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576
576
Review of My Silent Plea  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written. I could feel the fear you speak about in this piece.

Is the content of this poem true? I take it by the description of the poem that it is.

It seems writing is usually such a great therapy.

Keep up the good work and continue writing.

Grandma Penny
577
577
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I had to give this one a 5. I found no typos or misspelled words (of course, I didn't really expect to since I know how hard you work at perfection).

You're right about the poetry of Christmas. This poem fits right in to that description. It has such an upbeat rythm.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
578
578
Review of Grieving Solitary  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
As far as I can tell this is written well. I don't know that much about poetry and it's different forms. Just looking at the appearance of it, it seems the lines should be a little more even, but like I said, I don't know that much about poetry.

I found no typos or misspelled words in it.

I guess the only advice I'd give you is KEEP WRITING!

Grandma Penny
579
579
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tell me if I'm wrong about this. I think there is an Easter egg dye that you use oil and water. They make the most interesting patterns when finished. Yet they don't mix. That's the beauty of it.

Keep up the good work and continue writing these interesting pieces.

Grandma Penny
580
580
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
As I read this piece, I had to scroll back up to the description to see if this was about a person or depression itself.

You've given a good description of how depression affects a person.

I only found one error, listed below.

I constantly wonder when nest<--Did you mean to say next? you'll strike.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
581
581
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the first review I've given a 5 in a long time. I love this piece and found absolutely no errors.

I can certainly see why you stole her heart. I do wish you had given more detailed description of her.

Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny

582
582
Review of A Love Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have done a great job with this piece. The reader can feel the love and the agony of being seas apart. You've shown in this piece the willingness to die for your love as well as anticipation for the future with her.

Keep up the good work and continue to write.
Good luck in the contest.
Grandma Penny
583
583
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this piece very much. I only saw one thing I think you need to work on:

I think meeting with other women, it was a womens only college that I attended,<---This doesn't really fit in with the sentence with a liking for writing, was the best thing that I could have done.

I've learned that writing fiction based on my life's events helps me to heal from hurts, yet I'm not exposing myself for more hurt.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
584
584
Review of If Been  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A job well done. I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. I've heard of ifs, ands, and buts. And I'm bad about teasingly saying I'm just an old has been. Yet I've never thought of it as ifs and beens{/}.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
585
585
Review of The demon  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. The words and verses flow smoothly making for a read that's easily understood.

It chills me to read something like this because I know there are so many who are addicted and I can imagine how they feel when they do see what they've become. I'm sure they feel so hopeless thinking of what they use to be.

So many don't recover.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
586
586
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
As usual, when reading your poetry, I found no typos or misspelled words. It seems the more you write, the more you improve. That's what this site is all about.

This is a beautiful piece and is a wonderful tribute to your husband.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
587
587
Review of The Sodden Sponge  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Of course, I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. I think this is the best poem I've read that you've written. I like the way the words and verses flow smoothly. You've done a great job. It looks appealing to the eye, it reads smoothly, and the content is touching to the heart.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
588
588
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I found only one error in this piece. You held my interest from the beginning to the end, but I'm left a bit confused. What was the symbol? What did it mean? I read the last paragraph several times, and I'm still at a loss. I'm sure I'm just missing something that's plain as day.

resounded insider her head
589
589
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. At first I thought you were going to take the reader down Memory Lane with you, so I buckled up for the ride.

However, you do have some good points here. Often when I find myself thinking back on the past, it seems times and events run together. It's hard to separate them. You've shown that fact in this piece.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
590
590
Review of Vision Quest  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very well written. I felt like I was reading a story. I almost forgot it was a dream. The words flow smoothly, and I was really sitting on the edge of my seat. Then, I found myself at the end of it. I don't really understand about the apple. Did it have a significant meaning?

Grandma Penny
591
591
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
After checking out your website, I think you've done a good job of describing it's purpose.

I found it very interesting, and will check back and read a little more in depth.

I had never stopped to think about good movies having started out as short stories.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
592
592
Review of Xcaret  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I only found one typo. It's about halfway down the page. All you did was leave out one letter. We all do this at one time or another. (Actually, I'm the world's worse for doing this. I get in a hurry to see the finished product and fail to catch my boo boos. That's what I like about this site. Someone else will catch what I don't.)

Xcaret oh! Xcaret, leaving you fills me with regret I came to you from Cozumel, and upon me there you cast your spell.

Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny

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593
Review of The Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Like many readers, after about two paragraphs, I decided to give up. This piece needs much work on the sentence structure. I'm sure it's an interesting piece, but when it's so hard to understand each sentence, a reader has a tendancy to quit reading.

I would suggest that you go back and maybe read it out loud slowly and carefully. Be sure each sentence is really only one sentence. Also look for missing words.

If you'd like, I'll be more than happy to review this at a later date if you will let me know when you've finished editing it.

Don't let this discourage you, but please find encouragement to do your absolute best.

Grandma Penny

Father sun is hidden from view, by a huge grey cloud, which has gathered along with the others, they started to turn black.<--This sentence would be more effective if broken down into two sentences. I don't think the commas are needed.

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594
Review of The Firestones  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was a very enjoyable piece. I thought the way the father reasoned and explained was cute. His imagine is awesome.

I don't know if this is a true story or not, but it certainly felt real to me while I was reading it.

