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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow
Review Requests: ON
1,059 Public Reviews Given
1,062 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Bug Reporting  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, SM!

Thanks for taking care of the bugs around here and providing us such great one-on-one support. It's a real relief to know this is a site run by a family who cares, and you haven't outsourced operations to shady people overseas who may not understand the true purpose of the site.

A forum is a good idea for bug reporting, because everyone can look back and see issues they may have experienced that were then fixed. I see for instance where Annette reported the bug on newly minted MBs back in October. I had noticed that myself, but I didn't think of letting you know.

I should take the time to be more familiar with basic elements of the site such as the Tools sidebar. Mostly I never go there at all... Which leads to my not understanding some rather obvious things *FacePalm*

Take care, thanks for everything you do, and keep up the amazing work *ThumbsUpGreen* *Heartg*

2
2
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm here as part of a holiday item review project ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window.) and thought this looked like a fun read.

What a stressful time you must've had of it, trying to track down your package. I have had similar things happen to me; one time Amazon declared my items "undeliverable" and sent me a new set *Shock2* I always wonder if someone spilled a drink on the items, or if the truck crashed, or what.

You've written this with a graceful sense of holiday humor, exercising kindness and patience towards those who work at the stores and the warehouses. It's always important to remember that these mishaps are almost as stressful for the employees as they are for us.

Yep, chatbot helpers are usually no help at all... The options they provide are limited and the responses are, of course, canned. Whoa, wouldn't it be *Shock2* if StoryMaster decided to communicate with us solely through chatbots?

This was a fun and relatable read. I'm glad it worked out in time for the big day.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window., and this looked like a lovely quick read.

Flash fiction is always so much fun, kind of like fast food (I can't remember what I used to say in my ff reviews... *Pthb*) A little shot of the imagination in an otherwise dull and boring day *Smile*

This was creative and enjoyable, from the names Candy and Cane to the intriguing premise, which ends happily and predictably yet with room for sequels. What if something serious happened and Santa couldn't do anything else but retire? Hey, what if he has a twin? Ooh, what if it's an evil twin? Sometimes the best part of a story is wondering what might happen after it's over.

No suggestions for improvement here; as a quick Writer's Cramp entry, this was a nice piece.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Roari!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window., and this is just the sort of thing which looks like fun.

You've made an entertaining criminal comedy out of it, juggling bungling elves and reindeer smarter than they are against a backdrop of thoughtful conflict about toy safety. (I just signed a Consumer Reports petition to increase safety standards for toys with batteries, so this is especially relevant and important.)

The details are hilarious, with the predictable squabbling of morons and the mastermind groaning in frustration. Everything was well thought out, though it seems like you might have been in a hurry when you wrote it... IDK. When I write for the Official WdC Contests I like to bulge the word count as much as possible to get a really good story. You've done well keeping it brief, and I have nothing to suggest for improvement to this jolly, lighthearted skit. It would make a great animation.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Leslie!

I'm on a quest for holiday reads, to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window., and I thought yours might be amusing.

I've seen this title bopping around for a while now, but wasn't sure if it would be something subversive which I would find untasteful. Reading it now, I see I didn't have to worry. You've brought Santa and Jesus together in a way which is accurate and respectful, thoughtful and amusing. We chuckle at the characterization of Kris Kringle for what he is: a rather goofy fiction boiled down from countless Indo-European pre-Christian winter fables. And we smile at Christ's offer of redemption for this imaginary and as-yet unrepentant figure. (I've seen paintings placing Santa at the manger or reading a Bible... One can only hope he "got saved" *Laugh*)

The dialogue is clever and well arranged, with colored fonts helping us distinguish the speakers and rollicking humor keeping us engaged. (I just realized the "words of Jesus in red" is perfect because that's how the Bibles do it *Delight*)

Overall, this is a delightful piece which highlights the importance of remembering the true meaning of the season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of Spreading Joy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window.) and found your poem.

