eyestar~*'s (1starsong) Reviews

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Fri, Jul 4, 2025

2:08pm EDT

Members: 776

Guests: 1,972

Total Online: 2,748

SPONSORED ITEMS

OLDWARRIOR'S POETRY FOLDER

Want perfect poetry? THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. My simple poetry comes from my heart and soul.

The PET NEWS CONTEST

CLOSED

The Writer's Cramp

Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPS!

Please Review

This is a page to request reviews for static items and books.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Puppet Master's Theater

Come on in! A guestbook

Spacewalker

To infinity, and beyond.

Blog @ Work 2nd Edition

Write, write more, write better!

Tea

Share some tea for the Writer's Cramp. ;-)

READ A NEWBIE

~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

My class…

… is very chaotic. Help. But I can make anything into a poem, sooooo….

The Monster and the Clouds

Will the monster keep on laughing? Will the clouds keep on collecting? Don’t take over!

Snow

I miss the snow. I wish it‘d would visit more often. A poem.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Puppet Master's Theater

Come on in! A guestbook

Spacewalker

To infinity, and beyond.

Crashed

Burned out, Vince arrived at Elena's in Munich... and has a lucid moment

The Justice Algorithm

An AI trusted to dispense justice finds a new tool to solve the unsolvable

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/40

eyestar~*

Review Requests: OFF

7,130 Public Reviews Given

7,195 Total Reviews Given

Public Reviews

Previous ... 36 37 38 39 -40- 41 42 43 44 45 ... Next

976

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4212906

Review of Purpose of Whole Mankind

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Happy Earth Day!

Oh wow! This verse is amazing and I so appreciate the time and thought to create it so you can read it from top or bottom up! It has a beautiful message with a vibe of appreciation and wonder. I so like the idea of a purpose being to "treasure" the earth.

Beginning with the elusive, undefined first line "it is there" you evoke curiosity and drew me in to read further. The flow was easy to read and the rhyme works both ways as well. The expressiveness is present in both directions with a different emphasis. I thought the lines 6-8 had greater power on the way up. And the gift lines are emphasized sooner going up as well.
Reading forwards, it builds to the answer of the query so we find out the mystery of "treasure" near the end. It is so neatly done!

The only small glitch would be using "times" to rhyme with itself, but I could not imagine what else you would use to get the point across. I think you may need a period after line 3 as the next line is a complete thought on its own.

Thanks for sharing your vision and tribute to the Earth!

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

977

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4212455

Review of Lady Slumber

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC The Lunchraven! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Wow! I so enjoyed the vivid image of this woman in the vastness of the mind. I could so imagine her. I get the idea of her contrary qualities. I really liked "callused heart is somber and kind" and the sad idea of "presence suppressed"! Wow!

The poem flows well though I notice the rhyme scheme gets lost after line 8. I saw it seemed to be
abba abba and then changed. Usually in form poems the rule of thumb is to have some patterns consistent. I love the concepts in the poem and wonder how it could be tweaked in that one area.

or not.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful vision and posting at WDC. Very creative! Way to go Author!!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

978

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4212454

Review of Long Lost Summer Sounds

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Harry. I was lookign for earth day themes and found this one! The title was intriguing and then I read the tag line! What a timely theme and rather sad to contemplate.

I so liked how you introduced the theme---becoming aware of out side noises of summer by having the house repaired. The idea that the poet is enthralled gives me the idea that hearing this was extraordinary---so long has he been closed up. You really made a potent point!
I really felt the nostalgic tone as that lead to past memories as the images and sounds of summer make you recall. We are so used to technology--esp the air conditioning! Your query is a good one. The comparison to then and now is vivid and I so like the porch scene.

The poem flows coherently with balanced verses and rhyme scheme. I like the repetition of the "s"sounds and the idea of sterilized sound is brilliant!

I did have to read the third verse again as I got lost in it length to make it a question. A few commas might help with coherence the first time around maybe.

Thanks for sharing this reflective vision which did give me pause to think what might be missed. I dislike when the motor of neighbours air conditioners disrupt my quiet and tuning in to nature.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

979

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4211741

Review of Pixie The Purple Polar Bear-chapter 1

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI Maryann I am here with a review to celebrate you today!

