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401
401
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oct 14, 2007 The Sunday


"Yawsa, cowboys & cowgirls --- Here comes Prier "onto the dance floor" where dancing "for life" is considered on New Years' Eve in this comedic gem: 1987 -- THE LAST THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES. Nice short story filled with nostalgic songs, a "lady in a white dress" and fun to be had by all who take the plunge and read this one. Way to go, dear author, very funny indeed." Fiona T. Teffom

{{bitem:1331292}
402
402
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



Hi there Canary in a Coalmine:

Wow! What a pen name!

Canary, dear, your story, THE LAST FICTION TALE is a true winner. You see your plot-line through from start to finish.

You achieve the unbelievable by making it sing. The style is great.

Truly adore:

'Venus morphing into a flytrap'

unkempt amber toenails

All of the dialogue

"They gobble my next story like wolves on a rabbit."

Creativity here? AND HOW.

One to learn by.

Thanks, dear author. Be sure to keep them coming.

Cordially,

{imge:993645}
403
403
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Oct 14, 2007

"ACROSS THE UNIVERSE accompanies a link to evidence for the missing young lady, Lisa Lansing whose author, LA Powell presents here on www.writing.com. a startling page turner.

The crime/ action adventure read and the poem itself are seeped in the mysterious whereabouts of the main character. While the author gives clues and detailed pages for the dilemma from this poem a heartwrenching account befalls a young miss." Review by Fiona T. Teffom

Excellent lines include the refrain:

"Can ever I leave this dark place?"
Which sets the pace for the poem itself.
404
404
Review of Yummy Pasta  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Oct 11, 2007

Ah, delightful, dear poet.

One might say the plate is full of a delicious entree with: YUMMY PASTA! a poem from the portfolio of Stranger2U.

Might this humble author extend to you a hearty welcome to www.writing.com.

Uh, oh slight typo in last line at: favorite. No subtraction as you just supplied an idea for the supper menu tonight at our house.

Un moment. Ah ... Bon appetit!

Cordially
Fiona T. Teffom

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405
405
Review of The Moment  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Oct 10, 2007

THE MOMENT by Marty is one of those emotional reads which one hopes is not going on behind closed doors. As busy fatherhood extolls to distance offspring --- maybe it is safe to ask --- how come? Here the author explores both sides of the tale.

 THE SUGGESTIONS:

At: that Jack took him === that === when

said back == answered or replied

had to behave === behaved

"That" is used many times too much. One easy way to avoid overuse of that is to read the sentence without "that" and see if any "thats" are truly necessary.

Great good luck with all future writing endeavors. Good ploy with the roll reversal allowing both sides from the son and his dad.

CORDIALLY === TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1329796 by Not Available.
406
406
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Good Morning, PRP!
Good Morning, Math Guy!

In the following short story from www.writing.com author, Math Guy

 
STATIC
The Eyes of the Beholder  (18+)
What the eyes see depends on the beholder.
#1308124 by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈


please consider this reaction review re: content/
plot/
creativity, dear authors, members, poets, newsletter scribes, monitors and welcome WC guests.

Noting genre of horror, since experieincing a rather sleep torn night am completly in the mood for a good read on a crisp Sat monring where bitter cold will arrive by winter. However, since also noting a great addition to this item of namely, kudos for those onsite who helped the author craft toward the best of the best, an award winner ... must say that comes off as thoughtful.

New Groups onsite are leaning toward offering fiction aide to writers under the tutelege of purpoting a short story into what comes after final re-re-re-edits. Then with a little help from our friends into the polished category. That's the case here following a new trend onsite besides any previous rev and run or quarelsome fatigue when placing a piece under the lens of feedback per se, of course. In short, Math Guy credits those interested parties.

Here cannot but be astounded and very happy by a perfect opening paragrapph, dear author. This one read aloud is akin to an anouncement.

Your first sentence in the second paragraph of THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER adds to the write and ties it together, allowing readers to know what is about to go down.

"Memories have an affinity for our senses."

One sees quite clearly the fine tooth comb syndrome at play. Like your reference to authors working together. Please visit "Invalid Item" 

Where, like minded are raising the roof trying to get works on a steady path of being the best a work can be.

The above criteria cetainly shows in this short story, Guy.

