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426
426
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics sing the appeal of Dublin, Ireland

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the chorus, very visual, very stiring.

*Star* CREATIVITY

This is a nice song about the appeal of Dublin.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. The lyrics are easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The lyrics are honest and heartfelt. I could hear the chorus in my head.

Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature

427
427
Review of What's the Time?  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics speak about time, the importance of it, along with the value of it.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the verses with tight and snappy.

*Star* CREATIVITY

Is it worth it to catch a cab to go somewhere and waste time getting there only to realize your destination is not appealing and you wish you could leave?

I liked the creativity in tackling the topic and relating it to an everyday experience.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. I like the catchy "Ketra vaga?" in my head and could easily hear the beat/tune in my head.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature }
428
428
Review of Sunset Melody  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics invite the listener to leave their cacophony of modern day sounds and visit nature where it's quieter and more peaceful. Enjoy a sunset's melody.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the theme of the lyrics; finding escape from modern day issues in a calm, nature filled evening.

*Star* CREATIVITY

The song challenges the busy person in life to find a peaceful haven where they can let go.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The song's rhyme scheme comes naturally. The chorus provides the hook for the song.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature }
429
429
Review of Money Talks  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Albie wants to give some lady money on behalf of Frankie.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. I knew there was an angle and the ending delivered.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the lday. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

This is a dialogue only contest with a photo prompt. The dialogue does a good job paining a vignette. It holds the reader's interest until the end.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Given that it's a dialogue prompt, the challenge is to touch on the five scenes to add depth to the descriptions. It can be done. Are they on the street? What does the street smell like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: the present
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

The Lady

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's after "her" man. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The story is easy to understand. I might suggest spacing between dialogue/paragraphs as it would be easier on the eyes to read at WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I thought the author did a great job capturing both the characters' voices using dialogue only. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
430
430
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE ESSAY/ARTICLE

Our well intentioned narrator gives some advice on how to get through the Thanksgiving holiday with one's sanity in tact.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. It was very easy to get into what the narrator was saying. I totally agreed with cleaning. I've spent a good FULL day cleaning my house only to have my obnoxious guests make a mess and not clean up. Makes me wonder what goes on at their house. Then again, I don't think I want to know.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

Good job with descriptions, not only visual, but emotional, too.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: a typical house at thanksgiving.

The setting is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has great advice for those who are not "thanksgiving" savvy. *Smirk2* }

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC so it's easier on the reader's eyes. The story is easy to understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count is listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
431
431
Review by StephBee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Darrin is checking off names on his bucket list.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked presentation. There were no spelling/punctuation mistakes. The author used a font that was easy to read.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Darrin. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Darrin ... or Mitch

Honestly, I was confused who was the lead character if it was Darrin or Mitch and while I wasn't confused on the motive, I didn't understand who was doing what. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I might suggest writing in the story in the first person. It might tighten up the narration and avoid the confusion. The opening has plenty of action and encourages the reader to continue. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

432
432
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Chola and Neepa are friends, and Chola needs all the support she can get when she decides to go against her mother's wishes and express herself by painting murals.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Chola shows a true sense of inner strength and character when she decides to follow her heart and paint the murals.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Chola. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.If the word count provides, I might suggest adding a few strategically placed sentences that touch on scent and the rich visual of the murals painted by Chola.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader. If anything, I might suggest adding the location before the first sentence, to give the reader a reference for the location. I'm not sure of setting, but for me, "Calcutta, India," before the start would help me to visualize the location.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Chola

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Art is in her veins and she must express herself. It's like that for me as a writer. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A very heartwarming story that will resonate with readers. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
433
433
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Harrison Jones is a spice merchant who has traveled the world.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the description of the character. I could easily picture Harrison.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient from Harrison's. Good job with narration. I might suggest a minor edit for tense. There are occasions were the tense shifts from past to present.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions are visual and eye catching.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: the past?
PLACE: The world?

