,” which was probably a slip of the mouse. Also, I always recommend adding a third genre such as “Comedy,” “Nature” or “Environment” or “Family.” It’ll help others find it when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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for entry "1929 - Week 22" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here again as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

I've probably said this several times to everyone participating, but I love seeing how we all respond differently and uniquely to the prompts. This particular set of words seemed to imply a rather "run of the mill" interpretation, but you've made it special by tapping into an era of great upheaval, where fortunes were lost and people found out who their friends were. I'm a fan of the Depression era American Girl character, Kit, and that time of US history has been a source of inspiration for me.

I've never heard of the movie you refer to, but I can see it sounds interesting. You forgot a line count at the end of your poem; it'll make Lilli's life just a bit easier if you have one *Wink* Perhaps also highlight the prompt words as they're used.

Aside from these little nitpicky details, I see nothing about the poem to suggest changing. You've captured a snapshot of an era in a few simple yet profound words.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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Review of Dalthyrian  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy new year, Fyn!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

A whimsical rhyming poem about your (the narrator's?) favorite dragon. We see how much they love the creature; it must be a nice dragon if it has vast libraries! That's my kind of mythological creature *BigSmile*

Biographically speaking, I love how you've given this a gentle personal touch. I feel as though you really are speaking about a dragon you believe is "real." As authors and dreamers, we have a kinship with the characters we create, and I can identify with having an "imaginary" companion following one's life journey.

I notice you have a big empty space at the bottom of the item, before the prompt info. Perhaps you should hit the backspace key a few times there. Also, a line count is required for the project, even just to make Lilli’s life a bit easier *Wink* The bold font is a bit too “bold…” perhaps a larger size would suffice. This looks a bit too much like the impact font, which is rarely used (I always wonder why it’s here at all… *Think*) Oh, it’s always best to add a third genre, maybe “Personal” or “Writing” or “Fantasy.” This allows you to quantify for as many Quill nominations as possible.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Ah, Christmas... We thought it was over last week, but they're still cleaning up the clearance tinsel and pine boughs at the big box stores *Laugh*

You have a good poem here, following the rules of the form and setting up a dualistic, reminiscent comparison of Christmas past with Christmas present. We can all identify with the images of happy youth and quieter, more thoughtful older age. As we learn and grow, it is up to us to maintain the Christmas spirit without becoming sour, cynical or giving in to seasonal depression.

I can't tell what size font you've used on mobile, but I suggest Size 4 Verdana for everyone, especially to help poetry stand out in the center of our busy sidebars. A dropnote click me! ▼ to keep your form notes and such tidied away. A word count is also a useful touch to consider, especially if you participate in I Write (oh, I forgot it's different this year... Whatever! I have formed the habit of including a word count with everything so I don't get disqualified from anything *Laugh*)

Aside from these minor suggestions, this is perfect. I dislike telling people to modify their poetry in any way, especially if it's a more personal theme.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "January 3, 2025" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and blessings for a happy new year!

Ah, this is a spooky choice of mythological creature. I love seeing how we each respond in our own unique ways to the given prompts; it’s one of the fascinating things about this site. You’ve painted a picture of the figure of death as portrayed in your tarot cards and experienced in your own life. We see it as a haunting reminder of our human fragility and the fleeting nature of life. Yet you have observed a glimmer of hope in the stars… we are all made of stardust, after all.

As a poem, I would suggest using a larger size and style of font (size 4 Verdana is my favorite) to bring the words into clearer focus on our busy screens. You can also use a dropnote to enclose any extra info at the bottom for tidiness. Perhaps an image of the tarot card you had in mind would be interesting.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "I Like Trolls" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Surprisingly enough, I can appreciate trolls as well. They've gotten a bad rap over the years because of the modern idea of online "trolling," but honestly the only bad troll I can remember is the one under the bridge from the Three Billy Goats Gruff. (In fact, I felt almost a little sorry for the troll there when he was trampled underfoot...)

As you might know, I'm a Frozen fan, and the trolls there are portrayed in a fascinating way. They are the wise ones who raised orphan Kristoff and have an understanding of magic, which Elsa's parents were afraid of. When Elsa... Well, I won't spell out the whole thing. The trolls play an important role and they're good solid creatures.

