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1051
1051
Review of Toshiba Temerity  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*Balloonp* Hiya Don Two! This review is being given as part of the "Valentine's Day Review Massacre" Open in new Window.


*Shock* Oh Wow! this was thrilling to read. I really felt its potent vibe as it built up to the end! The reference to Hal was brilliant as an additional scare tactic!

The creativity and uniqueness of the theme and the images came across so vividly on my screen! Using compute lingo as real--- personification was excellent. The Ram, word as a tongue. *Laugh*

Your format or form of poem is well composed as well--appealing on the page. The comparison in the first line was delightful. In the second paragraph you did a fine job detailing vividly how you felt in the body. Referencing to woman's experiences in the next verse brought a strong image too of violation.

I followed the panicked scenes with ease though I felt the need for a comma after the cool notion of "manic wrens within" before "to tug"--as it is a phrase. I had to reread it on my first pass to get it straight.*Wink* This part I did not really get:" wings were riot prone." did you mean "that were riot prone?" It was rather a long line to connect. *Confused*

It was creepy at the end. The eye imagery is interesting too. The net is always , modems flashing. who knows who is peering in and listening even when com is off. Creepy! *Shock*

I so enjoyed this entertaining original vision! Thanks for musing! *Starstruck* Keep the ink flowing...er the keys clacking *Laugh* and write on!


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1052
1052
Review of The Last Night  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Hiya D. Carlson! This review is being given as part of the "Valentine's Day Review Massacre" Open in new Window.


Whoah! This was entertaining to read and I liked the unique way you employ the prompt words! *Thumbsup* It made me smile thought the theme of the piece is rather dark. I had to laugh at the use of "desperado" and "lyin' eyes" was so appropriate.

The second line notion was unexpected and leaves us to our imagination. A unique revenge plot. The last line was evocative as I see him just sauntering away like a cowboy into the setting sun. Wonderful.

The story was coherent and easy to follow and I like how you leave some room for our imagination like the "unconscious lover". I assume they were speaking at their home after the bar incident?

The point of view was clear and well done in the first person. *Thumbsup*

I had fun with this and could recall all of the songs, which added to the experience. Well done Cramp entry. *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing and write on.


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1053
1053
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Balloonp* Hiya sweet_love! Welcome to WDC! This review is being given as part of the "Valentine's Day Review Massacre" Open in new Window.


*Delight* Wow. The end of your story left me hanging! I can imagine it would be a bit scary for kids playing if an unexpected person showed up. What was it about him that would have made you nervous? Leaving it for us to put in our own vision is interesting and lets our minds imagine all sorts of things.

You describe the day and the light hearted fun and it is well contrasted with the suddenness of being alone with the unknown. I wonder if your title gives too much away.

In the first paragraph I notice some typos: "yard the play" needs to be "yard to play" and "where playing" needs to be "were".

Where you say "about an hour or two" it is vague. When retelling a story, make it specific to avoid unnecessary words. Even if you are not sure exactly how long, choose a time.

I would suggest even putting your two lines together for better flow and grammar.
eg." I decided to .....backyard to play with my sister for a while."

In the second paragraph you have good detail. I would put a period after "bathroom" and tie the next tow line together like "I was still playing when I looked up at a tree nearby and saw..."
It makes it less like a run on sentence and avoids saying "playing" twice. *Wink* The word "wear" needs to be "where".

This is a good start and you could add more details to make it lively. A little tweak of grammar and tightening up the style as suggested is worthwhile. It sounds like your sister and you were close and liked to have fun. I often wonder what being a twin would be like especially if you look alike. That might make a great story too.

*Starstruck*Thanks so much for posting your first story. I hope my comments were helpful and look forward to seeing more of your writing. Hey, how about a little bio so we can get to know you.*Wink*


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1054
1054
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Hiya Yarrow! Happy Valentine's Day!
This review is being given as part of the "Valentine's Day Review Massacre" Open in new Window.


*Heart*Wow! This is a potent lament in which I can so hear the lady's pleas and how willing she is to go to whatever end to be with her beloved. I like the contrast of Charlie's wanting her to go away and quit crying! LOL

The dialogue between them is well done and it was easy to follow and the punctuation assisted this.
The language you use suits the time and gothic genre as well. I found it appealing. eg. "graven sleep".
I like how you counter his words with her "earthen sleep"! *Smile* His warning is deliciously dark.
Her threat at the end leaves me thinking somehow he will do something to help her.*Wink*

The verses were well composed and balanced with a consistent and pleasing rhyme. While syllables in each line were not to any one pattern, the lines flowed easily when I read it aloud. The images are vivid and the lamenting tone is vibrant. You have captured her reactive drama effectively.