Now, afraid that reading about the racing event with the two brothers ... am waiting ... oh no ... not Dame Kellman. Kinda want at this point to separate myself from the keyboard and as reader linger into imagination, a codicil of reading skills at the moment ...

Oh no! Not the daddy on the podium ... No clue. Not Mitzi. NOHH!!

Suffice to say: who doesn't appreciate Murder, Mayhem and Mayfair on a merry autumn morn?

Thanks for sufficient conlusion.
Do continue to CRAFT YOUR WRITING ONWARD!

Cordially, TEFF
New bio @ "MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE" 

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407
407
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.5)


As previously mentioned on "Invalid Item"  author, Khaynne Morgan has the interviewing ken.

Here, a www.writing.com member is quizzed and the result is fabulous. What a great idea, this mixing it up with OP bios.

So, revvers be sure to check out
AN INTERVIEW WITH DAVE-INSOMNIACS UNITE.

Morgan, love your style. A tiny question -- since you're checking bios -- always wonderd why WC members shun telling if they are girls or guys. Have you run across this in bio syndrome?

Just curious, totally burning the midnight oil, my friend.

POST ON!

Best wishes for a balmy autumn day, dear creative author.

Cordially:

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 MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE  (18+)
LIFE TOPICS WELCOME/ posts/writing tips/ a record/crt2005
#924861 by April Sunday
408
408
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Every once in awhile you come across a refrain in the stanzas of a poem that lingers.

Here in I'VE STOPPED BELIEVING IN AMERICA, author R G Myers offers a take on the goings on currently available in daily life in the USA.

Disagreements on television, complaints from a park bench, complaints in a resaturant etc.

All this adds up, sadly enough.

But the last line of this poem is the absolute clincher. Which, serves to make this poem a MUST READ!

Great JOB!

Cordially, TEFF

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1296160 by Not Available.
409
409
Review of So there I was.  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


From the portfolio of a traveling Firedog comes the short story, SO THERE I WAS.

Alas, be prepared for a tongue-in-cheek, hilarious score on a trip to England, where the author allows the character to tell it like it is re: differences from "across the pond."

Love: the trade at the end.
Fantastic throughout.
One to savor. An absolute MUST READ!

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#936894 by Not Available.


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410
410
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Sept 17, 2007 == Monday
Hello C J Sayer:

Your title: WITCH LAW is captivating.

Posting on Auto Rewards un-edited is a bit rough then, right?

Needless, thoughts overtake this revver who is asked to simply read or act as a reader not a rater.

Okay. The intro of museum/ artifact/ thief is intriguing.

Delivery should follow for a good plot.

HOWEVER: encounter the following, thus please move onto:

 THE SUGGESTIONS:

FICTION WRITERS HINT: Think of verbs or nouns as fitting nicely into a crossword puzzle. Brief -- tells the tale.

At: "without needing to be prompted --- to sevre a drink -- try without hesitation.

AT: "she was in." === try to cut down here, a bi === the first room where dusty walls -- can drop white, for who cares about the color of a creepy cellar's walls -- really?

Less perfect tense might do this chapter a font of space to supply excellent choices for adverbs to tell the tale.

My goodness so many she's == how can the author change this? Hmmm?

On another edit -- oh the next, apporaching, anticipated edit -- perhaps edit away thats & hads.

Okay, robbery in progress -- during the chapter. How about less "door cracking" blow-by-blow?

Also, maybe bring the coven to the top for holding reader attention instead of a few mere paragraphs at the end.

Also: Can write : Work in progress so readrs know ahead of time.

Overall sum: creative plot apparent, potential improvement, if you change the item, let me know, shall take the second look.

Cordially: TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.


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411
411
Review of alone  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)


Your plea in the intro sounds so serious,
EM. Actually you are not alone since joining Writing.com. So a hardy welcome.

On site will be much to do this Fall Season. There'll be contests galore, forums to post on and lots of keene stuff to review.

So sit back and enjoy the passenger coach.

ALONE is just a litle sad and the poem almost looks like you forgot to finish it.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1296160 by Not Available.


Here's a neat contest: "Invalid Item" 

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412
412
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)


Welcome to W.C, Charles.

Autumn and Halloween will offer some fun times here on-site.

