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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/damiana/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/34
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2,275 Public Reviews Given
2,953 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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826
826
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello and welcome to Writing.com!

My name is Damiana and I am one of the reviewers for:
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


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I admire your imagination. This is a very inventive and original story. I do think though that you need to break some of the longer paragraphs down. It is difficult to read when you have no breaks. The conversations that your characters have should also be on lines of their own. Having them stand out on their own, distinguishes them from the body of the story.

Overall this is good and with some editing it could be better.


Damiana
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827
827
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello and welcome to Writing.com!

My name is Damiana and I am one of the reviewers for:
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


Are you up for a Challenge? Come on in and take a look!!!


You have a very unique way of expressing yourself in this piece. There isn't alot of background as to what this poem is about, and I am not familiar with Fire in my fist. My guess is that it has something to do with parental discipline.
The form of the poem is quite good, the are no spelling errors and its flows well. Good Job!

Damiana
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828
828
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am one of the reviewers for:
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
With this poem you have taken an awful situation and made it better by writing about it. I admire your strength and courage.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Wonderful

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
None

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
This writer has found a way to deal with her demons with her might sword. A pen!

Damiama
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829
829
Review of NightEyes  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am one of the reviewers for:
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


I will be reviewing your entry for the 12th challenge:
"NightEyes" 

*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
As I read this story I thought to myself how lucky you were to experience that moment.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I saw one error: georgeous, it should be gorgeous.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
This story was well paced and easy to read.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
None

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Great story that shares with us one of nature's beauty.

Damiama
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830
830
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a very interesting and creative story. When I read the title I assume it would be fairytale like but to my surprise it was fantastic. You are quite talented for such a young writer. I can see why you enjoy it so much. This story had twists and turns I didn't see coming. Continue to read it and let you know what I think.

I did see one thing you may want to consider changing in this line:
When my father came home with his new bride when I was eight, you have "when" after new bride. It doesn't need to be there.

Damiana
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 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~
831
831
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 Your Happiness, My Pain!  (E)
Something I wrote to the one who hurt me so!
#1063203 by portumee



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
Your pain was very evident in this poem and you wrote it well.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I saw no errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
The flow in this piece is a bit off. Some of the longer lines need to be cut down to make this poem flow better.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Work on the flow.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
A powerful poem that is well written and gets it's message across.

Damiama
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832
832
Review of CALL CENTER BLUES  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 CALL CENTER BLUES  (E)
Frustrated at a call center for customer service
#1068467 by mom24paws



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
I found this piece quite amusing considering I also work at a call center. I can relate to everything you said. Unless you have experienced it you can never imagin what it's like. Thanks for sharing this.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I didn't find any errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Here I did see a problem. The meter in this poem is slightly off. I found as I read the poem I was getting caught up on little speed bumps. Each line rhymes perfectly but the syllable count is off.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Check your syllable count and see if you can even things out.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Great poem that shows the REAL world behind call centers.

Damiama
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833
833
Review of Running  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 Running  (13+)
Amanda's run would be different today.
#1067171 by cursorblock



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
Not at all what I expected and certainly not disappointing. I didn't want it to end after I found out what happened. This was really good!

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors found.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Wonderful

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Keep the story going!

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
A great short story with an unexpected twist that ended too soon....

Damiama
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834
834
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 Memories of Dust and Sun  (E)
Namaqualand, South Africa.
#1072467 by Franciz



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
Your memory of this place must be very vivid as I found you told this story beautifully. I could envision the young children at peace walking through the sand.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
There were no spelling errors but I did notice that this sentence Huge grey clouds smothered suburbia that day as I looked out my bedroom window, and hung close to the ground like clumps of dirty wet cotton wool. may need to be re-arranged as it reads as if you were the one who hung close to the ground.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
The story was well paced and had good form.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
A revision of this sentence: The lead is slack, the dog lethargic, and he walks onwards. to distingush "he" as the man or dog. I assumed it was the man but I can forsee others questioning it. You might consider: they walk onwards.