This was fun to read in a darkling way for Valentine's day! His granted her request would certainly be a unique gift for the day! LOL the desire of her heart. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft! *Starstruck*

Write on!


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1055
1055
Review of A Ghostly Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flowerw*Happy Valentine's Day Maryann!
This is a review to honour Blue Mods from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*

I am also playing a Darkling today and reviewing as part of "Valentine's Day Review Massacre" Open in new Window.! A lotta love and a little mischief*Devil*


*Heart* Aww! I didn't know you had a fondness for ghosts! I really liked the positive outcome of dealing with them!

I could follow the poem coherently and the rhyming couplet style suited the theme especially the ghost children. It puts one in mind of child rhymes.*Smile*

*Fairy* The rhythm of the couplets was not even and it did not detract from the interesting story line. It flowed fairly well though ideally it would be more potent in flow if designed with more balanced rhythm in the couplets.
That said, the few spots that could use tweaking as it is: If I may be so *Devilish*

*Wand*I would remove "seemed" from the second line to keep it direct and active language and it helps the flow. Or something like "The asking price was too good to be true"--- it clears up he awkward passive "that". *Wink*

The second line in the third verse is awkward.
In verse 8 I felt that the first line could be shortened for a better flow. Maybe remove "standing".And the last line seemed really long to say smoothly.*Wink*

*Ghost*The description of the house and the reactions of the children, real and ghostly are vividly portrayed. *Thumbsup* I liked the vision of verses 9, 11, and 12 especially. They were fun to read.
I like the idea that they become part of the family and wonder if their story will be known by the family. And what about the woman who died---did she know of these ghosts and like the poet, become their mom. Cool to ponder.

*Ghost*This is such a charming account of this ghost home and well worth tweaking! *Wink*
The voice is consistent and clear and the light vibe emanates as the poet approaches the whole house and its mystery with calm and understanding. Wonderful! *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing this lovely creation with its supernatural flavour. It rocks! *Thumbsup*

Keep the ink flowing and write more! *Quill*


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1056
1056
for entry "Chocolate..." Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Lonewolf! I am here with a review to celebrate you in your 10th year anniversary! *Thumbsup*


*Choco* I love chocolate so this is a wonderful Valentine raid theme. LOL
Your delight in this decadent treat oozes from each lines and your descriptions are so vivid and yummy! You appeal to the senses and evoke my addictive desire for it. *Wink* The little picture of chocolate as if it is it's own verse is brilliant and adds to the seduction.

The imagery is effective and the ideas of "a mistress", 'addiction" and almost a "god" as the poem progresses to the end are right on! You build a good case for its allure.

It is pleasant to read with fine soundscape and flow.
I did stumble over the adverb "agonizingly" and wondered if there might be a more flowing vivid descriptive here. I get the idea you mean though. *Wink*

I wondered about the comma after "feels" in the first verse as it does continue the thought in the next line and yet a pause there seems to add a bit of drama.

I notice the first two verses you speak about chocolate and then in the next two you address the chocolate. ---a change in voice. Even though I understand it is better to stay in one voice for consistency, I could see it as indicating a transformative effect after the poet ate it---he begins to personify it! LOL. I imagine bowing and doing what ever to get more. *Thumbsup*

This expression vividly shows the power of this sweet treat in a fun tribute! Thanks for sharing your vision--now I am hungry for some and alas, none is present.*Sad* *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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*Flowerw* This is also a review to honour BLUE case from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


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1057
1057
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Fairy* Hiya Megan! Here I am with 5th review for you in the "Once Upon a Jane Austen Activity" Open in new Window.*Heart* I thought it was the month to read it and it fits with our Raid theme too. *Bigsmile*


It is so cool to focus on the theme of Valentines in Jane's time. I could see your busy inquiring mind wondering what it would be like. Thanks for following leads to bring us this interesting information, what there is of it.*Smile* It would be lovely to have more dances for the occasion and love notes are romantic. Texting...er... not so much.*Wink*

I was surprised to see you use the word "Austenite" when I just learned earlier in reading that "Janeit" works too. *Wink* Both are cool. I thought you might have thrown it in there. LOL

Thanks for adding the craft lesson on valentines. It is a relevant and fun feature to this edition. I like the quotes you mentioned as examples of messages. I would not have thought of using ideas from love stories. Cool. *Thumbsup* I am not sure what DIY is? *Confused* It is not coming to me. *Facepalm*

I notice a typo where you have a comma where none is needed> paragraph 4: 'and romantic, a letter..." It is complete thought without the comma.*Wink*

Your tone was inviting as usual and the red font suit the theme. Cool that you found a handsome pic of Darcy for the occasion. Does Valentine's Day need an apostrophe? I notice you don't use one and I have only seen it with one.*Smile* mmm.?

