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1,478 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
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Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
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Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
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AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
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Public Reviews
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51
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Review of Journeys of Clay  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

I discovered this cool poem by using the Random Read and Review button.

I love the quaint, contemplative way this is written, in conversational free verse that flows smoothly and communicates clearly. You describe the stone soldiers and muse upon their origins. Are they stand ins for real people, sent to guard the king from strange forces beyond? We're glad they aren't humans who were "added" to the tomb, as in some cases *Shock2*

The images of the king using these statues as chess pieces or those little plastic figures that the boys play with is ingenious. I can just see this playing out somewhere in the underworld: he wanted to bring his toys with him *Laugh*

Don't forget to add two more relevant genres to the item: I would recommend Philosophy and Arts. That way, people will find it when browsing. I'm glad I found this - it's well written and thought-provoking.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Matrimony  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, Kay *Smile*

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

A chilling perspective, appropriate for October, which is a women's awareness month in several ways (DV and BC.) I tend to hold fairytale views of matrimony and family in my head, but in reality I hold back from it in terror because I have never met anyone I would dream of being married to for a multitude of reasons. Therefore, I can't judge, because my life experiences and choices contradict what I think I believe in my head/heart.

You have exaggerated the language and amplified all the worst elements of marriage: ingratitude, infidelity, overwork, exhaustion, pain, childbearing, being lost in the shadow of male dominance... It's a stressful situation to be in, always trying to make someone else happy when all you ever wanted was to pursue your dreams unencumbered.

I've seen your port before, and I know you write about the struggles of an abusive, impoverished, addicted upbringing. It's brave of you to come here and share your explorations of emotion with us. Your language is clear and vivid, laying bare the anguish and mental unrest you carry while creating art which may not always have to be taken literally and biographically.

I would recommend learning about our proprietary markup language, which is explained at "Writing ML: Docs and Help" on the left sidebar under "Writing.Com Tools." The stuff you can do with it is super useful. Adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} to the beginning of your items will make a clearer and more professional presentation across devices. Also, adding all three relevant genres is best for optimizing your searchability, and will give you multiple opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award (for mor info on our annual awards, check out the portfolio of Jeff Author Icon.) I would suggest Emotional, Drama, Dark, or Family for the third genre here.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Naomi!

I saw this on the sidebar, and since I love seeing why others enjoy this site, I stopped by and discovered it was yours. I hope you're doing well... We haven't heard from you in a while *Hug1**Frown**Hug2*

This is a lovely glimpse into your real personal life and the way you found WdC. I'm so glad to know you. You're a sweet and kindly person with a beautiful family. The arrangements of you (and sometimes your daughter) at the bookstore and hubby at the movies is quaint; I prefer books and words over movies personally, but they are both great ways to learn about life and humanity. The pandemic shook up everything for everyone on the planet, didn't it? You must've felt so cloistered, unable to get out and explore your bookstores. The escape to peaceful abundance in the countryside came with the downside of no more bookstores, but armed with internet access, you discovered a treasure trove of words and those who work with them.

Yes: reading and writing: the perfect combination *Delight* the way you aspired to prioritize your time is inspiring. We should all take better care of our time in this world.

May God richly bless you now and in the future *Pray* *Cross2* *FlowerV*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Hot & Hollow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings *Smile*

I spotted this on my sidebar yesterday afternoon, and somehow I guessed it was yours before I clicked on it. Only a couple other people around here I can do that with. You have a distinctive voice, and it comes through with a certain reliability across your fictional work. We all have our own, and I pride myself on finding it in others.

As the narrative progressed and Carrie's backstory unfolded, I couldn't help seeing something of myself in her: the unaddressed wounds, the desire for control and external validation, the utter inability to face criticism, the avoidance of vulnerability or authenticity in relationships out of fear of mockery and rejection. You have something strong here, something relatable, that needs further development. I, along with most women I know, would prefer if she were given an option for redemption, a glimpse of what she could be if only she faced her flaws and dealt with them. It doesn't have to be a transformation and a happily ever after, just a hint that maybe Marcus was able to touch her spirit before she walked out, maybe a whispered apology or a single genuine tear, or a sighting of her again a few years down the road, well-adjusted – or not.