Your romance genre poem is filled with cliches which spell out the feelings of the first person narration.

REALIZATIONAL THOUGHTS, although a catchy title is a bit of a mouthful and does'nt cover any of the heartfelt lines the speaker announces for the object of friendship or romantic inclinations.

No matter but hopeful that there are many more poems to come our way soon.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors. Do WRITE ON!

Cordially, TEFF

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413
413
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

"Mr Peril offers BREAKFAST WITH SATAN, a great title which may draw readers to the piece. Here, first person narration takes a comedic walk toward demons which may rival witch lore by the end of next month. When Saton talks of the 'Taliban" and outlandishly devours an entire bottle of 'hot suace" readers will know without a conjurer's doubt they're in for one ribald ride."
Fiona T.Teffom // 9/16/07
"Invalid Item" 

Dear Mr. Peril, Pehaps a few things to re-address when you cadge a moment.

Frank is (?) A cook, a waiter? Or he is the speaker, the narrator? If the latter no sign of a switch from first person to third.

Also, note some repitition of same verbs --- probably for clairty but don't worry there. Readers shall probably absorb anything you wish to deliver. Suggest a few changes for 'make.'

Oh, and maybe surrender a few thats.

GOOD PLOT// CREATIVITY seems to flow so easily that this author might ask, even though I own a Jersey Devil story, my written creation ... "Now why didn't I think of this?" Plot appreciation as a short-story-ist, Peril.

Again-- LOVE, simply adore your title.

Five star based on content & creativity.
Thanks Mr. Peril and a might I extend a groovy welcome to WC.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#936894 by Not Available.


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414
414
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hey, Kare!

Moving right along, finding your poem ADVICE FOR AN ELECTRICIAN on Auto Rewards, page 3.

Oh, hon, this is neat.

Love: "two lives splice together."
Nice to see some present tense as opposed to time consuming perfect tenses, just a readers preference from this desk, Kare.

Love: "The static hairdo" Laughter at my morning table as this surely fits the topic in the above title.

Enjoyed your work very much this week.

Autumn's in the air carrying Nature's inspirational asides. Of course you will --- WRITE ON & ON!

Cordially, TEFFY

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
415
415
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


"With the first paragraph from BARGAIN BASEMENT BIN, a catchy title BTW, author, Kare Enga explains the situtation and sets the pace. Especially suppling who, when, why.

The: 'Old brick buildings in an old boom town' adds excellent setting detail as the author reveals for her readers == the where.

Ah, at the end of the prose/poetry piece written in 2004 .. readers are only a click away to discover the what pertaining to the character's origins in the slice-of-life tale."

Cordially, TEFF

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1309806 by Not Available.
416
416
Review of I, Katrina  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


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Hello there Kare Enga:

What a poem! I, KATRINA also carries a dedication to a crisis director.

Imagine the lines here may have taken a bit of time to pull together.

One certainly sees the homework behind the crafting of this one. Since you include so much in poetry guise that it actually feels as if Katrina just made landfall this September instead of Sept 2005. Kare, oh my you bring back memories.

Hope we see more like this, on-the-scene category five stars ... from your desk to ours.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1219652 by Not Available.
417
417
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

llllllllllllll

September 13, 2007
Morning: Come across a call for short stories & poetry onsite from FARSIDE ANTHOLOGY from an upcoming publisher.

No doubt intrigued as things fair poorly at

http://readingdesitny.highpowersites.com for Modesta Gamble. Anything Steering (U$) author$ to $ale$ for $hort $torie$ is good rift.

Silence envelopes "MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE"  yet plunging into the foray of editor of flash pieces, yesterday, today and tomorrow ... I come across a FARSIDE ANTHOLOGY submission from Sam Screwtape.

THE BUSINESS OF SPACE, flash genre requires a few basic pointers which journalists use daily.

Drop all excessive words is a slight edit MO for any author. This is stressed with a list of what words not to use in THE ELEMENTS OF STYE.

If an essay is 300 words only. Or a fiction piece of same length, ask your self, Sam, what words do I get over insisting typing alongside each verb entering the story. ???

AHAH! --- Have, had, has, started, turns, that ... ETC!!! Oh babycakes it goes on and on, I fear. We are never at the mercy of what we must say so readers "get it." We read very well, we get it --- so we say in our noggins to authors --- GO!

