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938 Public Reviews Given
939 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
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Public Reviews
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Review of Darlene  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


A delightful and amusing story we have here, as experienced by a mysterious lady who uses magic only as a tool to make money at a low budget circus, without taking it seriously.

You've painted so many colorful characters: the lady herself, the fat man, the mime, the trapeze girl, all the quirky types we expect to see at a circus. They get along amiably and supportively; I appreciate the friendly camaraderie among them and the passing reference to the creepiness of the mime that everyone kept a cautious eye out for *Laugh*

The grubby, grumpy boy also stands out; we wonder what his story is and why he's the one who takes magic seriously enough to steal something from one who doesn't appreciate it and successfully get it to respond to him. If the tables were turned more as we would expect, the crystal ball would turn on him and refuse to function.

Overall this was a lighthearted and thoroughly enjoyable story, and I just have a couple of suggestions for improvement. You could set the word count in a different font at the top, because it almost collided with the dateline of the story as I began reading. Then, I always enjoy having the prompt the author worked with at the bottom... Is there any chance you'd remember what sort of character the contest was asking for? Lastly, I think it would be fun if we had a little more backstory on either the lady (what a beautiful and unusual name you've chosen for her! Much appreciated *Inlove2*) or the boy. You have 300 extra words to stay within the limit, after all *Wink*

Oh wait, there were some pesky typos... You misused "it's" several times when "its" is correct. And a word was duplicated somewhere, but now I can't find it. Also, the scene divider should be centered, and you can leave it as the asterisks without the parentheses on either side.

Other than that, I loved it! Just the kind of thing I'd write *BigSmile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Kitty  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


Wow, what a charming and funny story all around. I didnā€™t know what to expect from a theme of this sort from a person who loves twisted tales, but this is something I love. Your characterization of the teenage Kitty and her mischievous little brother Randy are so heartwarming and cute. Everything fit together perfectly, from the grandfatherā€™s stroke giving him the twitch to the raccoon leaping through the window. This could easily be the opening chapter of a series of teen stories about this family who uses their powers to save lives like foolish Steveā€™s. Congratulations on winning the award, it was well deserved.

I see youā€™ve received lots of reviews on this item over the years, and I probably wonā€™t be able to offer much to improve. Your descriptions of the beautiful scenery and the dangers of being out in the wilderness alone are realistic and engaging. I found the concept of the ā€œexhalingā€ cave relating with weather patterns to be especially enlightening; Iā€™ve never heard that before, but it makes perfect sense.

I noticed you still have the default font on this item; I recommend using Size 4 Verdana to create a more open and engaging reading experience. Also a word count would be good at the top or in the subtitle so we know what weā€™re getting into on a variety of devices. Aside from that, itā€™s a perfect story, one that Iā€™m proud to add to the featured items on my bio tabā€¦ (hmm, I should make an item to hold the stuff I like. But Iā€™ve found so many hundreds of them since I got here!)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Backstabber  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


I see you used your Drabble as an entry for I Write. A good idea. You've also chosen to post them as individual items, rather than as book entries. I prefer entries myself for such brief chunks of words, but it hardly matters.

We have here a fleeting glimpse of typical high school drama: two girls rivalling each other for the same starring role in a musical. You've painted it well and maintained the word count accurately, while showing a story with a beginning, middle and end, as well as a conflict.

You've also chosen three relevant genres, which can be a difficult thing to do. Overall this is a good Drabble, with clearly defined themes and characters which make it a quick and easy read.

I would suggest you add the prompt you were working with to the top or bottom of the item, that way we can all look back and understand why it was written, particularly since you don't have them gathered into a book with an informative heading. Also, despite the number 100 being in the subtitle, it remains unclear how many words the story actually is. You can clarify that when including the prompt.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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79
Review of The Cardigan  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
Greetings!


This is a touching and heartfelt story of a little girl dealing with the loss of her mother, with lots of potential to go in many different directions. I love the mystical nature of it, which is natural considering the prompt you were working with. Your descriptive details are warm and engaging, from the tears, hugs and snuggles to the pretty lapis type stone the little girl found at her motherā€™s favorite creek, and of course the bulky, comforting turquoise sweater. The potential for development lies in the basic questions which Iā€™m sure youā€™ve already consideredā€¦

Goals, stakes and obstacles are the basic elements of memorable literature, though it might sound trite and simplistic. What are the little girlā€™s goals? What does she want more than anything else in the world? What would she do to obtain it? What is holding her back? Is it an internal conflict or an external one? Is there an antagonist? What are the potential consequences if she canā€™t achieve her goals? Is there a way to create tension? To keep us engaged and questioning and rooting for the characters?