For that matter, your current perspective is third person omniscient, telling us what's inside her heart and everyone else's without a single directed focus. I've had it drilled into me since I joined here: third person limited is best. (Thanks , Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon!) Are we focusing more on the character development of Marcus as he pulls away from toxic people, or Carrie as she starts to peel the threadbare bandages of falsehood away from herself?

When you settle on who we should be more interested in, then you can write everything from this one perspective. Marcus only sees what he can see, feels what he can feel. Show us his reactions, his feelings. Does he cringe at the sharpness of her voice when she's jealous? Does his stomach sink when he see the bills piling up? Does he lie awake at night wondering what his future looks like with her? When he finally sees through her, does it hurt? Can he forgive enough to reach out, or does he just want her gone?

I have some fragments of dialogue in my head... Maybe he says gently, "this isn't a real relationship if you don't feel like you can trust me to see you cry/see the real you." Maybe he even shows her some vulnerability of his own, some little thing that could become a turning point in the plot as we see what she does with this part of his heart. Does she weaponize it, use it against him, or does she open up, or treat him with the respect she desires for herself? Or does she leave anyway, unable to handle a man who shows his flaws and expects the same? Ok, I'm probably off the rails of where you were thinking it should go... *Think* At the very least, does he remember to pray for her when he gets to church?

This has great potential for a touching human interest story with a subtle spiritual perspective. I'm glad we were able to discuss it. Best wishes for the contest *4leaf*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Clink  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

What an interesting way of driving home a sense of heartbreak and despair. It sets forth an onomatopoeia, repeating the "clink" until we see both a shattered heart and the carelessness of those who shattered it. Clinking of glasses and casual laughter show us the contrast of feelings and hint at manipulation under the surface, while leaving most things unexplained. It paints a picture both haunting and brief, lingering after the last words are gone.

I might recommend using the final sound, "core," somewhere else within the poem, as it comes in suddenly and leaves us wondering where it was before. Also, adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning goes a long way to creating a clearer, more professional presentation on the page. And I always recommend adding three relevant genres to an item to ensure people can find it when browsing. You can try Philosophy, Drama, Emotional, Personal, Experience, Dark, Relationship, Experience, Folklore, etc. Almost anything will do.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I saw this on the sidebar and thought it looked cute. It's as good as it seemed: a folksy, all-american tale of a boy and his dog. It almost feels like a country song, if country songs were decent... *Think*

I love the themes of the cycle of life and growing up and finding a mate with the help of your faithful dog. Just like Old Yeller, as long as there are puppies, there's hope. Same goes for babies. Everything here is classic, trite and predictable but in a cozy sort of way.

I might suggest taking a second look at your writing style, because it does come across as a little sloppy. I know it's supposed to feel like a front porch anecdote, but I've had the "third person limited" POV drilled into me, and your nameless narrator perspective is a bit offsetting. You could "formalize" the style by focusing in on the narrative from David's perspective, showing us an up close and personal view of his coming of age. The details are already there; they just should perhaps be reframed differently.

Also, Arthur cannot eat chocolate ice cream *Shock2* Ice cream will upset a dog's stomach, and chocolate is poisonous for them. This is a startling moment that pulls us out of the narrative. You can, however, use a scene like this to open the story in a more immediately grounded way, rather than generalizing about how the community views Arthur and David.

Overall, I really enjoyed this; I feel it needs a little polish to show at its best. (For that matter, I always suggest adding {size:4}{font:verdana} to the beginning of an item to ensure it's professional and presentable. You may also want to add a word count at top or bottom in case you would like to drop this off at "Senior Center Forum" Open in new Window.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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57
Review of Sleepy Hollow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I'm on a quest to find 13+ rated items in the Horror genre. Today I searched for generous review rewards, and found yours *Smile*

What a spooky poem. It reads like something one finds written in spidery script on stained parchment in a musty book of spells in the attic, like something that has a purpose larger than itself. A whole story could be written around this, which is understandable since it was inspired by the old story. It has a free verse flow which is rhythmic and easy to follow, building on the ominous nature of the situation and making us shiver as we picture wandering through the haunted woods, with a stranger's hoofbeats lurking behind us.

I always recommend using {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of the item to create a more readable, professional and engaging presentation. You should also add an image for the cover art so it looks more eye-catching from the lists of items when we're searching. A quick tip I throw around sometimes is to try eliminating the word "the" from your poetry; it really reshapes the way you see it and opens up all kinds of cool opportunities for shaping emotional depth and "poetic" atmosphere.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Dandelions  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings, Beauregard.

