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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Hiya marc! I am having fun and learning alot from reading your poetry articles. So you are getting a port raid! LOL

This certainly is a topic that pertains to poetry and as I read it I decided I have a pretty good ear as I so understood and concurred with what rhymes with what! It is fascinating though how one does have to consider how a word is pronounced as different dialects can be a play here. *Wink* I liked your example of "again" and that "quantity" does not rhyme with "me". *Proud*
Funny that people think "Father" rhymes with "mother" --yet I know they go by the "er" not the whole word. Kids will do this often. I don't rhyme "poor" with "pour" when I pronounce it. *Wink* I can but generally don't. More like "moor".

You really give lots of examples and your advice is relevant and detailed. The link to a rhyme site is convenient and something I will put on my favs. As you say, no source is perfect. Good point about off rhymes when we start out. Can be habit forming. *Laugh*

Thanks again for this informative chat. It is an awesome reminder that can assist students. *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fairy* Hiya Marc!

I am continuing to read all of your wonderful Poetry teaching articles and found this one to be my favourite so far for its inviting tone that appreciates poetry and its process. *Star*}

*Fairy* Your expression is quite moving and I so enjoyed the quotes you used to exemplify and add weight to your message. Rilke is one of my fav poets and his letter that you quote is a favourite inspiration of mine as well.

The intent of the class is clearly given with your rationale. I like the idea of the journey and as teacher you are also student so we will learn together. It makes so much sense as poetry is an evolving art and so are we--inwardly we all can have insights we may not even recognize until it rises to meet us in the words of another poet.

It is helpful to illustrate a few of the terms and get us thinking about words by asking questions as you do with the "Frost" examples. *Thumbsup*

I know in learning Haiku recently there is more to it than just the "form for form's sake--there is the magic underlying "aha" and I feel it is the same with most poetry, which is why it is cool that you speak of the difficulty in getting the right word and to read and ponder all the possibilities.

I know a world known poet from my province and have seen the painstaking time and effort he has made with his work. It is his profession now. He also puts it to music now and...it is amazing.
He and another friend would get right into great discussions of the right word or meaning. It was fun to watch! I guess I play with less intensity. *Wink* I am not that bright!!*Laugh*

I really enjoyed reading this, and over again. It speaks from your heart. *Heart*
Thanks for sharing your vision and being as a poet!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
978
978
Review of Montario Point  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Hiya Fyndorian! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as an *Angel* in the Angel Army! *Delight*


*Fairy* It has been awhile since I flitted around your port! Here I spotted a wonderful journey around Lake Ontario! *Wink* I live in Ontario Canada so can imagine the camping scene.

Your description of the setting and family gathering is so vivid and detailed that I could so enter in and join you. The tone of affection and nostalgia is potent and you show clearly the love and connection of land and family in this one brief moment of time. The last lines were very moving to sum it up.

Your interplay of the landscapes and settings with the activity of the people is well woven in a natural movement. eg. Your third verse!

Reading it aloud was delicious with its effective soundscape and flow, and the images so clear it feels like you were really there. A vivid memory scape. The warmth of the family dynamic is appealing and I recall similar experiences, like the retelling of familiar tales and not wanting to go to bed as well as the cosy sits around the fire dreaming together. Lovely pictures. The line about one missing etc is wonderful too. It says so much and evokes feelings and the idea of time passing and yet life renews itself. Your poem really strikes deep in real and the philosophical realm, as I am called to ponder.

I liked the part about the long trip for a short time being worth it. LOL Those long drives and getting ready can be stressful, especially with a bunch of kids. There were 6 in my family and when we had to travel far--- we also went to a camp--my uncle's cabin on the river. A riot and this poem brings back my own memories. I never thought to write about them.*Wink*

Now I see how it is done! Thanks for the vision and your vibrant crafting. I learn from you! *Starstruck*

Thanks for all you do to make WDC rock! *Salute**Angelic*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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979
979
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Fairy**Angelic* Hiya Joy! I am popping by with a review to appreciate you! *Heart* I see you do the NaPowrimo diligently and I found this Book item to check out this year's offerings. The title is intriguing and I saw it was about April! Little did I know the wonder I would find as I scoped through to find a whole collection of APRIL poems going back to 2007! *Shock* How absolutely marvelous! An inspiring and practical idea. I just completed my first NapoWrimo--mostly haiku and now I am thinking I could do the same and make it a book for just this Happening. It might inspire me to continue to take part. Cool!