I love the alliterative title and concept of the Purple bear! It is so appealing and I think kids would like it as well.

I was pleasantly surprised when the mundane became the magical with the sci fi theme of teleporting. I was captivated and ready to go on the adventure! The characters were clear and I like how you show what they are doing..eg. making a pony tale, recycling cans etc. Good details. You used the prompt words in a creative way. Setting the girls up to do a project lends itself to a variety of possible scenes in future. Having photos as part of the project will allow for the proof of where they had been too! You wove bits of science into the story in a creative way so we know about galaxies and vocabulary like "teleporting". How fun!

I like how you keep bringing our view back to the natural environment as they leave the school. eg. the clouds, that may have engaged their imaginations so they could see this odd creature, where maybe others would not, which is why the bear was surprised perhaps. Kids will love the little robot as a toy friend much like a teddy bear to a child. The personification is effective and Pixie is so endearing.

The conversations were natural and easy to follow.

Minor considerations I saw were mostly where lines were a bit wordy perhaps.
eg. In the line "hair into a hair tie, creating a pretty ponytail as she talked." I think you could drop the adverb "skillfully" as it is obvious she knows how to do it. Also, tighten up the line. "hair into a pretty ponytail" is simple showing and we know she is talking.
eg. "frowned as she spoke"--again we know she is talking so the last phrase seemed redundant.

or: "in a very cold....surroundings" I think you need to drop the "a" as the last word in plural. It was surprising to see that they had apartment buildings and I wondered if they were different than earth's. The kids would relate to the idea of neighbourhood though!

Also I have heard that adverbs are not as descriptive : so what does "proudly" and "curiously" look like. I loved the posing Owl!

I can see this being a continuing story and lots of cool notions come to mind. I think it could be teaching lessons of taking care of the environment at some point.
I imagine the source planet of our own polar bears and wonder if it is different on that planet that ours. I can't wait to see what will happen.

Thanks for this delightful and entertaining vision. I am so glad you are writing again and look forward to part two!

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

980

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4211225

Review of Umbra's Umbrage

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi BD Mitchell! I am raiding for laughs with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" today and I struck gold with your dialogue! I love the title with its heavy yet alliterative sound too.

I so enjoyed entering into the drama of the fascinating dialogue in which you make both parties sound so real! The conversation was well composed and coherent, easy to follow and see both sides of the discussion. The expressions were potent in tone whether in frustration, or puzzlement or sarcasm. I laughed aloud several times as the person applied logic yet all the while talking to what is not logical. I totally burst out laughing at the end! What a fantastic concept!

I liked the creative ideas applied as well as the scientific language as in "electromagnetic" etc. "feuding with an optical effect!" Brilliant!

The dialogue was written well with italic words adding to the tone and punctuation adding to the expression as I read aloud! It was so cool I read it a few times to laugh again. I could so get both POVs and feel for the shadow and the man. Stuck with each other in a way. I thought of Peter Pan and what that conversation might be.

Thanks for sharing this vision and making my day brighter!

eyestar
** Image ID #2017264 Unavailable **

Keep smiling!
Your shadow is confirmation that light has travelled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the last few feet thanks to you! Have a good one!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

981

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4210493

Review of 2016 Napowrimo challenge

for entry "The white dove {poem # 17}"

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI Lisa. I was just scrolling and came across this charming title. Great job in your NanoWriMo efforts too!

I enjoyed reading this tribute to the dove with its peaceful vibration and lovely rhyme. The couplet form is effective choice for this theme. I didn't notice a strict rhythm for each one but the rhyme was consistent and the images vivid. I liked the reflection in verse two as I could so relate to this vision.

One little glitch: "feather's" needs to be "feathers" for a plural form.
Also you used "was" twice in the last line which seemed to be two sentences. Maybe something like:"was well and earth clear again".

I enjoyed the soft tone and the idea of the dove being 'hurled" to show a contrast action.

Thanks for sharing this pleasant vision! I enjoyed entering the dream.