Having expressed admiration for your unique choice of mythological creature, I now have to offer at least one suggestion as per the B.E.A.R requirements. I see you have uncapitalized opening letters, which creates a conversational, story-like flow. I usually instinctively capitalize every line unless they “spill over,” which can get weird *Pthb* I have also developed the habit of, perhaps learned from my participation in I Write last year, including a word count as well as a line count. It’s become quite useful to see how many words get used in poetry. Twice now I’ve attempted a Drabble poem with an allotment of 100 words (one in rhyme and meter and one in free verse.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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Review of Ireland Calls  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I see you look like a fairly polished author, adding an image and two genres and understanding the concept of a drabble (100 word story.)

As such, you've taken an experience and encapsulated it in brief, with a beginning, middle and end. Personally, I love drabbles, rising to the challenge of shaping a perfect story in the given limit while crafting it as vividly as possible. If this were mine, I would perhaps have twiddled with it more, trying to include a bit of scenery and some sort of strong emotional reaction to plant us in Diane's head. But these are techniques usually reserved for longer works.

I would recommend you add a third genre such as Supernatural; this will help people find your items when browsing. It will also allow as many opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award as possible.

I also recommend you take some time to hang around here and get to know us a bit; the Newsfeed is a good place to start making friends. That's if you want to be sociable, of course; there are plenty of people here who don't hang out much. It all depends on how much you want WdC to be either a sort of social media site or a place to go for meaningful feedback on stories and poetry.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I'm so glad to meet you. WdC is a wonderful place, and I can see you've already had a warm welcome from other reviewers around here. I love finding people who write poetry with charm and grace, and you seem to be just my type.

This is a lovely poem, with a strong rhythm which carries us through with the feeling of a song. You describe the thrill of putting pen to paper and crafting beautiful works of word art for others to share and enjoy. The words are simple yet profound, and we feel your newfound delight in what you do.

I have nothing to suggest for improvement on what you've written here. It's a sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly, and I think it would look lovely written out in fancy script, printed and framed.

I always recommend learning how to use the row of text modification tiles above the entry box, as a larger font size and style helps make your item stand out, especially on desktop. Size 4 Verdana is my standard.

Poetry is one of my special hobbies here, and if you're interested I have a couple of book items stuffed with poems: "Promptly Poetry" Open in new Window. and "Magic Eight" Open in new Window.

Which brings me to an important point. As a newbie with a free account, you will soon run out of portfolio space (ten items.) If you make yourself known in the community, I'm sure someone will give you an upgraded membership if you need the help. Otherwise, you can gather multiple poems into a single item. There are some tricks to help organize large items into something similar to chapters and indexing here "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. I'm not too familiar, never having used them.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Thank you.  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Mary Ann!

I found this using the Random Read and Review Button.

A beautiful, simple and heartfelt prayer built on an acrostic. I deeply appreciate your sentiment.

I have a few typos to suggest you fix...
1. The tagged item is invalid; you may want to remove it or add a few words explaining what type of writing project it was.
2. The word "you" is duplicated in the first line.
3. The third line seems like it should read "serve You in the decisions..." rather than "and the decisions"
4. In the fourth line "when you're by my side" the word "you're" is misspelled.

Aside from these little things, I really enjoyed this and found it moving. I pray you have many blessings in the year ahead.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of "Box"  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, this is heavy. I see you take great care to spell “grey” with an E, which I appreciate.

I am now seeing grey myself, sitting in a fog which has lasted unusually long this morning. Your prose has a moody, mysterious feel, telling little about how this situation arose and what’s actually going on. We experience it solely through the experience of this lone figure trudging through the grey nothingness towards some kind of an end.

It feels like a “higher level” piece of writing, like the kind of thing I would have puzzled over and pushed aside in my literature classes. Maybe I’m thinking of the Donald Barthelme story Game, something vaguely depressing yet also intriguing and… well, yours is a dead end, really. A bleak and hopeless cessation of existence.

Which is kind of how I’ve been feeling about life lately, from a philosophical perspective. I mean, I’m not exactly depressed, but sometimes I step back and marvel at the futility of life. Like how the new Jelly Roll song goes “I know I’m not ok, but it’s all gonna be alright…” and I’m like “bro, how do you figure that?” Like they give us this wish-washy “just believe it’ll all be okay” but they don’t really have a leg to stand on because their worldview automatically excludes any possibility of real “hope” and they’re just telling us that so we don’t all go insane and jump off the nearest bridge…

Ok, I apologize for the emotional dump. I guess I've had that bottled up for a while and your item resonated with me. Which is a good thing. You've written a powerful metaphor on how life sometimes feels, cloaked in surrealist science fiction.

