\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/37
Review Requests: OFF
7,130 Public Reviews Given
7,195 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 33 34 35 36 -37- 38 39 40 41 42 ... Next
901
901
Review of I'm not old  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Jenny! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight* I really enjoyed this light hearted look at aging! Each verse so vividly reveals different points of view. The idea is brilliant. I like how you use the image of hair and eyes as symbolic cues for age. *Thumbsup*

*Glassesy* The poem is balanced in form and fun to read. The rhyme is consistent and while the rhythm is not even in each verse, it does not detract from the read and message. The use of midline puntucation is effective for dramatic pause. I wanted to put an exclamation in the last verse line "Don't call me old" as it felt that a potent protest! I could imagine this wiry old lady still in her prime! *Laugh*

*Quill*I don't think you need a capital on Ninety-nine or a comma after "around" though I see you want to make a pause in the line to mirror your other verses.

Thanks for sharing this humourous vision that is so telling of how our inside vision and what people see and judge outside are so varied. I wonder how these points of view are powerful if we buy what old means. Lots to ponder! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
902
902
Review of Dirt  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Storytell! You are just in time for WDC 16th Anniversary Year so watch out for all the special festivities coming in Sept.*Balloonp* I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight*Your short title drew my attention. I like digging in dirt so enjoyed the theme of your poem.

I felt a sadness at first at the forgotten land and its purpose and liked the idea of one man's intent and effort to have it fruitful once more. Vivid imagery is appealing.

The poem is a free style and I noted no defined structure. You ahve some lovely sound combinations as in the long "o" in "own", and the bit of rhyme with "grow" and off rhyme with "dirt" and "rebirth". The enjambment or jump from "sow" to "On' was effective as well.

The last 5 lines are my favourites for flow and sound. Good job.

I noted two typo spelling errors: "ment" should be "meant" in line 4.
"reep" should be "reap" in the last line. *Wink*

My other suggestion is to tweak your first line a bit. The word "seem" is seen as a weak word. I would just keep the line direct: "I asked, but no one remembers". *Wink*

I admire farmers and am glad you shared your vision!*Starstruck* Thanks for posting your work at WDC. I hope you have fun here and find a home.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

PS. Good for you for getting your Bio block up so we can get to know you all the way from Norway! Wow!.
I just thought I would mention two little typos: "criticisms" and "community".*Wink* Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
903
903
Review of Dear Jane Austen  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloonp* Hi Megan Rose! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Heart* Wow! This is an absolutely beautiful expression that shows so clearly your regard for Jane Austen and her works! I think she would love to receive such a letter. I enjoyed how you explained the various ways we have to day to share her books-- like the internet and movies-- ways that she would not ever have imagined. *Smile* It was in a simple manner and terms that she might understand, given her time in history.

*Tiara* The structure is solid with each paragraph revealing a different theme or idea of how Jane is perceived in our world through a variety of venues. It was pleasant to read and the charming soft positive tone was effective. *Thumbsup*
I wonder if she would have been keen to know that men also enjoyed her work, but then she knew her brother and father must have. *Wink* You could even add more detail on what we learned from reading her work and why so many still read her today. She might wonder about that--as we are so modern. *Smile*

*Heel*The letter format is relevant and I could tell I was reading one as you neatly weave in your own experiences with and opinions of the Austen phenomena. I think she would be so thrilled to learn that there are shops and festivals but that you personally honour her right here at WDC and inspire a fan club. *Smile* I love the word Janeite!

*Bookstack2* Thank you for sharing such a wonderful tribute and letting her know what you feel. I am sure in spirit she may be aware and smiling! *Heart*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
904
904
Review of Lost in the Words  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya Snow! I am back again, as this item popped up on random reads too. Must be your night! *Delight*

The title is evocative and the notion of getting lost in words is fascinating and relevant for a writer. It suggests a searching for words or even just getting involved in writing that one loses all track of time! It serves your poem effectively. *Star*

The imagery of "forests of words" and "jungles" and the idea of "hunting" is well chosen to convey your theme.
It is vivid and sparks my imagination.