Keep the muse flying as you write on!

eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

982

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4210284

Review of A Friendship Which Could Never Be

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Maryann! Thanks so much for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your amazing poem!

Oh, this is so sad and a very creative and original response to the prompt. So fitting! The whole story unfolds in four verses with a clear setting and the rules of the time. I liked the names of the kingdom and characters.

The poem was fun to read with excellent rhyme and effective words like "void", "ancient law", "tot" and "accords" is a cool word. I have not seen Pain used as a verb in a long while . Neat.

I did at first wonder about "pained...to cry". I liked the idea of years "flowing" by. I wondered if adding quotation marks around the spoken words would be clearer. Oh I don't think you need a comma after "Cassie" in the second line as it goes with the verb. Maybe a typo.

Thanks for sharing this charming piece with its realistic ending!

Good luck in the contest!
Keep the quill scribing!
eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

983

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4209196

Review of light

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Welcome to WDC Josephdna! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I found this title on the Read A Newbie Page. Congrats on posting your first item! The title suit the short expression, which is very evocative. The one sentence bring s to mind the light we all are and our originality.

It was cool to see the different language scripted--Japanese? or? I am not sure. I wondered if your line in English was the same as the lines in the script. Or does it say something different?
The second part, "oh yeah!" speaks to me of excitement about posting and experimenting.

Welcome in! I am not sure how to rate this as it is so short and I am not sure of the interpretation. It seems more like a practice or draft so I will rate it lower, not because I did not enjoy the vibe and image.

Have fun and keep expressing!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

984

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4208991

Review of Wildlife

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Welcome to WDC chaos! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I so love nature and appreciate the animals, Your theme is so relevant in today's environment.

I enjoyed reading the poem from the view of the wildlife. Having the voice be from an animal drew me into its view. I wondered what animal might be speaking and yet keeping it non specific makes it apply to all wildlife as your title implies.

I like that you use punctuation. It would be more powerful if you use question marks after the questions in line 1 and 3.

I see you have some rhyme aabcc and then it is not a pattern. eg. aabccddee
It has a free style with lines of different lengths and the idea of the animals being a part of us in the bigger picture is so true.

Line 7 seemed to take me out of the poem, asking us to "stay in our seat".

The concepts are valid and it is clear that the poet cares about the animals.

Thanks for sharing your vision.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

985

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4208768

Review of WORLD PEACE

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC Don't Care! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Wow! this is a fine example of this format and amazing to be a double etheree! I appreciate the effort it takes to get this in form and make sense.

Your syllables are right on!

The wisdom aspect is appealing to me as well. The images and comparisons were vivid and serve well the message of how words are so vital in the creation of war or peace. I especially like "the serpent's tooth" (notice it needs an apostrophe to show possession

and "temper the quills"!

I was a bit startled by the past tense of "started wars". Did you want it to be past or would it be more consistent to say "to start wars" as you say "to pierce..."?

It would still be true today. The syllable count would still be 10.

Thanks for sharing your inspired vision and craft!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

986

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4208766

Review of Sakura Gang

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC Mari Dez! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I enjoyed reading these short chapters and it was fascinating that it is set in Japan. You really captured the character's feelings and thoughts as you describe vividly her first school encounters in the strange land.

I like that she is intelligent and learned the language so fast. I think it is difficult to learn.

I was drawn into the story with the activity of the first line and wanted to see if she would make friends. The chapter 2 ended with a good hook and a natural thing for a new student to do!

Now I am curious to know what will happen.

"family which was now gone" is a bit rough. Maybe "who were gone". I wonder if telling more detail about how she was orphaned would give more background and interest. Was she of Japanese origin in Oregon? How did she come to be adopted by the doctor?

The dialogue was well done complete with quote marks so it was easy to follow. I like how you show her discomfort and bowing her head. Using some Japanese terms like sensei and the symbolic cherry blossoms added vividness to the atmosphere and place.

Thanks for sharing this unique theme and vision.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

987

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4208512

Review of DRAGON QUEST

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi catdok. Thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your entry!

Wow! This is brilliant and original concept! I loved reading it and was charmed by your spell of the writer's quest! or is it the dragon's? Very clever. The idea of the dragon search for a poet, stellar!