I'm here on a quest to read and review 13+ rated items in the Horror/Scary genre.

This was suitably sinister, beginning in such an innocuous way, one wonders how anybody even noticed the dandelions were missing. It was also sympathetic and relatable, as I live near a large retirement community and could easily picture the elderly, crotchety, yet loveable characters as they played golf and went about their quiet lives.

The opening scene is a little confusing, because at first I assumed the person chomping loudly on shredded wheat must be a kid. You should set up the narrator's identity as quickly as possible in the opening. Also, there seems to be a typo when you write "that was all she wrote: gone. No more dandelions..." It doesn't follow from him watching the TV news announcement.

Also, I can't help picking holes in the concept that all the women and all the children are automatically better than all the men. Superficially, it's easy to think like that, but it doesn't bear real consideration. Many women have flawed characters, and many teenagers are criminals. That's not a very good filtration system.

Otherwise, this is a quietly eerie story, tragic in the simple finality of what's taking place and mysterious in that no one has an explanation for it, spiritual or otherwise. I appreciate the attention to realistic details, the humorous old golf buddies, and the husband's love and sense of duty for his wife.

On a final note, another tiny bit of gallows humor at the end could have been something like "oh well, at least they get diaper duty and not us!" Or something of the sort, a joke about no longer having kids to take care of. Sad, but kinda funny.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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59
Review of Siren's Song  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Wilcox *Smile*

I'm here because Ẃebbie֍Christmas To You! Author Icon sent us to look for items in the Horror genre. This was rated 13+, so I figured it wouldn't be as "horrifying" as some of your other work. Indeed, it feels to me more like a Shakespearean tragedy than a straight-up horror story.

With sad/scary stories, I tend to sit back and "pick them apart" when I'm done, looking for holes in the plot or weakness in the moral undergirding, as a way of distancing myself from the "reality" of what I've read. Here, I find the situation a bit loopier than would be credible, as the man gave no hints at the beginning when he was describing what happened, that he was anything but an average local person. And morally speaking, I don't see how the father's desire to protect his daughter from a mysterious foreign stranger makes him ultimately responsible for the whole mess. So he was "supposed" to let her marry a man who turned out to already be married? Is this a subtle critique of religious dogmatism? Or am I overthinking? I see the opening emphasis on how lust was to blame, which fits in with the end reveal of a man with a double life. But the whole thing is rather peculiar, as there really would have been no way to end it well with such a stranger.

Overthinking aside, this was well put together, with atmosphere and emotional impact. You painted the scenes well and made everything come alive. One puzzling phrase is where the man says he "was filled with nauseating sympathy," which doesn't make sense. Also, the double set of modifiers there is a bit much. Other than that, it was surreal, tragic and haunting.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Bradbury Tales  Open in new Window.
for entry "Apocalypse at Last" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Beholden.

I'm here because Webbie sent us on a quest for stories and poems in the Horror/Scary genre, and I set my ratings to 13+ and found your whole book of Bradbury's includes the correct parameters. So, here I am *Smile*

Well, today seems a gloomy day... I sat up writing a dystopian ghost story for the 48 Hour Media Prompt, it's cold and raining, and now this. I can identify with poor Martin's longing for release from the dreary fate of being the last person left alive on Earth, although actually... I beg to inquire if every other living thing was also gone? Even the trees or a blade of grass? A sorry state indeed. If there were even other living creatures still residing on the planet, even a bird, a squirrel, a rat or a gnat, perhaps Martin wouldn't have felt such deadening isolation. Also, if the entire planet wasdead, his own life wouldn't have continued in a particularly healthy manner, as there would be a tremendous amount of gasses being let off from rotting material and other things of that sort - although perhaps if all bacteria and fungi were also dead, what then would become of the decomposition process? I'm sorry, now I'm thinking too much *Pthb*

Strictly speaking, this is a well written philosophical study of what happens in total and complete isolation... Now I'm wondering why Martin didn't begin to suffer from hallucinations or other delusions of companionship or meaning! In fact, even modern technology such as AI would have helped stave off the finality of things by providing a sense of something else being cognizant of his existence. Though if I were in such a situation, I would likely end up the same way... Which is hardly a cheerful thought.