It's a suitable reflection on the theme of finding joy in the simple continuity of life and seeking love and balance in everything from day to day. I see a sort of childish glee expressed in the last couplet as the narrator thinks of Santa even though he probably doesn't really "believe" in Santa anymore. Speaking of which, Santa's surname is Claus, without an E. A clause is a piece of fine print in that legal document you signed recently *Rolling* (just a little notary joke...) Anyway, I see where the narrator realizes the true meaning of Christmas, moving beyond the superficial to the basic truths of reality.

Your couplets feel at times rather strained or lengthy, but I know this is your preferred style and I can't think of anything better to suggest. It's a carefully crafted piece, and I'm glad you're finding reasons to be happy this season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


From Gervic
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7
7
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Aundria!

Although I've only barely graduated from Newbie status this summer, I've seen your kind and creative presence inspiring many activities. I'm glad to finally get a chance to know you better and browse your portfolio.

This holiday story showed up when I looked for genre specific items for a particular challenge I'm working on.

I found it to be a relatable, amusing and heartwarming little tale of a girl unhappy with her Hawaiian Christmas. I love how her brother did his best to make her feel more at home, and I can appreciate the feelings of little Gracie as she moves from grumpy to peacefully accepting her unusual situation. I think I need to learn a lesson like that myself these days...

I saw nothing to suggest or advise about here; it's a peek inside Gracie's mind, with sensory details about sun, sand and palm trees that bring us into the scene with warm relatability. This is a pleasant story for kids and anyone else who is looking for a holiday tale.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

Ah, I noticed this Writer's Cramp prompt the other day (was it only yesterday?) And now I find your story from it, written with loving care.

You have captured the warmth of Christmas spirit here, with the eager boy Noah generously and thoughtfully preparing snacks and a helpful gift for Santa. It becomes a tradition each year which they both look forward to.

Your characters are drawn brightly and clearly, with the predictable good humor of Santa Claus bounced off against the surprise of a pickle sandwich. This doesn't come across as dull or cliche at all, and is a wonderful holiday story which I found in my quest for such in order to complete "12 Days Of Christmas 2024Open in new Window..

I'd love to explore your port sometime soon *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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9
9
Review of Vice or virtue  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com! I’m glad to see you here and hope you can spend a little more time with us, especially during the holidays.

The first thing I need to tell you is that your title is misspelled. I didn't see anything else in my quick proofread. Then, I’d like to share the importance of modifying your font size with the row of tiles over the text entry box. I would recommend using size 4 or even 4.5 with the font you have here, for a better reading experience.

Now, with those little formatting things out of the way, I can express admiration for the subject you’ve laid out here. The balance between pride and hubris is something we all struggle with, indeed it’s a basic human thing of life. We accomplish things, we get praised, we learn and grow and improve ourselves, always striving to balance a humble heart with a strong sense of self-worth and confidence to handle everything we can dream of.

Your use of well-known Greek mythology to illustrate the care which one must be taken to guard one’s personality is a good idea. I also like the use of personal anecdotes to help explain in a relatable and immediate way the pitfalls of hubris versus humility. I can definitely relate to the experience in your art class, especially around here. I usually get lovely complimentary fluff reviews admiring my work… so when I get the occasional suggestion for improvement, I might feel miffed and not take it seriously. So this is a reminder for me and all of us to never stop learning and improving and accepting advice.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

From Gervic
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"The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 project.

I love your take on the theme, remembering a precious moment where everything fell into place perfectly for an unforgettable experience. (I need to inform you, as a dedicated weather nerd, the word is "cirrus...")

Other than that, I have nothing to suggest here. The flow is conversational and engaging, without the possibility of being too trite if it had rhymes. That moment of stunning beauty as we see the whale, a perfect ending to a lovely evening, is built up to in a splendid way. You begin with the setting, painting us the sunset and the reflection in the sea, and the ending reiterates this in the phrase "a sea of magenta sky."

This would make a gorgeous painting... I might try prompting my favorite AI art generator with words inspired by your poem and see how it goes *Smile* Say, would you like me to send you one of the resulting images to use as the cover art for this item? Let me know if I'm overstepping with this idea! *Delight*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "December 4, 2024Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings!