Iā€™m glad you were able to find catharsis in writing this, and I hope you can present it to your family at the memorial. Best of luck on the contest entry. Itā€™s the first prose fiction of yours Iā€™ve read, and Iā€™m duly impressed.

In the last sentence before the transition to third person, you have ā€œitā€™sā€ when it should just be ā€œits.ā€ Aside from that, I quite simply have nothing to suggest for improvement as it currently stands; my questions only apply if youā€™re interested in continuing the story beyond the first chapter.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Know You  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


A haunting piece which begins with beauty and optimism and ends in the darkness and dreariness of war. I half wondered if it was satirical in nature, owing to the second person point of view and the rather blunt ending and mythological style, but I assume itā€™s a serious folktale type of thing. The goodness and wholesomeness of the lady youā€™ve described is touching, and her final situation is heart wrenching with little hope of improvement as the brute forces of war, caring not how kindly a soul is, take their toll upon the land. The style feels a little bit like an AI story, with a distinct lack of dialogue or interaction between characters. There is no development arc, goals, stakes or obstacles, yet we are touched by what appears to be the memory of one who had a brief encounter with this angelic sort of human.

I would recommend Size 4 Verdana font to create a more open and engaging appearance on the screen. I also feel like this could be extended, showing us the ultimate end of the lady, or revised to add more concrete details such as a country or even a general area. It feels like itā€™s from Asia, with the rice. The theme of the injustice of war is only introduced abruptly at the very last paragraph, with the story focusing on the great kindness and good attitude of the lady. Perhaps you could tie in ominous hints of war in the earlier paragraphs to keep a unified feel.

Overall, itā€™s a striking and memorable item with the feel of a sad fairytale turned inside out.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Am  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


A mystical and philosophical poem we have here, with clear descriptive words and vivid imagery which brings home the personified earthly entities which name themselves and speak to us. We begin with the most understandable entity speaking: the Earth itself. This at first reminded me of a song my favorite band OneRepublic made for one of the Al Gore climate movies in 2018, Truth to Power. In that song, lead singer and producer Ryan Tedder speaks for the Earth as an injured lover. This metaphor is similar to your first verse.

The second verse brings us to a swift change of perspective: now it is Man who speaks, describing his inherent contradictions and dualities which have shaped the course of history. This shift in perspective took me a minute to figure out, but once I did the rest of the poem became easier to understand.

We move on in increasing solemnity past the introduction of Suffering, then Holocaust (which can be taken to mean anything which causes the death of an untold number of beings at once: natural disasters and wars are the primary causes.) Finally we reach the peaceful truce, the fragile dualistic dance of opposing forces which is Harmony. The promise of peace to be found when Harmony is tapped into is subtle, yet we see it hidden in the heart of Man, a distinct goal to work together towards.

This is a beautifully written and thoughtful poem, and I have a couple suggestions to make it even better. You should capitalize the names of the entities you give voice to at the beginning of each verse, in order to foster a proper understanding of what exactly is being conveyed. You can see Iā€™ve done it in my review text. Then, I always tell people to use Size 4 Verdana font to create a more open and engaging feel on the page. This is important whether you have a story or a poem youā€™ve written. Lastly, line counts are recommended around here in case you would like to enter your item into any poetry contests.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Inheritance  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


Whee, a nice little horror story which didnā€™t venture too far into the bounds of disgust for me. The premise was clever, as we see the foolish young man hungry for power and control become taken over by the very thing he was attempting to utilize. A classic premise with a modern and powerful spin. Congrats on the award, it was well deserved. I sat at the edge of my seat wondering how crazy things would get and if Iā€™d regret choosing to read this from the Random Read and Review button. Your tale was well told, though I did notice a brief bit of head hopping in several places where we see the thoughts in Rinaā€™s mind. The story would be sharper and more focused if we stay firmly planted in Dougieā€™s head, seeing things as he sees them and only gauging others by their reactions.