I enjoyed reading this aloud for though the rhythm is not consistent the sound combinations are appealing and the flow is rather undulating as if you are emeshed in tangles of the art! *Thumbsup* My favourite verse is the first for its flow and sound!

The lack of punctuation helps convey the tangle as the phrases, easy to find and read, can be run together. Good choice.

I noticed you did use "and" in the second verse to join the phrases.

Thanks for sharing your vision! *Starstruck* Write on!

eyestar
A gifted sig for reviewing
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
905
905
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloony*Hiya hooves! *Delight* I am happy to review this non fiction piece for the "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. as I think it is a true original! *Star* I don't think I have read anything about "dog poo" before! *Rolling* I loved it!

*Dog2* The title is a good hook and gives a good clue to the theme of the story. It presents a vivid image and gave me a smile. *Smile*

*Dog2* The story is charming and you drew me into the warmth of doggy care! Beginning with a dialogue is appealing and set the scene with humour. It is funny that this topic is your main conversation and relevant as Boo seems to have issues with eating the wrong thing. You really show the need to watch him carefully in the details you include in the piece. *Thumbsup*

*Dog2* I like how you begin with the drama and then reveal a bit of the history of how the dog came to you and how much he means to you.

*Dog1* The writing is coherent and interesting. I had to read to the end and could really see Boo and his personality as you describe so lovingly and with clarity. Good job. I loved the picture you paint at the end. I could so visualize that look! *Laugh*

*Dog2*The structure on the page is easy to follow and paragraphing makes sense. The narrative voice is consistent as you speak with fondness of some of the dog antics and your concerns.
You have fine details as you reveal a variety of experiences with BOO. It kept it lively. I can really see how he is the center of attention and keeps you "watching"! *Rolling*

*Cat* Thanks for sharing your personal experience that inspires laughter and appreciation for pets! An entertaining read! *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
Sig for blog/reveiws

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
906
906
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloonp* Hiya Megan Rose! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Music1* Wow! Yay! I just found this exciting new contest on the newsfeed! *Thumbsup* What a timely and wonderful way to give tribute to this iconic singer! Good for you! *Star*

The page is appealing in purple highlights and the pictures are stunning. I wondered if centering the pics and MB on the page might set them off in an appealing way. Could just be me though-I tend to like balanced look! *Wink*

The rules are clear and the prize is priceless. The Prince MB is gorgeous. I liked the added links to your fav songs and to the crossword puzzle. I will likely fail to do well there as I know so little about him. Having a limited number of participants is a great idea too as it gives you time to read their works. Doable! *Smile* The timeline and number of entries is nicely spaced too.

Also it makes it special--and you can run it again at a different time in the future. *Thumbsup* Brilliant!

Thanks for sharing this original bit of entertainment! Another awesome challenge!*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
907
907
Review of Writing For G.O.T  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloonp* Hiya Joy! I hope you are recovering from GOT! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Clouds* Wow! I so enjoyed reading your evocative poem. The imagery is so vital and alive and the repeating verse-a rhyming couplet is like a song refrain and adds to the atmosphere. The undertones are potent.

*Rain* I was lured into the first verse with its clarity and appealing soundscape, which you continued in the next verses. I love the alliteration, some inner rhyme and your use of consonance and assonance is so effective. "drift, lift, whisper", "gate will grate", "brush, bramble and thorn"! It was so fun to read. oh and "flowerless hours"! *Thumbsup*

I liked to ponder your ideas like "age denies.."

*Wind* The piece feels rather haunting and each verse has a different image ending with the "you" and "I" interaction in the third. Pain is stirring.

Thanks for sharing your vision and elegant word craft! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
908
908
Review of Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*HI Zacharie! I am here with a review to celebrate you!