You have such an intriguing way with words, and here it is especially memorable as you meditate on your life path and the challenges of seeking wholeness within yourself as the world falls apart around you. The phrase “genocidal technostates” speaks well to the global system entrapping so many people. As we reach into our souls and reevaluate our consumption of news and entertainment, we hope to collectively create a wiser and healthier future by tapping ancestral love and understanding.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


From Gervic
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"The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

As I like to say, it's always fascinating to see how each of us has approached the same prompt with our unique perspective and experiences, compacted into tidy verses. Your rhyme is a pleasure to read, conversational and yet well metered without being trite. The concepts are real and relatable, reminding us that no matter how difficult things seem, there's someone somewhere who's got it a lot worse.

Don't forget to include a line count and also a word count, just for the sake of habit. I'll never forget the one time I forgot the word count in a story and missed a chance at an award *Crazy* *Laugh*

Nothing to suggest here, just a simple, wholesome themed poem.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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13
13
Review of Chasing Horizons  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I see your portfolio is filled with "comfort writing," cozy stories and poetry meant to evoke good feelings and make us smile. I used to fuss and fret about whether I could find out if someone uses AI to craft works of words for them. But I've come to the realization it almost doesn't even matter, simply because there is no way to tell by pasting the work into the so-called "AI detectors." If I cared to waste my time, I could find a detector which would tell me your poem is 100% AI generated, and I could also just as easily find a detector telling me it's 0% AI generated.

I will instead focus on the thought behind this. You have obviously posted it for us because you think it's a work of beauty, something positive to brighten our day and encourage us on our journey. Your method used to craft it is almost beside the point.

As a lover of music, I resonate deeply with these words. I get so much out of the music I listen to, it's amazing. I find the courage to get up in the middle of the night, the strength to press through long cold winters, and even a sense of companionship during lonely walks. Music fuels my imagination, fills my head with images, gives me a safe, neutral subject to write about, and creates a sense of time and place in what would otherwise be a dull and tedious life.

This theme is perfectly captured here, as the figure we see draws motivation from the music he has loved for so long. It reaches a place in his heart which can be difficult to access any other way. I appreciate this poem because I don't remember seeing anything quite like it here before. As a child, I would have loved to memorize this and write it down by hand in a notebook where I gathered my favorite poetry. The sense of meter and rhyme is especially appealing.

I notice you don't choose genres for your items. This one would work great as "Inspirational," "Music," and "Experience" or "Philosophy." Genres are important because people may not be able to find your items otherwise as they search the site.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

From Gervic
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14
14
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "Nomad SongOpen in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

It's that time of the month... And you're it at least once *Bigsmile*

Yours is a classic theme, taking the form and creating something timeless and universal. So Lilli did tell us to have fun this week... I honestly thought I'd come up with that on my own *Laugh*

I think this is a good meter for extending out beyond a single verse, though perhaps it might become monotonous. If I had time, I'd experiment with crafting song lyrics with it, using the chorus and other natural shifts to add a different metric structure to keep it fresh.

Recently I stopped and counted the syllables in the opening verse of the *Think* *DragonHead* *DragonHeadB* song Gods Don't Pray, and found it's a perfect 10-8-10-8. As a lyricist, Dan Reynolds depends more on poetic meter than melisma (as Ryan Tedder does) to carry his melodies, which I find fascinating. I've always been kind of puzzled by the differences between lyrics and poetry. I like lyrics that "look" as good as they sound...

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


From Gervic
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15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, I'm about to stick my foot in my mouth again. Please forgive me for this outrageous statement. AI generated content is a controversial subject around here, and I like to test people's work before I review it. So I pasted your poem into https://www.zerogpt.com/ and it came out 0% AI generated. Not happy with that, I pasted it into my personal favorite site, https://quillbot.com/ai-content-detector and was horrified to find they marked it 100% AI generated *Shock2*

I'm beyond dismayed and embarrassed. This has nothing to do with you; I'm not accusing you of anything. Rather, I'm asking you quite humbly to set me straight and assure me you wrote this lovely poem yourself. (And perhaps reassure others as well, by adding a note at the top of your item... Since this is a public review *Blush*) You must be quite insulted by my impertinence.