Some more showing would perhaps be advisable as opposed to telling, but basically itā€™s a great read. The descriptions are clear and detailed, setting the scenes well without overly exaggerating the mood, and the Halloween party is a natural choice for a time for crazy things to happen and people attempting to gain power over others.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Joey!


I like your calm, clear and simple exposition of this extremely inflammatory event in our nationā€™s current history; I read it expecting the usual conservative bias expected from an old white guy in Florida, but found none. Your facts are neatly laid out and summarized in an approachable mannerā€¦ in fact, if you donā€™t mind my saying, something about the almost toneless way youā€™ve written reminds me of an AI composition. But I guess Iā€™m too used to the sloppy and exaggerated rhetoric of the mainstream and social media. So often one sees careless typos in professional journalism, but your writing here is just that: professional.

The article is neatly organized from top to bottom, and the sections it says it will have are exactly what it does have, which makes it easy to read and understand. At first I thought your use of a non-name for the perp was a joke, but when you said you do in fact hope to write for the Daily Wireā€¦ I tried fact checking whether they generally use the perpā€™s name or not, but couldnā€™t find anything about it. You have an extra comma between ā€œpremeditatedā€ and ā€œmurderā€ in the last sentence.

My mom is listening to live news about it right nowā€¦ did you know there were live bomb ingredients in the perpā€™s car? Oh, you may want to add citations to your sources for the information youā€™ve gathered, though Iā€™m not sure what the journalist rules are on this. Your item is well written and a refreshing approach to an unnerving situation.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


I greatly enjoyed this heartwarming true story of a young woman passing on the kindness and honor she observed in another family. You laid it all out quite clearly and gave us your state of mind before and after with honesty and simplicity. Itā€™s a lovely reminder that there is still so much good in the world. I love how you call your job waiting tables ā€œtaking care of people;ā€ it sounds like you really are sincere about being the best person you can be and providing guests with a wonderful experience.

The situation reminds me of something I witnessed recently at a McDonaldā€™sā€¦ Iā€™ve been itching to share this experience with someone, so here it is. A young woman working at the McDonaldā€™s had her two children, a boy about 3 and a girl closer to 6, staying at the tables for her whole shift. The employees all did their best to keep the kids neat and happy with snacks and napkins and whatnot, but the two were still quite noisy, and I couldnā€™t help being a little unnerved by the hooting and hollering. Then, a family of a father and mother and a little girl about 4 came in and started looking for a spot to sit down. And their little girl started crying and insisting she wanted to sit next to the older girl who was already there. And the mother looked a little confused that these two children were sitting by themselves at the table, but her kid really, really wanted to sit by them, so they did. And the rest was a delight to watch. The three kids had a wonderful time together with the little girlā€™s parents keeping an eye on things, and there wasnā€™t any more hollering or fussing. The family stayed for a good long time, and they got to talk to the mom who was working, and it was amazing how well the whole thing worked out for everyone.

One suggestion I have to make is Size 4 Verdanaā€¦ it really helps open up the writing and make it more inviting and easy to read. Also, a good third genre is always recommended. You can use ā€œPersonalā€ or ā€œExperience.ā€ And while youā€™re at it, why not throw in a random stock cover image of some kind? Thatā€™ll give it a more polished look.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Kiera  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A mildly creepy story we have here, brimful with grimy characters and excellent description in a compact form. You've flashed a whole story in front of us, with hints as to the larger context as seen through the eyes of the inmate. The other prisoner's apparent affection for the narrator is unnerving, and at the end we can almost sympathize with the narrator's wish. The details you've painted are enough to set the scene in brief, without too much exaggeration or darkness.

I'm sure there was some jealousy in the narrator's heart when the other prisoner informed her of her impending freedom. We can assume the narrator is in for life.

I would suggest adding two more relevant genres to this well written item, to make it easier to find when browsing. It also helps to be nominated for more categories in the yearly Quill Awards. You could use "Dark" or "Drama" and "Cringe/Gangster," both of which are popular genres.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Hunt For Normal  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!


I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

What a thoughtful poem: loose, conversational and paragraphic in nature, it leads us through your thoughts and observations on the definition of "normal." All of which I entirely respect and agree with, mostly. I'm a liberal universalist at heart with a confusing duality of old-fashioned conservatism blended in, and my own personal "normal" is way off from anyone else's. At a young age I came to the conclusion that "there's no such thing as happiness, it's a distraction to keep you chasing after foolishness and highs..." I still haven't decided whether that idea sealed my fate as a gloom and doomer, or opened me up to the freedom of never bothering to care why I'm not a frivolous, smiley, chatterbox type of person.

