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1,165 Public Reviews Given
1,168 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

Wow, this is a brilliant take on the prompt! Activist poetry... Love it! You've described a condition which could easily be real, and brought it to the attention of the one person able to enact change. This is so realistic and relatable, encouraging us to speak up when we see a problem and do our best to have it fixed for the good of humanity.

I never like poking at poetry, and I do like the way this flows, conversationally and with feelings. I’m trying to think of a suggestion to make for Jeremy’s Bear Fund. Perhaps you can go in and unbold the key phrases now that the Cramp cycle is over (good grief, that sounds like menstruation *Rolling* *Blush*) And gather the phrases at the bottom instead, perhaps in a drop note. Also, you can add a couple more bits of punctuation here and there, commas and full stops, to help it flow.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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2
2
Review of The Cheater  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Purple!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

I was surprised at how old it is: I don’t remember the last time I discovered a nearly twenty year old story from a current member by random. This is tight, well written and to the point, leaving us with a sense of loss at such blatant treachery.

These days it seems like the writing around here has gotten β€œsofter,” because I was waiting for the goofy heartfelt twist to reveal the hubby’s innocence, and there was none. Perhaps you couldn’t fit one in, or perhaps there is no reason for such unrealistic tropish dreams.

If you ever wanted to expand on this idea, you could explore the dynamics of the relationship prior to her discovery. Was he doing a good job of β€œloving” her? Was it a happy marriage? Not usually… there’s always something wrong somewhere in these cases.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I saw this on the "currently online" sidebar and thought it sounds like fun.

Well, your detective has his work cut out for him! It seems almost as though a trap was laid for him by some kind of invisible people. I don't want to give away too much for anyone else reading this, but since it's unfinished anyway...

Why does it seem like private detectives so often are portrayed as rather dumb? Especially when it's from their POV. I'm so naive, I don't know if it's a parody or dark humor or what. It doesn't give me much confidence in the hero when I'm facepalming at his antics. Just generalizing, I mean. I suppose it's inherent to the job, especially when you're looked down on by official law enforcement. Some amount of bungling is inevitable.

I'll make some basic character and plot suggestions for you to chart as you continue with this. Plots revolve around three elements: goals, stakes and obstacles. You provide tension by adjusting the force of the consequences of failure to reach the goals, raising the stakes. Characters are more well rounded when they're working against internal flaws as well as external challenges, and a story has more depth when the main character reaches a realization about themselves or the world around them.

And if this is going to be novella length, a good writing friend of mine likes to say that you're never just dealing with the wolves at the door, there's always rats in the basement! Subplots, dead ends and red herrings are always exciting.

This was a fun read, and I look forward to further chapters!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, and welcome to writing.com!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button, and boy, what a rollicking ride. It reads like a snapshot from a comedic cartoon kids movie, with talking animals, futuristic elements, and quick quips and sneaky tricks. I'd love to see a wider context here, but as a vignette, this was excellent.

In fact, it reminds me of a postmodern parody of a Felix the Cat skit from the olden days. Perhaps you had that in mind? Or is it a simple fable of outsmarting in the digital age?

I noticed you use > to represent an indent for your lines of dialogue. There are different ways to align item text here on WdC; I like using single spaces between each paragraph, but others prefer one block of text and using {indent} at each paragraph break to offset them.

Which brings me to your use of our proprietary markup language, which can be found in the Writing ML Docs and Help in the left sidebar. You can use this to increase your font to Size 4 Verdana, which is the best for an easy and engaging reading experience.

A word count in the subtitle would be a good idea to let us know what we're in for.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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5
5
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Angelica!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

This was a creative and interesting read, quite conversational and casual, like we're talking to a friend who's sharing their brother's story. It's a "tell," for sure, highly narrated, but of course that's part of the fun of a fictional personal account. I get the feeling it's a brief summarization, almost like an idea hastily scribbled out for later development.

I might suggest writing it straight from the brother's point of view, perhaps in the form of journal entries. I haven't yet attempted a story via journal entries... (Wait, did I do something like that for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. last year? Jeepers, I can't remember *Shock2* if I did I think it was inspired by Kiya - she's such a a brilliant writer...)

Anyway... Great story here with gadzooks of potential! You could make a NaNo novel out of it, or a novella, something that would be a great movie. In fact, it sounds more like a spy story than a straight up war story. Best of luck at the contest!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



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6
6
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, BeeJay!

