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938 Public Reviews Given
939 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
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Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I’ve had this in “draft reviews” for some weeks now due to busyness. Since August is a growing sort of month, it suits *Leaf2G*

A jolly and thoroughly British poem we have here, crafted with care and bringing us three quirky characters to chuckle over. The gathering of manure for fertilizer is a grotesquely amusing way to end it… and it’s entirely true that some people do go to extreme lengths to collect that fertilizer! My mom always tells me about a woman who was selling rose plants from her house, and when my mom went to look at them she discovered an enormous pile of dog manure from the woman’s pet, that she was keeping to feed the roses *Sick* Mom couldn’t get away fast enough. Dad was like “aren’t you going to buy a rose from her?” She said “not on your life!” Such practices are highly unsanitary, and real “fertilizer” is supposed to be properly aged and composted before use.

So, having grossed out you and anyone who might come across this review, I’ll say I found nothing to criticize here. Your meter is a bit mixed, but it comes off casually and chattily without any issues. I’m terrible with syllables and meter myself - come to think of it, I haven’t written a rhyming poem in a long while. Two epic non-rhyming poems appeared in my port last month… which reminds me I should drop off one of them at one of the “previously written” poetry contests around. Perhaps you should do the same with this, although it lacks a certain profundity they’re usually looking for (no offense, trust me *Laugh*)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings,

A brief and mythical tale we have here, not written in a passive narrative form but written with dialogue and scene setting in a poetic and even lyrical fashion. Inspired by the themes of eternal love and loss expressed in the Coldplay song offered as a prompt, we see the rebuilding of these themes into a fable simple yet profound. The three scenes are set off tidily with asterisks, and the font is large and clear.

My only suggestion here would be to add two more relevant genres so as to allow for as many Quill Award nominations as possible. I might suggest “Mythology” and “Folklore.” A word count would also be nice, as this looks to be not much over a couple hundred words.

A poignant and timeless vignette, set up well and formatted properly. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

A warm and enjoyable personal story, written to share a lesson learned about love and kindness. We see the author in a moody state, pressed to go to Disneyland with the family when perhaps his means were not up to it, tired and jaded, when something happens which gives him a fresh perspective on life.

The descriptions are bright and clear, and I could easily visualize the scenes in my mind as I read. Your characters are distinct and unique in their humanity, and we find ourselves smiling and even getting a little teary-eyed as we finish with a renewed hope in the goodness of others. Everyone did their part to make the disabled boy’s day truly magical, from the Minnie Mouse girl to the two friendly customers pushing tables out of the way so he could meet her.

I have often heard of and seen such moments at Disney and with other dressed up characters, on social media; we can’t help admiring the patience and kindheartedness they have as they strive daily to make others happy in what must be a tiresome job role.

I see only one typo from the entire item, where you’ve spelled “sites” instead of “sights.” Otherwise, this was excellently written, with great, easy to read formatting. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

A cheerful and humorous tale we have here, full of touches of whimsical country atmosphere without too many stereotypes. I could picture the young people hanging around and playing basketball outside.

I'm glad it was a misunderstanding and they ended happily. You've painted the characters well and set the scenery nicely.

I don't have much to suggest for this enjoyable work.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This is a strong and elegant poem which reads like a hymn or an antique poem from the classic era of European literature. In fact at first I wondered if you had taken it from an old book or something and reposted it here, but I didn’t find anything with a brief search and I wouldn’t dream of making such an impolite suggestion. The elegance and timelessness of the language is appealing, and one doesn’t notice the lack of a tight rhyme because it feels as though we are reading song lyrics or a prayer.

When one reads poetry, especially when it’s written in the first person, one always wonders how personal the theme is to the author. Is the message truly from the heart, or is it a well crafted narrative in an old-fashioned style? Either way, the sincerity of thought expressed here is touching and inspiring as we see the man coming to a truer understanding of what love means. The sacrifice of love and the pain involved, as well as the reality of seeking to improve and understand one’s own self before attempting to deepen a relationship with anyone else, is heartfelt and deeply relatable.