By way of improvement, I would suggest you increase the font size and style using the handy row of tiles above the text entry box. I like Size 4 Verdana for nearly everything *Laugh* My friend likes to recommend everyone add cover art to their items as well, but I think there's a restriction on what level of membership can add images. An image will help your item pop out from the rest.

Perhaps breaking it down into smaller paragraphs will help make it a little easier to plow through, because there isn't much action and we might get sleepy being plunged into that land of dreary grey nothing *Wink*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of The Fool  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Chris!

Not sure how this showed up on Random Read and Review, but here I am.

A quick and amusing rhyming story about a king's jester who strikes it big when he helps his master solve the riddle. We see him rise in power, yet still retain his personality as a fool who keeps everyone laughing. It reminds me of the Jester in Ivanhoe.

A couple of tiny typos... One is in the fourth line where you mixed up "too" and "to." Then the word "breeches..." If you're using the vernacular, you can spell it "britches" and it would suit the rhyme more visually than otherwise. I think either spelling is accurate, though I'd have to do some research on that one...

Wishing you happy holidays and a lovely new year *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of ABC Lesson  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com, Kermit!

What a coincidence: I received your review letting me know you'll be posting this, and I hit the Random Read and Review button, and here it is!

I love how philosophical it is, teaching us things about life by guiding us through the alphabet. It would make a nice thing to share with children, especially these days when they're exposed to serious issues at tender ages.

On mobile, I can't give advice about line lengths or anything, but I'm sure it all balances out well if it were on a normal screen size. You appear to have used a good font size and style. Perhaps adding a space where there's an extra line of poetry going deeper into a single letter, before moving to the next letter, would be helpful to sort through it visually. You could also separate each letter in bold if you think that would help.

Your thoughts about the words are balanced and wise, allowing us all to appreciate the advice even if we have different worldviews. On this site we have people from all walks of life and around the world, and the diversity is amazingly peaceful and welcoming.

I would highly recommend you add genres to the item; it's one of the essential elements of getting your work noticed, as people often like to sort through items by genre. Another important thing is the yearly Quill Awards, which are nominated partly by genres. I would suggest Philosophy, Children's, and Experience, but there are so many more possibilities. Relationship, Friendship , Inspirational, Family, Writing... even How-to/Advice.

I also like to always add a line count and word count at the bottom of my items, as it's a required habit to form for submission to contests. I'm pretty sure, in fact, that this would qualify for entry to "The Long Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.... Stop by and see!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
From Gervic
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Kiya!

Good grief, what a monologue. I was absorbed in the dynamics revealed in the man’s words as he painted the colorful picture of his background, rise and the crumbling of his family. It’s amusingly (also sadly) realistic; as someone who leads a quiet and sheltered life, I don’t know too much about the “ways of men” and quite frankly would rather not, but that’s just me *Laugh* You’ve captured his voice so distinctly and clearly, taking what could have been a simple and trite theme and turning it into a fun and engaging read.

Did you use default font size? I prefer bigger… Size 4 Verdana as I used to say frequently. Other than that, this was interesting and well crafted.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
From Gervic
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I noticed this on the Read a Newbie sidebar, and it piqued my curiosity because of the two names and the music theme. It’s the weirdest thing, but my favorite band is OneRepublic, and their lead singer is Ryan Tedder, and his best friend Zach Filkins is the lead guitarist! Not only that, but Ryan Tedder plays the same exact dualistic roles in his career, of running a band as well as helping other artists create smash hits. Were you inspired by the dynamics of OneRepublic? Or am I reading too much into a remarkable coincidence?

All similarities to real life aside, this is a warm and heartfelt vignette showing the deep bond of love and camaraderie between the two men. I sense this could easily be expanded into a fuzzy romance if you wanted to explore that route, but I personally prefer a really good friendship to anything LGBTQ (I’m asexual myself, so I avoid romantic type stories generally… but this is off topic *Laugh*)

Practically speaking, I would recommend you up the rating to 13+ or 18+ for the one f-bomb tossed in. You could remove it, but it does add a touch of realism and help assure us it’s not an AI story. Please don’t take offense at the AI remark… you’d be surprised how much AI content is floating around here, and some of it is distressingly nice to read. This story has a delightfully human touch, with the emotions and feelings and interactions deeply embedded into it. You have a great style, fun and engaging, painting endearing characters in a situation which is instantly relatable for me as a music lover who knows almost everything about the lives of the artists I look up to.