*Dog1*Oh, this is so sweet and funny! I had to laugh at the last line--a reason not to be concerned. *Laugh*

The poem has the humour and feel of a limerick and kid's would love it. It flows and rhymes well.
I do notice it did not follow the strict pattern of a limerick with its 9/9/6/6/9 or 8/8/5/5/8 syllable count. *Wink* Yet it stands as a fine model of poetry and makes me laugh.

I did want to change the first "She" in line two, to "who" as in "Blue, who really..." so you don't repeat "she" so many times.*Wink*

Thanks for sharing this creative vision! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
909
909
Review of A Bitter Farewell  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Magnus Opum! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Star* Wow! Good for you for entering the Say it in 6 Contest. It is a challenge to write a meaningful story with a few lines! I loved the transformation idea.

You really captured the atmosphere and the conflict vividly. The writing is coherent and was clear to follow. You did well with the phrasing too. The image of the girl and the change was clear.

*Quill*A few suggestions that came to me. See what you think. *Wink*
I wanted to drop the word "And" before "her form" to give the potency to "her form".
For clarity I would use the word "teddy bear" as if readers do not see the prompt picture, it is a bit confusing.
To be consistent I would leave off the "had" in "had all run" as it felt like they ran as she came at them.*Wink*

I really enjoyed this dark unique response to the prompt picture. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
910
910
Review of E.T. at Home  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Hi Jatog the Green! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Smile* I couldn't resist this item when it popped up on Random Reads! I like E.T and westerns too so the mix was intriguing to me! *Laugh*

It was delightful to read about ET and the reactions of the Texans on the dude ranch. The images were vivid and it was humourous to see ET make it his home.

The poem was well structured with effective rhymes and pleasing soundscape. It was coherent to read aloud and flowed well, keeping me entertained to the end.

A few glitches caught my eye:
In the first verse: I wanted to add "to" as in "idea to which he gave birth" as it seemed off to me.
In verse 6, reading line 3 aloud did not sound as smooth as the rest. Same in verse 9, line 3 and the last line. It could just be how I read them --they didn't jive as well with other lines. *Wink*

Otherwise, this is an amazing creative expression with vivid atmosphere and lively vibe. Fun to envision! Thanks for sharing your gift! Well deserving of its prize.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
911
911
Review of Where did he go?  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI girlinwhite! I am here with a review to celebrate you!


*Fairy* Wow! Good for you for entering Say it in 6 contest! I can't imagine telling a meaningful tale with only 6 sentences and I was moved by your story.

The scene is vivid and I can imagine the confusion and sadness of the child. The paragraph is coherent and the variety of longer and shorter sentences was effective in revealing the story line. The setting was a good one to set the atmosphere. The word "clutched" is so telling. Good choice. I like how you kept the mystery til the end.

I wondered if cologne would stay in the air for a whole day-- I have not experimented, *Smile* Still it adds to the emotional aura of the scene. I wonder if the child would be there alone in the DARK in the winter. Of course, that is assuming she had a home while her father had been away. And some kids do sneak off or maybe the bridge is close to her home. I imagined some gangster theme or he is in trouble with the law . *Smile* Lots to dream about.

Very evocative response to the prompt and leaves the reader to ponder on the rest of the story. Good job as it evokes a response and a curiousity! *Star* I enjoyed it!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar

on behalf of
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


A birthday gift



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
912
912
Review of Garnets  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Flowerv* Oh, I am back for more as I do like the mystical and fantasy. This has a truly old world aura and I could visualize the image clearly. *Salute*

I enjoyed the way you wove the language using clear rhyme and lovely soundscape. eg. "wrapped around a wrist" and "red and rare". The flow was pleasing and fun to read aloud.*Thumbsup*

I wondered what "returned to her jewels" meant. Did he return them? The word "to" threw me off a bit. *Confused* Could be I missed something.

I wondered if it would be consistent to have the second verse a 4 liner as well. I liked the pause between the two pardons for effect. The punctuation assisted the read effectively.