If I may draw a connection with pop music here, part of your theme reminds me of the song Learn to Love Me, by Ryan Tedder and David Solomon. This mature and creative desire to self improve so as not to hurt anyone is something we need to see more of in the world. Your meter and flow are exceptional, and the repetition of words and phrases builds on itself in a lyrical way.

If I had to make any suggestions, I would say use Size 4 Verdana font... But I say that to almost everyone *Laugh* A line count would be a great idea, especially since I highly suggest you enter this into at least three separate contests: "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"  "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  and "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  You have an excellent item here, and I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
for entry "Hiding behind humor" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Jeff!

A thoughtful and well written blog entry, discussing your personal considerations on the list of potentially annoying phrases given in the prompt. You make your feelings known in a clear and understandable way, while being reasonable and allowing for different viewpoints on most issues. The word count is not overwhelming, and it’s easy to read, though I prefer Size 3.5 Verdana font (size 4, which I pester everyone to use with their static items, is a bit too much for blog posts…) but then again, I don’t want to be the one to use one of those phrases to you *Laugh*

The observation on raising children is a good point. I would never impose my own beliefs on someone else in such a sensitive area, because I know people from many different types of upbringing, backgrounds and cultures, and they’re all raising their children in vastly different ways, yet the kids are all “getting along fine.”

And definitely, your final point is the most important one of the blog entry: a person hiding an unpleasant personality behind a distorted sense of humor is a frightening thing to encounter, and on a lesser level it’s super annoying. Humor should never be used in a hurtful way, even though so many comedians make their living off of offensive jokes based on the traits of others. It’s a vital thing to remember as we navigate life and relationships.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was a fun, enjoyable and all too relatable episode of sleep apnea from the cat’s perspective. Oh, the noise! I don’t have issues with it myself, but to be near someone else who does is stressful indeed. You’ve captured the essence of a cat’s personality quite well, with the implications of the situation amusingly laid out for us. To have one’s overweight life saved by a hungry yet supercilious cat is funny. I held my breath nervously as the cat debated the issue and sighed with relief when it went ahead and woke him up.

I especially like the ominous and thought provoking ending sentence… as a music lover, I was considering the definition of a god in the context of the Imagine Dragons song Gods Don’t Pray recently, and I came up with the definition of “a god is one who holds the power of life and death in their hands.” To have someone else confirm this definition is satisfying.

Some formatting advice here: if you need further help you can click on the question mark in the line of boxes over the text entry box. I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font for an open and engaging reading experience. A word count is also a good idea if you would be interested to enter this into contests such as "SENIOR CENTER FORUM"  or "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" .

I really enjoyed this story and found it fun and interesting to see both characters so clearly from the cat’s PoV.

I’ve been thinking a lot about writing in nonhuman PoV’s lately, and in fact I have a story I’m submitting to "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  which is “written by” a Dodge Charger… "Silent Witness"  The issue was posited to me in a review, of how much “emotion” would a car be capable of, or how would a young car know what a tree or billboards are… I’m of the opinion that since we don’t really know anyway, we are allowed to take a more “poetic” perspective than one might expect, and I like how you’ve taken this approach in your story (does a cat really have an awareness of what a “god” is, for example?) Any thoughts are appreciated! (I apologize for the shameless plug *Laugh*)

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I can pretty much tell this is a human story by your unique and deeply personified writing style, but I passed it through the QuillBot detector anyway. Good work; you have crafted a main character who is both flawed and miserable, an annoying brat yet someone we can’t help feeling sorry for and wishing we could whack some sense into him. His mother’s position as the city mayor sets up for all kinds of interesting possibilities… my mind can’t help coming up with wild ideas such as “did she have her husband killed for some reason? Is that why she’s so determined to suppress the kid’s grief? What’s really going on? Is she even really his mother?”

Your setup is excellent, showing us the major conflict of Luka and his mother, and the subsidiary conflicts between him and his classmates, teachers and sister (who is as obnoxious as her mother… yet honestly, the whole family is pretty messed up! Which gives me yet another wild idea: did the father go into hiding? Is he really the hacker?) I’d really love to learn more about this situation and see what happens next.