Putting all fears aside, I'll do my best to review this in the same way I would anyone else *Smile*

Your rhyme and meter is charming, lending a sweet triteness to the metaphors like a Valentine's poem. We don't see any hint this love has "flown the coop," except for your subtitle. Considering that, we realize it is a contemplation of a past relationship.

I admire the creative language you have here, portraying the beauty of your lady love in new and fresh ideas which are at once picturesque and entirely decent. The theme comes through of comparing her to things in nature: sunrise, starry skies, etc. And at the end we see it's her wise and kindly spirit which is most impressive. This is the cherry on top, letting us know the narrator values his love beyond her body and through into her soul.

All in all, this is perfect, like a Hallmark card brought to life in our minds. It could even be a song, if you added a repeating verse at beginning and end to summarize the theme, perhaps one capturing the thought expressed in the subtitle, of having lost this wondrous love and only dreaming of what was, seeking wholeness in your memories of her.

You can try entering this into several poetry contests around the site, such as "First and Second Chance Poetry ContestOpen in new Window. and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry ContestOpen in new Window. when it reppens. I can't tell what size and style of font you've used while on mobile, but I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for the best reading experience across devices. You can adjust these things by playing with the row of tiles above the text entry box. Check out "Writing.Com 101Open in new Window. for help.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Quill* *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
16
16
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button because I accidentally clicked on it once today and needed one more review (total of three) to get the 250 GPs for the day’s work…

Well, this is a fun theme, derived from the Writer’s Cramp prompt. Are you aware of the movie about the Russian spy lady who had synesthesia? There’s enough potential here for several novels. It’s written in your unique matter of fact style, and I appreciate how you always choose a nice large clear font. Perhaps a more descriptive subtitle might be helpful, but since you have a stock character (a rather useful trick, actually) I guess it doesn’t matter much. You’ve spun out a quick and intriguing story idea here. It was a good read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Duality of Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, the complexity of dualism dueling within us! I adore the concept of duality because it seems so much what I am. Everything I do goes to extremes in one way or another, either in worldview, obsessiveness or personality conflicts. I struggle with a terrible temper and am generally quite grumpy and unkind, yet I want to think of myself as a quiet and peaceful soul. Even in my preferences for music, reading and writing, I enjoy both soft and sweet and childish as well as dark, heavy and... Well, no, I don't like "adult" stuff. Never mind *Pthb*

Anyway, this piece captures two snapshots of your complex personality as it wavers between apathy and idealism. On the one hand, the Poet holds himself to an impossible standard, believing in the good in humanity and striving to share truth and beauty. Yet the Addict gives up and sardonically says "ah well, that's just how it is, no one expected much of me anyway" as he lets life pass him by while he drowns in what is frivolous and easy. I identify so deeply with both of these!

I see these as prose, yet perhaps they could also be a dualistic poem if you set the sentences on their own lines rather than in paragraph blocks. I think I've already recommended the various Newbie contests you could enter with poetry.

If you like, you can post items on the two local plug pages for further feedback - though it usually comes slowly. A holler in the Newsfeed, or a comment or two under someone's post, helps people get to know you, if you're interested in forming a community bond.

This was an enjoyable read. I'm glad I stopped by after seeing it on the Newbies sidebar a number of times.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Tim!

We meet again via the Random Read and Review button.

A quaint and interesting poem, written in free verse which winds along loosely and easily, without caring for rhymes. We see moments where the warring world gets together and tries to get along long enough to play games together. It isn’t too simple at first glance, providing us with a moment to turn over a few possible meanings and ideas in the subtext.