Your newsletters always add a new layer to my understanding of the life and times of Jane Austen as well as connections to your own life and art as it relates to the topic. Shs sounds like she is an inspiration and triggers your own unique creative spirit, as original as Jane herself. *Starstruck*

Thank you for this awesome contribution and for sharing the brilliant Unique *Star* you are and you create and teach others!

*Star* Light on the path and write on! Eyestar

*Flowerw* This is a review to spotlight BLUE from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


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1058
1058
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart**Fairy*HI Germac! I am here with a review to celebrate you in our *Heart* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Raid!


Oh yummy! I can smell the bread from here. Your poem makes me think of getting off the school bus and entering the house on bread making day--- the aroma of hot bread with butter and homemade soup! Once a week my mom or dad baked bread for the week!*Smile*

My favourite part was the flow of the first four lines and what you did with the repeated words and H sounds! Lovely to read aloud. I had to smile at the emphasis of "Happenstance" as the poem lets us in on the idea that everybody knew when baking was happening and.... knew when to show up. LOL
12 miles? ! *Shock* This is cute!

I think a period could replace the comma after "breads". It then gives the stress on "The lucky" in the next lines , which are coherent in themselves. The four lines before read together well and "breads" is a natural end of thought. *Wink*

What a great memory gem, not only for you but me too! *Thumbsup* The title would make a great one for a book item with more treasures. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision and gift.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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1059
1059
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart**Fairy*HI Lisanoe! I am here with a review to celebrate you in our *Heart* Raid!


*Smile* Oh I do enjoy romance and haiku forms too! Lucky me to find this gem!
The title is evocative and appealed to me right away as it has a vibrant energy in the sound and connotation of the word "burst". Wonderful choice!

The concepts in the poem truly bring the theme to life. "burst" and "explosion" are vivid and convey the notion of passion. The definition of the middle line is a softer image to contrast the other two.

The lines and syllables are true to the form and I would drop the periods as true Haiku do not use theme really. You do not say it is a haiku but a 5/7/5. I like the sweet sentiment and how the middle line leaves the reader to imagine their own experience of love. Haiku is known for this.

I am learning a great deal about the form and appreciate reading how others are expressing them. Thank you for sharing your vision in this challenging form. Keep at it!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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1060
1060
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi brom21, thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" Open in new Window.! Here are my brief comments on your pocket dragon poem! *Fire*

*Dragon*Aw! I could see the little dragon walking across the table to eat and like how you describe him with words bigger than he is. eg. Voracious eater! I laughed at "quite rude"! *Smile*

Your descriptions are vivid with interesting comparisons like the "matchstick" and the "stone"! Brilliant! I so enjoyed the notions! *Thumbsup* You kept true to the type of dragon to the end where he wants friends "who scheme". *Laugh*

I could really feel for the dragon being lonely. Creating the duality of the dragon's being is effective. In the beginning you set his strength and home and fiesty nature and then under that his longing for a friend. I assume as he is on your palm he is far from any of his kind, big or small.

It was pleasant to read aloud with fine rhyme scheme.

*Dragon* Two places I ponder on: I thought the adverb "emotionally" was a bit weak as a descriptor. Adverbs do not really add potency I have read.
*Dragon* The line where you say "endlessly your years...." I am not sure who will cherish the years? The line before you spoke of "man". Do you mean "your eternal years you'll cherish"?
Also I think you mean "perish" for "parish". *Wink*
I am not sure you need the comma after "only".

Overall I really enjoyed the entertaining glimpse into his mind and your vivid word choices that create a potent vision! Thanks for sharing your gift. *Star*

Keep the quill draggin' *Dragon*! *Star*
eyestar

A dragon reading a book by candle light
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1061
1061
Review of Halloween Party  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* HIya MissTique! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Pumpkin* This holiday fun popped up on the Read and Review page! I had fun reading it as it had a lively party feel to it's tone and I enjoyed the enthusiasm for the party.