The time that the story was set in, was confusing to me, not sure if it was distant past or not.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Harrison

There's enough here to understand his motivations and his desire to find more spices. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There are several run on sentences, including the opening sentence. I would also suggest spacing between paragraphs. It's hard for the reader to read on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening needs to be reworked. I would suggest picking a scene from Harrison's adventures that sums up his lust to find spices and depict that. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
434
434
Review of King Of Beasts  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
FORUM
The Bard's Hall Contest  (13+)
JUNE:Annual Blog Month!
#981150 by StephBee


Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Everyone is fair 'game' when the lions are loose.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the scenerio. I can't imagine it happening, but you never know these days. There might be an electronic gate failure and bam! Lions are on the loose.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. (Unless you want to imagine Asian tourists yelling their heads off.)

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Great job with visual descriptions. I loved: "She shook him like a blanket." Easy to picture and see in the mind's eye. If anything, again, minor, but what do the fierce lions smell like? What's the smell of death?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to get away and be safe. Great character voice. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. Succinct and visual - two elements of horror writing that blend nicely together. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
435
435
Review of Haiku 2017 #47  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is a haiku poem about the little things in life and the happiness they offer.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I like the last line. It strikes a heartwarming picture of a grandmother and granddaughter.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The poem follows a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, but again, the lack of it might be a matter of style.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I really have no other suggestions for improvement. The poem is easy to read and understand. It taps into sensory imagery well. The poem followed the rules for the contest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall this month!

Reviewed by StephB in the Bard's Hall.

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
NOTE: while Game of Thrones is over, I think the Signature is "cool"
so I thought I'd stick with it for a couple of more weeks. *Smile*
436
436
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is about writing poems.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought of a struggling writer dealing with "writer's block" until they had their breakthrough at the light of day.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The poem follows a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, but again, the lack of it might be a matter of style.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I really have no other suggestions for improvement. The poem is easy to read and understand. It captures emotion well from frustration to the joy of a breakthrough. I think many will identify with it. The poem followed the rules for the contest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall this month!

Reviewed by StephB in the Bard's Hall.

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
NOTE: while Game of Thrones is over, I think the Signature is "cool"
so I thought I'd stick with it for a couple of more weeks. *Smile*
437
437
Review of Fashion Universe  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for "Fashion Universe"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

A man goes to get a suit but ends up with something unexpected.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the story the poem told. I could easily picture what was happening as the poem went on. I liked how the suit turned into a universe of fashion. The ending nailed the message of the story. Well done!

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rhythm scheme. The poem is easy to read and understand. The poem does a good job incorporating the requirement. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked how the descriptions incoorparted space and allowed for the imagination to expand.

I especially liked:

"Uh, no,” I uttered, yet he with the will
of gravity and the brash of gamma-ray
burst, insisted I at least try on a coat.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem was very creative and visual. I thought the title matched the poem well. Write on!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
438
438
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a review for "Surrender the Soul"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Just what will the devil do for a soul?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the decision to give your soul to the devil was just a step away. I think that can apply to today's world, in that you have to make a decision to set out on a path. It's not an easy decision to make and depending, it could be a path that takes you the wrong way.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 5 stanzas and a free standing line at the end. There's no apparent rythme scheme. The free standing line really allows for the meaning of the poem to hit home.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read and understand. The poem has a nice, natural rhythm to it when read outloud.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

Are very vivid and well done. I especially liked:

Choking on the rancid smells
as decomposing flesh covers the walls
and monsters drool over the taste.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title of the poem reflects the content of the poem well. It's well written and very vivid. The best part is the stand along last line which really makes the poem zip.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
439
439
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a tag team review for "Video game quotes "  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE CROSSWORD

The crossword appears to focus on video games.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked seeing a cross word like this. It was something different and I have no doubt appeals to the modern video gamer.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

I think the introduction could be improved on. Maybe add a graphic to set the tone/mood of the crossword and use WDC ML to make it a bit "eye appealing" for the casual crossword taker who is debating whether or not to take the crossword. Also, to appeal to a broader audience I might reference the games used in regards to the quotes so I could look them up and try to determine the answers. Also, offering incentives to complete the crossword, maybe a merit badge?

