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Review Requests: OFF
3,620 Public Reviews Given
3,659 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Walls Could Talk  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Detective Congratulations on your eleven years of membership.

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
The title is a bit ordinary, but it serves the story, enlightening the reader from the start.

*Mushroombr*
The comments
As I read, I kept thinking, this should be a short story. Maybe some kids making a dare to wander the house at midnight or on Halloween. I believe that would bring the reader closer to the events, where they can directly experience them, rather than reading what seems like a list. Who is there making these observations?

The word choices are provocative and unique to the poem. You have a rich prose to delight and perhaps frighten the reader. Nothing of the sort happened to me.

*Mushroombr*
Suggestions
A few commas are misplaced. Honestly, what's happening inside the manor house is something I'd expect to encounter in an abandoned psychiatric hospital. Of course, that wouldn't fit the ballroom scene.

My favorite view, as I imagined looking through the manor's windows, was the second stanza. There's something magical about waltzing in an opulent ballroom.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


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127
127
Review of Consequences  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Native. Congratulations on your 22 years of membership. You're practically a founder. *Shock2*

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
I've deeply connected to what the title expresses here. Partly because of what happens in the movie "Les Miserables." I endlessly ponder how one man's action led to such a tragic tale. I keep thinking..."If only..."

*Mushroombr*
The comments
I'll admit, I'm not exactly sure what's happening here. So, this is my guess. The unidentified narrator comes upon a scene where a child has been murdered? She's crying, so she's still alive? The narrator must do what he doesn't want to, and kills the man who hurt the child.

The final line really has me wondering who the man is. He has killed people before. Is he some sort of vigilante? Why was he there? Who was the child? Any relation to him? I'm trying to picture the scene, the child above and the man below.

*Mushroombr*
Final observations
I like your writing voice, and apologize for my befuddlement. I feel as if there is much more to this story.

I'll bid you goodbye now, with more anniversary wishes sent your way.


Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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128
128
Review of No-Fault  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
Wow! That's a powerful beginning. The sound of one car crunching the other is an awful sound. It happened to me a few years ago, and I can still hear it, and it still makes my stomach turn.

*Bulletr*
The guy was an idiot, it was only a fender-bender. He took me to court, with a jury! My insurance was prepared to pay a costly amount, but the jury gave him only $5.000.
I doubt it even covered his court costs. The man wasn't even injured. Apparently, this was a scam he'd run several times before. No police were called to the scene, no paramedics...there's so much more to the story, but let's talk about yours.

*Bulletr*
The scene was well-written and realistic. You penned just the right amount of dialogue and narration. The story felt complete and satisfying.

I wondered why the man kept repeating that he couldn't see. The surprise at the conclusion made me laugh. If the food-in-the-face guy saw the license plate, I doubt he would have called the police. You gave me a lot to think about!

Offside comment~ If the state is no-fault, the offender can still be taken to court, as it was in my case. The insurance companies hash it out.

"My client said the crash was midway, so we're willing to pay 50%."

Then the other insurance company accepts, or counters.

Once, I paid out of my own account because the damages were only $500.00 and it was a parking lot crash, which doesn't involve the police.

I don't think the hit and run car will be filing a claim. Food-impaired indeed. That is a consideration, as the insurance company asks if there were any distractions.

I enjoyed reading your story. It was accurate and concise, while still painting a believable scene that was easy to relate to. Flash can be so challenging. You pulled it off with a gold star. Make that 5 gold stars.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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129
129
Review of Night Terror  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Words Whirling 'Round Congratulations on your six years of membership. *Balloonr*

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
I chose this FF story because I was curious. I wasn't sure what to expect. At first, I admired the rhyming scheme, so smooth and rhythmic. And then I delved deeper into the meaning.

*Mushroombr*
The comments
The eloquent stanzas clearly show how frightened the narrator was. He/she seems to suffer from unbelievable conclusions. Night terrors for me are far more disturbing. I felt sad for the narrator who spent a sleepless night, tortured by thoughts of what might be happening.