It is cool that the unicorn may fly off while telling tales. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your delightful romantic vision! *Heart*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
913
913
Review of Fortune Teller  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Georgina Antoinette! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Star* Your poem popped up on Random Reads and I saw drawn to the mystical title and theme of fortune teller! *Smile* I enjoyed reading the clear and fun images that indicate the craft of telling fortunes. eg, symbols, swirling smoke, palm reading etc. *Cool*

*Hand1* You really have captured the essence of your theme in this expression.

*Hand*I did not notice a clear structure in the poem as the verses have different number of lines but there is evidence of rhyme which adds to the flow.*Thumbsup*

I think in your first verse you could move the last line to join the line before so that your rhyme scheme would be aabb with 4 line verse.*Wink* I liked reading this!

*Quill* Verse 2 has no clear rhyme and verse 3 has a scheme of abab which flows nicely. The last verse has only three lines.
Usually it is good to have a consistent pattern when using rhyme so it is something to consider. Meantime I really did like reading aloud. Verses 1 and 3 are my favourites. *Smile*

*Quill* A few little gliches I found:
"bye" needs to be "by"
By "pedals" do you mean "petals" as in flowers? I was a bit confused.*Wink*

Thanks so much for sharing your vision, into which I could enter. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
914
914
Review of Absence  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Tony! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Quill* Wow! This free style poem potently expresses the sadness and confusion of being abandoned. The questioning is so relevant in this situation and heavy when no responses come. *Thumbsup*

*Quill*The voice is consistent as it recalls the past, grieves and then decides that it is time to let go of the heaviness. The images are vivid and I felt for the child wondering what he did wrong. I like the idea of the "villain's mask"--note you need an apostrophe.

*Quill* The author suggests that shame is inside the one who abandoned yet at the same time is in denial. It feels like he is using psychology to understand what he may be going through. In one verse you say "years" and in another you say "a year is lost" so I wondered what you meant here. I was also curious as to who "died". *Wink*

*Quill* The image of the angels is so sweet and makes the concept of them being left even more sorrowful and inexplicable. *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thanks for sharing this vital and emotional expression. The theme is one that is so common these days and writing about it can lead to healing. Others going through the same issue will know they are not alone. *Starstruck*

Enjoy WDC and keep on writing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

"Noticing Newbies Committee" Open in new Window.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
915
915
Review of Intentional  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Samantha! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Fairy* I was drawn to the unique and evocative title that made me curious.
I enjoyed your straightforward style in the first person. The word "declared alive" is interesting and got my attention as an original expression. *Thumbsup* The point of view is consistent.

*Heart* I wondered if it was your mother who put the rule in your book. It is like a metaphor for the unconscious lessons we pick up from childhood, whether we want to follow or not. *Wink*

*Fairy* I felt rather sad about the rule--the idea of being good all the time not to cause pain to others, as many times we cannot please everyone and are really not responsible for how others feel. We all feel differently at different times.
Very evocative and gave me something to think about. *Star* I am sure as an infant we connect in to the mother's energy whether she means to pass it on or not.

I see where the title relates to the theme. Good choice.

Thanks for sharing this vision of your life! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
916
916
Review of Time flies  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Eternal! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Fairy*I found your poem on the Read A Newbie and liked the metaphoric title personifying time. It is a familiar theme yet I was interested to see your take on it! *Smile*

I appreciated the vibe of joy I felt in the middle of the poem as you go back in time. It speaks to a child like quality we all once had. The imagery here is vivid and lively. The idea of throwing the watch away was cool!

The poem seems to be a free flow with not specific rhyme or rhythm. I enjoyed the sound scape as I noticed the assonance and consonance in words with a few rhyming bits. The lack of punctuation worked and the minimal use of it was useful to the read.

I wondered about using "I" instead of "we" at the beginning as it would fit more directly with your "I" statements better. eg. "How often I find myself." etc. "if only I could re-write time" would sound much more potent and personal! *Smile*
Also I think "Its so sad" needs to be "it's" for "it is". *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your vision and posting your wonderful expression that made me smile and inspires me to create that freedom now! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
917
917
Review of Hugging Her Bear  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Jacob! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


This short piece captured the plight of the little girl vividly in brief images. The image of hugging the bear for comfort is telling and her curling up to keep warm made me sad. *Sad*

It has the feel of flash fiction where you give us part of the story and the rest we read between the lines. I did want to know why she was out there and who was the "she" she was looking for.

