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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow
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938 Public Reviews Given
939 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

A moody and fascinating poem we have here, packed with creative metaphors and dreariness expressing the deep frustration that comes with insomnia. I love music, and I have a tendency to look at poetry through the lens of songwriting and lyrics. This feels like a song which would have a super spooky music video. Your rhymes carry it along well without being trite, and the conversational meter is free flowing, keeping us engaged with a balance of long and short lines.

The theme is darkly exaggerated, and we feel the pressing tension building up until the reference to Lazarus and the final declaration of nonexistence. Which makes one think, did Lazarus really appreciate being resurrected back to this dreary life of drudgery and sickness and hunger, knowing heā€™d die again anyway? Now thereā€™s a thought to consider while lying awake at night.

The opening draws us in quickly and memorably, and overall this is an excellent poem. I donā€™t have anything to suggest for changes; Iā€™m usually quite easygoing and laidback with reviewing poetry. I like to go by instinct rather than fussing over syllables or metric structure.

I would recommend you add a line count so you can qualify for entry into "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  or "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" ā€¦ I think itā€™s well worth a try at either of those.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Confidence.  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A simple yet profound poem, with a conversational flow and an inspirational theme. I enjoyed reading it. You have formatted it well, with double spacing. I would recommend adding a third relevant genre such as "Inspirational" or "Philosophy" or "Psychological" or "Experience." This would make it easier to find when browsing and also help qualify for as many Quill Award nominations as possible.

The triteness of the theme is a bit of a challenge... Perhaps you could make it darker and more realistic by adding more of specific details about a personal struggle or an experience where you confidently stood up to what was happening. But now I'm moving into the type of things I might say if it was a story rather than a poem.

The bouncy optimism of the certainty of confidence showing up if you just "fake it till you make it" reminds me of the Imagine Dragons song Symphony... I hope you don't mind my mentioning that. I'm a huge music person. This could easily be a song, with the repetition and the poppy outlook.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What an interesting and enlightening personal account, comparing the darkness within yourself to the darkness out in the vast universe. We see the lesson learned here of taking solace in the balance of wisdom one can find in this dualistic darkness.

I love this because I am a very dualistic person in many ways; almost everything about me and my life is composed of impossible opposites which I spend my days reconciling somehow. The theme of drawing good from the inner and the outer and gaining strength from the dark is powerful and well put.

Your words read like a brief prose poem, sharing a meaningful experience with us in a direct and simple and heartfelt way. I don't have anything to suggest here except to add two more relevant genres such as "Dark," "Philosophy" "Experience" or "Psychology." This would help people find it when browsing and also help with Quill Award nominations.

I think this would look great if you wrote it out by hand in a nice script (or even just printed it up nicely on a Doc or an image - I love digital font art...) And hung it on your wall or posted it on a noteboard as a daily reminder.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Alone  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Cheshire!

A sad narrative poem creating a character who has abandoned humanity in an effort to protect themselves from the pain and sorrow we all must suffer. This hurts because it feels like me in a way... I withdraw myself from people, I avoid connecting too deeply, and I waver between feeling numb and feeling far too much.

You set up the situation gradually, beginning with little things which seem at first almost like a good idea, implying the person is choosing to avoid watching the news and getting all upset over what they cannot change.

It quickly begins to imply a deeper and more disturbing detachment from reality, one which reminds me of something I looked into... *Googles quickly*... "Sovereign Citizens," they're called... It's probably irrelevant here. Anyway, the declarations of disregard for others and the sacrifices that have gone before are getting alarming.

By the end, the facade slips, and we see the flashes of suppressed pain as the person begins to admit how much they need help as they insist more strongly and specifically that they don't. The concluding words bring it all home: they are lonely, and no amount of barricading themselves and insisting they don't need anyone else will soothe their emptiness.

This is haunting, with repetition and structure which carries the theme well without the triteness of rhyme. I would recommend adding a third genre, as I see you have duplicates. "Dark" or "Psychological" would be appropriate here.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of Open  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A raw and metaphoric poem about your experience of open heart surgery. It translates into other experiences and feelings, as many people use this type of analogy to speak about vulnerability and hardship.

The words balance well, with an almost rap-like cadence. I especially like the way you've described the surgical instruments that look so deadly, lad out on the table. I hope you are recovering well.