Well, this was quite interesting and even amusing... I didn't know it was possible to review an interactive, but here I am!

Mostly I'm just putting in a good word. I had no idea what to expect when I saw this in your port (I came to your port by seeing the list of misused words on the sidebar...) When I first saw it on the mobile listing I thought it was a static item, and when I saw all the usual interactive warnings, I almost left.

You've crafted an engaging story (I like the mild mannered professor character) with lots of room for all kinds of weird stuff to go on, while maintaining a safe reading level... I'm glad no one added anything else to it yet, because you know how people are! I would feel so awkward setting up a concept like this these days, with so much trans controversy going on. I wouldn't want it to be careless or offensive to certain people.

Now that I'm done with it, I hope someone comes along to add more chapters, which I probably will never read. This is a fun premise that can go far. I might suggest you try to push it forward a bit yourself if you ever have the time.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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7
7
Review of The Gift  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sumojo!

I'm here for I Write 2025... but I have to warn you, your item is not a valid entry. It needs to be something written in March. I’m pretty sure Annette will honor this review, so you don’t have to worry about me, but I wish I’d checked before I hopped in after you *Laugh*

With that aside, I have to say this was a fun and amusing read. It reminds me a little of Dr. Seuss. The thought at the end about what really matters adds depth to the goofiness, and we can’t help hoping the narrator does receive something they really want for a gift. Giving gifts is always such an awkward thing… we can’t really ask grownups β€œso, what are you expecting for your birthday/Xmas/wedding/whatever…” I personally think the wisest choice is a gift card, maybe an online one or one that is usable at many different places.

I enjoyed the rollicking rhymes and the playfulness of the theme. Your formatting is nice, big and clear, and I can’t particularly think of anything to suggest for improvement. Perhaps a cover image; I know I try to give all my items an image of some kind, even if it’s just a stock pic from the WdC vault.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Dee, and welcome to writing.com!

This is such a nice anecdote, like reading an article in a feel-good magazine. I enjoyed the warm, conversational tone and the educational FAQs at the end. I’m happy to meet you here, and I hope you’re enjoying your time with us. I love how you use pictures to brighten up your portfolio and the items therein. It helps you stand out from the average newbie.

The thought of coming across an actual active bees nest in the wild makes me nervous… though I grew up on an acre of land with nature galore, and my mom and I were avid gardeners, I never really discovered where the bees nested. Which is probably a good thing *Laugh* *Yikes* *Bee* One time I was stung by a yellow jacket when I went too close to their underground nest, which they had moved into after our neighbor killed off a mole family because they were messing with his lawn… oh the sensitive balance of our natural environment!

My main suggestions for this item relate mainly to the way it looks on here. You should learn to use our proprietary markup language (WritingML). Basic help for the use of it can be found here https://www.writing.com/main/tools/action/writingm... or on the left sidebar under WdC Tools. I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to create an open and engaging reading experience for all ages and abilities. A word count at the top or subtitle of the item is a good idea to help us know what we’re getting into.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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9
9
Review of Wonderland  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Kiya, and happy after birthday! (I consider birthdays as lasting the whole month because I hardly celebrate mine anyway, so whatever *Laugh*)

What can I say? It's almost exactly a year since we finished this incredible adventure, and my oh my. 2024 started off with "The Soundtrack of Your LifeOpen in new Window. in February, Wonderland in March, "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. in April, and then eighteen stories over the next two months for "Musicology AnthologyOpen in new Window. *Shock2* How did I do it? Don't ask me *Pthb* Ironically, the moment my first anniversary was over in July, all kinds of chaos broke out for the next two months or so... Possibly owing to the summer heat πŸ₯΅ I learned a lot of lessons about keeping my mouth shut at that point *Blush*

Anyway, so this project was a great preparation for everything else I did last year. I loved it, and gained so much experience about writing on the fly, letting loose and having fun.

My only suggestion for this is... Open it up again someday. A mild suggestion, perhaps, since it's honoring someone I never had a chance to meet. I don't want to intrude. Ok, here's a more practical suggestion: fix the subtitle and start-end dates so we know it's closed for the foreseeable future *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Joto-Kai!

I noticed you have an auto reward for this blog, and I need a Yellow Case review, so here I am *BigSmile*

Ahh, emotional control; there are times when I feel I've reverted to toddler status in that regard. We all strive for maturity, and for me, this usually means trying to stifle feelings until they explode uncontrollably. You or the author you are quoting (augh! My old phone is busy self-installing Pinterest and who knows what else as I'm writing this with WiFi. I wondered why the keyboard was lagging! Now my memory will crash...)