Your three line verses were well balanced and the rhyme scheme was wonderful, serving the flow and soundscape. The vocabulary was topical and the blend of dragon with poet comparison is thoughtful.

I would remove the one period at the first verse just to keep consistent with your other verses. I could read it without the punctuation and felt where the query lines were. I wonder if it would add to the read to add natural punctuation, for other readers. All a matter of choice, though.

Impressive and philosophical, I really enjoyed entering this vision. All that from our firey prompt.

Keep draggon' the quill!
eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

988

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4207391

Review of Suffer the little children

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HI Joey! Happy Birthday! Here I am at your request! See, Wishes can come true!

I am more of a poet than story writer so I will give you my perspective as a reader with your questions as a guide.

My first reaction is Wow! Jake comes alive in this emotional piece and I could feel his heart wrenching misery and confusion at what he sees as Gods of all kinds failing to assist the suffering especially of children, of abandoning them with all the hollow words and concepts that he had been raised in.
I feel he was a christian, from the setting and the knowledge of the candles, and he prays at the foot of the cross. Adding the padre in the cossack and the Jesus quote adds to the notion of his faith.
It feels like a Dark night of the soul where he can find no solution in any of the belief systems. In the end, he chooses his own path, and I can so relate to his reasons and choice.
When one is amidst suffering especially with these children, one would get caught up in it and lose hope.

The hearfelt queries and angry edge is very vivid as is the described source of it. I could imagine orphans,lepers, the unclean, the starving in some poor land where tyranny reigns. I gleaned this from the "mysterious" they" you mentions.You do well to not give the whole situation away as to where exactly he is and what he will do. (which would be a whole other story} Yet one feels that it will be a dangerous undertaking and may not be of liking to the Gods. The inner thoughts to his wife are potent here too. His last words show finality very well. As you were to show the reasons for the character's belief or lack of, this piece certainly brilliantly gives us strong motivation in a vivid way.

I really feel for Jake in his state of mind and being at the end of the rope. Waiting is not longer an option when the distance is felt. You have him ask very concrete questions to the Padre and I can feel his resolve rising that he may have to take action. You show his intelligence that he has perhaps sought out other ways as you mention specifics about Moses, Jewish, Muslim etc. I assume you wanted him to have a main faith---as we see in the opening and that as a searcher may have looked to other faiths for answers. Which he did not find helpful either.

He is obviously a caring passionate individual, who has perhaps tried all he can and even trusted in the God, hoping for more direct action on the divine's part. Now he has lost his trust as can make no sense of it all. The last lines feel bitter and a strong jab at the church and God as well. It shows his resolve.

I like the metaphor of the candle wax putting our the flame--- smoke! His next response is evocative. The vocabulary like "drills", "empty promises" etc. show his frustration and growing discontent with all the religious/faith "mantras" and "rheotric". The conversation with the Padre builds the tension and shows us his own point of view moving away from what he may have been taught. It is a powerful argument and who can argue with a person so enflamed.

The writing is quite coherent and I noted only these bits that jumped out at me

The italised words in the beginning did not seem to make sense as Jake is speaking with God through the whole introduction. It was a bit confusing especially as you had quotes around the words after them---indicating a speaker. In the first 3 instances--of paragraphs 3, 4 6. They could be his inner thoughts but I do not see why they would be separated from the other rantings. He is alone. I can really see this-- it is so relevant as who has not railed at the gods!
The others later on are fine and they are his inner thoughts clearly.

When you say that he dropped a limb-- it is the first idea we get that he brought the said "boy" or "he" of the paragraph before. I had to reread this part as it confused me a bit. I see that this particular boy was the last straw for him. and What a potent reason!

"we, who assumes the risk">> "assume" singular form.

At the end.. a typo-- "have make">>> "have made}

Overall, I feel that you have created an impressive space in which to show the character's experience which is turning him away from his faith and belief in God in a very vivid, lively manner. The rationale and motivation are clearly portrayed given the location, political situation that is inferred and the horror he sees as he tries to help. It elicits an understanding for him from this reader. It leaves me with the notion he will act somehow in a different way----yet leaves open the rest of the story. He has gone through his Dark Night, yet more may be asked as the story goes on. You leave lots of hooks for further storytelling too.