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The content appears to be well thought out, and I would believe those familiar the the video games would do well.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
440
440
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a tag team review for "{The History Of My First Computer}"  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

The author talks about her first computer.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

This is a very heartwarming account. I think a lot of us older computer users started out this way. We saw a beat up computer and thought we could do something with it.

*Star* NARRATION

This is narrated in the third person limited by 'Mum.' Past tense is used appropriately. Good job with narration.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the 5 senses to expand the scene. Just how ragged did this computer look like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day/2000
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mum

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's curious about computers and would like her own. Mind you, it comes with a learning curve... but Mum is game. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I story is easy to read and relate to, but I might suggest spacing between the lines to make it easier on the eyes for readers on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A nice, heartfelt story.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
441
441
Review of #BlackScreen  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a tag team review for "#BlackScreen"  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Computers can be frustrating, especially when they go "blackScreen."

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

For me, the poem captured how a computer can be frustrating. The title was perfect for the message the poem contained.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free poem with 2 stanzas and a AABBA rythme scheme. There's a nice, natural flow to the poem which makes it easy to read.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to understand. Good use of WDC ML to present the poem.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough here to capture the feeling of frustration.

I especially liked: for technology's folly
is not at all jolly
when the thing's a belligerent suitor!

I interpreted a belligerent suitor to be a computer that's frustrating, maybe too slow, goes blackscreen, or gets stuck, especially when you want to move on and do something else.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Nice word play makes the reader internalize the message and make it their own.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
442
442
Review of MY ADDICTION  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for "MY ADDICTION"  from House Targaryen for a "The North Remembers"  Tag Team Challenge in "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

This poem is about using the Internet. *Wink*

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author summed how important the Internet and computers have become to all of us. We all have fun and we all enjoy it, however, as in all things, it would be best if done in moderation.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is written in abcb format with a 7-6-7-6 syllable scheme. I hadn't seen this format before and I have to admit I liked it. It had a nice, rhythmic flow that I enjoyed.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read and understand. I liked how the author explained the format of the poem at the end. That was helpful.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to understand the how the Internet effects people.
I especially liked:
I do spend late hours in night,
Surfing and e-mailing.

**I think we've done a little of that from time to time. *Wink*

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I enjoyed the word play in the poem, especially in the last stanza, and if anything, I think we all can relate. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
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443
Review of Seize the Day  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for "Seize the Day"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

What motivates you to get up in the morning?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Each of us has our own reasons to start a new day. I could totally identify with a restless mind a weary body. I have long days and after 8 hours my mind is restless, looking for relief.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. There is no punctuation so it reads rather "stream of conscious" and has a natural rhythm and flow to it.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to present the poem to the reader.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to evoke emotion. I especially liked: restless mind and weary body

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The word play entices the reader to examine their own motives for facing the day and dares them to find the good in their motives, despite the challenges. (At least that's how I saw it. *Wink*) Well written!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
444
444
Review of Do You See Me?  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a review for "Do You See Me?"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Do you see the ghost that haunts you - in the dark, in the shadows, under the sheets?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play. For me, I perceived we all have "ghosts," or "fears" or "demons" that haunt us, actions we've done, or haven't, and these ghosts, or fears haunt us even when we don't see them. Their hidden, lurking, waiting for that one moment of angst to dare us to make them real. I almost think it's easier to see them when we're children, too. After all, aren't we afraid of what we might see the under the bed when we're 5?

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no rythme scheme. I how the 1st line is not indented and the rest are. The presentation of the them gives a natural rythym when read.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read and challenges the reader to discover their own interpretation.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to experience the emotion the poem evokes.