Like I said the title was fascinating and I am so glad you explained where the words came from! I had to laugh at your last line in your intro to the book. "blubber" *Laugh* Cute humor.

Your intro is interesting and gives me a sense of your purpose and your humour. The apology was brilliant especially using the word "aping"! *Thumbsup* The writing flowed well and was interesting to read.

The picture and title fit the work effectively as the idea of a poem a day gives leeway for the fast flow you speak of. I do many poems like that! I end to have a lazy muse when she works at all! *Wink* I liked the evocative nature of Wild poetry and the symbol of the daisies and wildflowers--free in the wind, growing where ever and everywhere. Pure Joy in sunshine. Inspiring! *Flowerw*

The poems within have a wonderful variety of themes and tones! And this home truly honours them. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision and crafting.

Happy Day as you celebrate Angel Army! *Angel*
eyestar

A birthday gift


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980
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fairy**Quill* Hi Marc! Here I am again! This is a truly informative and detailed article with lots of ideas to ponder and digest. *Salute* An excellent tool to have handy for a poetry class and even a review of poetry.

The page is organized in valid thematic sections and I like the way each paragraph focusses on one aspect and gives questions to ask. They are very specific to hone in on the elements of a poem and its purpose. I like the advice about the dictionary. I always have one handy as I often find unfamiliar words. I actually use an Oxford Dictionary too. *Wink*

Your examples under Progression of a poem were interesting as I had never thought of it in those ways..eg. outer to inner etc. Sometimes I find it hard to say what I mean when commenting on a poem. I will be studying this some more as I think it will help me compose my thoughts more fully when I review. And even write poems for that matter. *Laugh*

Your experience in the last part where you say knowing the speaker may not help is so true! *Owl4* I smiled at the last line "so what?" It is a good summary for your article with the basic queries to ask.

Thanks for sharing your teachings on this skill! It is really useful. *Starstruck*

eyestar
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981
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fairy**Quill* Hi Marc. I am reading through the From the Ground Up items you suggested and thought I'd review as this one has no stars yet! *Delight*

I like this logical system of grading and had to smile at your comment about reviews! Right on! *Wink* Working in 5's appeals to me as numbers are not my thing. *Smile*

The points are well explained and easy to follow and the page is organized neatly, sticking to the topic. I like how you clarify that your mark is not reflective of the star rating. Good reminder as this is a learning experience and I wouldn't expect I would come up with something that good, first time out. LOL

Thanks for creating this wonderful class! *Star**Teab*

A birthday gift


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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982
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Hi BkCompton! I am sorry too for Lynda's passing and so appreciate your ability to share so intensely in this poem! *Delight*


I could feel the loss and even underlying anger that goes with grief as I read your vibrant expression. The symbolism is brilliant and the emotional intensity potent. Your words appeal to the physical senses and create a moving scene in a metaphor that hits home. *Salute*

The repeating line of "How can I warm you..?" is touching as a plea and an echo of how lost one is in giving and perhaps receiving comfort. The mix of short lines with longer ones and punctuation added to the atmosphere and tone.

*Butterflyb* I sense how much Lynda meant to you in this vulnerable tribute to her generous and loving soul. It will touch many who knew her. *Angel*

Thanks for honouring us with your vision. *Starstruck**Heart*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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983
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Hiya SandraLyn I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Bug* I found this on the Random reads and couldn't resist the cool title! Bug season is coming and I do not look forward to it as I am a mosquito magnet!! LOL The title is a great start and gives me the idea of annoyance!!