*HeartG*
Personal connection
In the house where I grew up, I heard all sorts of creaking and odd noises, which didn't make sense because the house was brand new. My dad kept reassuring me that that sounds were coming from the foundation settling. I appreciated his attempt to soothe me, but I never believed him.

From there, the mystery intensified. All five siblings and my mom had supernatural experiences that defied explanation. At long last, we learned our house had been built on a sacred Native American grave site.

*Mushroombr*
Suggestions
I have one thought. Should 'eave' be eaves? Eave is not a word. Okay, two thoughts. The word capricious didn't work for me, as it refers to a person, not a sound.

*Mushroombr*
Final observations
I hope this tortured narrator isn't plagued every night with these fears. A person can lose their mind due to lack of sleep.

Overall, a good and inventive write. Now it's time to say goodbye and wish you one final "Happy Anniversary" wish.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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130
130
Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Artist of Bowness" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi IceSkatingSugarCube Congratulations on your six years of membership.

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
I had chosen another item to read, but then I switched over to your bio page and found this story. This is a comment that should be saved for last, but I don't want to lose the thought. In the beginning and on towards the conclusion, the narrator seems to be down on his luck and lacking funds. In the final sentence my perspective was reversed, as he produced a credit card machine.

*Mushroombr*
The comments
I liked picturing the narrator as you led the reader through his day. He seemed a humble, creative person. I felt proud of him when his creation was clearly explained.


*Mushroombr*
Suggestions
Oh, the limitations of FF. The challenge is, well, challenging, and I prefer reviews where people don't remark on what I'm going to point out. Sorry about this.
I would have liked to know more about the mystery woman in the conclusion. Why was she offering to pay so much? I kept thinking there would be a romantic spark between the two, or some indication that they were connected. Okay, I'm done remarking about what comments frustrate me.

*Mushroombr*
Final observations
Great title. From your bio, I concluded that this story was prompted by who you are in real life. Those life experiences flourish when words are typed. Nicely done!


Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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131
131
Review of Feelings  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Serena Blade. Congratulations on your 8 years of membership. *Balloonr*

*Mushroomr*
The Choice
Sometimes, the cover art makes all the difference, and that's the simple reason why I chose this (FF?) story.

*Mushroomr*
The comments
The wording is so formal, and the expression of 'my dear' is outdated, so I'm assuming this story was about an older couple.

*Exclaimg* Both characters were alive, as demonstrated by their actions and dialogue.

So often people swallow their words, words that express feelings. That can be something good or something disastrous. In this story, saying what the person feels is tantamount to bringing the story to a conclusion.

*Mushroomr*
Suggestions
I've heard the expression: "It's not who you arrive with..." several times before. But it's still effective.

I found several places where the story could be improved, beginning with the second sentence. Wesley's actions and dialogue need to be in a separate paragraph.

One more quick suggestion.
“Really? I don’t know what you mean?” Lulu responded. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
I suggest not using a question mark after the word (mean). Also, it seemed too early for Lulu's intimate action. What about if Wesley moved her head onto his shoulder?

Overall, you've accomplished your objective, and the story was charming. Maybe you were on a w/c restriction, but if the setting had been more developed, the story would have been more satisfying.

*Mushroomr*
Favorite sentence
"Wesley spun her around then quickly brought her back into his arms."
That action never fails to enthrall me. It's abrupt, surprising, but still remains gentle.

Enjoy your anniversary month. *Cake*

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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132
132
Review of Fantasy Or Sci-Fi  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*


Hi KnightScribe. Nixie here with an anniversary review to celebrate your 17 years of membership! We have so many long term members, I always feel like a newbie, despite my 13 years. At least I'm a teen now.


You chose an interesting topic for your poll, but I would like to see one that is more comprehensive. I use different descriptions,

There's the question of hard sci-fi fiction and regular sci-fi. I think the genres cross boundaries. Often sci-fi is also supernatural and also fantasy. In regular sci-fi, there is fantasy, because we're writing fictional stories, which requires imagination, i.e. fantasy. That's not absolute, of course.