All of which is to say that I enjoyed this gathering of thoughts very much. I'm on mobile right now, so I'll make the usual recommendation for Size 4 Verdana font, but I have no idea if you already used it here. You should probably add a third relevant genre such as "Experience," which will help people find it when browsing and also help the item to get nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Old House  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, and welcome to writing.com!


An enjoyable piece of flash fiction, as we wonder whatā€™s up and why the lady wants to go into the abandoned house. Youā€™ve painted the scene well, giving us a vivid sense of the eeriness and grime lying thick upon the building. We jump as the creature appears and quickly smile as it defuses the tension in the situation without even being identified. The final greeting is a relief, yet also a slight puzzle as we wonder how the ladyā€™s significant other made their way into the house without any appearance of entering at the front, but thatā€™s what back doors are for *Wink* Also, the situation is still ambiguous: it may not be her loved one inside at all, but a trap of some kind! This could be a great beginning to a scary showdownā€¦ in fact, it reminds me of the story I wrote which brought me here to WdC.

You have a few minor typos, such as saying the creature ā€œscatteredā€ when perhaps the better word is ā€œscampered,ā€ and ā€œstarringā€ should be ā€œstaring.ā€ The second paragraph is an untidy sentence, and generally speaking your style, though showing us the story well, seems a bit off and could perhaps be helped with a run through Grammarly. The subtitle implies a second person point of view, but the story itself is in the first person. A word count is also suitable if you want to enter contests around here. Also, I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Aside from these minor concerns, itā€™s a fun read. I like the looks of your port and hope you can stick around and add more to it soon.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

*GemV* *Angel*

Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Two Empty Windows  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


A dark and heavy poem, as we see someone struggling to find meaning and connect to reality when all they have is their own distorted perceptions and lack of joy in life. They grasp at the slightest bit of sensory input they have around them, seeking comfort in being near others yet not being able to make any significant mental change or connection with their environment. The title brings us a poignant picture of the eyes, the windows to oneā€™s soul, being blank and empty as the narrator struggles with their depression. I may deduce from the surroundings that the narrator is in a hospital type of setting, which implies they were admitted to care for a mental health crisis. The pills are another straw to clutch at, a life raft of potential hope and the ability to feel something, anything, which would be better than nothing at all.

I connect deeply with your existential crisis, having struggled with my own at various times and still remaining painfully unaware of my own self image and identity. Your words remind me of the singer songwriter Dan Reynolds, who spills his heart out to fans in lyrics which are usually shrouded in cryptic metaphor but sometimes shine with honest vulnerability.

I always tell people to use Size 4 font around here to help bring their words into focus on the page. You may want to experiment with different font styles or colors to give it more "oomph," but it's not necessary. Perhaps the poem could be made better by adding another layer of thought about what might happen after the medication is taken, or the misery of emotional numbness, or the glimmer of hope you might have if you begin to feel something, even pain.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of reading feelings  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!


A quietly wistful poem, centering around the overflow of unmanageable emotions still lingering after a relationship has faded away. You describe how your significant other taught you to appreciate your own lack of feelings in certain written items, and the reciprocal energy of ā€œthis is the part of me they love, so I love it tooā€¦ā€ is very wisely considered. Now that your heart is broken, however, you have a conundrum: the feelings of love and the trappings of the relationship are stuck, and theyā€™re holding you in the past. How does one stifle so much emotion and pretend it no longer exists? Ah, therein lies the problem, which you have addressed to your old flame with no hope of a response: show me how to be as cold-hearted as you! Why, it reminds me of songwriting in the creative simplicity of the theme.

I love the lightness of your structure, with a few words on each line, carefully balanced between longer and shorter lines which guide us symmetrically through the poem in a loose and easy fashion.

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to bring your words into full focus on our crowded WdC pages and to make it easier to read for old or tired eyes. And when I see a poem I especially enjoy, I always suggest it be submitted to my favorite three poetry contests around here: "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" , "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"  None of these require special prompts.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


What a charming and whimsical series of poetic questions, proposed upon a sleepy afternoon while resting in the garden (or so it feels to meā€¦) You have gathered them up in loosely formatted couplets, moving from a fairly predictable rhyme and meter to a more conversational free verse style as we continue. I enjoyed your picturesque words evoking diverse scenes of nature, and the rambling style made me chuckle as I read. It would be a cute childrenā€™s picture book, with the leaping goats and soaring eagles and bees and birds and flowers and rocks and streams.