This almost feels like you had an out of body experience, implying perhaps that you saw parts of the process we don't usually see.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Shadow and Stone  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow, fantastic work here! I was at the edge of my seat as Atropa dealt with the shadow trying to take away Edgarā€™s life. The battle was thrilling, and your myriad of rich details encompassed me like the witchā€™s spells. You pushed your character to her limit, and thatā€™s the best way to make us root for her. Iā€™ve read fantasies where the witch has it ā€œtoo easy;ā€ even the nemesis seemed wimpy. This was definitely not the case here. You included lots of sensory details and kept us firmly within Atropaā€™s head the whole time, using all the recommended techniques of good story writing. With a few words, youā€™ve painted the minor and supporting characters well, with an affection for nature evident. This was an enjoyable read.

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to provide a more open and engaging reading experience. If you need help with the in-house mark-up language, you can read "Writing.Com 101"  and https://www.writing.com/main/tools/action/writingm... for help. I would also recommend a word count at the beginning of the item so we know what weā€™re getting into.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Angelica!

Wellā€¦ I donā€™t know what to say here. I found this from the Random Read and Review button, and being a silly cheapskate I donā€™t want to let the GPs go *Rolling*

A useful list, definitely, though I see it hasnā€™t been active in over five years. Iā€™ve noticed the ā€œEbilā€ Merit Badges appear in the Scroll Games, and Iā€™ve often wondered what the significance is. Is it a play on the word ā€œevil?ā€ Or is it a joke of some kind? Perhaps Iā€™ll browse this folder in your port and get some scoop on the project.

Perhaps you should make this item private so you donā€™t get bothersome people like me bumbling in on it. Or, since it seems to have served its purpose, you could toss it in the Recycle Bin. Or if youā€™re feeling up to it, you could reopen the attached raffle and scatter these MBs abroad once more for those of us who werenā€™t here in those days *Wink*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This is quite a realistic slice of life youā€™ve described for us: the frustration, the nagging unease, the sheer mundaneness of it all. I think you have a real knack for expressing these things that might mean so much and yet are so trivial. Being a vignette of sorts, it doesnā€™t fit into the old form of ā€œgoals, stakes and obstaclesā€ that we like to harp on around here, yet it paints a picture of dreary realism that could be haunting.

It feels like a thought experiment where you were stumped about what to write and simply described that moment and the setting surrounding it. This is a useful way to get past writerā€™s block, and what youā€™ve created here has a lot of potential. Is it a haunted house? Is it a ā€œkitchen sink drama?ā€ Is it a surrealist sort of study of the emptiness of life? Or is it just an idle scrap, something youā€™ve tossed out to us on the way to something else? Itā€™s quietly, eerily relatable, and a good sample of writing.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of Mowing  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What a beautiful and picturesque vignette, giving us a grand and sweeping vision of the hustle and bustle of a city, the hum and vibrancy of the humanity within, and the spirit of endeavors lying beneath the stones.

I love your way of bringing the scenes to life in fleeting glimpses which encapsulate so much more that one would think. Though this vignette has no particular storyline, no action or dialogue, it still conveys a poetic meaning and is... May I ask why the title is "Mowing?" That doesn't seem to suit the profundity of the words or the city theme.

A word count would be good in the subtitle or at the beginning of the item to let us know what we're getting into. And I strongly encourage the use of three relevant genres to help people find the item when browsing and also to qualify for as many Quill Award nominations as possible. I would suggest "Experience," "Philosophy," or "Drama" or "Emotional" or "Inspirational" or "Cultural."

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Toddler Time  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Kenzie!

Oh dear, what a tale *Laugh* I'm glad that wasn't your baby son getting into such situations... But my goodness, the poor kid could've drowned in that three inches of water! Lucky he found the top of the fridge. I wonder if he became a genius when he got older, or if he was simply a little escape artist.

It reminds me of when I was a toddler... I put my mom into some ridiculous embarrassment over the years. There was the time I went in the bathroom and whacked off half of my hair with a scissors... All the times I swallowed coins... The time I was playing "Elmo's fishie" and poured milk into the door handle of our friend's car... Yikes!

Yes, your little boy was tame by comparison to us little rascals. And I'm a girl, at that - we're supposed to be well-behaved *Rolling*

Anyway, a nice little musing on life and childrearing. I'm happy to have discovered it on the Random Read and Review button. Hope you're enjoying the WdC Birthday bash!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Star Bright  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!

A beautiful and heartfelt prayer for peace on earth. I love the simplicity and spirituality of it; I don't always find religious type items around here. My own faith could be better, but I know this is a universal prayer among humankind.