Guess this wasn't of much help. Your formatting is appropriate, and I can't think of anything to suggest here. If you feel at all this way yourself, do understand we all appreciate and care about you *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* and life has meaning even if it doesn't feel like there is any.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of existence  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I can relate to this heartfelt free verse poem. You've poured a bit of yourself out on the page, and it shows. The exhaustion of existing is something we all deal with on different levels. Even children are often robbed of their right to be innocent and happy, and as adults with any amount of self-awareness our burden only gets heavier.

I like how you've balanced the line lengths, it makes a symmetrical presentation on the page. The words are carefully chosen, with as little filler as possible. I always remember the recommendation of a trusted poet friend, Citizen Journalist 🎵 Author Icon who said, basically, to avoid "the" in poetry at all costs. I see you have it twice, but it's so naturally placed, I hesitate to suggest restructuring the whole brief poem to eliminate it.

Perhaps saying "not fully aware of incomprehensible burden/ of elusive breath of "joy"..." and now I'm rewriting it for you *Blush* it's just an example to bear in mind as you build future poetry. The possibilities for thoughtful expression become so much broader when "the" is removed, it's amazing.

I would definitely recommend adding three relevant genres to your poem, for a couple reasons. It helps you to get more views on it, as people will see it when browsing, and it also affords as many opportunities as possible for Quill Award nominations (see the port of Jeff Author Icon for more info on the annual Quill Awards!) You could choose Emotional, Philosophy, Drama, Personal, Experience, Psychology, Relationship, Dark or even Inspirational.

I also would suggest using a larger font size. This can be achieved by simply adding {size:4}{font:verdana} in front of your text in the edit box. We have a lovely proprietary markup language here; you can read all the shortcuts and super helpful tips at "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. or https://www.writing.com/main/tools/action/writingm... which can be found on the left sidebar under "writing.com Tools" and then "WritingML: docs and help."

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow, this is quite a story. You've captured so much with so few words, bringing us a vivid picture of intrigue and mysteries and leaving us hanging. I see it's categorized under "novel," which means you presumably plan on building this out further. As it is, it feels like a vignette or a sample, something designed to capture a few scenes with intensity. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be anything further?

The characters are clear and engaging, serving their purposes well and hinting at varying and conflicting motivations that will drive the rest of the story. The settings are relatable and highly visual, creating a tense, cinematic effect.

I'll give a few quick pointers on fiction elements that keep a story rolling, as taught by my mentor Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon. Goals, Stakes, Obstacles, Conflict and Tension set us up for success. Your main character has a goal, your antagonist has a goal, the stakes are high, the obstacles appear insurmountable, the tension can be adjusted throughout by raising (or lowering) the stakes, or consequences of reaching or not reaching the goals. Characters should be well rounded and dynamic, as opposed to flat and static. The protagonist should learn something about themselves or the world around them by the end, and there should be an overarching theme, something grand but not moralistic, deep but not preachy.

I noticed you didn't include paragraph spacing. I would recommend using either an {indent} or a double space, to help it look more professional. Also, it would be a great improvement to add {size:4}{font:Verdana} to be beginning to make it nice and clear and accessible.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Rick!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

First off, it's been a long time since I read a script, particularly one of this length. You've managed to hold my interest pretty well, although I do feel it stretches credulity by the time we start wandering around the underground crypts packed with mysterious rotting books. For one thing, didn't they say there had been a fire at the Lodge? Yet there was never any mention of the fire or arson attempt after the two ladies started going to visit it in person.

By the time I finished, I was torn between annoyance and relief. I found the storyline slow, plodding, and scattered with logical slips that hint at a project you found a little too big to handle. What became of Agnes? How did it get so big? The plot left me with far more questions than answers, which I suppose was the intended effect, but I have a hard time taking it seriously. If Martin and Mr Carter (two characters who we're supposed to recognize and yet were not previously mentioned) were trying so hard to protect them from something that terrifying, they wouldn't have let them wander around digging through everything in the lodge and cheerfully prying open one crypt door after another like two kids playing Nancy Drew in a cheap movie.

Agnes wouldn't have left all of those important secret papers in an unlocked drawer in her library desk. And why did she want to share the secret? Was she unaware of the deeper significance of the land dealings? Why didn't the mayor have the police do something about the two women who are obviously meddling in an active investigation and holding back evidence? He could have done all manner of mundane legal actions to squelch them. Even Mr. Carter could simply have ordered them trespassed from his Lodge property.