Anyway, this excerpt details a much wiser approach: allow oneself to breathe, to experience the emotions, to feel out the body language, and then pull out of it: time's up! It's like letting a tidal wave wash over you, knowing it'll pass and leave you on your feet if you're holding on tight.

I would highly suggest you cite your sources so we can do our own research; it keeps things professional. Also, along those lines, you can add a disclaimer saying you're not providing mental health advice and to seek counseling for serious issues. And a note that this makes for useful material for stories; I've wondered if learning to be a psychologist would help me write more authentically about different people.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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11
11
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, and welcome to Writing.com!

I've been coming across your port for a while now, and every time I do I'm further impressed by your way with words. You have such a deep wisdom and understanding here, it's quite striking to read.

Your lines here are so long and conversational, that at first, reading it on my phone, I didn’t realize it rhymes at all. The rhyme and meter is subtle, helping it to read smoothly like an artistic free-form essay. You list three reasons why finding silence in one’s daily life is so important, plus a warning about the difference between being alone and being lonely… one can find peace in solitude, but one must also have some form of meaningful companionship and community with others to be fully human.

I relate deeply to this theme of aloneness and silence; I just remarked in another review, how the only time I feel ever truly at peace is when I’m alone, in the moments before falling asleep, when I can step deep within myself and explore my thoughts and imagination without the burdens of day-to-day existence… indeed, at the risk of sounding insane, sometimes I feel like the realest reality is inside my head and everything else is a cumbersome dream.

I like adding line count and even word count to my poetry, mostly because it’s required for entering contests around here. Which reminds me, you should enter "First and Second Chance Poetry ContestOpen in new Window., the hostess would love to have you! You can pick any of your items, don’t need to write for a prompt.

You should choose genres for your items; this is important around WdC because it helps people find items when they're browsing, and it also helps give as many opportunities for Quill Award nominations as possible. (Check out the port of Moderator Quilli β˜• Author Icon for all things Quills!)

I would suggest using "Philosophy," "Drama," "Experience," "Personal," "Family," "Dark," "Psychology," "Death," or "Self Help" or "Spiritual" or "How-to/Advice" or "Relationship" or "Community" or "Inspirational..." (not necessarily for this one in particular but also for others in your port.)

You also need to use a larger font size, for sure. It all looks great on mobile, but on my iPad and desktop your work appears hopelessly cramped and sleepy. Size 4 Verdana works wonders to open up the writing for a truly engaging reading experience. If you’re unsure how to use our proprietary markup language (Writing ML,) check "Writing.Com 101Open in new Window. and the β€œWdC Tools” link on your left sidebar for lots of help with that.

I recommend adding an image to your bio block, and also some small words about yourself in the second "bio" tab. It's always nice to know if we're speaking to a male, female, non-binary, young or old, where they’re from on the globe, their level of English language writing experience, likes and dislikes. At the very least some stock type pictures will add a little zest to your port.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

As always, a bright and cheerful entry, this time featuring curious kids and sneaky teachers. It's such fun to read your work. This is a creative spin on the offered prompt... At first I assumed the club was full of kids, and as it unfolded it became quite amusing.

I'm reminded of all manner of tropes and premises... Have you ever heard of the "detective gone mad" trope, where the detective appears to be breaking the law when he's really doing something good for society? It can be quite funny when done lightheartedly.

So, if you ever want to come back to this story, you could amp up the sinister aspect and make it be something quite suspicious and tense. I guess that's all I have to suggest *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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13
13
Review of The Lost Hour  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Kiya, and happy almost birthday!

This is a beautifully sad and touching story about love, aging and memories. You write stories that are always so alive, crafting relatable characters that feel like real people with hopes, dreams and fears.

As a nurse, I suspect you speak from experience with caring for the elderly. I pray I or my own loved ones never have to go through this.

I can’t think of anything to suggest for correcting or editing, except perhaps an asterisk or three for a scene divider, and center it. Formatting is great, and you’ve done just about everything I can think of to make this a great story… also, my iPad is at 7% *Pthb*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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14
14
for entry "Ode to FebruaryOpen in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sox!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

The ode to February... Everyone experiences the second month differently. No two poems are alike. I like having a surrealist bent to things, trying not to strike the "same old" notes of seasonal changes and whatnot, which get trite fast.