Perhaps a note explaining the Fibonacci poetic form would be helpful, as I see the care you've taken in the creation of this but I'm not exactly sure what the parameters were. Also, it seems as though the lines would appear more pleasing to the eye if the text was centered, but perhaps the left justification was a requirement of the format.

A line count would qualify this for submission to the Shadows and Light or the First and Second Chance Poetry contests. I think it's quite good enough for them. They're always happy to get more entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Renewal  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings, Nikola!

Ah, a perfect little nature poem, nicely balanced on the page and delicately written with few words. It paints a picture of peace and cool relief after the drought, with gentle personification that brings the scenery to life.

I love a good nature poem, and something brief and simple and elegant like this on the Random Read and Review button is especially nice to find.

As an amateur poet myself, I have little to suggest here. Perhaps you should add a line count and drop it off at the Shadows and Light or the First and Second Chance Poetry contests. They're always glad to have entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  
for entry "Day" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

Iā€™m just finishing up my 10 monthly reviews for the PPC5 members, trying not to be a pestā€¦ *Whistle*

You have a knack for painting word picturesā€¦ the feel of lazy summer days fading ever so slowly into eveningā€¦ youā€™ve engaged all our senses in a lovely conversational way, with sight and smell and sound and temperature blending into the picture. It reminds me of days spent doing yard work as a kid in our acre of land in Tennessee. So much can be learned from nature. I never felt that ants were a nuisance; in fact, we grew an organic garden, albeit ornamental. But ā€œornamentalā€ is rather a silly wordā€¦ all plants are beneficial to the wildlife, and we need the butterfly and bee plants for pollination and the balance of nature. It was rather an herb gardenā€¦ I suppose I digress.

Anyway, this is another great poem. Have you entered Shadows and Light recently? I think this would be an excellent entry. It brought back fond memories and is everything I enjoy about poetry.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

Wow, this is a beautiful poem, full of deeply rooted metaphors and emotions that suit the season well (not the WdC celebration season, rather the moodiness of impending autumnā€¦)

We see nature personified with a multitude of human feelings and actions: weary leaves, shriveled up after the harshness of August heat, drop mournfully off the trees, leaving them stripped of their green glory. The unhappy trees stand bare and wait for the winterā€™s snow to enrobe them in wedding gowns, which is a stunning way to end the poem. We even feel a hint of spring there as we consider the renewal which comes after the snows of winter, which ties into the idea of a wedding which carries the promise of new life.

Iā€™m at the point now, after going through a bunch of these Wrapped Refrain poems, where I donā€™t even stop to count the syllables or see if the author ā€œgot it right.ā€ I go mainly by instinct, and I can tell this is a striking example of everything a poem should be. Nature poetry is one of my favorites. Iā€™m very glad I stopped by your collection today.

You should try entering this into "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" . Iā€™m sure it will be greatly appreciated and it definitely deserves recognition.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  
for entry "Advice" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, sir!

I'm curious to see how everyone responded to the Wrapped Refrain prompt, and this is an especially good example. Youā€™ve counted your syllables nicely and conveyed a quietly wise set of thoughtful aphorisms. The lines flow well without any sort of strain or stilted feel. In fact, this has the simple charm of a poem I would have committed to memory at a younger age. I had a huge collection of memorized poetry ranging from the classical to the whimsical, which I carefully hand copied into notebooks. I now do that with song lyrics, or at least I used to before I ran out of time for such vapid frivolityā€¦

I donā€™t have anything to recommend here, as is usually the case when I review poetry. If you cared to write this out yourself and hang it on the wall or give it as a gift, that would be nifty. Have you ever thought of joining that project where we exchange handwritten samples of our work? I canā€™t remember what itā€™s calledā€¦ never gave it much thought in these digital days.

This was a pleasure to read. Iā€™m happy I stopped by.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow, I love this poem! It reminds me so much, if youā€™ll excuse my love of music, of the songwriting and lyricism of Imagine Dragons lead singer Dan Reynolds: moody and deeply introspective, with creative metaphors and simple, straightforward meter/melody. The rhythm could easily be transformed into a song, and I appreciate the message of hope at the end of your despair.

You lead us along through the anxiety and confusion within your soul as you ponder the next step, and we feel compelled to believe in the sincerity of your thoughts as we see them here. The couplets are easy to follow, though perhaps I would suggest setting them off in groups of four or so to make it more open and accessibleā€¦ which reminds me of my favorite recommendation for new and old members alike: Size 4 Verdana font for an engaging read that bounces off from our super busy sidebars.