The three verses are balanced with a consistent rhyme scheme. The lines flow in a jaunty fashion and I was not thrown out of the read by any glitch. If the prompt included the bolded words, you did a fine job of incorporating them in a coherent manner. I liked the pacing as it added to the drama and fun.

You might add quotation marks to the spoken parts. Otherwise the punctuation was purposeful and added to the overall read with effect. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. You really got the excited expectation of the party very vivid. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1062
1062
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Congrats on well deserved nomination for Quills. *Salute*

I had fun reading another lively and interesting JA newsletter. It is so cool how influential her work still is! I recently saw a movie--can't recall the name right now that had the theme of her Darcy novel. It was about a book publisher. I did see the Hallmark one you spoke of--it had puppies in it. I sent you the link.

I never thought about how they might have celebrated Valentine's day though I am sure letters and poems were popular. Nice they had no texting! *Smile*

It is so interesting to hear about your creative scrapbook ideas and am amazed at folks who can be artsy like that. I never really got into it though I have friends who do scrapbooking. Your description is vivid with detail.

Oh yeah, let's go off track together with Johnny Depp! *Bigsmile*

The newsletter is well organized and flows in a coherent manner easy to follow. Lovely in pink to celebrate heart month. *Heart* I liked how you added names of movies, etc that have Austen's themes and they prove the point you make about how popular she still is--that they modernize the themes. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing your expert knowledge and pondering again this month. *Heart* *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1063
1063
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Wow! This is fascinating! Even the title has a poetic feel and acts as part of the poem I feel.

The expression, without details, spills the intent and after effects of conflicts in a creative way.
I love the mono rhymes and the short lines are evocative and allow the reader to imagine the details--it could apply to many conflicts and trials between folks. Very clever!*Thumbsup*

The title was pleasant to read aloud. The sound combinations were well chosen. I had to smile as the idea of history being brief! And yet here it is! *Smile*

The punctuation may need a tweak to be consistent. Should there be a connective punctuation after "Gains" like a colon or semi-colon? or a end punctuation after "shame".?

I really enjoyed this brief summation. IT reveals the pain without gory detail and made me feel like it was all for naught in the end. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1064
1064
Review of friends  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Arkman! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Smile* This seems like a positive view point about friends. I like the idea of detachment and that every friend, true or not, comes with a lesson all for our benefit in the long run. I got the idea that not worrying is vital to happiness in any case. *Wink* So true.

I enjoyed reading the free flow of ideas and it flowed in a unique way. Images like lane switching, snitching are interesting and vivid. You present the ebb and flow and quality of friends dramatically.

I wondered is the word "so" would make sense instead of the second "but" in the last line, though you could have a purpose...*Wink* Just thinking...as it seemed odd to me.

Thanks for sharing your vision and crafting. It was fun. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
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1065
1065
Review of Why Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


 I enjoy poetry so I was keen to see another poet's view about why we do it! *Smile*
I was enchanted by the idea of the dance and magic of it all. Right on!

The poem flows quite smoothly with a consistent rhyme that gives is a sing song tone. The first verse flows more naturally than the second, which has more stops in the word combinations.
The rhythm is more a free flow as opposed to syllable patterned.
I like the idea in the last line that places poetry on a higher plane. *Wink*

In word choice, I would be careful using non specific adjectives to describe. eg. "lovely" and "gently". I wanted to add but" with "also" to smooth it out.

I appreciate the sentiment about poetry. Thanks for sharing your vision about why you like poems.*Starstruck* Keep on musing!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1066
1066
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Turtle! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*
This little advertisement and informative item popped up on the random read page! How delightful for me!

*Fairy*The title says it all and gives us a strong clue about the basics involved in the poetry class you teach. Your intro is inviting and the metaphors you use to describe the poetry creative process is engaging. "Preparing the Ground" is a good subtitle.

*Fairy* The page is neatly organized and has aesthetic appeal in its colour, fonts and spacing.
Easy to read and to the point with a friendly tone.
Quotes are a lovely touch and add interest.