I’ll give you my usual vague tips on how to consider your story points when I’m presented with the opening chapters of a longer story. You have three main points which initiate conflict and propel the storyline forward: goals, stakes and obstacles. Increasing the stakes or the obstacles adjusts the tension, while your characters are the central engine. The protagonist needs a meaningful character arc; Luka needs to learn something important about himself or the world around him by the end of the story, which leads to a change and an overall theme or worldview which the story is built around. And the antagonist needs to be a fully formed character with a touch of backstory to lend sympathy and depth. Is the mother the primary antagonist? Then explain how she ended up being such a nasty person. Bear these basic concepts in mind as you construct scenes and events.

I loved the vivid, colorful and visceral descriptions of Luka’s daily life and emotions. This is a story which can go in lots of different directions, from a sappy “coming of age” romance to a wild cyberpunk fantasy. I look forward to reading further chapters.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ok, first off, I need to let you know that when I copied your story into the QuillBot AI Detector, it came back as “82% of text is likely AI generated.” Make of that what you will… I’m not here to accuse or judge. As a Newbie, perhaps an English language learner, I understand you may not feel entirely comfortable with your own skills in composition and may have asked the AI for assistance. But I would highly recommend you simply write from your heart as best you can and post it here for us, because then we can actually help you improve by offering advice which is relevant to your skill level. It is also somewhat disheartening to see that a story which I honestly enjoyed, and I looked forward to reviewing, is created by a bot.

I appreciate your desire to share your “true story” with us, and I found the concepts and themes to be deeply relevant and relatable. We all have a desire for open, honest interactions, and perhaps there’s an irony in the fact that you have not disclosed your use of AI with us in creating a story about vulnerability and communication.

Now, there’s always the chance that this is, possibly, the way you actually write. If so, I’ll give you a few brief tips on how not to write like a chat bot.

1. Avoid generalizing or moralizing vocabulary such as the entire final paragraph.

2. Instead, try to get down into the moment-by-moment scenes and feelings, spelling out everything in as much detail as possible. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it’s very difficult to explain what I mean because it’s an instinctive sort of thing. This enumeration of emotions is one of the best things that the AI has to catch up with us on, as yet.

3. Try writing it from the first person point of view, focusing on the experience through the eyes of only one main character instead of telling us about the thoughts and actions of everyone involved from a “50,000 foot” view. The third person omniscient narrator style is very likely to be seen as AI generated these days, and is also very old-fashioned and “un-trendy.”

I hope I’ve been of some help to you.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was quite a wild ride through an imaginative and shocking experience. I was expecting the demise of poor Harry, dragged into the same monstrous machine he’d been using to procure his much desired “freedom.” It was a relief to find a happy ending, though I must point out that the complete 180 degree change in the wife’s demeanor is a bit too unrealistic. But in such a thoroughly “unrealistic” and classic story (the “Devil and Dan’l Webster,” “sign away your soul” archetype), the ending is exactly what we would like and appreciate, and as I look at it again it doesn’t seem so unreasonable because he does say “maybe I’m the one who changed…”

Harry’s character development is poignant and relatable and unnerving, as we see the typical “Everyman loser” with an unhappy marriage and every reason to wish for an escape, fall easy prey to Mr. Black and his wiles. It starts with the awful wife, who we can hardly bring ourselves to miss, but descends into the unfathomable depths of mass murder. But before Harry has a chance to carry out anything else…

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure an open and engaging reading experience, and your scene dividers should be centered. Also, the writing is just a wee bit sloppy, which adds to the authenticity of it as you’ll see in the next paragraph, but you can run it through Grammarly to see if there are any useful improvements suggested. You should standardize the spelling of the Dispose-All 500, as it seems to be spelled/punctuated/capitalized differently every time.