I found no typos or misspelled words.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
595
595
Review of Mommy Dearest  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I don't usually read items of this type, but I was already into the story before I realized I didn't check the content rating. As this story began, it was filled with suspense. The ending certainly caught me by surprise. You had a good plot. I found quite a few typos you might want to fix to make the story more effective and appealing. I've listed those below.

His mother worked cal<--You lost me here(/b} the graveyard shift at the Laundromat just up the road.

on the sconces th{x]eat jutted from the wall

He backed in such a hurry (b}shouldn't this say out of?
of the trailer;

Martin wondered if everyone in the trailer park wasdead?

at least a mile off of the state highway.

He wondered what in the hell had happened.

uncontrollable whale<--I think this should be wail(/b} escaped from his gritted mouth.

firs(b}t
thing in

The night’s sky was so clear and the starts shown with boldness

Keep writing,
Grandma Penny
596
596
Review of A Self  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not really good at poetry, but I do enjoy reading it once in a while. I realize there all kinds of poetry form. I do think, it would look better with some capitalization and maybe with each verse having the same number of lines.

However, I'm sure it's ok like it is. I saw no typos or mispelled words, but did see a word that stumped me: existential. I don't remember ever seeing this before.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
597
597
Review of The Tender Heart  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really didn't understand what a sonnet is. I checked Miriam-Webster online and found these definitions. I'm sure you already knew these, but sometimes the reader learns from things like this.

son·net Pronunciation: 'sä-n&tFunction: nounEtymology: Italian sonetto, from Old Provençal sonet little song, from son sound, song, from Latin sonus sound: a fixed verse form of Italian origin consisting of fourteen lines that are typically five-foot iambics rhyming according to a prescribed scheme; also : a poem in this pattern

English sonnet
Function: noun
: a sonnet consisting of three quatrains and a couplet with a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg -- called also Shakespearean sonnet

Italian sonnet
Function: noun
: a sonnet consisting of an octave rhyming abba abba and a sestet rhyming in any of various patterns (as cde cde or cdc dcd) -- called also Petrarchan sonnet


I also went to Google search and keyed in these words: How to write a sonnet. Here's a site I found that is very informative and educational.

How to Write a Sonnet
The sonnet, a 14-line poem, has two main types: English (or Shakespearean) and Italian (or Petrarchan). Here, we present the format for writing a Shakespearean sonnet.

Steps:
1. Select the subject matter for your sonnet. Themes have often focused on love or philosophy, but modern sonnets can cover almost any topic.

2. Divide the theme of your sonnet into two sections. In the first section you will present the situation or thought to the reader; in the second section you can present some sort of conclusion or climax.

3. Compose your first section as three quatrains - that is, three stanzas of four lines each.

4. Write the three quatrains with an a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f rhyme scheme, where each letter stands for a line of the sonnet and the last words of all lines with the same letter rhyme with each other. Most sonnets employ the meter of iambic pentameter (see Tips), as seen in these three quatrains from Shakespeare's 'Sonnet 30':

5. When to the sessions of sweet silent thought (a)/ I summon up remembrance of things past, (b)/ I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought, (a)/ And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste: (b)/ Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow, (c)/ For precious friends hid in death's dateless night, (d)/ And weep afresh love's long since canceled woe, (c)/ And moan the expense of many a vanished sight: (d)/ Then can I grieve at grievances foregone, (e)/ And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er (f)/ The sad account of fore-bemoan�d moan, (e)/ Which I new pay as if not paid before. (f)

6. Compose the last section as a couplet - two rhyming lines of poetry. This time, use a g-g rhyme scheme, where the last words of the two lines rhyme with each other. We refer once more to 'Sonnet 30':

7. But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, (g)/ All losses are restored and sorrows end. (g)
Tips:
An iamb is a type of metrical 'foot' used in a poem. It is composed of two syllables, with the accent on the second syllable. Examples: 'to-day' or 'en-rage.'

Pentameter means that there are five metrical feet per line. Iambic pentameter means that each line of the poem consists of five iambic feet, or 10 total syllables. An example from Shakespeare: 'Good pilgrim you do wrong your hand too much.'

In the Italian sonnet, use an a-b-b-a-a-b-b-a rhyme scheme for the first section (called the 'octave'), and a rhyme scheme of c-d-e-c-d-e or c-d-c-d-c-d in the second section (called the 'sestet').

Many modern sonnets do not rhyme at all, but instead simply present 14 lines with 10 syllables each.

www.ehow.com/how_3335_write-sonnet.html

Grandma Penny
598
598
Review of Another Day  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Dennise!

This is very touching. I gave it a four, but with some corrections, I think it could get a five.

Since you're new here and have had some trouble understanding what to do, I decided not to point out boo boos until later.

You brought back a lot of memories in this piece.

I enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more stories as you write them.

As far as the group (or groups) I belong to going to the chat room, I'm not sure. I have never visited a chat room for some reason, not sure why I haven't.

I'm going to dash back to the email you sent me and see if I can answer your other questions.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
599
599
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is well written. I found no typos or misspelled words. You grabbed my interest in the beginning and held it until the very end.

This story leaves the reader feeling like the real story should be told.

Exactly what did Alex know?

Keep up the good work and write on.
Grandma Penny
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600
Review of Unsent Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by grandmapenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The message in this piece is clear, but I'm wondering why it's written in such short lines. There's a lot I don't understand about poetry, so this may just be my lack of knowledge showing through.

I found not typos or misspelled words in this piece.

Keep writing.
Grandma Penny

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