The overall tone of this story was overwhelmingly unbelievable, moseying along from a cozy mystery to something resembling Indiana Jones, struggling to hold together all the dots and indeed losing a few of them by the end. And seriously, would they have gotten out alive after the place nearly collapsed? It took so long to get down that far, and yet they just magically glided back up to safety. And besides, when they got out, there would have been some evidence of the subterranean collapse from the top. The building would have shifted and tipped even slightly sideways. And wasn't it nearly impossible to ascend to the second floor? Yet a bunch of people were playing hide and seek on a floor with collapsed stairs. And I don't think they would have been able to move an entire wardrobe without making a peep of noise. Clara's unstoppable, calm demeanor is almost maddening; she and her friend don't feel like real characters. Honestly, none of the characters feel real. They feel like cardboard dolls, each filling their role in perfect illogical precision.

So... Yeah. Super duper premise, for sure, and I really appreciate your tremendous efforts here, but it just falls flat with all the slip-ups and the improbability. I'm speaking on an instinctive level, and honestly I can't tell you what exactly would make this script any better. Perhaps if it was in narrative form, it would be easier to keep track of everything and adjust for plausibility and realism, including making the characters flawed and "alive" somehow. Perhaps also you should consider cutting it down by several thousand words... I was as patient as possible while reading it, as I'm a quick reader and not averse to skimming when I feel like it's dragging, but I couldn't resist pasting this into iOS Pages, where it came back at 10,666 words *Shock2* so yeah, I think a little less wandering around in those crypts would tighten it up a good bit and make it easier to read. The style was extremely monotonous and predictable, repeating the same descriptive vocabulary over and over in the hopes of making it feel suspenseful.

I'm sorry, I hope I'm not being too harsh. It was a pretty fun read, despite everything. I appreciate your efforts *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* and I do hope you appreciate mine. Please don't tell me ten thousand words wasn't meant to be taken seriously. I think that's the worst thing one can possibly say to someone who just spent a good part of their time reviewing your item.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of eeee  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

If this is a test or placeholder item, it would be best to make it private. You can do that by going to the edit page (the gear at the top of your item lists a convenient drop-down full of handy options) and choosing a visibility level.

When you're ready to post some content, be sure to check out "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for all the help you might need to create the best impression!

I'm looking forward to whatever you have coming!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Foresight  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

Wow, what a chilling story, in a good way. It sets us off on a chase through time so confusing, I had to read it a couple times to get my head around what was happening and the foreshadowing details about boots and the fire where Del's child was lost and whatnot. My first time around, I thought Del succeeded in kidnapping Leira (just realized that's Ariel backwards - cool detail!) and was somehow hiding her for ten years. But he and Norman were both running loose through the timeline, each with a conflicting agenda that wrapped in circles, affecting the experiences of all involved, with treachery, pain and reunion. This must've been fun to write! It's definitely fun to read.

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure a clear and engaging reading experience for everyone. You should also definitely consider submitting this to "Twisted Tales Contest" Open in new Window.. I believe it would be greatly appreciated, and I welcome the competition most months *Wink* While you're at it, you can underline the title at the top of your item body, or maybe remove it since titles are pretty clearly posted anyway *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!

This poem takes unusual town names and turns them "inside out," so to speak, incorporating them into questions and statements that create a witty and surprising narrative. You've added in several extra town names for good measure, since the prompt only offered three. It rolls along with a rollicking meter, almost like an old-fashioned doggerel one might find in a dusty songbook. ABCB rhyme scheme is relaxed, with slightly slanting rhymes at "Maine" and "blame."

Your formatting is appropriate, with readability and three perfect genres. If I could think of anything to suggest, I might say to make it longer, moving past the eight lines from the prompt to dig up some further unusual towns that could fuel your imagination. Also, a word count is required at some contests and I nearly always include one as a formality in mine.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


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Review of Ode To The Earth  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Dave!

Theme:

You draw us in quickly, with a rapid-fire verse of vivid imagery of the contaminated seas and their distressful conditions, pinning the blame neatly on humanity through the instinctive moral repugnance of "gross debauchery."

We then observe the continued destruction and uninformed misuse of Earth's precious natural resources, and are provided a hopeful solution by the reminder of Earth Day and God's assigned responsibility to be stewards of what He created.