Your poem really was entertaining and I could totally imagine your vivid images! I liked the idea of the abc poem and you have done an amazing job of using all the letters for the topic and making sense. The letters are showing up bolded. *Wink*

Images like Karate chopping, and the names you give these pesky critters made me smile! "torture trained midge fighter!" LOL INteresting word for x! *Cool*

This is a brilliant creation!*Dragonflyb*Thanks for thinking it up. You obviously have tons of experience with bugs!! *Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
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984
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC joseblue! I am happy to do a review of your first item! Yay for posting! *Delight*


Wow! You make some really good points in your introduction paragraph of this Poll! I can tell how passionate you are around the subject and your questions are ones many of us ask! The paragraph is informative about some of the damages. You have done your research. *Thumbsup*

The poll is rather hard to answer as I would have pick all of them. It might be a good idea to have one of your options as All of above or Other--so folks could write in something. I am not sure there is one that is worse than another as some have equal damage effects. I can see where paper and options 7, 8, 9 may be lesser in the scheme of things. *Smile* The choices give a bit of information as well. It is terrible how we waste food when folks could still eat it.

In your intro you ask us to explain our thinking but it is not possible in a poll unless you want folks to send you an email---as if you are doing research. I would make one question really clear for the Poll.

I noticed a typo: "Ehy dont" should be "Why don't.." *Wink*

I can see this as the beginning of a whole article on the theme! Thanks for this bit of enlightenment. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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Review of Christelica  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Drew! I am happy to do a review of your very first item! Congrats on posting, Author! *Delight*


I was drawn to the unique title and curious to read it. Your tag line tells a story in itself.

This is truly inspired and the definitions for the term really fit the theme of describing your daughters. Wow! The last one is the best!*Heart*

It is an original piece that looks like a dictionary page used to describe your daughters with 5 different essences. Well thought out ideas! *Thumbsup* It is interesting how you change from "something" to "an object" in your second to last definition. I wondered what "darkly exotic" would look like. *Wink*

I noticed a couple of typos: "thats" needs to be "that's" for "that is" and "fathers" needs to show possession as in "father's". *Wink*

I really enjoyed reading this vision and I like the sound of the word itself. Thanks for sharing your gift. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Happy Earth Day RimaD!*Earth*

*Star* Wow! This is a brilliant monologue about the history and wonder of the earth! It is told with the loving appreciative voice, which is consistent to the end. I love how we find out who is speaking at the end. Wonderful tactic! The notion we are all one is inferred.

I so enjoyed the tone and flow of language I was captivated to keep reading. It was coherent in flow and I was not thrown out of the flow. The details of the beauty, creation and changes of the earth through time is vivid and the speaker shows a variety of emotional tones, wonder, love, query, allowance and care for her sister earth.

The personification is excellent and the earth's responses to her sister's queries show her to be such a motherly nurturing being. The viewpoint about her ability to endure is positive. *Smile*

*Tree* A few typos I did notice: "area" needs an "s" in paragraph 9> "areas further away".
In paragraph 12: "then there were the animals" rather than "was". and "other could find" needs to be "others".
In paragraph 14: "sometime" needs an "s". *Wink*

*Earth* I really was entertained by the charming composition and appreciated how you wove some of the science of drift, climate changes of the past to put everything in perspective. I admire the work and thought that went into creating this vision! *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your tribute to the earth!*Earth* You rock!
Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
987
987
Review of Cleansing Tears  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun* Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

I was drawn to this title as it appeals on a physical and symbolic level which is borne out in your poem. Thanks for the author's note on the form, as it is a new one for me. *Smile*

Your weaving is lovely to read aloud as I entered into the vision and reflection on the theme. The words flow gently and smoothly off the tongue and indeed the alliterative quality is impressive. Using the change of the seasons was brilliant and the images were vivid with effective word choice. I loved the image of "bouquet" contrasted with "decay" as a natural order of things. coupling that with a flip of thought to how human effects destroy in a more permanent way was a good ploy to wake us up and invite pondering. *Thumbsup*

The poet's communion with earth and its trials is potently shared in the reflection on rain as life and sorrow and the last lines are an echo refrain, piercing through the fog or our unconsciousness. *Salute*

The message is clear and the voice emphatic in its desire to communicate on the earth's behalf.
The poem has a strong impact and made me want to read it more than once. Brilliant composition.