Well written character piece.

Whew!

I hope my perspective helps.

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

989

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206929

Review of Poetry and stuff

for entry "Mag Baily"

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Lisa. Thanks for this delightful entry into the Inquiring Minds contest! I had a good laugh at this fictional character. You might put it under Fiction instead of just Other in the genre posting.

You really captured the essence of Mag and I could easily imagine her look and attitude.
I like the free flow in which you use some outer and inner rhyme words. I laughed as the poet sees her as a "hoot" as well. It is so ironic that everyone adores her.

I see a typo in "there boots,". >> should be "their boots".

As a poem it is not in any pattern and may need tweaking but I so enjoyed the story, image and vibration.

Your use of the prompt word is original and shows the meaning well by showing someone who goes against the "abstemious" law!

Highly entertaining.

Keep on writing and sharing your genius!

eyestar

990

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206924

Review of Poetry and stuff

for entry "The Son"

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi lisa. Thanks for this wonderful entry into the "Inquiring Minds" contest.
The way you used the prompt word and its meaning is so inspirational and original!

I enjoyed reading the positive wonders that life and earth have to offer especially the vivid images of the baby and the kitten. Those really make your point strongly.

The flow of the free form was smooth and the enjambment "come" really works as a pause for us to ponder "come" where--before you tell us "together". You have some lovely alliterative patterns as well.

Thanks for reminding us to be grateful and focus on the good things.

Good luck in the contest.

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

991

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206266

Review of Life

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Jace! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

I love trees and this prompt picture is beautiful. I can imagine this as a metaphor for your poem. The simple poem is about the poet and the actions spoken of is like that of a tree. Brilliant.

I like the notion of living a life with a higher perspective. "rising above" gives me the idea no matter what we face in life we have the ability to move through and transform.

I think you have looked "beyond" the prompt in a creative and yet natural way. We are forms of life and trees with roots and branches to the sky grow toward the light.

The lanturne form is well composed and follows the syllabic pattern and has the shape of a lanturne. I appreciate how you stay to the one topic and the first and last line reflect each other in meaning, like similes.

I was wondering about the punctuation and if a period was for effect in line one. I thought the next lines referred directly to your subject. I know in many Japanese forms punctuation is not used. Could be a case for that here.

Thanks for sharing your vision and tribute to tree and you! Lovely work.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

992

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206245

Review of Stormy Night

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hiya Sophy! Happy Anniversary! Here I am again celebrating you!

Wow!This is incredibly potent expression and I could so imagine the sight, sound and feel of the storm and its effect on the poet. Amazing how some can sleep through such a blast! The flow on the page is pleasing as it seems to mimic the zigs of lightning and the nervous system! To my weird mind anyway!

The sense of drama you create is exciting and I fall right into the vision with you. The bolded words added an emphatic noise to the moment. Your word choice creates a magical stormy soundscape too. the "smack" of rain, "crack" of lightning, the long "a' sounds etc as I read down the page aloud. The tension builds and appeals to all the senses and then you contrast it with the sleeper, who is so relaxed you want to wake him up so he can be awake too. The yearning tone at the end is so real! I could imagine a wishing sigh.

Yet, look at the poetry that comes of that wakefulness--so vivid and alive in the telling.

I am not sure you needed the word "softly" after "muttering" as muttering tends to be soft and in the storm you would not hear it anyway.

Thanks for the author's note. Your hubbies quote is so evocative. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. It blows me away. I learn from you.

Keep the handy and the ink flowing!

eyestar

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

993

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206239

Review of Refined (and Defined) by Fire

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hiya Sophy! Happy WDC Anniversary! I am happy to review for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" to celebrate you!

Wow! Your personal expression is really powerful in illustrating how this illness was a struggle and yet a transforming experience in your life. It is full of wise knowings that can inspire others too. My father suffered with rheumatoid arthritis from the time I was 9 til he died at 52. His mother suffered with it for years as well though she died at 76. It is not a pleasant illness for the person or for family dealing with it for sure. Both were amazing powers of examples for others!

