Overall Impression
Suicide is a hard subject to write about but you have outdone yourself with this story. I assumed it was going to end up like every other one you read but this one surprised me. Superb ending and a great write!
I am quite impressed by the views you express in this piece. It is a unique perspective. I didn't see any spelling, or grammatical errors and the meter in this piece is superb.Well done!
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Overall Impression
This is quite an interesting dream. Have you figured out it's meaning? All dreams have a certain significance.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
I did notice some spelling errors as well as grammatical. There are also a few lines that don't read properly. Take another look at it.
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Overall Impression
You have a very interesting concept here with this piece. I found though that it was formed more like a poem than a story. In my opinion, that made it difficult to read.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
There were a few mistakes as far as punctuation and grammar but nothing that can't be edited.
Rhyme & Meter
This story didn't flow as well as it could in it's current form.
Ideas, Suggestions
Work on the form of the story, keep the paragraphs detailed but short and seperate each character's dialogue to a line of it's own.
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Overall Impression
Pamela loves dolls! That is certainly evident in this piece. I do feel however, it lacks originality. There is no descriptive wording used at all.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
On the other hand your spelling and grammar are very good.
Rhyme & Meter
I found this piece to be monotonous.
Ideas, Suggestions
Add more description. It's not necessary to say what different types of dolls she owns. A simple statement that lets the reader know she owns dolls from all over the world would work.
My name is Damiana and I will be reviewing your entry for this weeks Challenge!
Fox's Box (E) A rhyming short story I wrote for language class. #1075819 by Joey12794
This poem rhymes, that's for sure but I found it very hard to read. There were too many words that rhyme and it gets rather confusing. On a good note, your spelling is fine and I didn't find any grammitcal errors. Write on!
What a touching poem. Losing someone is never easy but you have paid your father a loving tribute in this piece. Your spelling and grammar are fine as is the punctuation. This poem flows well and is easy to read. Great job poet, write on!
My name is Damiana and I will be reviewing your entry for this weeks Challenge!
Lost Soul (E) This is about my nephew who was adopted by my sister. #1075661 by mom24paws
This poem is very deep and contains raw emotion. You tell a sad story here. I admire your courage to place this piece here for us to read. I didn't see any spelling errors but I do feel that the meter needs a bit of tweaking. Overall, this is a great poem.
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Overall Impression
What an absolutely wonderful story! Maggie is awesome. You couldn't have done a better job creating her. You have a great beginning here i hope you continue it,
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
All perfect
Rhyme & Meter
The story is well paced, has good form and reads easily.
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Overall Impression
This is a beautiful poem. You have encompassed all of the emotions we feel when our hearts are broken.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
I found no mistakes
Rhyme & Meter
I feel that there maybe a little work to be done here. The rhyming scheme you have works quite well, however the meter in this piece needs some attention. In your first stanza for instance you have a syllable count of: 9,10,10,10 the second one is 10,11,10,10. This pattern where they all don't match makes it difficult to read.
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Overall Impression
First off, I would like to thank you for bringing this piece here for us to comment on. I was motivated to write through anger. I used it as a vessel to start myself on a path of healing. From there, I wrote about my kids and anything else that popped into my head. I love it and our community here is very supportive. I think you have what it takes so I urge you to write yourself silly!
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
All fine
Rhyme & Meter
Good
Ideas, Suggestions
Break up your paragraph into smaller ones for ease in reading.
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Aewsome story Jeff! I have to say I really like Naug. I am partial to dragons. This was superbly written, no errors and well paced. I am off to the next section. I'll keep you posted!
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Thank you for sharing a look at Rhode Island form your viewpoint. This was a refreshing and very descriptive essay. I think it might have been a bit easier to read in a darker color and if the paragraphs were broken down in smaller ones. Other than that I found this very educational.
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Wow Trina, this is so good! You have given all of the characters such dimension. The story is fun, imaginative, and written to appeal to all ages. I plan on keeping up with the next installment, so please let me know when you add it. Write On!
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Thank you for sharing this very personal story. I to struggle with weight and redently found out I am diabetic. You are right though in saying: being overweight has the same effect on everyone. Every overweight person lacks confidence, feels inferior, feels ashamed and feels desperately unhappy in their skin. Oh how true that is. Thank you for sharing your story. It has ispired me to get moving.
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What a delightlfully funny little story. I am sure it is one many children will enjoy. I do have a question though. What is a LadyBird? I know LadyBugs are red with black spots, but I can't say I have ever heard of a LadyBird. Overall, I really enjoyed the story.
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What a fascinating story. It turned out to be much more than I expected. It was well paced, easy to read and full of suspense. You did a great job. Keep up the good work.
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I had to laugh at this one. It is pretty funny and very true for many of us. I thought for a second about how I promised to start my own exercise regime tomorrow. I hope I make it. Thanks for sharing this comedic poem with us.
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Overall Impression
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Rhyme & Meter
Ideas, Suggestions
Overall Impression
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Rhyme & Meter