Thanks for this amazing tribute and plea on behalf of the earth. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
988
988
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun* Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

Oh wow! This verse is amazing and I so appreciate the time and thought to create it so you can read it from top or bottom up! It has a beautiful message with a vibe of appreciation and wonder. *Thumbsup* I so like the idea of a purpose being to "treasure" the earth.

Beginning with the elusive, undefined first line "it is there" you evoke curiosity and drew me in to read further. The flow was easy to read and the rhyme works both ways as well. The expressiveness is present in both directions with a different emphasis. I thought the lines 6-8 had greater power on the way up. And the gift lines are emphasized sooner going up as well.
Reading forwards, it builds to the answer of the query so we find out the mystery of "treasure" near the end. It is so neatly done!

The only small glitch would be using "times" to rhyme with itself, but I could not imagine what else you would use to get the point across. *Wink* I think you may need a period after line 3 as the next line is a complete thought on its own.

Thanks for sharing your vision and tribute to the Earth! *Starstruck*

*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
989
989
Review of Lady Slumber  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC The Lunchraven! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Wow! I so enjoyed the vivid image of this woman in the vastness of the mind. I could so imagine her. I get the idea of her contrary qualities. I really liked "callused heart is somber and kind" and the sad idea of "presence suppressed"! Wow!

The poem flows well though I notice the rhyme scheme gets lost after line 8. I saw it seemed to be
abba abba and then changed. Usually in form poems the rule of thumb is to have some patterns consistent. I love the concepts in the poem and wonder how it could be tweaked in that one area.
*Wink* or not.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful vision and posting at WDC. Very creative! Way to go Author!! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*
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990
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Hi Harry. I was lookign for earth day themes and found this one! The title was intriguing and then I read the tag line! What a timely theme and rather sad to contemplate. *Thumbsup*

I so liked how you introduced the theme---becoming aware of out side noises of summer by having the house repaired. The idea that the poet is enthralled gives me the idea that hearing this was extraordinary---so long has he been closed up. You really made a potent point! *Thumbsup*
I really felt the nostalgic tone as that lead to past memories as the images and sounds of summer make you recall. We are so used to technology--esp the air conditioning! Your query is a good one. The comparison to then and now is vivid and I so like the porch scene.

The poem flows coherently with balanced verses and rhyme scheme. I like the repetition of the "s"sounds and the idea of sterilized sound is brilliant! *Smile*

I did have to read the third verse again as I got lost in it length to make it a question. A few commas might help with coherence the first time around maybe.

Thanks for sharing this reflective vision which did give me pause to think what might be missed. I dislike when the motor of neighbours air conditioners disrupt my quiet and tuning in to nature. *Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


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991
991
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Maryann I am here with a review to celebrate you today! *Star*

*Fairy* I love the alliterative title and concept of the Purple bear! It is so appealing and I think kids would like it as well. *Thumbsup*

I was pleasantly surprised when the mundane became the magical with the sci fi theme of teleporting. I was captivated and ready to go on the adventure! The characters were clear and I like how you show what they are doing..eg. making a pony tale, recycling cans etc. Good details. You used the prompt words in a creative way. Setting the girls up to do a project lends itself to a variety of possible scenes in future. Having photos as part of the project will allow for the proof of where they had been too! You wove bits of science into the story in a creative way so we know about galaxies and vocabulary like "teleporting". How fun!

I like how you keep bringing our view back to the natural environment as they leave the school. eg. the clouds, that may have engaged their imaginations so they could see this odd creature, where maybe others would not, which is why the bear was surprised perhaps. Kids will love the little robot as a toy friend much like a teddy bear to a child. The personification is effective and Pixie is so endearing.

The conversations were natural and easy to follow.