Overall, a quick and interesting perspective on sports and how people strive to get along in the name of a higher goal.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
19
19
Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This professedly casual and “throwaway” poem is quite deep in a nonsensical way. It reminds me of some of the earliest lyrics written by Imagine Dragons lead singer Dan Reynolds for his fledgling band. You can listen to Emma, for instance… “bourbon streets and bicycles, holding you in carnivals…” The quaintness and quirkiness of the words is evident.

You have six lines with a steady AAAAAA rhyme scheme, which, combined with the series of questions, provides a rhythm resembling a rap or a song. It displays a certain creative skill which is nice to see, especially considering it’s a sort of stream of consciousness item, spun off carelessly. You should take writing poetry or song lyrics more seriously… you’ll find it fun and rewarding.

I would suggest using a larger font size, preferably Size 4 Verdana. You may also want to center the text to provide a more focused reading experience. These simple edits can be done with the row of tiles at the top of the text editing box. You can click on the question mark between the M and the smiley for a helpful handbook on our proprietary markup language.

You could try entering this into two contests: "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry ContestOpen in new Window. and "First and Second Chance Poetry ContestOpen in new Window.. Best of luck and I hope you enjoy yourself around here! It’s impossible to be bored on WdC because of all the contests to experiment with.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
20
20
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Jaya!

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

I love a good nature poem, and this one fits the bill perfectly. Your lines are unpretentious and free flowing, painting scenes of warm summer days with nourishing rain and the balance of life and growth. Five verses of four lines each adds stability and structure without the triteness of rhyme.

I feel as if this is describing a scene from either times long last or some semi tropical region of the world. It has geographical details which are at once both creative and accurate, showing us a slice of rural life pastoral and peaceful.

Nothing to suggest here; anything which appears “nonstandard” is fine when you’re doing poetry. I enjoyed reading this.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
21
21
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Kenzie!

I found this on the Random Read and Review Button, and it's perfect for the time of year.

Though you wrote this over twenty years ago, the situation in the US has only become worse. Poverty is rampant, rents are astronomical, and housing is in crisis because of greedy companies and overpriced development.

And the political right is not helping at all. You have perfectly summarized their attitude as they threaten to slash the very benefits which may be keeping people alive in society. It's upsetting to me, because I see myself as a moral conservative, yet I'm more of an economic liberal, and that's an almost impossible combination in the current political climate. Didn't the Apostles hold all things in common in the book of Acts? Didn't they share with the poor and needy? They gathered funds not to buy themselves fancy suits and cars and rings to wave on TV, but to feed the widows and orphans.

The entirety of US culture needs a serious overhaul, but the very idea is exhausting to me, so I withdraw into a world of books and music where I don't have to fret about real issues. Your essay reminded me of all the things wrong with society, but it also gives hope and practical solutions to help us feel better about our lives and the way we treat others during the holiday season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Jasmine  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Josh!

I noticed this on my "online authors" sidebar and thought it sounded intriguing.

It certainly lives up to the appellation, being a light psychological study of a mental situation I've been fascinated by for a while. Much can be made of this—in fact, I would recommend you take the theme and try turning it into a full novel. It seems like you rushed this out in summary form, perhaps as a contest entry, perhaps even for the Twisted Tales.

I see potential for it to become a sort of romantic story. First we should establish that the lady he meets has reverted to the mental capacity of a six-year-old. I'm not sure if that's what would happen. If it did, there would be a conflict if he falls in love with her, because he would realize there could be no consent. Then he would decide to protect her from harm, especially if she's innocent and naive. This would be a good development of both characters and create a longer story with more events and enriching emotional details.

And his inability to discover anything about her seems a bit farfetched, particularly as she was equipped with an ID card when she met him. If she suddenly went missing as an adult, she would be missed, even if only at her workplace. And missing as a child, she would be presumed caught in the disaster and her name (Jasmine) would be listed among the dead. And if he was living in the very flat which had previously exploded mysteriously, I'm sure that would have been the first thing which would come to his mind as he spoke with her. A little more thought might be needed here to iron out potential "stretches" of possibility.