I love the short, quick lines you have here, with stacked rhymes like a rap. It gives a great rhythm and is fun and unique to read as you move through your feelings about February.

I can never think of anything to suggest (for the Bear Fund) other than Size 4 Verdana font *Laugh* Perhaps a line about something personal to ground the generalized seasonal thoughts? How are the New Year's goals doing, if there were any?

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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15
15
Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "March 10, 2025Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings!

I’m here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

I really do appreciate this sentiment in a time of horrifying upheaval on all sides. Most of the time I just want to run away and hide in a corner of the library with this site and some games on my iPad, rather than standing up and taking action to do something about what’s going on. I’m a very good escapist. You have taken the prompt image and made something unique and deeply personal out of it, combining it with your tarot card to create a sense of depth and excitement. Sign me up for the HOWL, too! I’m ready to let loose my frustration with the world and clamor for change. It’s a mess out there.

I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to keep the poetry focused on our busy pages. Perhaps a thought as to what exactly needs to be changed might be useful to guide our thoughts constructively; a β€œflash mob” can be destructive if not directed by a strong sense of higher purpose.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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16
16
Review of Fusillade  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

Don't you hate it when you accidentally send off a rating without a review *Laugh*

I delayed on this one, sitting in my draft reviews page... can't remember why... I have a lot to juggle these days. Anyway, I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge. Happy Account Anniversary!

I love a good nature poem, and this is fantastic. It shares the excitement of looking forward to what the world has to offer, and reminds us of the beautiful cycle of natural life. I love your creative word choices, which are crucial to making a poem "pop." Evoking the image of an hourglass with the single word "sand" is brilliant.

Don't forget to add the prompt info, word count and line count at the bottom for clarity when you go back through your port someday. I see each poem you write for the PPC is a separate item; you may want to consider grouping them into a folder or adding smaller ones to a book item instead.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

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17
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for entry "SugarloafOpen in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings, Brian!

I’m here as a fellow member of I Write 2025.

I’ll say first off, from one socially awkward person to another, I’m always hesitant about how to approach you. Not because I think you’re any weirder than I am, but… I don’t want to be offensive, condescending or oblivious. You have a wondrously complex and beautiful mind, and you deserve to be treated with respect and camaraderie. I sometimes get lost in the weeds of your blogs and poetry, and I marvel at your forthrightness in letting your thoughts loose for all of us knuckleheads to poke at.

This poem is heartfelt and relatable, as you contemplate a relationship strengthened and deepened by a hike in the mountains, which reach metaphorical heights while remaining rooted in real, visual descriptions both vivid and earthy. I love the thought here, of how much this person means to you and your appreciation of them. You have a way with words, painting a picture of vulnerability and longing for deeper interaction with others.

I have to make one suggestion as a participant in Jeremy’s Bear Fund, otherwise I would say it’s perfect. Perhaps a note to the future would add a sense of completion… did the relationship with this person help you in any meaningful way down the road? It must have, if you remember it so clearly and fondly. Perhaps just a glimpse beyond the mere hope to the actualization of such would round it out.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

I'm here once more as a fellow member of I Write in 2025.

I love how you've taken your personal disaster and found something wonderful because of it. Listening to someone telling a story is a very comforting thing, and it must be a real blessing to you with your now limited vision.

The prompt has been met well, with something which could have been a crushing tragedy unfolding into the wonders of a new way to experience literature.

My biggest concern with audiobooks is patience... I know they're many hours long, and I know I can read much faster than I can hear. Also, I'm fussy about voices and tones and personalities. But maybe someday I'll have a need to explore this option.

The hardest part of the Bear Fund is finding something to correct... With a deeply personal and positive and free verse poem like this, nicely formatted and easy to read, I can't think of anything to suggest. Perhaps gathering the "fine print" at the bottom rather than the top would lead to a tidier appearance.

Well done, and I'm happy for you!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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19
19
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, sir!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Ah, spring! All around the world, it has a universal appeal, bringing love to hearts and minds as the weather becomes warmer and more conducive to raising families. It’s built into our natures.