Poll takers only have two options, though. I have a feeling this is something you dashed off without too much thought and then forgot about it. No big deal. We all have items like that. Okay, not all, if I have to be precise.

Sci-fi is my favorite genre. It's odd. I like to read it, but rarely write it. And if I do write it, there are many elements to include. We need better definitions. Too often, supernatural and paranormal share similarities, and it's hard to choose. The only sci-fi I don't like is when the author includes political aspects. Politics are part of society, and often novels have to address that. It doesn't mean I have to appreciate it.

Oh no! I've prattled on and on. You happened to pluck a string with this topic and I couldn't resist expounding.

Enjoy your anniversary month.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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133
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Nicki! I did not know you were still active on the website. I miss your image shop. And you, of course. Imagine my surprise when I rediscovered you during this auspicious month. You are a beautiful woman. Your port pic is amazing.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



Anyhow, I'm here to review your impressive C-note shop. I immediately added it to my favorites. As promised, the images are practically exploding in color. All the notes are different, all with useful messages for the community. I've looked at them several times, trying to choose a favorite and failed. All the images are astounding and original, but I picked three. I like the sassy 'Congratulations' note.
And the 'thinking of you' note, and the 'happy WdC birthday' note.

Can I talk you into re-opening your image shop? No. I didn't think so. Have a wonderful anniversary month.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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134
134
Review of Nightwind  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi ctrhippee. Congratulations on your years of membership. You've been away for so long, maybe an anniversary review will bring you back. We've seen many changes since early 2024.

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
I like creepy or dark stories/poems—I liked the title and the brief description. With a combination like that, reading was unavoidable.

*Mushroombr*
The comments
Although you didn't specify the rhyming scheme, it was easy to pick up on. Did it take forever to get this right? Kudos to you. I wouldn't even try. The spookiness traveled along, as if running on the same abandoned railroad tracks. The beginning and the ending lines give me chills. No one likes creepy kids.

*HeartG*
Personal connection
Since the poem is unique in nature, my connection was purely awe at the wonders of what I read.

*Mushroombr*
Final observations
The lack of punctuation throughout was effective. One stanza flowed to the next. I doubt this poem would work with punctuation, and I've rarely seen it work so well.

I'll be on my way now, rubbing chills from my arms. I do hope you'll return for another anniversary review.


Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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135
135
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


Hi Detective. Congratulations on your 11th year of membership.

*Mushroombr*
The Choice
The title was the first draw. Its uniqueness captured my attention. The brief description emphasized the theme. I would have liked something more eloquent.

*Mushroombr*
The comments
I enjoyed the repetition of the first line for every stanza. It gave the poem uniformity and consistency. Every stanza was different from all others, no repetitive thoughts here!

A snowwoman? Now that's something new for me. I liked the way you demonstrated her feminine qualities.

*HeartG*
Personal connection
Poems about nature are always a welcome site for me. Yours was beautifully composed, and it flowed easily.

*Mushroombr*
Suggestions
This is always the writer's choice, but I'm compelled to add a comment regarding no punctuation and capitalization of every stanza, even though it's an ongoing thought. It's a distraction for me.

*Mushroombr*
Final observations
I'll leave you now so you can continue your anniversary celebrations. Thanks for bringing a bit of winter to Florida.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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136
136
for entry "Beauty in aging" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Sue. Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.


*Bulletr*
Beauty in aging has to be an oxymoron. We're in total agreement. In our advanced years, we've lost so much. As you remarked upon, physical and mental degradation.

I'm reminded of this passage from the Desiderata: "Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth."

Gracefully surrender? Did the author Max Ehrmann suffer from joint aches and pains? Sagging skin? Forgetfulness? And just plain wrinkles? None of those ailments can be gracefully surrendered. Although, I have met timeless people (like my mom) who never seem to age. She's 96 and I swear she looks younger than me.