The reminder that reading poetry is essential is a good one!! *Wink* I was so happy to see the link--I can use it right now! The link to forms is also helpful. Kind of you to share your favourites as a place to start. It saves us running all over for reputable sites. *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thanks for sharing your wisdom in teaching this class (when it is offered at Horizon)!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1067
1067
Review of Joy and Laughter  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Hiya T.L.Finch! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Smile* What a positive theme for a poem to inspire us all to find the joy! Your point of view is valid as we know that laughter is known to raise our vibes and even help healing. We can use these shifts often as you say to "brighten" and "Lighten"! *Thumbsup*

*Bigsmile* The poem was a delight to read with its wonderful rhyme and clear images. I like words like "guffaw" and "cackle" and the ideas of "cold heart" and "thickest ice".

*Laugh* The structure of the verses appeared balanced with consistent rhyme except for one: in verse 2 "forms" and "heart" do not rhyme. In other verses you had abab. I wonder about maybe changing to "it helps the coldest heart to warm"..."warm is closer to rhyming with "forms". *Wink*
In the first verse I wanted to drop one of the "and"s: maybe "to lighten your day".
The last verse had. the weakest appeal to me and the last line with "try" had a weaker flow.
the sentiments are solid! *Smile*

*Laugh* The tone and message is upbeat and wise and invites me to develop the habit to have the benefits received from a smile or laugh. It is contageous too. You could probably add that. *Wink*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision and crafting! I enjoy happy thoughts!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1068
1068
Review of The Pope Family  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonb* Hiya walkingbird. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

This older piece popped up on the Random reads and I thought it was rather unique theme. I have not seen this show but I can see why this episode would be intriguing considering the girl's condition. What a way to have to live. *Shock*

The set up of the show and its teams and intents was helpful. I think being whisked away for a fun time while others do the work sounds good to me. As long as they didn't leave me chickens I didn't ask for. *Laugh* or Wine?

I could follow your explanations an descriptions quite well to get a sense of the situation and setting as well as the family dynamic. Good job!

I guess it would make sense that you wouldn't see too much of the family as the reno sounds like it would be more fascinating that normal and the family had special needs. It must have been quite a feat to remodel this ancient home for the special purpose.

Thanks for sharing your vision and appreciation for this episode and show. I now am curious how their lives have changed. *Starstruck* The link to the web is handy too.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1069
1069
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya C.E. Thieroff! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! This animal poem popped up on the Random Reads. I like cats so I couldn't pass it by. *Cat*

*Cat* The title is appealing with it's familiar "Oh to be.."! Great way to set the tone of the poem with a wish and affirms the respect and admiration of the feline. The first verse is chorus like! *Smile*

*Cat*It was fun to read with vivid descriptions and engaging soundscape and rhymes. The verses were not strictly patterned, yet I was not thrown out off as I read aloud. The variety of line length and flow added to the drama. eg. the abrupt sounds like "disguised" and "caught" slow the pace where in other places it flows quicker. Nice! The one line that felt off was the first in the last verse as it seemed long and slow.*Wink*

*Cat*I loved "quick as light..paw" and the turns of phrase like "black of spot"! The vocab in the last line is interesting too!

*Cat* The bit of personification as you speak as the cat is well done too. In the first verse you wish to be and then it happens... with "that's me". Cool. *Cool*

*Star*Thanks for sharing this entertaining tribute to the ocelot! I enjoyed the magical wish!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Dear Thalia  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya Pandapaws! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! this letter popped up on the Random Read page! *Delight*

*Fairy* I envision Thalia as a muse of yours or a friend and it is a unique concept to thank by condemning her for her magic. *Thumbsup* The line "sorry for me...enjoy.." shows well the contrary pulls. *Smile*

*Fairy*It is fun to read your poem as it speaks to Thalia. It has a lovely rhyme and I liked how you show the wandering --distracted by the seasons, mice, scents -all of which the muse calls you to notice instead of the "other things" that have less appeal. You make it seem like you'd rather not be at her mercy and yet NOT! LOL

*Fairy* The freer structure suits the theme and the varying line lengths give me the impression of the flowing around of the musing mind.
I did wonder at the scheme of rhyme as you have three lines that rhyme in the middle. It did not take away from the read and maybe you did not write with a structure in mind.

*Fairy* The punctuation was well done and assisted the read as well.

*Star*Thanks for this amusing peek at your relationship with Thalia---*Wand*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Hello  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC Auguste! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! This unique piece popped up on the Random Read Page. *Delight*

Wow! This is a rather short story line and I wonder if it is the beginning of a longer one to come. Yet, it evokes a lot of ideas as one reads. We do not know why he is tearing up and the word "again" gives clues to an idea that perhaps it is along lost father, or maybe he has alzheimer's.