Sure after first drafts authors backtrack, clean up. Whatever floats the boat past first draft, sure.

Readers hate waiting usually.
THERE IS NO MUST BE WRITTEN THUSLY. NEVER!!!

Also, yesteday (9/12/07} a conversation took place between this humble revver, Miss Teffy (ME) creative writer and Eng. 101 TEACHER (PRETEND) and a member named Chuckles.

After revving three of his flashes, falling over with talent from his pen .. and saying much the same classroom type verberage for his works, I swirled with a new discovery of 3 great stories in a comfortable reading style. This is available on Public Rev Page by using search and our names, written in plum.

Chuck sent me a Merit Badge which reads

"For helpful, instructive reviews."

This means a kindness shared. Community. Author to author.

When Farside goes to press, Sam .. sure hope by then we re-address, the following easy edits, our styles, vocab, plots and write on & on, together, my friend.

Sam -- the fast reactions as reader/ correction-suggestion as Teacher Ms Teffy shall be included. Securing my notes from an offshore breeze at the picnic table .... Here it comes. Please don't think incoming tide. Ponder ... hints which will save you time, possibly improve the brief 300 words, supply better words of interest --- and develop a style that is so popular it will take you sox off, put them in the washer and hang 'em high.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll SIDEBAR lllllllllll

Composition 101 isn't written in a day --- going back ... ? huh did I hear 1514 in the back of the room?

Many writers are cadged into using past perfect tenses from schools & publishers who allow same in annual ficiton novels.
Not technically bad grammar, simply tiring. BEWARE! Readers may desert the read as a result. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

IN CHRONOL ORDER

At: But why --- drop but

Use: I'm a business man

Describing the venture in THE BUSINESS OF SPACE by Sam Screwtape, a FARSIDE submission one reads the following:

"as usable."

TEFF: Suppose a guy's at a carlot. Car salesman goes -- "Hey this 92 jag is usable." What do you do?

Usable to sell a gig in outerspace reminds of flea markets where frying pans are usable. Simple visit a thesaurus, an easy edit.

had never planned -- try never anticipated

weren't willing -- unwilling or synonym

AT: "I have sources" -- Again with the have ...
try a boost here -- Authority-wise (?) an authors call. Maybe try: I offer ... We boast

If you invest you chance .. when reading this came to me as outlook for the gamble proposed. Your topic is hugely speculative. What kind of factories? Name a few things.

If commas are cowbells Sam you might need less cowbell in some places.

However, if truly in edit/ toss mood. Completely acceptabe to go with a cowbell for any prolific "ands." Remember cowbells here equal commas.

vocab: try claims, reluctant, extraordinary --- gather fabulous adjectives for SPACE!!

Here is the first major objection to stroy credebility. Always make it real not matter what, right?

"We have the designs ready, and waiting."
No cowbell nec before and

SNAG: designs -- ?? Later when you add to this story Sam perhaps tell more.

Thanks, enjoyed your plot, like you courage. For the two-man sales pitch am rating high.

See you at FARSIDE, Sam, already quered and may take the plunge.

Cordially, TEFF

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418
418
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

September 13, 2007

Sometime in 2005, W.C member and published author, Voxxy Lady began a group known as ON OUR OWN PUBLISHING which now claims 68 members.

The success of this venture is run and held together by the seams especially evident with umpteen newsletters. All the while Voxxy Lady's keeps group members alerted to the latest attempts and popular conditions that come with self-publishing ventures. The latter comes with tons of time and hard work.

Mark this item well my friends if publishing is your goal.

For here lies a great place for educational purposes on versified subjects.

Now about that forum .. uh oh .. lost something in my very own favorite files .. So Voxxy Lay, please give me a buzz and steer me straight to the action once more.

AHAH --- So we're (the group that is) is also invited to MY space and a link is provided. Be back soon, checking this link out ... HOlY Hannah Batman .. this is so incredibly ultra-cool.

Cordially, Fiona T. Teffom
"MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE" 

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419
419
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

9/11/07

Wonderful poem from the portfolio of L A Powell whose LANSING DIARIES are creating quite a stir on www.writing.com these days.