You hinted at a question. Medical marvels of reverse aging. Money makes this option a hard no, but I ask myself, if I had the money, would I have cosmetic surgery? If I don't look in the mirror, I'm okay. Seeing my face on my grown kids? That's what hurts the most. I remember that face on me.

*Bulletr*
Remember placing Autumn leaves in wax paper and preserving them in the pages of a book? Now, I think the veins in my hands resemble the veins in a leaf.

*Bulletr*
People like to hear positive affirmations, and most like a happy ending. I'm a dark person who resents forcing false positives. However, my recent assessments are in line with yours. A few of my mantras. "Nothing really matters." "I have no control." "It is what it is." "Hopefully sooner rather than later I'll be gone."

What I'd like to leave after I pass are happy memories of who I was, or odd things people liked about me. I think we age faster in our later years—in my case due to the fact of established routines and little or no new adventures.

Well, now I've gone on and on. As to the specific observations of this blog entry, a few comments come to mind--more spacing, larger font, and correcting paragraphing.

Oh, I have two hands. So, on the other hand, I like blogs because people can simply write without worrying. The tone is casual, friendly, and endearing.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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137
137
Review of The Bag of Bombs  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Spud. Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
The title of this Flash fiction drew my interest. And, of course, you were next in line to be reviewed.

*Bulletr*
When someone told me about the sad part of the movie, I never watched it. I don't like 'sad', unless I need to cry, but the tears won't come.

*Bulletr*
I know exactly what you're writing about. I have the exact same problem. When I heard the song "Glitter and Gold' performed by Barns Courtney,the lyrics begin with 'I am flesh and I am bone.' Until I set up the captions, I thought he was singing "I am pleasure and I am pain." Go figure.

I can't top 'bag of bombs,' though.

*Bulletr*
I watched it at least three times in theaters; many more on video tape.
A semi-colon can only be used if both sides are complete sentences. 'many more on video tape' is not a complete sentence.

*Smile*
The conclusion was the absolute best part. Reading your story was my pleasure.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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138
138
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
Click bait like this frustrates me, so I abstain. We're in complete agreement. I meditate every day, sometimes with an audio book if my brain is spinning off the earth's axis. Why, oh why, does money always have to be included when measuring success? You sealed the coffin. Anyone who's writing and promoting their book with ridiculous and indeterminable promises is only striving for their own success.

The phrasing is always vague and layered, with nothing of substance contained within.

*Bulletr*
I remember a class from way back in junior high. The teacher asked what our life goal should be. My (written) reply was 'success'. I was over the moon, thinking how smart I was, until said teacher asked me what success was. That stumped me.

*Bulletr*
And here's my observation concerning money. Money is an emotional state, the constant being 'money'. If we have too little, we worry about not having enough. If we have hoards of money, we worry about losing it. It's always the same. Worrying. Of course, that's a generalized statement that doesn't apply to everyone.

*Bullet*
I've never found a book on self-help that helps me. Why? I'm returning back to the beginning. First, why do I have to follow someone else's way to advance? Secondly, I once read an entire book based on self-advancement, and at the end of the book I drew the opposite conclusion from the author's.

We're also in agreement on your other point. Except I'll take it one step farther. It's said we create our own reality with our thoughts, which rings true for me. The idea also terrifies me. Do I have to guard my every thought? I put myself in the situation I'm in, that I am aware of. How to escape? The way out can't be found written or spoken anywhere.

I wandered a bit there. I've always been edgy when reading statistics. One point that annoys me is wanting to know how many people were involved in the study.

*Right* I enjoy your writing because it's always precise and to the point.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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139
139
for entry "Just treat please" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi No Sox with Sandals Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*First Impression?
Upon seeing the picture prompt, I thought the animal was a duck. The first stanza identified the character. That's what I get for peeking at the requirements first.

*Bulletr*Rolling on:
Aw, how sweet the thought of a dog trying to dress up for Halloween. All the action pointed specifically to the perils it must overcome. The dog losing its disguise was a clever take, as it looked as if the fur was about to slide off.