Minor considerations I saw were mostly where lines were a bit wordy perhaps.
eg. In the line "hair into a hair tie, creating a pretty ponytail as she talked." I think you could drop the adverb "skillfully" as it is obvious she knows how to do it. Also, tighten up the line. "hair into a pretty ponytail" is simple showing and we know she is talking. *Wink*
eg. "frowned as she spoke"--again we know she is talking so the last phrase seemed redundant. *Wink*

or: "in a very cold....surroundings" I think you need to drop the "a" as the last word in plural. It was surprising to see that they had apartment buildings and I wondered if they were different than earth's. The kids would relate to the idea of neighbourhood though!

Also I have heard that adverbs are not as descriptive : so what does "proudly" and "curiously" look like. I loved the posing Owl! *Delight*

I can see this being a continuing story and lots of cool notions come to mind. I think it could be teaching lessons of taking care of the environment at some point.
I imagine the source planet of our own polar bears and wonder if it is different on that planet that ours. I can't wait to see what will happen.

Thanks for this delightful and entertaining vision. I am so glad you are writing again and look forward to part two!

*Fairy*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
A birthday gift



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992
992
Review of Umbra's Umbrage  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Fairy**Delight* Hi BD Mitchell! I am raiding for laughs with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  today and I struck gold with your dialogue! *Laugh* I love the title with its heavy yet alliterative sound too.

*Smile* I so enjoyed entering into the drama of the fascinating dialogue in which you make both parties sound so real! The conversation was well composed and coherent, easy to follow and see both sides of the discussion. The expressions were potent in tone whether in frustration, or puzzlement or sarcasm. I laughed aloud several times as the person applied logic yet all the while talking to what is not logical. *Laugh* I totally burst out laughing at the end! What a fantastic concept!

I liked the creative ideas applied as well as the scientific language as in "electromagnetic" etc. *Wink* "feuding with an optical effect!" Brilliant! *Thumbsup*

The dialogue was written well with italic words adding to the tone and punctuation adding to the expression as I read aloud! It was so cool I read it a few times to laugh again. I could so get both POVs and feel for the shadow and the man. Stuck with each other in a way. I thought of Peter Pan and what that conversation might be. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this vision and making my day brighter! *Starstruck*

eyestar
** Image ID #2017264 Unavailable **

Keep smiling! *Wand*
Your shadow is confirmation that light has travelled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the last few feet thanks to you! *Smirk**Smile* *Rolling* Have a good one!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
993
993
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Dragon*Hi Maryann! Thanks so much for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your amazing poem! *Fire*

Oh, this is so sad and a very creative and original response to the prompt. So fitting!*Thumbsup* The whole story unfolds in four verses with a clear setting and the rules of the time. I liked the names of the kingdom and characters.

The poem was fun to read with excellent rhyme and effective words like "void", "ancient law", "tot" and "accords" is a cool word. I have not seen Pain used as a verb in a long while . Neat.

I did at first wonder about "pained...to cry". *Confused* I liked the idea of years "flowing" by. I wondered if adding quotation marks around the spoken words would be clearer. Oh I don't think you need a comma after "Cassie" in the second line as it goes with the verb. Maybe a typo.

Thanks for sharing this charming piece with its realistic ending! *Sad* *Star*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*
Keep the quill scribing! *Star*
eyestar

A dragon reading a book by candle light


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
994
994
Review of light  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Josephdna! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Smile*I found this title on the Read A Newbie Page. Congrats on posting your first item! The title suit the short expression, which is very evocative. The one sentence bring s to mind the light we all are and our originality.

It was cool to see the different language scripted--Japanese? or? I am not sure. I wondered if your line in English was the same as the lines in the script. Or does it say something different?
The second part, "oh yeah!" speaks to me of excitement about posting and experimenting.

Welcome in! I am not sure how to rate this as it is so short and I am not sure of the interpretation. It seems more like a practice or draft so I will rate it lower, not because I did not enjoy the vibe and image. *Smile*

Have fun and keep expressing!*Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
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995
Review of Wildlife  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC chaos! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


I so love nature and appreciate the animals, Your theme is so relevant in today's environment. *Thumbsup*

I enjoyed reading the poem from the view of the wildlife. Having the voice be from an animal drew me into its view. I wondered what animal might be speaking and yet keeping it non specific makes it apply to all wildlife as your title implies.