*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Good write and a warm and fuzzy memory.


Damiama
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835
835
Review of Emotion  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 Emotion  (E)
Emotion ~ pleiades with "e" words ~ ^_^ contest entry
#1072849 by Kate - Writing & Reading



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
This poem is incredible! You have found a way to capture the meaning of Emotion in a very powerful piece. Well Done!

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Really good.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
None at all.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Wonderful example pleiades poetry.

Damiama
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836
836
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 The Long Road That I've Travelled  (E)
The start of many personal experiences for me in the journey to becoming a truck driver..
#1072671 by NightWhisper



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
Knowing what I do about the trucking industry gave me a deeper understanding of the trials and tribulations you drivers face. I like your story because it is real. No fancy words to make it prettier, no cliches just the real nitty gritty behind the life of a long haul driver.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
This story was free from errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Well paced, easy to read.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Keep us posted on your progress!

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Great story that gives us a behinds the scenes look at the world of trucking.

Damiama
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837
837
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 Hoppity's Adventure  (E)
Hoppity’s friend is missing. He visits the family that’s moved in. Will he vanish too?
#1066327 by arch_addicted to WDC



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
What a delightful story. As I read it, I was brought back to my childhood and all of the wonderful stories I had read. I feel this story has a good lesson to teach little ones. You did a terrific job.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
This story was well paced, easy to read and comprehend.


*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I have none

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Great story full of childlike innocence that appeals to all ages.

Damiama
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838
838
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello Newbies!!!
My name is Damiana and I am here to review your entry for this weeks Newbie Challenge.

 lll: The Silver Lance  (E)
The discovery of a great weapon which supposedly vanished long ago.
#1038325 by Jaoli~ miss you all, bye ;(



*Reading* My Thoughts *Reading*
Since this was the third chapter to a story of which I have not read, I found it very difficult to read without prior knowledge of what has gone on so far. Rating it without reading the first 2 chapters is going to be hard.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I didn't see any

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Fine

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
The only suggestion I have would be to start with the first chapter if you haven't already done so.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
From the part I did read this story certainly has potential.

Damiana
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839
839
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 You Wish you Could Fly  (E)
A Poem about the wish to fly.. My first poem, hope you like it.
#1066232 by Ashentree



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
This is a pretty good start for your very first poem. The wish for this character to fly is very clear.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I didn't find any mistakes

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
The flow and rhythm in this poem are a bit choppy. You have some lines rhyming but then others don't. This creates a speed bump for the reader.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I think a bit of re-working could have this poem flow much better.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Pretty good start. Keep up the good work.


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840
840
Review of A Flower Seed  
Rated: E | (3.5)
center} ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** {/center}
Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 A Flower Seed  (E)
A string of Haiku about flowers
#1066958 by essence of thought



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
This poem leaves a very vivid picture of the birth of a flower. I found it to be light and refreshing.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
There are no errors

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Good

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I have none

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Superb Haiku
841
841
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 Musings of a shepherd.  (13+)
Some thoughts on living and working in France and conversations with my sheep!
#1067322 by esperaza



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
You have a very active lifestyle and I appreciate you sharing many of your stories with us.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I saw several mistakes regarding spacing at the end of sentences.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I think if you condensed these blogs, they would be easier to read. I found that there was too much information in them. Just a suggestion though.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
This blog tells me you lead a very happy and healthy life.

Good luck in the challenge. I look forward to seeing you next time.
842
842
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
Fourteenth Of March, Final  (13+)
A man finds more than he bargained after a motorway pile up. (EDITED! Please Review!)
#1066047 by Hopkin Green Frog



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
What an awesome story, you better say you are going to add more to it! I can't believe you didn't tell us what the message was! I could scream...

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I found no errors in this story.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Well paced

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Add more...!!!