I would also recommend adding two more relevant genres such as ā€œEmotionalā€ and ā€œExperienceā€ or ā€œDramaā€ and ā€œDark;ā€ these three genres are important to help people find your item when browsing and also to qualify for as many Quill Award nominations as possible. (For more info on the Annual Quill Awards, check the portfolio of Lilli šŸ§æ ā˜• .)

This poem is good enough to enter into at least two contests around here: "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" . I would encourage you to do so *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

This is an honest and heartfelt expression of your enjoyment of this writing site. I love how you've mentioned your background and life goals, both past and future, and tied it in with how much WdC means to you.

I know how you feel about poetry; sometimes I like forms and meter, but often I spill my thoughts out in a free verse stream of consciousness fashion that defies standard rules. It's good to see you feel comfortable about your writing style and are not ashamed to use it.

Your lines are short and formatted well, creating an easy reading experience. Thank you for your service to the US. We are glad you're here enjoying yourself with us.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of Stick  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge *Smile*

I love how you've managed to work with the guidelines of this poem and create something with lasting meaning and significance. It feels solemn like a wedding vow. I struggled with trying to fit mine together while giving it some intelligent meaning and theme while keeping within the syllable counts... In fact I'm pretty sure I didn't do it correctly *Laugh*

As one who has yet to master the poetic style in question, then, I won't bother pointing out where I think you might have over-counted your syllables in the second line... Oh wait, the words that end in "ed" are one syllable *Facepalm* That's why the poets of yore would add an accent over the Ć©, to create an extra syllable. See? That's why I avoid form poetry at all costs *Rolling*

The theme of fidelity and strength under the trials of life is expressed well here. I think this would look nice written out in script on fancy paper as a gift to a loved one. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sunny!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge. I love the bright, cheerful and conversational tone of this poem. It suits the birthday theme well and reminds us all why we love WdC so much. I too am excited to see what lovely fun is in store for us as the month begins.

I find it so appropriate that the celebration of WdC's founding is in September, during a month of growth, change and maturation. We take time to come closer as a community and count the blessings of why we're here and the benefits we all reap from our mutual participation.

Your free verse is free indeed, drawing us along with sentences which carry through lines and create an easy, prose-like reading experience. As a warm and heartfelt expression of love to the site we are all using right now, I have nothing to suggest by way of improvement.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review of Strangers  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

This is an interesting little tale, more like an almost dreamy sort of vignette than a typical story. The theme is fairly commonplace: an unhappily married man falls victim to a "femme fatale" who has no interest in a lasting relationship, leaving him alone with heartache and guilt and haunted by the possibilities of what could have been.

The story is framed so we can't help sympathizing with the man as he tries his best to treat his wife fairly while feeling this powerful attraction to someone else. It is sad and moody, dwelling mostly in past tense memories within the manā€™s mind as he sits on the bus and imagines he sees the woman he wanted so badly, as in old times. Or wait, was she actually on the train? The timeline is somewhat surreal, in an interesting movie kind of way. I like how youā€™ve described the lady, in her black coat, hat and pearl earrings. It has an old-fashioned charm like a sepia tint. There is even a hint of sad hope at the end that someday things might pick up where they left offā€¦ the man is faithful, in the only way he knows, to the woman who was playing with him. The possibility of a happy ending reminds me of the way Dickensā€™ Great Expectations ends, with the woman who long scorned the man coming to him at last. So, I suppose this is a classic story.

If I had to suggest any improvement, I might point out what my mentors like to tell me about focusing in on ā€œlive action,ā€ rather than dwelling in some vague memory place inside his head. Walk us through the different moments as they happen, using scene dividers to create quick snapshots of time, as it were. Plunge us into the ā€œhere and nowā€ as the relationship falters and shifts. This is only an idea of how it might be reframed; Iā€™m not saying itā€™s wrong the way it is, and indeed what Iā€™m talking about is probably irrelevant to the mood youā€™re creating here, which I appreciate.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of Ignatia  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

Wow, what a morbid tale. I was thinking some good would come out at the end as Ignatia hunts down the wraiths, but instead she burned down what remained of the hamlet. The horror elements are there: an innocent burned alive, the destruction of a town with all its inhabitants. The fire spirit can hardly be blamed for her nature, and overall itā€™s a very tragic and gloomy story.