I would suggest you choose two more relevant genres for it than ā€œdetectiveā€ and ā€œother,ā€ as that helps people find it when browsing and also assists in being nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible. (Though this is not eligible for any, itā€™s always good to remember the genres thing for future items.) Perhaps ā€œNatureā€ and ā€œEnvironmentalā€ would be good, or ā€œPhilosophyā€ or ā€œNonsense.ā€ I also encourage the use of Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You may want to tighten up the layout by removing double spaces between lines and shaping it into a more uniform poetic structure, but thatā€™s a minimal and highly subjective issue.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


What a hilarious and fun spin on the Tooth Fairy idea! I really enjoyed your whimsical, ironical style and the colorful, playful way everything was described. I sat breathlessly as grumpy Crustbin was chased by Billy, your average annoying boy child, and laughed and cheered when he was distracted with the shiny quarter. The irony of what ensues after this, utterly disrupting Crustbinā€™s quiet and peaceful life, is a fun twist which gives us a ā€œbackstoryā€ to the peculiar habit of paying kids for their baby teeth. I love how you tossed in the fancy word ā€œdiphyodont,ā€ which I had to look up, but now wonā€™t soon forget *Laugh* *Cheshire*

Youā€™ve woven a dandy, colorful story under 1000 words, and I think it deserves a third relevant genre, such as ā€œNonsenseā€ or ā€œFolkloreā€ to help people find it when browsing. You should also consider adding a note of the word count in the subtitle to encourage readers who may be on devices which donā€™t display a word count estimate. Congrats on the Quill Finalist award, itā€™s well deserved.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Summer Reading" 
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Jeff!


Iā€™ve never ventured into your blog before, and I find this entry to be informative and friendly, with suitable explanation of the prompt youā€™re responding to. Your blog name is creative, and I like having the definition of a word I donā€™t remember ever hearing before.

Ah, summer readingā€¦ a fun prompt and food for thought. Myself, I donā€™t particularly read fiction at all since Iā€™ve grown up, and Iā€™m unfamiliar with any of the novelists youā€™ve named. I am quite familiar with CS Lewis, however. In my youth, I think winter was probably a more realistic time for me to spend reading, because I lived on an acre of land with a garden and no lawn, and it required lots of upkeep during the growing season. Long winter evenings were best spent with a good book, although I also did a lot of arts and crafts to prevent cabin fever. But some of my coziest memories are of the lazy summer afternoons, once all the yard work was completed, sitting back with a book and a cool drink and enjoying the ambient sounds of birds singing and lawn mowers droning.

I always use Size 4 Verdana font for my blogs and book items, mostly because theyā€™re smaller bursts of writing that need to be focused and centered on the page for ultimate impact and ease of reading. Perhaps your post would be more fun if you picked one of the novels youā€™ve read recently and given us a brief overview of it and whether you enjoyed it or not. But other than that itā€™s perfectly fine.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!


A painful and deeply personal recollection of the hurt and suffering youā€™ve endured as you grew up in a broken home. The words bear the impact of honesty and vulnerability as we see your lost innocence and unhappiness in the thoughtless and manipulative ways you were treated as a child.

The reality of your words is all too close to me, as I watch people I feel I know personally going through divorces with ā€œhappy faces,ā€ pretending and insisting that itā€™s all for the best and yet I know how hard it must be for the kids involved, especially when faced with the new reality of one or both parents finding new significant partners. You remind us of the agony of being ā€œplayed offā€ against each parent and used as a weapon in wars of words and worse.

If this is entirely true and a real experience, I extend my deepest sympathy to you and hope you are finding peace and wholeness in your life currently.

I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure easy reading and to allow your words to be the focus of our busy WdC pages (have you noticed how distracting the sidebars are?) I notice also that some of your lines are a bit long, whereas the poem itself has a smaller number of lines in total. You may want to break up some lines to bring more balance to the shape of the item.