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Freaky, eerie, gruesome but very creative!
843
843
Review of Color Blind  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
STATIC
Color Blind  (13+)
A woman's thoughts on interracial relationships - a love against all odds.
#1066513 by iKïyå§ama



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
I have great respect for you and the courage you had to have written this story. I am honored that you chose to share it with our community. All of us here are from different cultures, races, backgrounds etc., and I personally can relate to the predjudices we face in society. Thank you for speaking out for everyone!

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I found no errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Perfectly written.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
None

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
This piece is deserving of an A+.
844
844
Review of Patrick Angel  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
Patrick Angel  (E)
Patrick Angel enters our world.
#1067110 by mom24paws



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
This was so moving, I am still crying. You have done an incredible job with this story. It is funny, heart-wrenching, caring and sad.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
Perfect!

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Wonderful!

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Absolutely none!

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
A+

I wish you luck in the challenge and hope to see you in the next round.
845
845
Review of The Old Captain  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 The Old Captain  (E)
A Poem about a Captain who risked his life for his ships crew and cargo.
#1067498 by Ashentree



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
A great poem that pays its respects to a fallen Captain. You have painted a very realistic view of a captain's life. Good job!

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I found no errors in this poem.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
I did feel that this piece had a few speed bumps. Some of your lines match very well, but others cut off to quick.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I feel that a bit of editing to get the flow and rhythm pattern a bit more equal would greatly improve this piece.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Great poem!

I wish you luck in the challenge and look forward to seeing you in the next one.
846
846
Review of Intimacy  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 Intimacy  (13+)
self-expression of a revelation about love
#1062849 by Max



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
You have certainly taken a good hard look at Intimacy and explained many of it's quirks. I really enjoyed reading this piece. You ask and answer many valuable questions. Thank you for sharing this piece.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
Great

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Well written self expression.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I have none.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
This is a piece that many of us should read, as it may clarify many aspects about Intimacy.
847
847
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 Goldilocks & the Three Bears - A Sequel  (13+)
Ever wondered what happened after Goldilocks disrupted the Bears' life? Find out here.
#1067305 by arch_addicted to WDC



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
A delightful and imaginative story from the bears perspective. This was funny! You did a great job telling this story and the ending was golden.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors were found in this story.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Well written and easy to read.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
Great as it is.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
Looking at the classic tale of The Three Bears from their perspective, was in my opinion delightful.

Good luck in the challenge!


848
848
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
Rune - Self Portrait  (13+)
Short poem I wrote for my first sig^_^
#1067087 by Kate - Writing & Reading



*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
I feel that this is a very thought inspiring piece. A wonderful look at your self portrait.


*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
No errors

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
Fine

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I have none.

*Thumbsup* Overall Impression *Thumbsup*
A very artistic and creative piece.

I look forward to seeing you in the next challenge.
849
849
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie Challenge.
 A Pathetic Realist and a Stable Dreamer  (13+)
Going off to university, learning any mistake can be fixed if it's truly important.
#1067064 by r_blanchard


*Flower3* My Thoughts *Flower3*
This is a beautiful story. It speaks to us in a way we can all understand and relate to. None of us are sure where things in life are going to take us but in our hearts, we know where we belong.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I didn't see any errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
This story is well written, easy to read and is very realistic.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I have none. This is perfect the way it is.

*Flower3* Overall Impression *Flower3*
Wonderful short story filled with dreams that keep love alive.
850
850
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
{image:1067148:}

Hi,
This is Damiana here to review your entry for the Newbie challenge.
 The dog that got away  (13+)
A story about my experience watching someone else's dog.
#1066169 by Ditto


*Flower5* Overview *Flower5*
This story tells a cute little tale about the perils of dog-sitting.

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup*
I really enjoyed the genuine humor in this story. Dog-sitting is not an easy task.

*Star* Spelling & Grammar *Star*
I found no errors.

*Note1* Flow & Rhythm *Note1*
The story flowed well, was easy to read and comprehend.

*Idea* Suggestions for Improvement *Idea*
I feel this story does quite well as it is. Although I think you were a bit hard on yourself in the end.
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