When it comes to balance, I've done the same. I never really thought about syllable count, but a reviewer used that term to describe my 'error' in unevenness. i.e. I don't necessarily agree with that, but a well-balanced poem is more pleasing to the eye. A writer needs largess to express themselves when writing a poem or prose. But the observation is stuck in my mind.

*Bulletr* Lasting impression:
The repetition of 'I want to please' emphasized the dog's desperation. Lines five and six were my favorites because they described the scene in such a way that made me go 'ick'. Well done. Ironically, those two lines are the ones that stand out.

Write on!

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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140
140
Review of The House of Dunn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Spud Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
What an excellent horror story. I liked how the action began close up and then expanded into the horror aspect. Write anything about crows and it's guaranteed to cause a reader's fright. Although, some people like crows. Definitely not me.

*Bulletr*
All your characters were clearly defined, despite the limited word count. Fantastic.
Adding in the reluctance of the door to open heightened the anxiety level. It was almost as if the house didn't want any entrants. And it straight up spiked the fear.

*Bulletr*
*Questiong* After pausing the recording went through the crumbling stone and wrought iron gate.
I'm not sure what that means.

People worked out that they were dying in Ireland.
I understand the point you're trying to make because I read the brief description. Otherwise, the sentence isn't crystal clear.

My favourite line? The description of Dunn's eyes. *Checkg*

A disturbing ending hit the mark for a perfect horror story. I have to say it was gruesome, with a bit of gallows humour. Nicely done.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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141
141
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
What a pretty picture you've made into a trinket. I was somewhat perplexed by the length of the item and the reason for why it was written. Then I clicked over to the prompt page for the ah-ha moment. Good job. I can't imagine what would come to mind if I attempted to respond to the prompt.

*Bulletr*
The title reminds me of something from my past. I was Roman Catholic for a good portion of my life, but at some point I switched to a Renewed Charismatic church. The title had more words, but those two are the only ones I can remember.

Anyhow, people of the Catholic faith didn't read the Bible. It was read to us by the priest. So...when I transitioned, I accepted the position to teach the kids in the church. I rejoiced every time we were together. The funny part? They had to help me learn the songs, and the title of your entry was the first one I learned.

*Bulletr*
The elegant simplicity of the photo you chose made a beautiful trinket. I liked the last encouraging line. I will try to find my light.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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142
142
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lucinda Lynx

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



I can easily relate to the thoughts expressed in your poem. My summary of my own life goes like this: "I see the world through dark colored glasses." Overcoming this negativity presents a task of monstrous challenges. How much simpler to stay in this state of mind when the truth is the truth. There is no light to be seen.

*Right* A few thoughts.
Title ~ When the Light is Gone

The word dark or its derivative is used over and over again. The reason can be to drive home the point. I'd rather find synonyms.

In the first stanza, the third line sticks out and throws off the balance. Also, this line is a bit clumsy and could be tightened. Maybe something like this:
No glimmer of light seeps under my eyelids.

In the same stanza, fourth line, there's no need for the word down. No one can crash up.

Second stanza, third line, comma splice. No comma is needed after 'darkness'.

You wrote this years ago, and I hope by now the circumstances that prompted this writing have passed. Something I like to remind my self is, just because this day is shrouded and tortured, that doesn't mean I'll feel the same way tomorrow. It's never true, but at that moment the thought does help.

The word 'cape' in the last line completes the empty feeling of being alone in the dark. Nicely done.


Respectfully reviewed by
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143
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Review of The one for me  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi fote

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I noticed you're new to the site, so I'll add a small disclaimer, which isn't something we normally do. I am one person with one opinion.

Overall, the poem is overwhelming with all the repetition. My suggestion would be to use 'Are you for me?" only once. Then you can populate the list. Otherwise, most of the meaning is lost, as it appears to be one big bundle of words.

The title should be properly capitalized.
The One for Me

In the last stanza, third line, are you suggesting that a partner should be who you've asked them to be? That's just messed up. We are who we are. Maybe I read it incorrectly.
...after all I've asked yourself to be?