It is eery at the end as we do not know if the "truck" is a rescue or something darker. I could imagine her drifting into death. *Thumbsup*

I think the word "form" is a typo for "from". I don't think you need the adverb "slowly" as she goes to the railing. The other instance of slowly is redundant as well as "faded" gives me that idea. It is not prevalent to use many adverbs in writing these days *Wink* in flavour of clear vivid pictures.

I like the words like "stumbled", "mumbled" and "rumble" as they are active and add interest with the sound combos. "drifting into darkness" is lovely too.

This is an evocative piece and had me enter into the vision. Good job! Thanks for sharing your first item here at WDC. Hope you are having fun exploring!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
918
918
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya Lady Jeannie! Thanks for your stellar efforts as a Martell Sunspear!


I found this song-like poem in your GOT collection.-

*Fairy*Personal Impression:
This is a light-hearted and fun poem. I like how you add bits of real song lyrics to your verses. Brilliant!

*Fairy* Rhyme, Form & Conventions:

The rhyming couplets are perfect choice for the theme and imitation of song. The rhyme scheme is consistent and uses true rhyming combinations. The imagery is appealing and vivid. I especially like "shelf spice" and the contrast of "angel and demon".

Verse 5 sums up your intent here and you succeeded in bringing a smile and fun! *Thumbsup*

The rhythm does not evenly flow so that is where I would tweak the poem. Verses 3 and 4 are closest in consistent flow. *Wink*

*Fairy* Grammar/Punctuation:

The punctuation serves the poem well. With the comma after "song" in last verse, you could begin the last line with "sung" instead of 'It's".

I noticed you used a gerund form in the second line where you use the present tense in the lines with "creates". I wondered who is "concentrating". Maybe "I focus on.." *Confused*

I had fun and a trip down memory lane with the Lion song! I like it too. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision! *Starstruck* Write on!

eyestar
Remember, this is only an Eyestar View! *Wink*
for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.
Sig for blog/reveiws
919
919
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Janetd! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Wow! I enjoyed reading this free style poem. It is interesting how you personify words like "I want you back" swells inside and the "team". Maybe putting such words in italics would make it easier to see.{i}I love you{/i}. Cool concept.

The soundscape is pleasing and I liked the bits of rhyme and inner rhyme. The tone is regretful and sad and the idea of beating oneself up is so valid. I am sure many of us have had that experience.

Wonderfully woven and clear in message, thanks for sharing your vision! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
920
920
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloonp* Hiya Megan Rose. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight*This wonderful Austen story popped up on the Random Reads so I couldn't resist reading it! I enjoyed how you used her as a character and within the story use some factual background to create a brilliant fictional story in the style of Jane Austin. *Thumbsup*

I liked how you show the likely supportive family dynamic with her brother and father. The idea of the magazine was a good idea and I like the twist about who owned the paper at the end. Nice job.
The ball scene and interaction between Jane and the Captain is realistic and a wonderful rendition of the real suspected romance and its ending. You use the ways of the day to show communication by letters, polite conversation, and the attitude of the one author about women at the time.

The details are vivid and build a clear atmosphere and settings. The character dialogue is well done and purposeful in revealing the story. I was drawn into the delightful story. it was fun to think Jane would write to the Brontes!*Smile*

Thanks for sharing this wonderful vision of Jane!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
921
921
Review of Wind of Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Naroace! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*

The alliterative title appealed to me and I like woodland animals. Your description of their plight in winter is vivid and your appreciation of nature is evident in the tone. I like the observational tone and outlook in your summation at the end. Nature happens! The last line is hopeful and a call forward to the summer when food is more plentiful. A hint to a new cycle.