You probably haven’t noticed there’s been a conversation going around WdC lately about checking people’s writing to see if it’s been generated by AI rather than a human. I can usually tell by a person’s style whether it’s an AI story, but I checked yours anyway and it passed. Great job creating such a vivid and engaging tale.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

I found this to be a gripping and vivid tale with tons of potential for adventure and character growth. The character of Rose as an innocent child unaware of her past and grave responsibilities is well crafted, and the action is swift and easy to follow. The trope of “giant monster creature invading the city” is old, of course, but you have given it a creative twist with the addition of robot warriors striving to keep it under control. I thought the use of flower names for the robots was an interesting touch, as well… I’d love to find out the acronym in future installments.

Now, your narrative flow could be improved somewhat… I’m only sharing what I’ve learned from Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 on this site; if you like you can join one of his writing groups for one-on-one advice and peer review. So, what I noticed is, you break into the opening sequence of events to tell us something about Rose’s history, which takes up two paragraphs before we return to the original scene at the mall. Showing is always preferred over telling, and if there was a way to incorporate this information into the scene more naturally, we wouldn’t be taken out of the moment for an info dump.

Then you also switch us over into the PoV of Chris, which could perhaps be delineated by asterisks on either side. And in fact, the main PoV doesn’t focus in on Rose as a limited third person, rather we get a more omniscient perspective, glancing briefly at the thoughts of both Lilly and Rose as they make their escape. There’s nothing wrong with this perspective per se, but it’s more compelling and engaging to try and show us what’s happening as Rose and only Rose sees and feels it.

I do love your premise and look forward to the next chapter. This is a great setup. Perhaps a third genre would be suitable, such as “Technology.”

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings!


Thank you for your patience as I plow through Red Case ports as the finale to this reviewing challenge I'm working on.

A simple question: Do you like WdC? To which my answer is always an enthusiastic "yes!" I can wax poetic for thousands of words about the people I've met, the friendships I've made, the progress of my writing skills, the feeling of satisfaction when completing a project, the rewards and Merit Badges and gifts and the sheer generosity of our close-knit community, the warm sense of belonging and so much more. I'm even using my portfolio on my resume as an example of the various responsibilities I've been entrusted with and the things I've accomplished.

I love the idea of a quick poll to see what people think about the site: of course, the vast majority of users love it... And the others hardly count *Wink* perhaps you should offer a note with the lower opinions, "let us know why in the review section!" Or a footnote at the bottom of the page saying "if you have any serious issues with site usability or anything else, let me know..."

Great idea here! I should create a few polls myself...

Take care, thank you one last time for all you do, and keep up the good work!
*Gemv* *Angel*
Come ride with us!
63
63
Review of Noticing Newbies  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings!


What can I say? This is a wonderful, helpful idea to make this community a warm and welcoming place for everyone. I don't visit as often as I could, and perhaps when I do I'm not as helpful as I could be, but I admire the way others step in and offer guidance and help to Newbies.

You have the "rules of engagement" set out clearly at the top, and I love the list of activities you've included for us to get started with. My own path as a Newbie didn't take me here very often, as I seemed to be able to plunge headfirst into everything without much assistance (of course our enthusiastic moderator Schnujo's in Georgia was a huge help in my first week or two... *BigSmile*)

I can't think of anything I'd like to suggest for improvement here... It's a fine forum that's been going strong for years. The font sizes and formatting are agreeable, and the genres and subtitle are informative.

Perhaps you should include a dropnote featuring some higher level/active members which the Newbies should be encouraged to make acquaintance with and fan. This would help them find their way around and meet the people who "hold the site together," so to speak.

Take care, thank you for everything you do around here, and keep up the good work! *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!
64
64
Review of Technology  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!


Let me start off by saying how proud I am of all you've accomplished in real life. You're off to a great start, and don't let anything break your stride.

This is a nifty rhyming poem, playfully discussing the serious topic of technological advancements and the issue of human ingenuity. We are posed questions about how far we should go, and if all this advancing is getting just a bit too weird and out of control.