Flow, structure and format:

The triple rhyme in the first verse gets us off to a great start, and the continued use of the same sound brings home the point quite memorably. I can imagine this being read aloud and sounding both catchy and sincere, like some of my favorite songwriters or a well-thought rap session.

Your formatting (font size and style) leaves nothing to be desired, and you've chosen three suitable genres and added a matching cover image.

Overall feelings:

I love a good nature poem, and this is an excellent example of one worth writing down and adding to a collection. You express an urgent message in a clear and memorable way.

Suggestions for improvement:

I might suggest linking the Writer's Cramp activity at the bottom, perhaps in a dropnote, with a quick summary of the prompt you wrote for (Earth Day, I get it, but were there any specific requirements involved?) Also you could include a line count and word count for potential entry in future contests.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Kiya!

What an event that would have been if it had only happened. You've done your best to portray a true to life scenario in a believable setting. And to avoid the conundrum of "why didn't this change history," you made a careful erasure at the end. The young, progressive college students bent on making meaningful change in society, and the discussion of broader issues and the clash between hope and self-defense, are masterfully painted in a calm yet passionate tone. The themes encourage us to take a closer look at these two great men of history and their beliefs which shaped their actions and activism.

You can remove the icon for the scavenger hunt at the bottom of the page, as the activity is over. Also, the Washington Post article you link to is behind a paywall. Perhaps this Time Magazine writeup, though decidedly shallow and mostly promoting a movie, should be added alongside for those who don't have a subscription. https://time.com/6588337/mlk-malcolm-x-photo-true-...

Also, the first sentence after the first scene divider reads a bit long and awkward. You can separate the two thoughts with a semicolon, or simply replace "did we" with "that we."

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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Review of Borrowed Time  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, sir *Smile*

This popped up on my sidebar yesterday evening, and when I saw it was yours I knew it was the one you mentioned. Of course I had to read it. Are you aware both of these stories have been featured in this week's newsletters? "For Authors Newsletter (September 17, 2025)" Open in new Window. and "Horror/Scary Newsletter (September 17, 2025)" Open in new Window. Well done! I knew you had the spark. We're kinda on a similar wavelength.

When it became apparent this was in the epistolary style, it reminded me of the way a published author I admire writes some of her shorts: Raven Author Icon. This is a pretty advanced technique, one I haven't tried yet - most of my stories are quite linear and straightforward, and indeed if you see my tag you'll meet an experienced magazine editor who pretty much insists on a linear and straightforward timeline. (I have such a tendency to draw unnecessary connections between people...)

Actually, you may want to submit this or your other short to Max's Tales From the CrossTimbers - I have one submitted and under consideration already. It would be great to see our names together! These are the sort of grounded yet supernatural things he loves. I'll let him share his opinion on the epistolary/non-linear thing under the OP (or he might save it for next week's newsletter...) "Note: I got a reminder that my "For Authors" new..." This is the newsletter where he talks about his magazine and invites us to submit to it "For Authors Newsletter (August 27, 2025)" Open in new Window. Trust me, I wouldn't be jabbering like this if I didn't think well of you *Smile*

Now, for the story itself. This one was a fascinating and heartfelt read, as we see the narrator stepping back through time to save her life even though it means he'll never see her again because he would have been the cause of her death... I can't help wondering if she died anyway, though, in some way unrelated to the narrator, simply because it was her time. But the point is that he did what he had to do to prevent it from happening, and we appreciate his quick action.

I like the carefully interwoven details and the memorable, incidental symbolism of the UK flag. I'm not into sports, but one doesn't need any specific knowledge to understand this. You draw us in quickly with the setup hook - who wouldn't want to read about a time traveler? You paint the characters well, showing us the lady's endearing quirky traits and hinting at the loving relationship she has with her father, who would do anything to protect her, as the narrator would.

The pieces fall into place slowly and carefully, if somewhat predictably once the denouement begins. It isn't so much one's choice of theme - I'm sure others have had this idea, I know I wrote something similar in an outer space setting once - but the way one writes that makes it unique. The details, characters, treatment, tone, all create the author's distinctive voice and style, which one gets to know after a couple of stories. You seem like a trustworthy author; I've already mentioned ratings and your family friendly way of handling things.

