Hi! I found your story using the read and review option.
Overall Impression
After the third read through, I still had the same question. What prompted this story, and what was the reason? I'm sure it's different for everyone, I was drawn in by considering one of my favorite topics. What is real? Lately I've been thinking about the song 'row, row, row you boat...life if but a dream. What if I am dreaming?
Special Moments
I enjoyed the shock of a white knight appearing. Immediately, the reader is put into a state of mind. Ah, a rescuer. The last iteration was my favorite. A woman who insisted 'it' only spoke in a male's voice.
Oops
I was a little confused at times, which is often the case when going back before going forward gets messy. Generally, the best place to start a story is the beginning, the middle, or the most dramatic scene. Whatever it takes to snag the reader, in the instance that the title or brief description left a reviewer disinterested. For example, "I was discharged seven weeks ago" would make an interesting beginning, but then you'd still be stuck with back story. Oh, the plight of writers.
To be avoided
WHAT!?" I said, exasperated
{show emotion in action, not capitalized words, not multiple exclamation marks questions marks. And definitely, do not use an adjective as a sentence tag to show a state of mind.) Tiny oops. You forgot the ending period.
One of my fav descriptors
the reflected image showed red, huge, moving red.
This sentence put the reader in the drivers' seat, literally and figuratively. Because you're right, that's what a person sees when looking at on oncoming car.
Closing comments
I wasn't crazy about the conclusion. Because he lost everything, maybe ending it on Cruz's terms seemed logical. I don't know. Cruz's response felt like a deflated balloon.
"Goat Balls!" I've never heard that one before. Accidentally, I right-clicked on the words and google coughed up some disgusting images of yes, goats balls.
Interesting write. I enjoyed the read, even if it was, at times, confusing. Maybe I'm dreaming.
~Nixie
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