The tag line says they sit for a conversation so I wonder if you might use actual dialogue instead of telling us he "introduced.." showing it. *Wink*

The action in the first phrase drew me in and made me curious as to why he "wiped his eyes"! Good hook!

I'd like to know more if there is more, and if not, it was still fun to enter my own story into that frame work. It is evocative. *Star* It is rather hard to rate as it seems incomplete.


Thanks for sharing your first tidbit at WDC! Carry on and have fun. *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya Fyn! How lucky am I that your piece popped up on the Random Reads! *Shock**Delight* I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Wand*What a title and I see it goes to the prompt---still it does create curiousity as to what will be in it. *Thumbsup*

*Wand* Your poem is awesome and I loved the gift inside. Wow!! Wonderful idea. The message from the gifter is precious too.

*Wand* Your drew me into scene with the first line. That jokster "evil grin". LOL The descriptions are detailed and I like how you wove the dog actions through out the tale. I had to laugh at the ducttape both being unwrapped and as a dog toy! *Laugh* I could so imagine the mayhem.
It reminded me of how I used to wrap my little brother's parcels--as he was one who could take a joke.

*Wand* The response to the prompt was creative and spot on, making use of the prompt words too. And you didn't use the x words like gift! *Thumbsup*

I think "say he" needs to be "says he with an evil grin"--- the second time you used that phrase.

*Fairy* It was fun and entertaining to read and the structure flowed well. The storem plot was coherent and the tone and character was well shown. In the verse where the parcel is opened, it was very dramatic to repeat "the one.." I can really feel her awe and joy! The ending was unexpected and brilliant! I'd love to get away from tidy up time that way!! *Salute*

*Delight*I so enjoy your expressions! Thanks for sharing this vision and crafting. I am right in the dream with you. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

FORUM
DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest Open in new Window. (E)
A Poetry contest with a dragon prompt. Round 16. Closed til Next time!
#1768488 by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
2 days left, dragon poets!
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Review of The Center Ring  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fairy* Hiya Jace! How lucky am I that this fun item popped up on the Read and Review Random page! I have never heard of this form so thanks for the author's note! *Wink*

What a cool theme for a poem and I like the picture that sets off the circus atmosphere. *Smile*

The tone and energy vibe of the poem makes it feel exciting as we enter into your vision. Using the voice of a Master of ceremonies really works!

The images are clear and centering on the elephants is an effective focus element around which to add the crowd's observations.

The form is well constructed according to your notes and it is so cool how that third line is woven in each verse and indeed, makes sense each time. The rhyme and syllable counts are right on too! I imagine it took time to get this right! *Thumbsup*

A minor thing struck me: In the last line I wanted to add "to memories of joy...will cling"
but then I saw that the "Clown .bring. .fun, and memories." Is that how it is meant?
It somehow feels off to me. *Confused* Of course you do have to fit the syllables. It still gets the point across! *Smile*

I had fun dreaming and reading your lively entertainment. Good show! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of When I Grow Up  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hiya kev! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! This cool item popped up on the Random Reads!

I had fun reading this unique and comical expression. I can really hear the voice as he considers growing up! The first verse drew me in with the vivid images of things you had as a young person. All of the images were well chosen and hey some things we can still enjoy. Using "albums" does indeed age the writer.

The comparison of the youth and what the elders should be is vivid as well and I had to laugh at the end. I really think he has lots to experience yet.

It was a pleasure to read with its consistent rhyme and free style flow. It did not have an exact rhythm but suit the theme and the humour kept my attention. "golfing magazines?" oh gosh, would that be like watching golf on tv? I used to caddy for my grandmother years ago--- walking was fun, waiting not so much.

Thanks for sharing this entertaining poem. Made my day! Hey, life begins at 40 so really, you are not even a teen yet!*Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Power of Actions  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloony*Hiya Sabaka!

I did it! I Finally completed the crossword puzzle you created for the Power Challenge! Whew! That first one was a doozy---nothing to do with the Power Group but I was curious and had to go online to find out! Funny song! *Laugh* Good challenger!

I enjoyed your clues and some of them I had to think about, which is good! You have a good balance of the obvious and the oblique clues! Just enough for a good time! It was fun!

Thanks for taking the time to enter the challenge! *Star*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
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