I'm usually expected to make some suggestions for improvement... I can't think of anything. It reads seamlessly, is presented tidily, has all three genres (have you considered more "human interest" type genres, like Emotional or Drama or Relationship?) and although I can think of some possible philosophical loopholes in the plot, I don't want to bore anyone. (On closer examination, I was a bit surprised by the cat's "SoB" appellation at the end... You could abbreviate that and not lose anything. Just a trivial thought.)

Now I'm thinking of the lines from the Thomas Rhett song, Life Changes: "You never know what's gonna happen/ You make your plans and you hear God laughin'..."

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Lone Ole Cowboy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, sir!

Why, what happened to your novel? I almost forgot who you were when I started noticing this story floating around the sidebars and the Please Review page. I'd fanned you a while back because your novel looked intriguing. Funny, I can see the items from your Biography tab, but they're not in your main portfolio page. How'd you do that *Confused*

First off, I had no idea where this was going. You draw us along and keep us at the edge of our seats, hoping against hope that the protagonist we've come to sympathize with will find a peaceful resolution. I love the careful, minute, highly specific and thoroughly grounded details like the Wawa gas station or the Teddy Swims t-shirt. Not only do they provide an instantly relatable and realistic setting, which makes the "ghost" all the more unusual and the twist (within the twist) more surprising, but they also show us the protagonist narrator's keenly observant and sensitive character, which creates emotional depth and connection.

As the paranormal element rolled along, I suspected maybe it would be a twist like An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. The way it did end, "not with a bang but a whimper," was quietly satisfying and also sad and yet hopeful, as we watch our lone cowboy driving into the morning light and making the "right turn," which is an excellent ending note.

I also appreciate your genteel, old-fashioned writing style... The 13+ rating (lower than one might expect) is well deserved, for although you deal with murder and infidelity, there's nothing crude, graphic or upsetting here. It has a strongly classical and literary feel, with layers of meaning and significance in the themes. If I had discovered this as a kid in one of my literature textbooks, it would have been a story that grew up with me; each time I read it, I would have come out with a new perspective or realization. Those are the best kind of stories.

Your formatting is a bit... It looks like you upload Word files directly to the site. I like the elegant divider at the top, but I'll give you the recommendation I give everyone here: Size 4 Verdana font, by using {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of your item. You wouldn't want my pal Jack of Diamonds Author Icon (who I think would enjoy this) to give you his trademark line about a "used car contract..." *Wink*

Yes, this was a well written and thought-provoking story. I see a lot of myself in the narrator: someone who lets opportunities slide and relationships sour by sheer apathy and lackadaisical lack of ambition, making the theme all the more poignant. I'm glad I found this.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Twin Trouble  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

Oh my, this is so funny! I struggle with reading, writing and reviewing humorous stories because I have a tendency to take everything at face value and get confused or annoyed when there are subtleties like satire or parody - especially if it's pop culture related *Pthb*

This, however, was a delight to read. It reminds me of the Andrew Clements story Lost and Found... I used to enjoy his work when I was a kid, and that story taught me a lot about "twinsies" and the individual spirit of each person... Which kind of brings me to a point I hadn't considered immediately. I know it's a comedy and not to be taken too seriously, but at some point twins do get tired of being conflated. In fact, I know a pair of real life girl twins, Gia and Coco Reynolds. They were adorable twinsies when they were little, but as they got older, Gia wanted to be a "sweetie princess" and Coco started identifying more as the boyish "bull in the china shop," especially after Val, the family's only boy, was born. How much of this is influenced by the family, I don't know. I worry a lot about those kids...

Sorry, I know you weren't looking for a celebrity gossip psychology lesson *Laugh* Ok, I'll get down to brass tacks. I was so engaged in the rollicking adventures of those two! I was scared they'd end up getting arrested for stealing stuff or something crazy like that, with those absurd pranks. They needed a good scare to straighten them out, in my humble opinion. When they grew up and were getting married, I was even more worried that it would turn into an overdramatic "adult" soap opera, but you kept it cute and innocent all the way! My favorite kind of stories *Delight*

It flows really well, following the natural timeline from birth to adulthood, and I had no trouble reading and enjoying it. Honestly, I can't think of a thing to suggest for improvement. If this were a full length children's novel, I would suggest adding more depth and distinction between the twins, especially as they come of age, but that's just me overthinking and broadening the theme beyond its intended scope. This story serves the purpose well, brightening our day with a lighthearted and ultimately positive look at a pair of twins going through life with love and enthusiasm, using their unique position to their advantage without causing anyone undue harm.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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for entry "Iar Verzi" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings!