I noticed a few misspelled words, despite your best effortsā€¦ ā€œethereal,ā€ ā€œcontrol,ā€ and now I canā€™t find the other one. No biggie. What I thought might be helpful to point out is to try to include more sensory details. This is something I struggled with when writing my own entry, and perhaps the reason I dragged it out was because part of me didnā€™t want to plunge myself viscerally into the midst of a fire *Laugh* So I think maybe if you dwelled a little more on the horrific details, like the stench of death and burning flesh, or the agony of loss deep into Fridaā€™s heart when she saw her hometown, or something. Thatā€™s what my mentors (specifically Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ ) always tell me, to engage the senses. Perhaps that could be done better by focusing more fully on the point of view of Frida rather than an omniscient narrator hovering around the inhuman fire elementā€¦ *Pthb* Ok, I know that would be tricky, because she dies and then thereā€™s the aftermathā€¦

Never mind, itā€™s a perfectly horrible story the way it is. Good work and best of luck in the contest *4leaf* *Fire*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I've found your item using the Random Read and Review button.

Phew, this is a heavy poem with touches of Gothic horror, at least in my mind (I'm not into horror...)

You open by describing your fragile heart and mind in terms of glass and porcelain, and then walk over the wreckage of them barefoot, leaving behind a sorry mess of hurt feelings and unhappiness as you strive to obtain the unobtainable.

The metaphors are striking and memorable, used to highlight your pain and bring your feelings to light. Your free verse is carefully balanced and easy to read.

With such vivid expression, I would suggest you enter this into some of the poetry contests around here, such as "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  as well as "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" .

I don't usually have much to suggest for improving people's poetry, especially if it's a personal type of theme as this appears to be. Meter and syllables are something that drive me crazy when I'm writing poetry, and they don't matter as much in free verse anyway.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Great to see you have a published book. This is a fantastic poem, full of metaphor which hits home with a certain plucky, painful humor. An inspector goes deep within to check up on a badly damaged heart and comes back with a report - how creative!

The metaphor is somewhat mixed, as we see "a heart with no eyes" (hearts don't usually have eyes) and then see a handwritten sign pinned to the "bark..." But overall it makes perfect sense and paints a vivid and visceral picture of heartbreak in a brief and refreshing way.

Your free verse is easy to read and thoughtfully arranged. Possibly the only suggestion I have for improvement is to correct "it's" to "its."

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of Feline Ritual  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

Iā€™m here for I Write in 2024.

A striking and slightly, darkly amusing poem we have here, using a carefully arranged poetic form and showing us a sacrifice, a feline ritual of catching and eating birds. I like the repetition and rhythm it has. You seem to have done very well in that respect, creating something easy to read and understand. I see the pantoum does not specify any meter, which is nice - thatā€™s my kind of poem *Laugh* it seems simple enough that I could try one. You incorporated all the prompt words well; writing something for the Writerā€™s Cramp has always been a pesky thing for me, and a task which I usually avoid at all costs. It seems like a waste of my time to pour out a burst of effort to write something within a single day to highly specific requirements, only to lose the contest to someone else and end up with something hastily and poorly written sitting in my port. Of course, thatā€™s what the recycle bin is for.

Luckily, you donā€™t have to worry about sending your poem there. Itā€™s a spooky and somewhat unnerving piece which touches on various primal themes and deep-seated fears and perceptions of the divine in the feline, using rhyme and meter and repetition to create feelings of unease and ritualistic events.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Pleased to meet you, Rene, and I hope you are recovering from the loss of your son. You have written a beautiful and simple poem about your feelings and how you have to hold everything inside so as not to burden others with your deep sorrow which no one will really know what to do with.

I love the meter and rhyme you've used; it gives it such a wholesome, old-fashioned feeling, like a poem from a book of classics. And the AB/AB rhyme scheme is smooth and pleasant to read without being forced or trite.

Your message is heartfelt and shows how much you still hurt, with metaphors implying a glimpse into the way your mind endlessly replays what could have been if only... Or if you had remembered to say... Or why couldn't... These exhausting thoughts are what keeps one up at night, with regret and mourning that seems as though it will never improve.

Yet you understand not everyone "wants to know" and you don't want to be a "downer," so you politely tell them you're fine when they ask. It reminds me of a scrap from some doggerel I read in a biweekly joke paper once a long time ago: "it's better to say "I'm fine" with a grin/ than to let folks know the shape we're in..."

In your opening line, you say "people asks..." It should be in the singular form, "ask." Also, I always recommend choosing two more relevant genres for the items, so that people can find them when browsing. I would suggest "Experience" and "Personal" or "Family" and "Relationship."

Aside from those minor things, I would also suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to focus the text on the page. A line count will help if you would like to enter this into some of the poetry contests around here... Allow me to fetch the links "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "SENIOR CENTER FORUM"  are good choices.


Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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