What does happen to all the people who may lose their secretarial type jobs to AI? What about content producers, those who write and create art? Is AI a meaningful substitute? Or is it utterly soulless? Does the amount of "soul" put into a project mean anything anymore? I like to look at the AI conundrum through the lens of music and songwriting; the way pop music is headed these days, would anyone know or care if AI composed the lyrics for us instead of people? A trade which has already lost its soul doesn't lose much by enlisting AI...

I feel as though your poem could be improved by adjusting the meter in several places, removing a word and rephrasing it here and there. It's generally recommended to read one's poetry aloud when writing. I would also recommend adding a third relevant genre, such as "Technology" or "Experience."

Other than that, it's an enjoyable item which raises important questions in a lighthearted manner.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!


Ooh, fancy awards! I love them! Twenty eight different sets of three, and they’re all lovingly custom designed for special projects. I can identify most of them: the No Dialogue contest, the “Valentine Sweethearts,” the Writer’s Cramp, etc. I can also recognize the ones created for private use, featuring classic cultural characters. Perhaps my favorite of all is the Claddagh set; I remember desperately wanting the matching Merit Badge and finally having an opportunity to acquire it through a community activity… I’ve just discovered you can’t share Merit Badges in reviews *Shock2*

Anyway, you have a neat and tidy arrangement here, including all the currently active awards that I know of. A question I’ve had since I began looking at and admiring various awards across the site and in the AwardIcon shop, is: what happens to commissioned custom awards when the sole owner and distributor of such, leaves the site? I’ve noticed several intriguing awards which no longer appear to have an owner, yet are still visible in the shop… though now that I look at the selection again, I find that I can no longer “zoom in on” and view a closeup and the attached group of an award which I cannot give out, which to me seems like a disappointing glitch. How is one to learn about all the fun groups around here in that nicely visual way?

In that respect, I would suggest adding the title and associated group information to each set of awards listed here on your item. That way we can look into each group and find new ways to connect with the community.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!
66
66
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings!


What a loving tribute to your grandfather, a man of many talents who loved a challenge. It shows us where your own spirit of dedication and fortitude comes from as it relates to your unwavering care for this site over so many years.

I enjoyed reading this eulogy and finding out a bit more about your backstory, upbringing and family ties. You were blessed to have grown up with such a kind and loving grandfather. It was fun reading about the extensive train village in his basement and the tangle of wires and how he enjoyed tinkering with everything. It sounds like he always had something to do to keep his mind engaged, and that’s a wonderful thing. A spirit of adventure and curiosity is what keeps us young at heart. I also marvel at his fascination with computer technology and his skill and knowledge in that field, which is admirable.

Now, you said you didn’t mind editing suggestions, so… Size 4 Verdana font, first of all. Then, I noticed a couple of misused words which pulled me out of focus: “styrofoam” not “styrophone” and “infantile” not “infinitile” (and also a more appropriate term in this context would be “in its infancy…”) Then, it might be nice to have a word count at the top or the subtitle to let us know what we’re in for… (did you know on mobile or tablets/iPads the word count estimate isn’t available when browsing? Sometimes if I do a long press I can see it pop up, but usually I end up bringing myself to the page instead. Just a thought…)

This was a beautiful piece to read, and I admire your vulnerability in sharing such a deeply personal item with us.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!
67
67
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings!


I couldn’t resist opening this up as I browsed your port, assuming it was one of your projects or experiments. I find it to be an impassioned essay on the multitude of free benefits which WdC provides to its members. As such, I heartily agree with all you have said. In the little over a year I’ve been here, I have not paid a single penny of “real” money for anything at all, yet I never felt restricted in any way by this. Your site is exactly what it should be: a place where we can post our work for free, receive free feedback, and store and edit such work until we have a portfolio we are proud of. Or if we choose we can simply sit back and enjoy reading the work of other people. None of this has a cost, and everything else is icing on the cake, and in large part the icing is free too!