This is a crystalline poem, sharing thoughts and images in crisp, carefully chosen words. I see efficiency of vocabulary, with no extra words such as "the." Lines are balanced in length, spare and spartan. The scene and situation unfolds itself upon several readings... We see what appears to be a chance meetup with a past lover, and a glimpse of inner turmoil brought about by the unexpected interaction. Determination to be both cool and also to "test his feelings" is seen, showing a conflict of attitudes. A glimpse of a student in the background, absorbed in a book... Or is that an image of the narrator wishing they were such a calm and removed figure in the moment?

The simplicity and triteness of such a brief encounter is given a sense of mysteriousness by the word choices and the open-ended feeling of uncertainty. Were words exchanged, the meeting acknowledged? Or did the two souls slip past each other, perhaps without realizing the significance of the event? We are left to fill in the blanks with our own imagination, which is perhaps the best part of poetry.

I always recommend using something larger than the default font, especially when the vocabulary is brief and the lines are short. It makes one's poetry so much more impactful on the page. I would also suggest you add an elegant cover art to the book this is stored in. It will draw the eye to it and look more professional. Also, perhaps you might want to see how it looks if the text is centered on the page; I should look into the various rules and concepts behind the alignment of poetry, it might be helpful for me as well.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!

I can feel your pain and frustration here. Depression is a terrible thing, and those who have no experience with it simply cannot understand how awful it is. I know I can't... I struggle to find words of comfort and ways to relate to those who share their distress with me. You've done well in sharing how it makes you feel and how you don't wish to be labeled as "crazy" and avoided. Some people may even be afraid of you. Humans have an innate, universal longing for meaningful connection with others, and we feel the fear of being left alone with your darkness.

Your theme is that one should never be afraid of or judge oneself or others based on a medical condition. We should research and do as much as we can to help, whether that means simply sitting quietly with someone in their pain or engaging them in healthy, friendly diversions. Your self actualization of understanding your life has meaning and significance despite the hardship, is what keeps you strong through the chaotic ups and downs.

I would suggest adding a word count at the top or in the subtitle so we know what we're getting into. Also, Size 4 Verdana font is always best for a clear, accessible and professional presentation. If you like, you can enter this personal essay at "Senior Center Forum" Open in new Window. for the chance to earn a ribbon on your honest, heartfelt feelings.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

I love the fun and imagination described here, as we take a peek into your world of classic make-believe adventures as a youngster. Even when the other kids don't necessarily "play along" or even the narrator loses interest too quickly, it becomes a precious memory of the experience of childhood. The free verse is conversational and easy to read, with slant rhymes that give it a rap-like flow. I also like the play on words in the title: "fantasy lies..." Our minds create the most beautiful lies sometimes... *Think*

I would recommend giving this a nice cover art image, perhaps from one of the stock collection WdC offers. It might also be a good idea to center the poem on the page, and for that matter I always recommend a larger font size to give it a fresh and engaging appearance. Another point might be to offset the footnote in a {dropnote:"LinkTextHere"}{/dropnote} to keep it tidy at the bottom.

This was a nice read; it reminded me of my own childhood make-believe universes, where I used my stuffed animals to play out scenarios inspired by my favorite books.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

This is an amusing and lighthearted look at the ceremony of putting lost baby teeth under the pillow, from the point of view of the Tooth Angel herself. I can see the respect for your faith in that you avoid the pagan idea of a "fairy." The difficulties she went through in her appointed job, and the extreme measures the heavenly host took to protect her this time, are a little bit out of context since this is part of a series of letters, but it's a fun read. I chuckled at the "reveal" of the decidedly unglamorous angel at the end. She sounds like she could be someone's spinster aunt, with the cheeky, gossipy and rather nosy tone of conversation. You've painted a clear picture of her personality as well as her appearance.

You should choose a third relevant genre, such as Entertainment or Family, or Personal since I assume these are really "letters" you wrote to your young son. I also prefer a larger font size for ease and accessibility. A cover art would also help it look its best in lists of items. I see this was about exactly twenty years ago; I hope Timothy is a fine young man at this point.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *WingL**HeartO**WingR*
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