I would also suggest you familiarize yourself with the toolbar features above the text entry box, because you do need to use a larger font, preferably Size 4 Verdana.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
From Gervic
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Review of Bug Reporting  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, SM!

Thanks for taking care of the bugs around here and providing us such great one-on-one support. It's a real relief to know this is a site run by a family who cares, and you haven't outsourced operations to shady people overseas who may not understand the true purpose of the site.

A forum is a good idea for bug reporting, because everyone can look back and see issues they may have experienced that were then fixed. I see for instance where Annette reported the bug on newly minted MBs back in October. I had noticed that myself, but I didn't think of letting you know.

I should take the time to be more familiar with basic elements of the site such as the Tools sidebar. Mostly I never go there at all... Which leads to my not understanding some rather obvious things *FacePalm*

Take care, thanks for everything you do, and keep up the amazing work *ThumbsUpGreen* *Heartg*
From Gervic
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm here as part of a holiday item review project ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window.) and thought this looked like a fun read.

What a stressful time you must've had of it, trying to track down your package. I have had similar things happen to me; one time Amazon declared my items "undeliverable" and sent me a new set *Shock2* I always wonder if someone spilled a drink on the items, or if the truck crashed, or what.

You've written this with a graceful sense of holiday humor, exercising kindness and patience towards those who work at the stores and the warehouses. It's always important to remember that these mishaps are almost as stressful for the employees as they are for us.

Yep, chatbot helpers are usually no help at all... The options they provide are limited and the responses are, of course, canned. Whoa, wouldn't it be *Shock2* if StoryMaster decided to communicate with us solely through chatbots?

This was a fun and relatable read. I'm glad it worked out in time for the big day.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Roari!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window., and this is just the sort of thing which looks like fun.

You've made an entertaining criminal comedy out of it, juggling bungling elves and reindeer smarter than they are against a backdrop of thoughtful conflict about toy safety. (I just signed a Consumer Reports petition to increase safety standards for toys with batteries, so this is especially relevant and important.)

The details are hilarious, with the predictable squabbling of morons and the mastermind groaning in frustration. Everything was well thought out, though it seems like you might have been in a hurry when you wrote it... IDK. When I write for the Official WdC Contests I like to bulge the word count as much as possible to get a really good story. You've done well keeping it brief, and I have nothing to suggest for improvement to this jolly, lighthearted skit. It would make a great animation.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Leslie!

I'm on a quest for holiday reads, to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window., and I thought yours might be amusing.

I've seen this title bopping around for a while now, but wasn't sure if it would be something subversive which I would find untasteful. Reading it now, I see I didn't have to worry. You've brought Santa and Jesus together in a way which is accurate and respectful, thoughtful and amusing. We chuckle at the characterization of Kris Kringle for what he is: a rather goofy fiction boiled down from countless Indo-European pre-Christian winter fables. And we smile at Christ's offer of redemption for this imaginary and as-yet unrepentant figure. (I've seen paintings placing Santa at the manger or reading a Bible... One can only hope he "got saved" *Laugh*)

The dialogue is clever and well arranged, with colored fonts helping us distinguish the speakers and rollicking humor keeping us engaged. (I just realized the "words of Jesus in red" is perfect because that's how the Bibles do it *Delight*)

Overall, this is a delightful piece which highlights the importance of remembering the true meaning of the season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
From Gervic
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Review of Spreading Joy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window.) and found your poem.

It's a suitable reflection on the theme of finding joy in the simple continuity of life and seeking love and balance in everything from day to day. I see a sort of childish glee expressed in the last couplet as the narrator thinks of Santa even though he probably doesn't really "believe" in Santa anymore. Speaking of which, Santa's surname is Claus, without an E. A clause is a piece of fine print in that legal document you signed recently *Rolling* (just a little notary joke...) Anyway, I see where the narrator realizes the true meaning of Christmas, moving beyond the superficial to the basic truths of reality.

Your couplets feel at times rather strained or lengthy, but I know this is your preferred style and I can't think of anything better to suggest. It's a carefully crafted piece, and I'm glad you're finding reasons to be happy this season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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