It was heartwarming to read what you learned from having this disease in spite of your struggle. You were so young too. Illness can pull folks together or isolate them and it is lovely that in your life it served as a positive glue and lead you to do things you might not have done. That is a good point. If we don't give up, there is an up side--or at least a different path not seen before.

I like how you emphasis the key learning impacts in bold with clear explanations. They were interesting to read. The writing is straightforward and sincere and I felt the aura of gratitude and power. It is a gift to be able to say you wouldn't have changed a thing as courage and allowance and faith have been lessons as well. And as you said, "life happens" and how we respond makes all the difference. Sometimes we are called to go outside the box of norm to the unexplored.

I admire you. I know when I get a few aches, I just think of my dad's pain everyday and keep it in perspective. This is a meaningful essay and has a message for everyone really, no matter what our life experience. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably your wisdom.

Keep the handy and the ink flowing!
eyestar

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

994

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206207

Review of The Harlequin

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Kiya! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

Oh Wow! What a cool form! Thanks for the author's link about it.
The theme in the title is fascinating and unique and your page is decorated to give a bit of flavour of the harlequin character. I recall they are in some check costumes on the stage.

Your story poem takes on a journey from a light and innocent vibe and even meeting the fairy is a bit of fun, and then it turns dark. The writing kept me reading as I wanted to find out what would happen. the image of the fairy ribbons and her laughter was clear and I assumed it had some magic to lull the man. I liked the way you described her watching and then appearing. Lovely image. Not sure you need "restlessly", just showing her tapping lends us to see this.

The bits of dialogue add to the dramatic effect and give characters life.

The form is well composed and I appreciate the effort to get it right. I wondered if you began with a Z or X word as they would be hard ones.

A few little glitches popped for me:
In the second line you use "with" twice. I wondered at maybe saying "and no Cares..."
I couldn't tell if "persistently" goes with "echoed" or "running". Punctuation would help here. A period maybe and I think a period after "wore" and "senses" would make the read clearer.
I wondered at the word "your mortality" as if you are speaking now to us, instead about her.' maybe.

Impressive composition that entertains and engages the reader and gives us an understanding of this character. I had fun entering your vision.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

995

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206190

Review of The Ballad of Aurora and Cisco

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi jace! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

I enjoy singing so this Ballad appealed to me and I couldn't wait to see who the characters with the lovely names were. Your tagline cleared that up. Too bad I don't know your tune.

I had such fun reading this song with his vibrant images of the girl and the cat and I had to laugh at the last line about the video. It would be a riot to see.

The picture of the three year old holding the cat is so clear and I have seen how some cats don't appreciate that kind of hold. That the cat disagrees is evident in the details of its actions. The wood "doom" says it all and we can fill in the blanks as you give no picture. Very dramatic is the dance scene.

I felt the spontaneity of the action of the child and the word "rambunctious" covers a lot of territory. The verses are well composed with wonderful rhyme and action. Words like "strut", "pixie cut" and "twirls" are illustrative. Oh I love how you rhymed "Aurora" as it is difficult. "camera" works well. The alternate lines rhyme is abab is effective.
I wanted to read the last line without the "for",not sure why. maybe, grammatically you need a "the" Minor glitch . "a perfect.." though I know you mean for the show.

The author's note on the Ballad was interesting and convenient. Your piece is graphic, simple and energetic in its vibe. It is entertaining and seems to flow well, though I do not know the tune.
The alliterative bits assist with pace and song-like flow.

This is like a photograph! Thanks for sharing this vision of your Aurora!

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

996

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206094

Review of Quiet Fire

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jace! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

I was drawn to the flame of the title with its interesting image-a fire being quiet. It is intriguing. Good choice.

This is delightful with vivid imagery and a happy surprise ending. The first line is so appealing with the unique description "curled edges of fire". Absolutely brilliant. The contrast in the 2nd line is vivid and adds another hint of what you speak of.

Your personification by having them has a "task" is effective.

I wondered whether you needed the word "the" before "wind and rake" as it sounds odd not to say "the rake" as well. If you dropped the word, "by wind and rake" flows better.