You may also like to enter this poem into "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  or "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" , which allow poetry written at any time without specific prompts. Oh, I always forget to mention "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"  because it isnā€™t open each month, but itā€™s currently accepting entries. Your writing is definitely heartfelt and poignant enough to be a contestant.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

*Gemv* *Angel*

Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


This is a quaint and amusing spin on the Dialogue 500 prompt, with clearly drawn characters and the implications of some funny business going on with Gusā€™s daughter. Iā€™m glad the tax woman decided to move on to investigate her and not bother Gus any further.

The dialogue is quite clear between the characters, and youā€™ve painted the setting with a few simple words, allowing us to read between the lines and picture the elderly gent sitting on the front porch of the old folks home, with Ms Fluffy pestering him about taxes of which he has no knowledge. The technical details are minimal, and we donā€™t have time to wonder whether he should be paying taxes at all at his age.

Youā€™ve formatted it well, with large clear font and an explanatory dropnote at the top. Perhaps you should link to the contest page in case anyone is interested in joining the fun. You may also want to specify that the contest is ā€œdialogue onlyā€ to explain the awkwardness of it (but it isnā€™t really awkward at all - one would hardly realize it doesnā€™t include narrative.) Also, instead of the dud genre ā€œContest entry,ā€ I would recommend using ā€œCrime/gangsterā€ or ā€œMysteryā€ or ā€œFinancialā€ or ā€œBusiness.ā€ This will help people find it when browsing and allow for more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
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95
95
Review of Why do I write?  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!


I love your candid description of the struggle to not write despite writing not seeming to lead to anything in your life. I identify with the feeling a lot myself, even though for many years after I ā€œgrew upā€ I ceased to write fiction. My head is full of ideas and thoughts and observations, and for a long time I kept a bulging document with scribbled weird details and fragments and songs and character sketches of a novel I dreamed of and lived in the world of inside my head. Then I started getting interested in music, and writing for me turned into an extensive journalistic process of nitpicking, research, contemplation, analysis and criticism of what I was discovering about myself and the world around me as reflected in the music I was choosing to listen to.

The rest of my story and my rediscovery of fiction writing by way of this community is not relevant at the momentā€¦ I really appreciate your story, and I have a deep understanding of how writing of any in-depth sort is in oneā€™s very bones. I couldnā€™t possibly not write, either - the one time I did lapse from putting coherent sentences together on paper was during the height of the pandemic, and not doing so took a heavy toll on my brain.

As a personal essay, I have nothing to suggest here; the question you propose is fully answered with detail and clarity. I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. And perhaps a brief observation about whether you dream of someday having your stories published would help round out the thoughts expressed here

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!


A charming story from beginning to end, summarizing the relationship between a grandfather and granddaughter as symbolized through their love of chess. We see her indomitable spirit as she plays hundreds of games with him over the years and loses them all, until the final one which comes at a momentous turning point in her life and his.

You have written with care, gathering up a lifetime within the confines of a flash fiction item. I love chess, but I mostly play it against a computer these daysā€¦ as a kid, I would actually play against myself, setting up my stuffed animals on the other side and playing for two *Laugh*

I noticed the timeline fluttered a little at the beginning, with the first two paragraphs hopping from teen to five years old. If you could simply begin at five and then tell us how after eight years she began to hold her own against him, it would be a smoother read. Also, the emotional impact of the end, the expectant granddaughterā€™s first win after so many years, seems muted, almost anticlimactic, as we get a little dialogue agreeing to meet again next week.

Perhaps some little details, a ritual of some kind, to emphasize the circle coming around and the child becoming a woman, the old man slowly becoming too old to play and yet watching with delight as she shows the baby their first chessboardā€¦ I know this is a lot to pack in if youā€™re working with a word limit. Iā€™m thinking maybe centering it around the acquisition of a symbol, passed down through the family line, and having her look longingly up at it on the mantleā€¦ just an idea to spark your imagination.

Also, itā€™s in a strongly narrative format, telling us the experience rather than showing us through the little details of feeling and dialogue. I know showing over telling is incredibly tricky when covering a span of years, but perhaps by bringing us into the grandfatherā€™s head, showing us the way the girl looks as she grows older and frowns in concentration at the chessboard, bringing us into the scene in some kind of simple visceral way, with a scent, a sound, a voice. Bringing us through a timeline of brief flashes of closeup experiences, rather than a broad overview, might help increase the emotional tightness of the story.

I did greatly enjoy it, however *Smile* *HeartT*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!
*GemV* *Angel*

Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!