I like that you use punctuation. It would be more powerful if you use question marks after the questions in line 1 and 3.

I see you have some rhyme aabcc and then it is not a pattern. eg. aabccddee
It has a free style with lines of different lengths and the idea of the animals being a part of us in the bigger picture is so true.

Line 7 seemed to take me out of the poem, asking us to "stay in our seat". *Confused*

The concepts are valid and it is clear that the poet cares about the animals.*Star*

Thanks for sharing your vision. *Delight*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*

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Review of WORLD PEACE  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Don't Care! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Wow! this is a fine example of this format and amazing to be a double etheree! I appreciate the effort it takes to get this in form and make sense. *Salute* Your syllables are right on!

The wisdom aspect is appealing to me as well. The images and comparisons were vivid and serve well the message of how words are so vital in the creation of war or peace. I especially like "the serpent's tooth" (notice it needs an apostrophe to show possession*Wink* and "temper the quills"! *Thumbsup*

I was a bit startled by the past tense of "started wars". Did you want it to be past or would it be more consistent to say "to start wars" as you say "to pierce..."? *Confused* It would still be true today. The syllable count would still be 10.

Thanks for sharing your inspired vision and craft! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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997
Review of Sakura Gang  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Mari Dez! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


I enjoyed reading these short chapters and it was fascinating that it is set in Japan. You really captured the character's feelings and thoughts as you describe vividly her first school encounters in the strange land. *Thumbsup* I like that she is intelligent and learned the language so fast. I think it is difficult to learn.

I was drawn into the story with the activity of the first line and wanted to see if she would make friends. The chapter 2 ended with a good hook and a natural thing for a new student to do! *Thumbsup* Now I am curious to know what will happen.

"family which was now gone" is a bit rough. Maybe "who were gone". I wonder if telling more detail about how she was orphaned would give more background and interest. Was she of Japanese origin in Oregon? How did she come to be adopted by the doctor? *Cool*

The dialogue was well done complete with quote marks so it was easy to follow. I like how you show her discomfort and bowing her head. Using some Japanese terms like sensei and the symbolic cherry blossoms added vividness to the atmosphere and place.

Thanks for sharing this unique theme and vision. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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998
Review of DRAGON QUEST  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon*Hi catdok. Thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your entry! *Fire*


*Dragon*Wow! This is brilliant and original concept! I loved reading it and was charmed by your spell of the writer's quest! or is it the dragon's? Very clever. *Salute* The idea of the dragon search for a poet, stellar!

Your three line verses were well balanced and the rhyme scheme was wonderful, serving the flow and soundscape. The vocabulary was topical and the blend of dragon with poet comparison is thoughtful.

I would remove the one period at the first verse just to keep consistent with your other verses. *Wink* I could read it without the punctuation and felt where the query lines were. I wonder if it would add to the read to add natural punctuation, for other readers. All a matter of choice, though.

Impressive and philosophical, I really enjoyed entering this vision.*Starstruck* All that from our firey prompt.

*Dragon* Keep draggon' the quill! *Star*
eyestar

A dragon reading a book by candle light
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
999
999
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
HI Joey! Happy Birthday! Here I am at your request! See, Wishes can come true! *Wand* I am more of a poet than story writer so I will give you my perspective as a reader with your questions as a guide. *Smile*

My first reaction is Wow! Jake comes alive in this emotional piece and I could feel his heart wrenching misery and confusion at what he sees as Gods of all kinds failing to assist the suffering especially of children, of abandoning them with all the hollow words and concepts that he had been raised in.
I feel he was a christian, from the setting and the knowledge of the candles, and he prays at the foot of the cross. Adding the padre in the cossack and the Jesus quote adds to the notion of his faith.
It feels like a Dark night of the soul where he can find no solution in any of the belief systems. In the end, he chooses his own path, and I can so relate to his reasons and choice.
When one is amidst suffering especially with these children, one would get caught up in it and lose hope.