With FINDING TRUST (FULL VERSION) encounter several favorite lines already.

Love: "On that afternoon of natural surprises."

And: "Illusions Lock" Fabulous placement, L. A.

Write on, dear author, Write ON!

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1286354 by Not Available.
420
420
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH 2007

OH BOY! Not a single stipulation is often what makes an author feel free. This is very similar to no word limitations which pretty much made the Internet circuit prior to the popularity of flash fiction ... eh maybe about 200s/4.

Hold on ... gonna check that one ...

Ah yes there was a time when short stories were much longer than currently popularized low word counts today. SEE: THE WORLD OF THE SHORT STORY: SELECTED AND EDITED BY CLIFTON FADIMAN/ Houghton Mifflin Co. -- 1986

Any kind contest (-6.7 close down)  (E)
A contest for anything you want to submit
#1207632 by E.Jackalo- getin published?


Simply reminds this humble revver of those marvelous authors who crafted without word lengths in mind.
Anyone can still try this MO, kids.

Now, here in ANY KIND CONTESY you can submit any gem you want. Ah pure bliss. So gotta run and see what might be suitable from my PC. However, maybe a little homework first from the content pages of one staple (above) on Teffy's library shelf.

ANY KIND CONTESY is one GREAT IDEA!!!

Best to all contestants.

Cordially, TEFF

"In Munich are many men who look like weasels." Mark Helprin's opening sentence p 822.
421
421
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.5)

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH 2007
"Invalid Item" 

M D Gagnon offers: DISTURBANCE IN BOSTON, a contest entry in "Invalid Item" 

Incidentally, Moon Beam's contest donates to ANGEL ARMY.

Miss Teff's reader/ author type reaction follows:

Indeed! "What's on the other side of the shade?"

Gagdon: PERHAPS ---Bring this forward to hook sentence if it fits and you like it for here is where the suspence begins.

proper -- edit to properly

First person narration explains good setting details throughout in "the center of Boston." Thank you, M D since setting is this author/ revver's middle name in choices to emulate in any fiction piece. VERY much Boston! Splendid!

So Boston's gone stillborn status as the character searches for "coffee" at "the cafe." On the scene observations of the bloody ... uh-oh ...

Look for "fantastic beasts" "bizarre" & "macabre." And the beasts?

Still the monster beat goes on. Good Luck in the contest. Keen read.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1312574 by Not Available.
422
422
Review of Waiting In My Car  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.5)

Sometimes, Mars, tossing words and going straight for the original intent of a piece is certainly the proper thing to do. Is it not?

Here you capture those clouds for readers from the car windows, no doubt.

Good write. Poetry ON!

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SOUL CAFE ANTHOLOGY c/1994/1999  (18+)
Early poems written in my college days & for Soul Cafe, a read aloud poetry group.
#983036 by April Sunday
423
423
Review of Greys  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

"Welcome to www.writing.com, Philicia. Wow what a pretty name. Your poem GREYS has a fine ending for the blues if that is your intnet. Then you cleared the line and come through with a fine presentation with overall good rhymes. Hopefully you will be one of the best who knows exactly how to POETRY ON!" April Sunday 9/10/07
424
424
Review of I must move on  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)

"Nadine Marie, a recent new member of www.writing.com crafts
I MUST MOVE ON, a poem in romantic genre. Very nice read, no snags for readers, punctuation and grammar firm. And that last line, Nadine ... how true." 9/10/07 April Sunday

Welcome to WC, dear author.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
425
425
Review by April Sunday
Rated: ASR | (3.0)


Sept 10 2007

Uh ... hello .. Kamuria Wolf.

Since you join the train that is for reading/ writing and known as >>>>>>WC
perhaps you will consider going into members ports and reading while observing presentations of the many fine items here onsite.

A few edits for you brief story, posted
Sept 5.

Capital W for walking which opens your hook sentence.

caps for all Is
almot home == almost
luny == looney

Another tiny hint. When composing your items, you can restrict readers by hitting --- Keep Private for my Eyes Only.

Otherwise, I think your work automatically goes into different categories. In this case, since you are a new member SNOWY DEATH PART One went onto Read-A-Newbie Column, located in ITEM JUMPS.

Need anything, just give me a buzz. E-mail ---

April Sunday

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