I like how you’ve given us a glimpse into spring in Korea, showing us the similarities and differences to create a poem more unique and less trite than the prompt would seem to offer. You even thought of adding some of the native language and an ominous touch of Chinese dust…

You always use splendid large font and lots of space between lines, creating an easy reading experience for everyone. I noticed your book of poetry has generic genres. I would suggest labeling it with more relevant genres to make it easier to find in case someone’s looking for a book of poetry. You could use β€œPhilosophy,” β€œDrama,” and β€œEmotional,” or β€œNature,” or β€œPolitical ,” or”Inspirational,” or β€œExperience,” or β€œPersonal,” or most other genres would suit.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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20
20
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "Poetry 4Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Ah, the interface between poetry and song; it's a subject I've given much thought to over the years. You've used a simple consideration as the framework of your poem: music is poetry, trained and directed specifically to be heard aloud.

I must point out you miscalculated the fourth line of this form: you need four words there, not three. I formed mine in a strictly diamond shaped structure, taking the time to measure out syllables, though it wasn't required. Also, your last four lines all rhyme the same, which isn't exactly what the form required.

An interesting thought which seems to struggle a bit to fit into the form given. I always enjoy seeing how everyone approaches the prompts, and yours are always careful and enlightening.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

Cute, from Leah's Owl Shop
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21
21
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Ah, February... I have issues with it, even though it's my birth month. Being a transplant from a temperate climate to Florida is even more discombobulating this time of year; some days I have no idea if it's spring or fall *Crazy*

But this is about your poem, not mine *Laugh* I love how you've focused on the seasonal aspect and given us a glimpse of spring in the sweetness of birdsong. Singing robins are one of my favorite memories from my northern upbringing, and unfortunately they don't really exist in Florida.

I like the philosophic angle as you wonder where the birds take refuge in winter, and the couplet at the end completes the form in a well planned way.

You have painted an elegant and classic picture of a song of hope drifting through your window on a dreary winter day.

If I had to make a suggestion (which I do, for the Bear Fund) I might say it trails off and changed subjects a bit from beginning to end. Perhaps the narrator should catch a fleeting glimpse of their long-awaited singing birdie disappearing into the harsh, bristly shrubbery. This would trigger the line of thought about where they manage to eke out a living in the winter.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

Cute, from Leah's Owl Shop
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Carly!

I found this nifty template on the Random Read and Review button.

What a good idea, to not only lay out your own plan for reviews but to share it with us. I love the organization of thoughts, the font color, and the little image at the bottom. You've covered all the essential points to review stories with.

I would suggest adding three relevant genres to the item, but that's hardly necessary since this isn't really for reading. You might want to add a note letting people know if it's ok to use this template themselves, or perhaps set it to private if it's for your own personal use only.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Seabreeze!

I really enjoyed this poem, it was so fun and old-fashioned. The idea of a little kid hiding away and meeting a hobo and all coming home safe together is something that could never happen these days... *Shock2*

The point about the "smokes" reminds me of a scene from Calvin and Hobbes where Calvin's mom gives him a cigarette his grandpa left at home. Calvin goes into a coughing fit and wonders why on earth people smoke!

I like how the kid speaks simply; you've captured such a childish voice here, with a clunky rhythm like the train ride itself. A rollicking rhyming tale, great to read to kids.

I might suggest adding a line count at the end in case you would like to enter this into a contest, such as First and Second Chances by πŸ‘Όintuey Author Icon

Also, at the end the kid says "what that?" Perhaps you might correct this to "what's that?" to create a smoother feel.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

Cute, from Leah's Owl Shop
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Ahh, what a comforting philosophy. It's always a pleasure to read a story from you, and I really appreciated this one. As someone who prefers solitude and peace, I find myself wishing I could have Amilcar's simple, quiet life of being a happy hermit. You've given him enlightenment and helped him share it with others, and it's an excellent little story.

One suggestion, which I have no idea if you've already done or not because I found this on mobile: Size 4 Verdana font. Aside from that, I think you should drop this off at Kit's Senior Center Forum for the opportunity to be awarded a ribbon. It deserves one.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

Cute, from Leah's Owl Shop
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, sir!

I found this using the Random Read and Review Button.

A brisk and snappy retort on those who try and fail the good old New Year's Resolution game. I never bothered with it myself, but I can see how it usually sets one up for failure. Goals are something to be taken quite seriously, with small steps planned out in advance and even small rewards as one reaches each micro goal. It's something I've usually been too lazy to attempt *Rolling*

I might suggest not using bold for the item, as it's rather like yelling. Perhaps cite the source of your claim as to the 99.9% of failed goal keepers.

Aside from that, this was a fun read and a reminder to take life seriously and treasure each day without the burden of failure.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

Cute, from Leah's Owl Shop
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