I especially liked: Do you see me
on the floor of the basement?
beneath your soles
beneath the world

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A dynamic read. This poem blew me away.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
445
445
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a review for "Sibling Rivalry "  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

A young woman is determined to honor her grandmother's wishes.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It left me hanging and I wanted more! That's the sign of a good story. *Smile*

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Brandi. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags.

For example as written: "Zana e malit," Bradi said, opening the urn.

My suggestion: "Zana e malit," Brani opened the urn.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the 5 senses to broaden the descriptions. What does Grandma's village smell like? Fresh cut grass? Lilacs?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Albania

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Brandi

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She wants to honor her grandmother. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for spelling.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. As a reader, I'd love to learn more about Brandi and her family.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review of I Remember Daddy  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a review for "I Remember Daddy"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

A young woman remembers the night her father left.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how Jezebel stuck to her guns with her memory. She might have been young, but she's determined and that's a trait to me admired.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Jezebel. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I remember Daddy," Jezebel said, as she and Megyn ambled up the flagstone walk toward the white house that had been their father's pride and joy.

MY SUGGESTION: "I remember Daddy." Jezebal ambled up the flagstone walk toward the white house that had been her father's pride and joy. Her sister, Megyn followed behind.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked the "Cheshire cat grin on her face," but I might suggest tapping into the sense of smell to expand the descriptions.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Jezebel's house

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Jezebel

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Her memories motive her current actions. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. A very good vignette on the dynamics of family when someone dies. It truly brings out the worst in people. Well written.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a review for "Too Little, Too Late"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Love is found, what happens when love is lost.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem told a story that just about everyone can relate to. We've all loved and lost at some point in our life. It's how we "bounce" that define the character we have.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a new style of poem for me. From the notes this is an Ottawa Rima form with 16 lines, 10-11 syllables per line with a rhyme scheme of abababcc, dededeff. The author does a good job with it.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any /spelling punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

The author uses a good economy of words to paint emotions. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to present the poem.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions. The poem is heartfelt, honest, and candid. I think we leave ourselves vulnerable when we allow ourself to feel love. The author does a good job taping into the vulnerability.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review of Dear Journal  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for "PROXIMA b"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

A look at the solar system though a different perspective.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. A good twist on a 'different' perspective, but I think plausible considering how hard we are working toward achieving that goal.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. This is a flash fiction story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. It's always challenging adding descriptions into a short/flash fiction pieces. Beautiful is used in a strategic place for description. I might suggest using a thesaurus for succinct one word descriptors.
*Star* SETTING

TIME: the future
PLACE: Mars

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed Narrator

The Narrator is pondering their place in the world. It's understand we do that as well. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. The story does a nice job capturing emotion.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
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Review of PROXIMA b  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for "PROXIMA b"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

Two astronauts visit a planet.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked what the ending implied. It was a good twist given our own history with Roswell and Area 51.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed astronaut. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. This is a flash fiction story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I think there are descriptive words laced throughout given the nature of the story being a "flash" fiction. I especially liked: I heard a cacophony of machinery and voices. Cacophony goes a long way here.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 1940's
PLACE: desert

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed Astronauts

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They want to visit another planet. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. There's a nice twist at the end. Well done considering the short nature of the story. Write on!


Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review of Donald  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for "Donald "  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem pays homage to the author's late husband.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author communicated their love and respect for their husband using a good economy of words. The poem was very sincere and heartfelt.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. The letters in the line spell out a particular word or phrase. The most common and simple form is where the first letters of each line spell out the word or phrase. There is no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation. The poem was easy read. I also like how the author presented the poem. It made it easy on the eyes for the WDC reader.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There descriptions tap into the sadness the author feels from losing her husband. I especially liked: Now you sleep where no shadows fall


*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. I think this is a poem that can speak reach out to a lot of readers who have been in the same situation that the author has. It's never easy to lose a loved one, but the author constructs this acrostic with dignity and grace.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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