I encourage you to fill out your bio block on your portfolio and bio page so readers have a hint of who you are. As it is now, I'm thinking you're a younger person, maybe even a teen.

Now, don't be discouraged. Keep on writing and grow from here. I know exactly what that experience feels like. I've learned so much over the years. *Wink*


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi christhewise

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Great job capturing my interest right from the beginning. The writing was well-done, and I was pulled into your dream, anticipating the events to follow.

And then...about halfway through mistakes kept popping up. I think it started with this sentence. I won't include everything to avoid too much copy/pasting.

"Your granddaughter has been awfully quiet, Cas" she observed
choose 'said' rather than observed. No one pays attention to sentence tags.

What were the ridiculous reasons for Astrid's imprisonment? Since this is only a prologue, maybe further explanations will follow.

Names should be distinct and not confusing. Astor and Astrid are too close in spelling, which makes the reader check back to see who is who. (At least I had to). Astor's title, although somewhat necessary was overly long.

So, here we go.
She sat on the bed, smoothing her skirts out before (peering down where the far side of the bed.)
????I have no idea what this means. Perhaps > peering down over(?)

"The room was dark...
The room was then described. How can anyone see what's in the room?

There was her granddaughter, Astrid, ...sat on the floor
should be sitting on the floor.

Astor said, shuffling a little close
(scooting) a little closer. A person can't shuffle on a floor.

Astor stated matter-of-factually, "In fact
Astor (said) "In fact' is a repetition.

I will stop here with no further observations. I think you started this and halfway through lost interest. That's a familiar feeling for me. I noticed there was no editing for this piece.

I hope my review draws you back into your story and further chapters. In the beginning, the writing was good. Stick with that voice and continue. The story is worth the effort.

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Review of love's face  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Tamzin Morton

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This story might be better presented as a poem. Grammatical mistakes should be easy to overcome. I'll leave a few thoughts with you. Overall, the work has no special meaning, only an outpouring to demonstrate what this person stands for. Safety and trust, correct?

A reader must be captured in the first few lines, not tripping over mistakes. The first sentence is missing the word (the).
His eyes are blue like sea...

I like the remainder of the sentence, it created a vivid picture in my my theater-mind.

The next sentence is also incorrect. Try using a period after (him). The next part should read: When he kisses me I'm under his spell, not:
when he kiss me I'am under

In the last sentence (I) is not capitalized. The sentence is almost a run-on that steals the final expression of love and safety.

I feel as if you're a teen, but when I checked your bio, it wasn't filled out.

Everyone makes mistakes. Your work could be easily edited so it will shine. Thanks for sharing the story with the community.


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Review of self-delusion  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mindcrime

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Thanks for the explanation at the top. I'm saddened because of the lost love you've experienced. I'm a bit confused, so I have a few questions.

In the first stanza, you're together with your love, but metaphorical thunder indicates red flags that require consideration. I believe in the next two lines, they've already left you, but hope is still hanging around. Perfectly understandable.

The second stanza has a different rhyming scheme, which interrupted the flow. Should (chase) be (chasing)?

The words show the long wait, still hoping, although denying the fact that
they are not returning.

The third stanza wasn't clear to me. Are you back together with them and trying to ride it out? In the final stanza, reality is accepted. The last stanza frustrated me. Once a relationship is ended, the best response is apathy, rather than asking the person if they are unable to move on, due to the insecurity.

Overall, the theme is prevailing sadness. I like the 'idea' behind the poem. Losing love can make a person desperate. Forgive my questions. It is not my intention to shoot down your work.


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Review of Apathy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi romance_junkie.

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Where to start? First, I have to admit that I must be sexist. Until I read the part where the attorney was wearing heels, I assumed the lawyer was a man.

Your writing is calm and engrossing. Whatever her name is, she's well-defined by her words and inner thoughts. She's professional and struggles with maintaining neutrality. I didn't buy this guy's act from the beginning. There was only mention of bruises on his arms (striped) not (stripped) to indicate abuse. More likely, they came from the wife fighting him off.