*Wolf*I was enchanted by the first paragraphs where you drew me into the landscape and the animal's lives. The part where winter is effecting the animals has a somber vibe: "refuse to eat..." and "did not make it". Sad.

*Squirrel* I appreciate the variety of sentence lengths for effect and the instances of personifications are effective. eg. "leaves dance" and "shadows stretch" etc. Lovely to imagine.

*Bird* Thanks for sharing this marvelous vision. I really enjoyed the read. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
922
922
Review of White Balloons  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Webbie! I am back here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Balloonp* Oh my gosh! This is so lovely and moving a picture of this sad event. The symbol of the balloons is brilliant to compare with the free-spirit at the end. The images you paint are vivid with detail and I enjoyed the personification of the balloons is well done. It was pleasant to read aloud with its effective vocabulary sound combinations and clear descriptions.

*Balloonb* The voice is clear from this observer of the scene and the queries interjected at key points of the description are relevant and involve the reader in the wondering. Well done!

*Balloons* I liked the look of the poem on the page though I think the lines where only one word is--might be better balanced. eg. like begin the second line with the phrase "dressed...day" instead of having just the word day. It may be just to my eye! *Smile*

*Balloong* It is a potent tribute to a child's death and the hope that remains that he will find peace.

Thanks for sharing this evocative vision! *Starstruck* It really touched my heart.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
A birthday gift


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
923
923
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy day! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Fairy*I couldn't resist this intriguing title and it is such a unique one for Hallow'en season! The personification of the gargoyle as he speaks in the letter is brilliant!

*Dragon* I had to smile at the snack with the book he read and laughed aloud at the play on "gross" and the "fossil"! *Laugh* That was unexpected and I liked the blunt tone! It adds personality to the gargoyle! His insults of the old librarian are funny. The image in the last line is hilarious too. Very vivid! *Star*

*Fairy*It was entertaining to read and his point of view is clear, his tricks are quite inventive! The creative idea of having a statue come to life so he can hide is cool!

*Dragon*The second line I found hard to read and had to read it again--it seem long and complex. The word "period" I think threw me off. I don't think it is needed. *Wink*

*Fairy*The old fashion vocabulary like "perchance" and the style of speech adds to the atmosphere.

The style of writing uses long sentence structure, which works for a library theme and a smart gargoyle who reads. The alliterative line is brilliant an funny to imagine! Good job!

Thanks for sharing this entertaining and comical story!*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
A birthday gift
924
924
Review of Hasta La Vista  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Hey Whiskerface! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Fairy* LOL! Oh this is priceless and you really surprised me with the twist at the end! Brilliant! *thuubsup*

You drew me into the ending of the relationship right from the key word prompt. The potency of the choice to say good bye is emphasized with the short blunt lines throughout the verses. Vocabulary was well chosen to suit the theme and the message was clear. After I read to near the end, I see now how some words were clues to what you were really taking about. (sickening, common, etc. I am a little slow!! LOL

Making it a dialogue added to its drama and began the awareness about who the guest was. *Wink* Refrain line was effective and enforced the demand!

The verses were balance with distinct rhythm and rhyme and it was fun to read it's strong tone! I could hear good old Arnold! *Laugh* Good use of prompt words!

Thanks for sharing your craftiness and vision! *Starstruck* Made my day! Hope the bug left!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

925
925
Review of Tuning in  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC starindarkness! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


I like the title which is an interesting idea for haiku! Haiku are written about a moment in time and tuning in makes sense as one does get quiet and observe the moment.*Smile*

The haiku has the correct syllables and lines and has a vivid image. It does not usually have capital letters and is centered on the page. The personification is well done with smoke whispering though I am not sure it is done in haiku form. The flow is soothing.

I have been learning haiku and the form generally has two images that are contrasted and does not use connected sentence structures. eg. a phrase and then a fragment of a contrasting image to provide a surprise element. It is the trickiest thing about haiku I find.*Wink*

Still, it is a calming expression that shows the intent of theme. Thanks for writing in this challenging form! Keep on going! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

2,506 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 101 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/37