The hearfelt queries and angry edge is very vivid as is the described source of it. I could imagine orphans,lepers, the unclean, the starving in some poor land where tyranny reigns. I gleaned this from the "mysterious" they" you mentions.You do well to not give the whole situation away as to where exactly he is and what he will do. (which would be a whole other story} Yet one feels that it will be a dangerous undertaking and may not be of liking to the Gods. The inner thoughts to his wife are potent here too. His last words show finality very well. As you were to show the reasons for the character's belief or lack of, this piece certainly brilliantly gives us strong motivation in a vivid way.

I really feel for Jake in his state of mind and being at the end of the rope. Waiting is not longer an option when the distance is felt. You have him ask very concrete questions to the Padre and I can feel his resolve rising that he may have to take action. You show his intelligence that he has perhaps sought out other ways as you mention specifics about Moses, Jewish, Muslim etc. I assume you wanted him to have a main faith---as we see in the opening and that as a searcher may have looked to other faiths for answers. Which he did not find helpful either.

He is obviously a caring passionate individual, who has perhaps tried all he can and even trusted in the God, hoping for more direct action on the divine's part. Now he has lost his trust as can make no sense of it all. The last lines feel bitter and a strong jab at the church and God as well. It shows his resolve.

I like the metaphor of the candle wax putting our the flame--- smoke! His next response is evocative. The vocabulary like "drills", "empty promises" etc. show his frustration and growing discontent with all the religious/faith "mantras" and "rheotric". The conversation with the Padre builds the tension and shows us his own point of view moving away from what he may have been taught. It is a powerful argument and who can argue with a person so enflamed.

The writing is quite coherent and I noted only these bits that jumped out at me

The italised words in the beginning did not seem to make sense as Jake is speaking with God through the whole introduction. It was a bit confusing especially as you had quotes around the words after them---indicating a speaker. In the first 3 instances--of paragraphs 3, 4 6. They could be his inner thoughts but I do not see why they would be separated from the other rantings. He is alone. I can really see this-- it is so relevant as who has not railed at the gods!
The others later on are fine and they are his inner thoughts clearly.

When you say that he dropped a limb-- it is the first idea we get that he brought the said "boy" or "he" of the paragraph before. I had to reread this part as it confused me a bit. I see that this particular boy was the last straw for him. and What a potent reason!

"we, who assumes the risk">> "assume" singular form.

At the end.. a typo-- "have make">>> "have made}

Overall, I feel that you have created an impressive space in which to show the character's experience which is turning him away from his faith and belief in God in a very vivid, lively manner. The rationale and motivation are clearly portrayed given the location, political situation that is inferred and the horror he sees as he tries to help. It elicits an understanding for him from this reader. It leaves me with the notion he will act somehow in a different way----yet leaves open the rest of the story. He has gone through his Dark Night, yet more may be asked as the story goes on. You leave lots of hooks for further storytelling too. *Wink*

Well written character piece. *Starstruck*Whew!

I hope my perspective helps.

eyestar
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Review of Life  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloony*Hi Jace! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you in your Purple Robes!
*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


*Tree3*I love trees and this prompt picture is beautiful. I can imagine this as a metaphor for your poem. The simple poem is about the poet and the actions spoken of is like that of a tree. Brilliant.*Smile*

I like the notion of living a life with a higher perspective. "rising above" gives me the idea no matter what we face in life we have the ability to move through and transform.

I think you have looked "beyond" the prompt in a creative and yet natural way. We are forms of life and trees with roots and branches to the sky grow toward the light.

The lanturne form is well composed and follows the syllabic pattern and has the shape of a lanturne. I appreciate how you stay to the one topic and the first and last line reflect each other in meaning, like similes.

I was wondering about the punctuation and if a period was for effect in line one. I thought the next lines referred directly to your subject. I know in many Japanese forms punctuation is not used. Could be a case for that here. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your vision and tribute to tree and you! Lovely work. *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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