To be more personal, the lesson I’ve learned is: WdC is as good as the effort one puts into it. When I first joined, all I wanted was a spot to post a story I’d written because it was the first fiction I wrote in ten years, and I needed “validation,” in the form of praise, criticism, whatever. I joined at the free level, assuming I would never have the desire for anything further, and two days later someone gave me an upgraded membership. I realized if I wanted to keep it, I'd have to "earn" it - so I've spent the last year making myself as useful as I possibly can and having a jolly good time!

You need to update this for the site's current status: free accounts get ten items in their ports, not just five, there's the RAOK Upgrade Brigade to help people maintain their upgraded memberships, the names of certain pages have changed (the Community link on our sidebars is where the important contest stuff is... Never heard of "item jumps" before *Smile*) and even one review per day gets you a reward of Gift Points. Plus certain authors set Auto Review Rewards, and one can participate in reviewing groups or celebrate other people's accounts with Anniversary Reviews... And I can't forget the super generous festivities which surround September! Oh yeah, if one hangs out on Scroll long enough the games there are quite helpful, too.

And after participating in elevenish Official WdC Contests and multitudes of others, I can say I've never seen one which charges any amount to join... Oh wait, I forgot one needs a paid membership to join the Official contests. I received mine so quickly I never even noticed.

Wait, you also need to increase the font size from default... I highly recommend Size 4 Verdana; other members tease me about it, but it provides an open and engaging reading experience across devices.

Ok, I've taken up enough of your time. I will never complain about this place - it's free enough for me, and I'm the ultimate cheapskate *Rolling* *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thank you very much for all your hard work, and rest assured it doesn't go unappreciated!
*Gemv* *Angel*
Come ride with us!
68
68
Review of Rx: Laughter  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings!


An amusing and heartwarming reminder about the power of humor and positivity to uplift us. We see how your mom achieved healing and improved her chances for remission by cultivating a healthy outlook on like and indulging in as many laughs as possible. You write with clear and concrete details, from warning us about the horrors of inhaling soda while laughing, to name dropping the shows and movies which brought your mom joy, to carefully defining “healing” versus “curing.” This personal narrative is well written, even with touches of its own humor as you describe your perceptions and misconceptions about what your mom found to be funny as she journeyed towards better health.

I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure an open and engaging reading experience, and it’s always a good idea to add a third relevant genre, such as “Experience” or “Family.” Other than that, I have little to recommend for improvements to this biographical essay. You present your theme and ideas with warmth and sincerity, and the lesson is greatly appreciated.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review of The War Next Door  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


Oh my... Wasn't expecting that, for sure. Well, he didn't feel any sort of guilt or remorse, and he wasn't even smart enough to grab a weapon or his phone before he ventured into someone else's house, so sheesh. I think he might have gotten what he deserved. I mean, tampering with an old lady’s Dodge Caravan is pretty serious for a neighborly scrap… (love that specific detail there! But I have to point out that it would be hard to get under the hood of a locked minivan to disconnect the battery. As a sensible woman, she would have kept it locked… unless the whole thing was a setup to get an “excuse” to shoot him *Shock2*) You’ve painted a dramatic picture of unexpected enmity, one man’s venturing too far afield, and the clever insanity of an old woman eliminating a pesky neighbor.

The only suggestion I would make, is that first person point of view seems a bit awkward since he’s peremptorily shot dead at the end… but one doesn’t realize the disjunction until then, and by then it’s too late to protest as we wrap our heads around what just happened. Oh yeah, your subtitle should be “between neighbors,” not “among neighbors,” which implies more than two of them.

Certainly a startling and off the wall story… reminds me a bit of Roald Dahl’s zany tales, (which ultimately inspired me to come here… long story.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


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for entry "Wake" 
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


Well, this is nifty. I love a good crime drama, but I rarely read them because I'm also a softie... Go figure *Laugh* You've set this up with care and tact, and I'd love to see what happens next. Definitely expect a review on the second episode.

You've set us up a scenario with lots of explosive potential, as we see Avril, a woman who's trying to get past her former choices and start afresh, and the man who won't let her. At first I wondered if it would be a boring romance (forgot about the genre choice) like "oh great, a old flame..." but the tension and climax is satisfying as we see her facing off a potentially extremely dangerous situation. I loved the detail about the hidden weapon - that was a nifty way to show how well-prepared she is for anything to happen from her old life. But she wasn't prepared enough, unfortunately.