In the story, the reader knows the bad guy is in prison, not in her office, so this sentence needs correction.
Not with him in the office following me with his eyes.

This is an overly long sentence that fits the lawyer's style, but it could be more concise.
Impress upon that woman the next time I see her my displeasure at being sent me such a long-odds case.

Towards the end, the fear of being with this man goes beyond his strange apathy. The description of his smile confirmed my suspicions. The conclusion was brutal and disturbing, but not unexpected.

Please help the reader by increasing the font size. Also, at times it appears as if there is no spacing between the end of one sentence and the next.

Your writing style is original and fresh. Descriptions pop up that are unexpected and expertly penned. Well done.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Espero I found your item while cruising through random reviewing.

*Vine1* *Star*
I hope my favorite line won't be a spoiler. I chose to highlight it so readers would wonder exactly what was in her collection.

“You will fit in nicely with the rest of my collection.”


*Vine2*
The title and cover art caught my eye. Key words like 'debutante' and lallygag' were words common to this era. Readers were settled into the scene from the beginning.

The characters were clearly defined. The first sentence leads the reader to assume Alicia would be the star of the show. But then shade was cast upon Martha. It seemed only her audacity brought out disdain, but the conclusion twist showed us just how much she was capable of. Her shade was well-deserved.

Through vivid descriptions, I could imagine living in Valley View Manor, thinking how easy life would be with all the staff handling the boring stuff. I've always wanted to live in this era.

The prompt words were easily slipped into the plot. I only noticed them because the contest required those words to be written in bold font. Great work!

*Vine1*
The staff is never to be underestimated, though. If a person wants information, talk to the chef, the butler, or the footman. Since none of these nouns are names, none have to be capitalized.

*Questiong*
Suggestions
A semicolon may be used if both sides of the sentence are complete.
Soon guests arrived and were assisted by the Footman; announced by the Butler.

I enjoyed reading this vivid little slice of a larger scene.


Respectfully reviewed by,
Nixie

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Image #2325475 over display limit. -?-


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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life

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I noticed the majority of your poems dealt with lost love. I chose this one because the title appealed to me. The brief description mirrored the title.

The rhyming scheme was delightful, making the reading of the poem pleasurable, despite the topic. You've masterfully captured the many emotions that follow the aftermath of a broken relationship.

I liked the consistent punctuation throughout that guided me and maintained the rhythm.

The concluding line had a double meaning for me. Since she? left him? no one was leaving love behind. The person who was abandoned was no longer loved. Maybe he/she still had feelings for the one who left. Love is complicated.

All the stanzas were heartfelt and haunting. What struck me was the line about hiding one's heart. Sometimes that's the safest thing to do. That's what I did. I moved on in a different way. I no longer wanted to be in any relationship. The circle of love was shattered. Since I was the one who left, there was no more love to leave behind.

Congrats on the win. It is well-deserved.

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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lobelia is truly blessed

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I knead the ache and miss you.

Enraptured by your words, I'm stunned into silence. Let's see what happens if I start typing.

The overall mood is sad and melancholy. Tragedy in a specific way. Each stanza evokes a unique response, all with carefully crafted creative wording. I can't even pick a favorite line or stanza, no matter how many times I've read this. If I had to choose, the third stanza appealed to me the most, especially the last line.

Since one of the genres is parenting you must have lost a child. Your poem was crafted so long ago, I hope no ache is inflicted upon you with my words. Losing someone, no matter the circumstances—expected or unexpected— creates a hole. In my experience, the hole is eventually filled with memories, and if we're intuitive, we can still sense the presence of a lost one.

My only observation is the capitalization of the first word of every line, especially if the thought is a continuous one. Of course, this is the author's largess,or artistic license, as some phrase it.

My sister died when she was only 30 years old. My parents didn't speak her name for ten years. I think about what it would be like to lose a child, and I would be devastated. How does anyone come back from that?

I hope penning your emotions was cathartic, a gift we writers have.


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