An interesting flash fiction we have here: a boy with a gift for picking locks gets caught by a ā€œcopā€ who cuts a deal with him. The security company seems like a front for more sinister operationsā€¦ why would they need to hire someone to break and enter? This raises questions about Madrilā€™s future and sets up a fascinating scenario for further development.

There is potential for conflict between Madril and his older cousin, who appears to be blackmailing him to get him to do shady stuff. How far will the boy go to avoid getting caught for past misdeeds? Will there be a choice to make that develops his character arc and provides tension, stakes and obstacles?

Or is this a very simple story of a boy who gets a good job? You have all sorts of options here if you cared to make a longer story out of this. As it is, the storytelling is a bit more on the narrative side. We could make a deeper emotional connection to Madril if we can see what he sees, feel what he feels, in a more descriptive way. Perhaps you could mention the smell inside the vehicle or the bright fluorescent lights in the office, to give us some of the sensations heā€™s experiencing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review of The Gifted Girl  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!


A charming and beautiful story of a little girl with brilliance and special powers. It reads like a gentle fairytale narrative, simple and brief and summarized. Your character is taught the best use of her exceptional gifts, and is promised not only a mentor but also a young friend. This story has incredible potential to be made into a series, an epic fantasy, even a Disney movie.

You have some simple grammar errors which could be helped if you run it through a program such as Grammarly. I would like to offer suggestions on the major points involved in turning this into a full fledged storyā€¦

First, one must set up the basic ingredients of good literature: goals, stakes and obstacles. The main character needs a development arc, which includes an internal conflict and an external conflict which she grows through and learns from. Tension is brought by raising the stakes and creating obstacles to the goals. There should be an antagonist of some sort, a character whose goals compete with Brendaā€™s and create conflict between them.

Then, of course, thereā€™s showing versus telling and putting us into the main characterā€™s head. We find it to be a more engaging read when we feel what she feels, know what she knows, and experience the things which happen to her in the limited sense, rather than having everything shared by a storytelling narrator in the style of a fairytale. This is a large and complicated subject, and you could learn more about it by reading a few articles written by Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ or submitting your item to him for a review.

I love your premise, and this is a very sweet story, but as it is it feels like a rough sketch of something much bigger, a fleeting capture of ideas for further exploration and development.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review of Choked up Words  
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!


I really appreciate your posting this here for us; I know it must be tough for you to go over these feelings again.

You have a nice smooth rhyme scheme going along, which leads us through the poem with a good flow and rhythm. The lines are about equal lengths, lending a balanced and steady approach to the feelings expressed.

The pain of the ā€œvisualā€ experienced is made evident by the words chosen, as the narrator struggles to explain what is happening and share it with others. The stress is such that it affects their day to day life and they cannot cope in the usual ways. It feels as if they are running away from this ā€œvisual,ā€ but they just canā€™t get away from the heaviness of reliving the traumatic experience of their past, despite the many years which have come between.

If itā€™s ok to offer suggestions for improving something so deeply personal, I would like to ask if the word you were thinking of is perhaps ā€œvisionā€ rather than ā€œvisual?ā€ And also, you forgot to capitalize the word ā€œIā€™ve,ā€ and the word ā€œcanā€™tā€ needs an apostrophe. I also like to tell everyone to use Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Increased font size also helps give your poem more of a ā€œpresenceā€ on our busy pages.

I sincerely hope you feel better and have come to a happier place as you look back on that time in your life.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review by
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!


I enjoyed this fun tale of cats at Christmas, filled with the spirit of the season.

Your writing captures the playfulness of the cats and their different unique personalities and quirky behaviors. It feels so relatable; I can picture all of them in my head, romping through the house and laying a trap for Santa. We see the results of this come down to a happy ending which the humans are all unaware of. Overall itā€™s a cute and rollicking story with an engaging and amusing pace.

The first unusual thing I noticed is the word you used in the subtitle; it appears to be a misspelling of ā€œanamorphism,ā€ which I at first assumed means ā€œanimals portrayed with human characteristics.ā€ But I looked it up and Iā€™m surprised to find the word doesnā€™t mean that at all, but rather is related to computer coding. I think weā€™re getting confused with ā€œanthropomorphismā€¦ā€ Perhaps a little more research would be a good idea.

A quick formatting note: I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. And you need spaces between each line of dialogue to create a more open and smoother reading experience.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
Come ride with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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