I think a little more exploration of her personality and her new relationship might be good for us to appreciate the stakes of the matter. If she's a loner who would rather live alone (we see it would be much more difficult to "bring her into the fold" if she had stayed alone) but found herself falling in love with the guy she's living with, it would be more compelling than if we have no idea if she just got together with him to have a little more money. She could have an affectionate thought of Lucas as she walks to work, or some simple hint. Also, a foreshadowing of her past would be a good idea too. Perhaps she checks the security system before she leaves, or makes sure her can of pepper spray is attached to her belt, or a fleeting glimpse of someone driving by makes her remember someone she used to know. These little details would help tie the narrative together and add more emotional depth.


Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


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Review of Mirror, Mirror  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings!


An amusing tale which takes us on a dizzying yet brief adventure into the world of mirrors. A perfectly ordinary man attempts to shave as usual, but finds himself staring at the back of his head in the bathroom mirror! As a kid, I loved playing with mirrors and studying the different angles at which things could be seen, and I spent a good bit of effort trying to explain how you can see your “real” image in the reflection of your reflection, as can be understood when using a three way dressing room mirror. So I read your descriptions of the different mirror quirks carefully, looking for anything too illogical. It all made perfect sense except for the “back of the head” issue, which is the crux of the story. Your solution to the issue is hilarious; I couldn’t help feeling relieved when everything returned to normal at the end.

If I had to make any suggestions, I’d inquire what prompted this story. Was it a Writer’s Cramp entry? Also, you should use a third relevant genre such as “Comedy” or “Fantasy.” Also, you need to close the quote at in the mirror? I ask, wildly… Other than that, it was quite a fun read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


Oh my, this was great fun to read. I sat breathlessly on the edge of my seat, worrying what would happen next, and that ending was quite *Rolling*

Your character is worth rooting for - who wouldn’t sympathize with a poor silly tourist flung overboard? I did wonder how she managed to get to the island alive, and I certainly thought the climax was building up in a most peculiar way, but it was a rollicking and enjoyable tale. Your descriptions are vivid enough to put us right there into the situation, alongside her on the desert island.

I noticed a bunch of extra commas here… I know you wrote this for "Game of Thrones"  and it was probably dashed off in a hurry. Not anything major, though. Another thing might be to add some more descriptive details to firmly plant us in the reawakened reality at the end… what was she really wearing? Was it the same outfit described earlier? It couldn’t be because she said it was something she bought on vacation…

Also, you know the old rule about “don’t cheat by making them wake up from a dream at the end…” but this breaks the rule with such humor and whimsy it doesn’t feel like I’m being cheated out of a proper story or whatever the argument is for not ending them in such a fashion.

You nailed the prompt excellently, I must say…. This one stymied me for a while as I worked through that challenge!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

I really enjoyed this slow and intriguing story. It reminds me a lot of something CS Lewis would write. I think the best part of the romantic aspect is that we don’t have any of those pesky physical elements which make me so wary of reading the typical romance (or horror, for that matter) stories. This is purely spiritual, and we don’t have any dwelling on the realities of their lives which brought them to this point. I liked having the hints of Lou’s life as a spy and how his training with the Agency taught him things which he tried to apply to the dreamy, surreal half world of the afterlife. Your descriptions are enough to keep the murkiness of everything in mind, and honestly I think this plot and setting would make a beautiful movie. In fact, I have the perfect soundtrack for it… right here *BigSmile* ▼

I also enjoyed your formatting: you've taken the advice of me and Jack on the large, open font *Smile*

The style is compelling, and your premise is unique, centered around the idea of trust or the lack thereof. Trust and faith go hand in hand, and in Purgatory such things become crucial. The idea of a scheming angel preparing an elaborate setup - together with a suspicious priest whose legacy stretches far beyond the roots of Christianity - to keep lost souls on the run from the very beings coming to save them... Oh my.