I noticed a sentence where you used "that" like three times in a breath, as well as a couple other minor editing bits to clean up. This is a fantastic premise with a lot of room for growth. You could even turn it into a novel. Maybe throw some spies into the mix: what if the woman became a spy after she lost her memory of the explosion? If she lost her memory of being a spy, and she had some secrets that others were after, that would be a unique twist. Just a fun thought!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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23
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Review of Addiction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ken!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Having entered a few Shadows and Light rounds and not placed in any, I'm beginning to tell myself I should take a lesson from the winners and see how exactly they write and what makes their poetry so impressive. Your item is a good example of what they're looking for, with vivid metaphors which leap off the page, leaving us slightly unnerved as we consider the depth of meaning in your words.

Addiction, indeed; I know all too well the incredible draw of writing fiction, as I've been doing it for the past eighteen months or so. I feel the same frustration when I can't tap my muse, though I don't think in terms of a personified figure helping me write. These days, I think I'm stepping back some from the frenetic composition, focusing my efforts on a select few items.

Your words express a deep sense of something close to insanity, indeed; I often wonder whether those, including I, who create fictional worlds are doing good or if they're self-indulgent weirdos. What is the point? Are humans better off without stories? If such thoughts invade my head, what on earth am I doing hanging out on a storytelling site?

But ah, it's just a phase. An interesting poem indeed.

(I apologize if this sounds addled; it's 1:30 AM here *Laugh*)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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24
24
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Thomas!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Wow, I love it. I always enjoy discovering the psychological type of essays around here, and I find myself generally fascinated by the concepts of psychology and trying to study oneself and figure myself out.

Your approach is greatly helpful. I have long considered myself a deeply dualistic person in every aspect, from the type of people I want to associate with, the level of association I want, the things I enjoy reading versus what I like writing, the music I listen to, right down to the vitally important things like politics and worldview. I'm a person of faith, yet I can't agree fully with any established religion. I read emails from Breakpoint and Ultraviolet. It's enough to drive one crazy. I don't know what to think about anything because I think too much about everything, yet I never seem to be thinking about what I should be doing in life...

Ok, enough ranting about me *Laugh* I enjoyed reading this, it was great food for thought. Your parable of the hungry kitten was interesting, as we see two people who approached the issue from two narrow-minded perspectives, and one person who used a whole and healthy mental approach to do what I immediately thought they should have done. I always try to think about issues in a well-rounded way, but I'm not sure this particular example carries over to other areas where we should seek wholeness and our own complete self-actualization. Yet at the moment I can't really think of any better examples because this does show how our own understanding of self and acceptance of all parts of ourselves creates real world effects that can spread globally, ultimately, rather than simply being a mind game we play when we have nothing better to do than contemplate the meaning of life.

A basic reminder to use Size 4 Verdana font because I'm on mobile and can't tell if you're already using big clear font, and aside from that this was perfect. Great work.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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Review of Hospitality  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

First off, I'm glad you have taken care to note this is fictional. Otherwise I would have to point you to appropriate mental health resources.

From an artistic perspective, this is a creative contemplation of one lady's relationship with the Grim Reaper, from his perspective. I don't see much like this around here, and I find this poetic and thought-provoking.

I like to recommend using Size 4 Verdana font around here, to ensure a clear and open reading experience across devices. I'm on mobile right now, so it's readable by default, but it's always best to let you know. You can access all text editing features through the row of tiles at the top of any WdC text entry box. We have tons of fun proprietary tricks around here, like dropnotes and pop notes. Hit the question mark symbol between the M and the smiley for more helpful info.

As someone who struggles with conflicting feelings of loneliness and introversion, I deeply relate to this message. Often I wrestle with the meaning of life and whether I'm serving any purpose at all by being alive... But then I remember everything I've accomplished and my friends and family and the mysterious unknown beyond, and I figure I'm better off alive than dead.

I see you call this a "free verse poem..." perhaps it would be a good idea to add line breaks, rather than a single block of text which reads as a paragraph or monologue. You don't have to overthink this, but as it stands it's more like prose *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*



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