The short piece well deserves it's first place in the contest. It is a pleasure to read and flows well with a good word variety and soundscape.

The quietness of the pile is well contrasted and with the very lively active image at the end. The joy is evident and made me smile as it brings up good memories! You have a gift for the hint!

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

997

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206080

Review of Gum In My Hair

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

I was lured by the title as it struck me as a unique theme about which to write. Getting gum out of someone's hair is not fun! I thought it might be rather funny to read.

I was happy to see a stream of consciousness as a form. I love it. The explanation in author's note is edifying as well. I did not realise it did have a definition per se.

This was fun to read as it flowed along and I had no trouble making sense of your thoughts about this "chewing gum" theme in the movie and seeing where it might be useful to you. I have enjoyed the movie and now I will have to watch it again to remind me of the details. I think I even have a 4 movie DVD of it with other Sandra Bullock films. Somewhere!!

Your idea that there are many reasons to put gum in your hair is cute but makes sense if following Vivi's notion. I had to smile at the "whole pack"! The last line shows well your preoccupation with the mundane subject! I had to smile as it is a puzzlement.

The enjambents were fun and mimic thoughts in progress seeming without intent of specific structure. Cool! I wondered about the word "evidently" and if it was necessary.

I enjoyed this bit of entertainment and may have a go at this in the way you describe.
Thanks for sharing this vision and I hope you don't puzzle too long abut chewing gum that you actually end up trying putting it in your hair for a while as an experiential experiment.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

998

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4206072

Review of Safe Again

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hiya Jace! I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes! Surprise!

This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"

The title is evocative and made me think of many things to be safe from and the word "again" reflected the idea that there may be one place to which one returns to be safe. Or that there is adventure involved. The tag line helped narrow it down nicely without giving it away.

I love trees so this setting and the concept appealed to me and made me smile. The story is so charming and this example of "recycling" was a brilliant idea. What a treasure.

I was impressed with the cycle effect in the story, both for the tree and the boy! Wonderfully conceived.

Only 55 words related this story and your first word drew my attention. I was sad when I saw what was making the noise and yet wondered too at the reason for the tree cutting. The word "old" does indicate to me that perhaps it was falling down or damaged. I hope it wouldn't be cut for nothing.

The sadness is evoked for the man in the story as I felt it in the end of the second line--the passing of an age vibe. The imagery of the bed and the use of "heirloom" and "bosom" is so suggestive and vivid and helped create a potent warm vibe.

The story was well told with enough details for me to imagine and to see beyond. It was pleasant to read aloud and flowed smoothly will some nice alliterative sounds. the building up to the surprise ending is well done--I like the idea of "fate"! The personification of the tree is effective and adds to notion that this tree was truly appreciated for its gift in all its seasons.

Thanks for sharing your vision. I so appreciate that you can write a complete story in so few words. It was very moving.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!
eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

999

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4205747

Review of My Names

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hiya Cymaemon! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as this interesting little piece came up of the random reads!

The title indeed suits the two verse poem on you multi names. I enjoyed the contrast of the legal names to the "heart" names as they have a different vibe.

The flow of the read is pleasing and it is cool how you have rhymed the first verse yet the seconds reads more poetically or lyrically. My favourite one!

I am not sure what a sevenling is so I looked it up.

It might be nice to leave a link about it as it is rather cool. I like how your last line really did sum the theme of the poem.

Thanks for sharing this bit of fun and showing me another new form! I am inspired to try it once I study it more.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1000

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4205744

Review of The Spare Time

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Welcome to WDC Norman H. Douglas! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

This title popped up on the Random Reads and it struck me as an interesting idea to say "THE spare time" as a specific time.

It is an evocative piece and I enjoyed reading it aloud for the flow and alliterative qualities like:"Missing our mistakes", "mocking moves" and the inner rhymes. The image in the third verse struck me as comical.

The last line is interesting as well. It does have a lyrical quality.

I noticed a few glitches:
"hopes" needs an apostrophe if you mean "hope is">> "hope's".

I wondered why this was in Children's Genre. I may be missing something.

Thanks for sharing your vision.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/40