The significance of Susan's dream is a little confusing, as I'm trying to figure out where her relatives were going. Was it an illusion cast by Morgen to make her lose hope for Heaven?

I didn't think the length was too long or the buildup too slow at all... Perhaps instead of the brusque declaration of "LONG" on your title, you should simply put an estimated word count in the subtitle. That would be more helpful, because "long" is a very subjective statement, especially on WdC.

I'm afraid I don't have anything much in the way of analytical suggestions for improvement: I was thinking maybe a little more "in-between" filling in of how much Lou and Susan enjoyed each other's company, either that or I suppose more gripping showing of their emotions. But specifically, I really didn't see anything I thought needed fixing.

A fantastic and heartwarming read, dealing with the most basic act of love one can do for another, and the question of what becomes of us in the afterlife, in an imaginative and creative way.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!


I started on this “next” story before I received your advice about which one is the first in the series… *Laugh*

This was an enjoyable, rollicking story about dealing with corruption in high places. I chuckled at Gloria’s impulsive and useful trick in the courthouse, and I sat on the edge of my seat wondering how the case would be tied up. Those “tough guys” guarding the judges’ offices are funny, even perhaps a little suspicious, but I guess being a Chicago judge in those days was quite dangerous.

I had never heard of the term “gams” before, and at first thought perhaps you’d made a mistake in the subtitle and it should be “dames and games…” That was an interesting addition to my vocabulary. The characters are colorful and the setting is realistic, though I do have some suggestions…

Since I read the other story on my phone, I didn’t realize you used the default font… you know what’s coming *Wink* Size 4 Verdana provides an open and engaging reading experience, and I highly recommend it.

Now the awkward part… I know this story is written in the first person PoV of a gruff 1920’s detective who doesn’t have much to say, but I can’t help feeling that it’s rather “bare bones” in the showing. We get the events narrated in a very basic way, with almost zero mention of physical appearances, clothing, body language, facial expressions or any of those little human reactions and descriptions which bring emotions and characters to life for the readers. It’s especially striking in this particular story because you weren’t working with a limited word count, yet the storytelling seems somehow limited and even muted.

Honestly though, I like reading stories which keep the grittiness of the experience at arm’s length from us. Sometimes an author goes overboard with adding visceral details down to the snot on the heroine’s sleeve, and I find that a bit distracting and contrived. It’s a fine balance. And speaking of word count, you might as well add one at the top or bottom. And speaking of the bottom, you have a humongous chunk of empty space down there which is a bit surprising.

Writing style aside (trust me, I have no idea what I’m talking about…) this was a thoroughly fun read from beginning to end: a detective story with a classic setting and a decent protagonist who knows right and wrong and acts like a gent.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and happy account anniversary!


A quick and action packed story we have here, with a pacing that keeps us on our toes and a sympathetic treatment of the grubby situations everyone found themselves in. I enjoyed reading it; I would have dived into your Lou Ryan series sooner, but I was never quite sure if I would care for what I found. My tastes balance on a razor's edge between sappy soft kids stories and darker, atmospheric dramas; sometimes a single word choice is enough to throw me off of an entire story.

I found no such word choices here; the language was reserved and the subject was handled tastefully. I enjoyed the little popnotes explaining the jargon, and the story has a beginning, middle and end with just enough deductive reasoning to make it more than a random cheap thrill. Congratulations on the awards and honors, they're well deserved.

I know you want to keep this original copy within the word count, but I have to make some suggestions, so I would recommend you add more descriptive elements and explainers at the beginning. Who exactly is Gloria, how old is she, do we have any indication of his affection for her from the beginning other than the casual term "doll?" What might she look like? Is she a level more respectable than the "broads" and "dames" at the speakeasy? My curiosity might just warrant I read the rest of the stories in this series *Laugh*

The characters are believable and amusing, and the tension starts off at the beginning and climaxes quickly, bringing us along on a wild ride through the past, hitting all the right cliches and stereotypes while maintaining originality.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
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